Throw the darts back....

The blog started forming earlier this week and after the day I had well....I had a choice, keep perspective and see it at a higher level or fall asleep on the couch and have a pity party at this level. So here goes typing.... (I'll keep it short, I have a lot more to still do tonight).

I should have seen it coming, I should have known the enemy would hit at the weak spot as I was armoring back up. I should have remembered that the closer I pressed in, the more focused I became, and the more dangerous to messing up the enemy's plan  I get. I've been here before, but it's been awhile. (You can lose perspective which causes us to shift and fight battles on the level we were never intended to fight on). At some point, this knowledge will be at the application level without some reminders. For now, I still need at least Tier 2 in Spiritual Warfare (some days even Tier 3). (If you don't know what I mean by Tier 2 and Tier 3 ...it's an educator reference to more instruction in a smaller setting basically). I should have known that 21 days meant a fight.

The enemy loves discouragement. If he can get us focused on what we can't do, we will lose sight of what we can do. If he can get us focused on how we feel that we aren't enough, we will lose sight that we are enough with God. I'm not perfect and still running hard towards the goal God designed for me, I don't have it altogether by any means, but maybe someone else can relate to where I was today ...so I share. If the seed of discouragement can take root, defeat will set in. Here my heart on this ...for if we were face to face having dinner I would explain more. I've seen it take root and been through what it takes for God to pull the weed back up again. This sweet readers is why He says to Guard your heart.....

We want the diamonds without the pressure, the anointing without the oil, and the gold without the fire. Ya'll the precious treasures come from pressure times, from those moments that make us push into Him more, those moments where it feels like it's getting hot ( aka those moments when the frustrations bring tears and we want to give up).  One day that anointing God spoke over your life, those visions He gave you...will come to pass, for you see the oil comes out when we are pressed.

Stay the course sweet reader, this is the year for Greater, and God is already moving. Don't let the discouragement the enemy tried to sow today take root.....Encourage yourself knowing that God will fan the fire and pour into you, just push into Him and keep perspective. The enemy wouldn't be messing with you if God wasn't blessing.

Devil you picked the wrong day to try to throw the darts. I may have not seen it for what it was in the moment, but I do now and you can have your darts back.

A season of waiting...

One of my favorite Dr. Seuss books is "Oh the Places You'll Go" and there is a part in there that seems to resonate with me in different seasons. It's the part that talks about the waiting place. I think we all find ourselves in that season at one time or another.

 

In case you haven't read the part of the book that I'm referring to here it is ;-)

I've had my time over this break, I've had time to reflect on this past year. First off wow, it went by way too fast. I've already beat myself up over the whole not feeling like I got a whole lot finished this year. When I look back over the year, my to-do list is still the same, my goals (well I think I'm bringing more weight into 2019 than I did in 2018), and my one word for 2018 well I did well on that for the first couple of months. I think we have all hit those places where we are like okay God what was the purpose etc. We ask so many questions sometimes instead of just simply trusting that He has a perfect plan and a purpose even when we can't see any of the details in the puzzle. It's like we are looking through the glass and the pieces seem to be coming together, but it's a fuzzy picture. As we age in the physical our vision changes, and I think it's that way in the spiritual as well. God's refining how we see things, it's our choice to put on the glasses. So in my God time last night I poured out my waiting place, season woes to a God that I'm sure knew they were coming.....how He answered was not what I had expected. You see what I had viewed as waiting, God had viewed as clearning. Stay with me for a few...This journey is a process, sometimes we can get from point A to point B in a short time, sometimes it takes longer. (at least the eleven-day journey wasn't 40 years). God has to have space (and time) to clear away some of the clutter to make room for what's coming. Pruning-Clearing-Growing.....ya'll when that picture began to become clear last night I had myself a crying shout. I have no idea what He has planned for 2019, but I'm ready to go after those dreams and visions that continue to be brought into view....and leaving in 2018 the old way of viewing those dreams. 

I don't know where you are, but God does..., maybe you have been in what you deemed as a waiting season for some time now. What sweet child of His is He trying to whisper to your soul? What word is wanting to drop in your Spirit that He needs you to put feet to? If God has shown it to you, it will come to pass in His time...just staying focused on moving towards "it" and trust Him to make the paths and steps clear. If God's been pulling back your layers and cleaning out some of your space...then He has a purpose for what He's making room for. The waiting season may very well be a clearing season for you, where God's making room.  He can't add to, if there is no space for Him to. 

2018 has been a quiet year as far as blogs go. I think I went through the season of no one is reading, so why am I writing, to the season of I don't know if I'm supposed to be doing this anymore etc. Hear my heart....when God has told you there is a word on the inside of you, He intends for you to share it even if it doesn't make sense to you. When you know it's a part of His plan....quit circling the mountain and just be obedient. So here's to staying focused more in 2019 on the blogging, to making regular posts each week (I'm thinking of bringing back Tuesday Truths and starting a Thursday Thoughts post)...and here's to getting back to looking into how to self publish that devotional book that God won't seem to leave me alone about. 

This season...

I'm not sure anyone reads these anymore when I post or if Facebook or Blogger has just done something weird with how things show up....but anyway I will keep writing as God lets me.

In the chaos and craziness of last week, God dropped a word so loud in my day that it stopped me in my tracks. It was one of those words that not only is needed in the moment, but it can shift your entire day. It was one of those moments that can shift things you can't see in this realm because God's doing something in the realm that only He can see. That's a blog to come.....but it was one of those moments I texted my spiritual covering crew and said wow.

I love this time of the year, God and I have been on a journey over the last year or so to redeem this time. That in itself is yet another blog or a chapter in the book I need to slow down and write some day. There are so many emotions and feelings that surround this time of the year that if we aren't careful we can get so caught up in them that we find ourselves going through the motions of the season. That was never God's plan...God never intended for us to get so caught up in the to-do list that we lost room for what is the heart of the season. Trying to do too much leads to exhaustion which leads to frustration when we can't do everything we wish we could accomplish.

This season let's not get so caught up that we forget to make room for the heart and the reason for the season. Mary and Joseph had to search for a place with room so very long ago.....let's not leave God searching for a place in our schedules this season. (and I'm not talking about the time we spend in a church building on Sunday, I'm talking about the time we spend with God just us and Him). The shepherds by trade were drawn as sheep to the true Shepherd that night. Let's not lose sight of what draws us to our Shepherd and show that same grace and love to others. The wise men came and brought gifts of themselves along with something tangible....let's not forget to give not only material things this season, but time to others as well. Sometimes the most precious gift can't be bought in a store or online...

Love came down at Christmas time so many years ago....and that is the love that flows through us today as Children of the Most High. It's a love that can redeem moments that are painful, memories that make our eyes leak and restore those things that the enemy tried to break. It's a love that can cover and fill those holes that seem to never be filled to a place of overflowing. This season and beyond may the gift that was given so very long ago, but what flows through us.

She knew who He was.....

I've been exhausted over the last couple of months...and I don't think I just realized how exhausted until this week when I've had a chance to rest. I wish I could tell you the to-do list was completed this week, but rest won. My soul is full though and my heart is happy. If you don't know you can be exhausted in more ways than physical, well that's a blog for another day. I've had writer's block during this exhausted time...more so than I realized. This morning though God in His perfect way started writing a blog.

I was WIDE awake in the early morning hours and tried to watch a movie to sleep. God brought the woman with the issue of blood to mind. I was like okay God where is this going.....but I decided to just listen. Then He took me back to a time in service last Sunday and used it to engrain a truth on my heart. The woman with the issue of blood knew who Jesus was and that's why she pressed through that day to get to Him. Y'all don't read that and just let it go in one ear and out the other. She didn't just know about Jesus, but she knew Him otherwise, would she have taken the risk to press through the crowd that day and get to Jesus. I'm not so sure but she knew Him and she knew that if He had done it for others, He could do it for her.....she just had to get to Him. Sometimes we want so desperately for someone else to press through for us and clear the way, but sometimes God's going come on child...press into until you get that touch. Yeah, it's deep.....I've had the week off and been able to finally listen. When we experience that press....that push in prayer that leads us to that place where we hear Him call us Daughter. That's not found in any denomination or bylaws of a church....but in a relationship with the One who knows all of your mess and still loves your beautiful self!

It's sometimes not a huge thing that overwhelms us over time, but the little foxes that can spoil the vine. This woman had dealt with her mess for a time, but she knew what she had to do and she wasn't going to let anything distract her. The end result.....she not only got her healing, but He called her Daugther. (Don't miss that part....). God knows where you are at right now sweet reader.....and He's saying don't let the distractions keep you from me. It's not about what anyone else says, how they do things, or even what will keep them happy...press through daughter.

I could keep writing, but I'll end this here.....Do you, not the you that pleases everyone, but the you that pleases Him. What He's called you to and the steps He's ordered for you may not always make sense to everyone else.....but that's okay. I think sometimes we expect people to know our story based on the chapter they joined in without giving them the chapters they missed.....and that's a blog for another day.

Sunday thoughts...

What's God put on the inside of you that you are still waiting to see come to pass? What dreams has God promised that He's saying don't give up on? God's timing and our timing are not always in sync.....but when He shows up.

I know it's the first post in over a month, but October was a blur. Don't get me wrong I had a lot of fun and made some amazing memories, but I feel like I barely stopped to take a breath. Y'all that will wear you out in ways you didn't know you could be worn. God is faithful....and somewhere in the midnight hours this past week, He's whispered in.

Sometimes we see the fire starting to lose its flame. We do what we can in our place to move the wood around, to add some fuel to it, but our best intentions only last for a moment. However, when God's wind blows through.....there is a roar that comes back that is a flame that says keep moving, I've got you.

So many times we try to complicate what Jesus died to uncomplicate. Live love in front of this world and they will see Him. They aren't looking for a perfect person to preach truth to them, but they are longing to see a forgiven person demonstrate grace. The truth will come in time. God didn't heal the wounded places for you to keep those places covered. Real and authentic is what this world is longing to see.....The rocks are getting restless when we stay silent. The rocks are getting antsy when they see us not catch on to what God is doing. God's not looking for another program to work through, He's looking for a people to shine through.

There was a devotional I read through this past week based off the song Known by Tauren Wells. If you have the app and haven't read this one, I highly encourage it. It was amazing and so on time, I can't even begin to speak it. It was the pop to the insecurity bubble that had begun to form again and the reminder that this blog needed some time from me even if it was just a short post.

Tonight I'm thankful for a fire fueled by not me. I'm thankful for grace and mercy that are filled up every morning when the day seems to deplete my share. I'm thankful for a loving push to get back focused on what He said. I don't know where you are at this evening, but God does. Praying He whispers what your heart needs and if it's a push that you lovingly get back going. I've learned more times than I should have had to over the last few years, God won't move your feet for you....but He will get you to a point where you will move your on and then the rest is His to put into place.

Water walking days

Now before you go making judgments just by reading the title, stick with me through the end. This isn't one of those get out of the boats and change the world kind of posts. It's a revelation from me bringing my mess of feelings to God last night and going make sense of them, please. I love deeply and pour out often times more than I remember to slow down and take in, hence the migraine that stuck around for a couple of days this week. I don't get them often, but when I do I usually find myself at one point going okay, God what am I supposed to hear. Migraines for me are usually a slow down Child, you have been running way too fast. I'm glad no one else but God can truly hear what goes on in between my ears some days. I'm way too hard on myself and way too quick to start overanalyzing things. That being said....as I've mentioned on here before I'm a visual and some days God has to paint the picture for me to make sense of what I've asked Him. So here's the real look into a me and God conversation last night. Maybe someone else has found themselves at that point too...

The week had worn me down and out and I was feeling it. I had given what I knew was my all but felt like it had been handed back to me with a big stamp on it as not enough. I get in that place a lot...and it's usually when the flesh is screaming and my Spirit is whispering. Those are not so easy places to be at because if we listen to the screams we will keep wanting to hear the applause and searching for someone to feed that part of us. I'm still learning to quiet that part of me quicker so that I can hush those screams and remind my soul that it's not about me, it is about Him. If we could hear His whispers in the moment the screams of not being enough for those around us wouldn't matter because we would know we are enough because He's enough. I care too much some days and my do takes over my who....but it's a journey and a work in progress, I am. So I laid all of this in a messy way to God last night and was desperate for some sense to come to my soul. In His perfect way, He started painting a picture. Out of the boat means we are walking in that part of who we are that we know we need Him, it's that calling that is slightly uncomfortable (hello it's out of the boat).  Out of the boat though is that journey with God, that relationship building time with Him. It's where we get to know Him and the us that He made us to be. I've lived on the verge of overwhelmed and exhaustion for most of the last few weeks. God knew it and I knew He knew it.....I also knew that He had a plan and a purpose if I could keep my focus on Him. I don't know about ya'll but I start out my day knowing who I am and that He is in control, but there are some days that before lunch I'm going God I need an intervention. It's how water walking days go....we are out of the boat focused on the One who said we could get out of the boat. We feel the water beneath our feet, but we know God's got us and we can keep walking. Then the waves pick up and all of a sudden we are feeling way more water lapping around our legs and for a quick moment our hearts start to beat really fast and we question if we can still stay on the water or if the boat would be a better spot. This is usually the time when good ole anxiety and its companions start hanging around. Hear my heart for just a minute.....if God hadn't designed you to walk on the water, to go to a deeper place with Him...He would have never allowed you to get out of the boat. The enemy knows what's on the inside of you and that's why he wants you to run back to the boat. There are moments during a day when the water may lap so much that you do look down at it just to see if it's getting close to overwhelming you...and that glance, that moment when the screams of the flesh take over is when we lose sight of who we are in Him. It's that moment when our eyes go from our Creator to our circumstances....and we sink for a minute, feelings start to win and we start overthinking. A song, a verse, a stone of remembrance time rises up and you look up again. You keep walking and knowing yeah the waves are still lapping and you are still feeling overwhelmed, but God's taken care of it all before and this time is no different.

Some days we can have those sinking and looking up moments all throughout the day, some days it depends on what is thrown at us (and how we are physically feeling). It all plays a part in how we fight....grace is amazing though and I'm thankful for a Father who takes the messy parts of our day and connects the dots for a message. Maybe you can't relate to this kind of day, but maybe you can. Maybe you are giving it all you got and some days still wondering it's enough, show yourself the same grace He does...that's my plan for the upcoming week. I'm not perfect, but God knew that when we started this relationship. It's His expectations for the day that matter more than anything...if those are met, we can smile and lay our heads on our pillows knowing He is pleased. There is a difference in people pleasing and serving....but that's a blog for another day (God's still refining that part of my heart).

Remember the deposit.....

Wow, it's been over a month since my last post (that's not me). Let's just be real...August was long and weary at times. It's always hard getting back into that routine and finding the balance that everyone so desperately wants. I'm about convinced balance is scriptural.....one day that may be a blog in itself. I'm my own worst enemy or as someone said last week, it's between my ears that needs convincing. I walk some days on the verge of being an insecure mess and I know God's up in heaven going umm...Child really? Didn't we talk about that already? Mask off, turtle shell not around.....the mountain in my view wasn't the one I wanted to climb. I had already climbed it, quit circling it.....but it was looming. Even today had moments where I got close to the mountain of mess again.....You see the enemy knows that the mountain of message awaits us when we go over the mountain of a mess...and he wants nothing more than for us to climb back on the mountain of a mess, so he does what he can to push us closer to it. Y'all I could park right there and end this blog on just that statement.....

Last week I was getting ready for church and having my worship time....when I heard God speak in, remember the deposit (Read 2 Timothy 1:6). Well, ya'll I figured it was a blog He was starting since it had been awhile. I didn't realize when I walked out to the car and realized that recall that I had neglected to get fixed was going to need to be done. I can't say I handled it well at first.....but after I realized it was what it was (that was after realizing my laptop had seen better days and wouldn't be going through this IEP season with me)...I turned on Restoring Hope and was like God you know. Well, ya'll He does...I say this a lot, but Aaron's word was so on time I can't even explain. God used several moments during that service to remind me...hey I see you, I hear you, and I've got you. Isn't that really what we need sometimes? Back to the deposit word from the morning......it made me think back to a sermon I had heard Jason preach just a few weeks ago about residue. Sometimes life stinks, sometimes the days aren't as sunny as we would like them to be, and our feelings are just plain yuck. Let's stay real....we all have days when we would have rather stayed in bed. Days when we Netflix is the only company we want. We also have days when the cry of our soul is for someone to just connect with....and to feel like a part of something. It's on those days when we need someone to speak life in and remind us God still has a plan coming....I'm thankful for friends that just know.

You know what God's put on the inside of you, what He's deposited......on the days when you find yourself wondering God did I miss you on this...let that deposit be what keeps you steady. I found myself having to walk and worship a lot during August to talk out my insecurities with God. I asked Him more than once if I had missed Him (of course I hadn't but isn't that what we usually start to feel when it gets uncomfortable or uneasy). It's okay to have to have those moments....where you put the praise music on and just talk to Him like it's coming out. I think sometimes we try to clear our heads before we come to Him in prayer when if we would just lay it all out for Him, He can make sense of the fuzzy. I'm not saying I have it all figured out....or that I haven't looked really hard at that mountain of the mess today, but the choice was mine. I have never doubted Him....but I've doubted me a lot and yes that's a blog for another day. There is a confidence coming that will probably finish that book that should have been written by now. I promised myself on this journey a few years ago that sometimes the posts would just be real. I spent way too much of my early journey with Him with the "Everything's fine" smile even if I wasn't feeling it....that I just can't fake it anymore. I'm real, it's not always pretty......but God loves right where we are at and too much to let us stay put for long.

I don't know where you are at tonight, but God does. He's whispering...I see you, I hear you, and I've got you. Put on the praise music....and just rest, trusting that He's that good. (cause He is😀😁)