When the verse sticks (part 1)

When a verse from your devotional sticks, you know God has a reason (and a purpose). I'm not exactly sure where this blog may be going or if God's even finished with what His plan for it is. The last month or so I've felt a shift in the atmosphere. I've been feeling the shift for a while, but this time there was the push....the push to go forward and get back to running.  There is a race to be run....and sometimes standing still doesn't get you where you are supposed to be going. I think sometimes we buy into the lie that we are moving forward when it's not exactly how God has planned for us to do.  There is a journey to be lived, a race to run, and a word to be shared......and this pace of being distracted by everything except for the prize ahead (that He's called us to) keeps us from never really going anywhere.  There are about five blogs in that last statement, but summer's coming and I'll get to those soon. I'm finally starting to see ...not through my eyes, but His. I struggle with insecurity and second guessing myself....and I've listened to the lie for way too long that I should be this or that. I know I don't fit into a typical mold. I'm late thirties (ouch that hurt) and single. Trust me it's not how I planned for life to be or even dreamed of it. I've not given up trusting God for the answer on this dream....but in His time. This past week God answered a prayer I had been asking Him for over 15 years. It was one I had almost given up hearing a yes answer on......and was about to settle for a No...but God did what only He could do. He redeemed a day and brought a story full circle that yes is a blog to share soon.  I said that to say though....don't give up on God answering even when you quit asking.

Back to the verse....I've read this verse MULTIPLE times, but this time it was different. Fruit bearing and fruit planting are two different seasons....but bearing fruit is journey God wants us on. He wants us bearing fruit that lasts (yes there can be fruit that doesn't last....more later). Did you catch that last part though? When we are bearing fruit that lasts...what He promises. Y'all I about had a shouting fit on that one! This is my prayer as I approach another birthday. I struggle with knowing if I'm making a difference or not some days. Then I come home and it's just me. Hear my heart cause I know some of you are reading it going man I wish I had a quiet house, it's nice a night or two....but it's a struggle that gets the best of me sometimes. Yes I know I'm never alone because God is here, but ya'll some days you need Jesus with skin on. Some days I think I should write a book on Singleness, the struggle is real, but God is louder.

You know where you are at on this journey called life. Make the most of the moments as they come, but don't let the moments make you. It's about running the race with purpose and knowing that in the end, it's not about the Good job's, the applause, or the recognition that this world offers...it is about one-day hearing God say well done.

More blogs to come and beyond thankful to be back writing.....
(yeah I called this one part one because something in me still says He has more to write on this verse as the week goes on).

Can we just talk for a minute?

I did my best to stay off of social media this past Wednesday (aka National Sibling Day). I had marked it in my calendar as a day to avoid and to stay away from social media. Well if ya'll haven't noticed lately Facebook doesn't behave and it will show you days old posts at random times. Needless to say, I've still had to see several Sibling Day posts. It became a topic of conversation with God this week and He was pretty blunt, He said so? I was like so what? Then it hit me.....The posts didn't cause the feeling emotional mess that they did last year. The dread of not getting on social media because of seeing them was worse than actually seeing them. That was what He was trying to get me to see with His so question. That's when I realized and I almost had me a shouting fit....(if I hadn't fallen flat on my hiney the day before and am still sore I may have). It was then I realized the page finally turned, the season had shifted....the mountain I had been circling was in my rearview mirror and forward-focused I was again. You see I think we can find ourselves circling a mountain and feel like we have gone backwards....but that's not always the case. Sometimes the mountain we find ourselves circling is a new mountain that just looks the same. Needless to say, mountains aren't meant to be circled when there is a promised land to be possessed. Now before you start thinking the promised land means easy road.....umm NO....promised land means walking in that place God's called you to....it means finally taking that step, seeing the Jordan part, and knowing that you can have everything that He said was yours to have. Are you starting to see what I'm getting it? PC's been preaching a message at Highlands called What's Next and it's been the catalyst I needed to clean the rest of the junk off of these almost 40-year-old eyes to see what God's doing right now.  I have a lot of chapters in my story from things that God has done in the past and how He has moved in ways only He could....but there is an expectancy in my Spirit for what He's doing right now. Greater things are still to come in this Next season....

I don't know where you are at today, but you do and so does God. This is the season of the amazing...of pages being turned, of light being shone on the dark places, of those things that seemed to be bound up being loosed in Jesus name. Scripture says we have not because we ask not...what's God had ready and waiting for you to ask Him for? If we could truly grasp all that He has for us...This week take some time to let Him pour in as only He can and remind you of what His vision is for you. It's not about what you can see for yourself because we look through eyes of flesh, but if we can look through our spiritual eyes.....game changed.

My heart for a few.....

When God gets you before you ever get to church....you know He's wanting you to listen. Some days I think He gives us those moments to simply say hey get the mess off of your glasses and see what I'm doing.  So many times we can focus on what we are feeling or what everyone else is doing except what God is doing. Sometimes He gives us those still quiet moments to remind us just how much He's got this. I've been in the middle of a season shift for probably the last five years, but I didn't realize my position for at least three and a half of those years. Then I let some mess cloud my glasses (aka view) and my well and spent more time than I should have in the middle. I was stumbling over my own two feet as the verse reminded me this morning.

I'm my own worst enemy, my own worst critic, and overanalyze way too much. (Some of you just read that and said yes she does...hey I'm just keeping it real here). I know my weaknesses unfortunately so does the enemy because I've told him way more than I should. Life and death really are in the power of the tongue and on those days when we are just not feeling it are the days when we just shouldn't speak it. One of these days that lesson will take root, but until then I'm a work in progress learning to show myself the same grace He shows me.

I'm not exactly sure where this blog was supposed to head, but here's my heart on this.....if God has given you a promise, a vision of what you are supposed to be doing, stay the course. Don't settle for comfort when God has more in mind. Don't settle for complacency or just getting by, when God has abundance in mind. You aren't going to have everything figured out, but that's where the lean not on our own understanding comes in. It's a trust thing.......figure out what the Jordan is that needs to be crossed to get to your Promised Land and take the first step in the water. That's a blog for another day though...

Autopilot is never the landing place God intends for His children. We may visit, but we should never take a seat. God never intended for us to work so hard to fit in when He designed us with a one of a kind mix. I would even wonder if sometimes those things we keep apologizing for are the parts of us He made just for us. He knew us in exact mode and loves us just that way. Spend some time this week remembering the stones of what He's done before for you. Spend some time listening as He reminds you what He has promised to do in the future, and savor the time with Him in the present enjoying the moments that He gives you to make a difference.

I don't know where you find yourself as March ends and April begins, but God does. His revelations are real, His mercies are new every morning, and His promises are never-ending. There have been many days when I get so wrapped up in the present that I lose sight of the prize. My mind forgets that I'm supposed to be listening for the applause of One. My heart loses sight sometimes in the midst of loneliness (one day I'm going to do a couple of blogs on this single life...), and I forget until He whispers that He's given me a whole book full of words to encourage myself when I start to get down on me.  There's a new season coming.....those visions that have never left are going to come to pass becaue they are now my focus I'm running towards.

More later.....

"....won't stop until I see them fall"

I had a moment driving this morning where a line of a song that I couldn't seem to get off of repeat took me to God's feet in sweet worship. The tears flowed and I kept hitting the song over and over as I drove. The song Confidence by Sanctus Real has been a mainstay for me over the last couple of months. It's hit a part in my heart that I had let a wall build up around again. You see ...you can find freedom and forget about it. Busyness and distractions can slide in quickly and before you know it what was a flame is barely a flicker. Even as I type this, I've got the song on repeat again and the tears are back. The line that's the bridge I think is what has pressed in today..... "I"m going to sing and shout and shake the walls, won't stop until I see them fall".

Walls go up for a variety of reasons, some for security, some for protection, sometimes they go up because it's just the easiest. Sometimes we didn't put them up, we just ran into one and quit trying to figure out how to go around it or through it. We let the obstacle in our path (whatever that may be) keep us in a place that can grow too comfortable. Sometimes comfort zones can make us spin our wheels so to speak (aka frustration because we should be doing something more than staring at a wall). Y'all if you haven't figured it out yet....God will get His children's attention. I sought out some wisdom a couple of weeks ago after yet another round of antibiotics for a different infection (Dear Lord, let March be medicine free...). My mentor friend told me to test the spirits.....ya'll that isn't easy some times. I'm the one who cares way too much of what other people think and can overanalyze pretty much everything, but I knew God was trying to get through and had a word. I'm my own worst critic and most days I truly wish I could give myself the same grace He gives me, but that's coming. Some times God will let us get to a place to remind us of the place He meant for us to be all along. (Read that again). Hear my heart.....good things don't always equal God things and being busy doesn't always mean being fruitful.

There is an anointing from the pressing that got you to this point. You know what God's told you......stay the course and let the distractions (and yes He will show you what is distracting you) quit entangling you. God made you for more than staring at the wall you seem to have found yourself at. Press in, those are the moments where the oil comes from and know that the wall is coming down .....with each shout and push. There is a story to be shared with the world, armor up Warrior....and keep on.

I've struggled to write over the last year. I wouldn't call it a writer's block...more of an autopilot comfort zone I found myself in. God has been pulling the layers back over the last couple of months and fanning the flame again. We all have moments where we reach a wall.....sweet reader, it's just a wall and walls were meant to fall so you can step over them. You know what God's poured into your Spirit....and what He's called you to do. The enemy knows how to distract you......stay focused on the call and shout. Your walls aren't the only ones coming down.....because after all Warrior why would the enemy work so hard to distract if you.

Stay the course....more to come this month ;-) Thank you Jesus!

Throw the darts back....

The blog started forming earlier this week and after the day I had well....I had a choice, keep perspective and see it at a higher level or fall asleep on the couch and have a pity party at this level. So here goes typing.... (I'll keep it short, I have a lot more to still do tonight).

I should have seen it coming, I should have known the enemy would hit at the weak spot as I was armoring back up. I should have remembered that the closer I pressed in, the more focused I became, and the more dangerous to messing up the enemy's plan  I get. I've been here before, but it's been awhile. (You can lose perspective which causes us to shift and fight battles on the level we were never intended to fight on). At some point, this knowledge will be at the application level without some reminders. For now, I still need at least Tier 2 in Spiritual Warfare (some days even Tier 3). (If you don't know what I mean by Tier 2 and Tier 3 ...it's an educator reference to more instruction in a smaller setting basically). I should have known that 21 days meant a fight.

The enemy loves discouragement. If he can get us focused on what we can't do, we will lose sight of what we can do. If he can get us focused on how we feel that we aren't enough, we will lose sight that we are enough with God. I'm not perfect and still running hard towards the goal God designed for me, I don't have it altogether by any means, but maybe someone else can relate to where I was today ...so I share. If the seed of discouragement can take root, defeat will set in. Here my heart on this ...for if we were face to face having dinner I would explain more. I've seen it take root and been through what it takes for God to pull the weed back up again. This sweet readers is why He says to Guard your heart.....

We want the diamonds without the pressure, the anointing without the oil, and the gold without the fire. Ya'll the precious treasures come from pressure times, from those moments that make us push into Him more, those moments where it feels like it's getting hot ( aka those moments when the frustrations bring tears and we want to give up).  One day that anointing God spoke over your life, those visions He gave you...will come to pass, for you see the oil comes out when we are pressed.

Stay the course sweet reader, this is the year for Greater, and God is already moving. Don't let the discouragement the enemy tried to sow today take root.....Encourage yourself knowing that God will fan the fire and pour into you, just push into Him and keep perspective. The enemy wouldn't be messing with you if God wasn't blessing.

Devil you picked the wrong day to try to throw the darts. I may have not seen it for what it was in the moment, but I do now and you can have your darts back.

A season of waiting...

One of my favorite Dr. Seuss books is "Oh the Places You'll Go" and there is a part in there that seems to resonate with me in different seasons. It's the part that talks about the waiting place. I think we all find ourselves in that season at one time or another.

 

In case you haven't read the part of the book that I'm referring to here it is ;-)

I've had my time over this break, I've had time to reflect on this past year. First off wow, it went by way too fast. I've already beat myself up over the whole not feeling like I got a whole lot finished this year. When I look back over the year, my to-do list is still the same, my goals (well I think I'm bringing more weight into 2019 than I did in 2018), and my one word for 2018 well I did well on that for the first couple of months. I think we have all hit those places where we are like okay God what was the purpose etc. We ask so many questions sometimes instead of just simply trusting that He has a perfect plan and a purpose even when we can't see any of the details in the puzzle. It's like we are looking through the glass and the pieces seem to be coming together, but it's a fuzzy picture. As we age in the physical our vision changes, and I think it's that way in the spiritual as well. God's refining how we see things, it's our choice to put on the glasses. So in my God time last night I poured out my waiting place, season woes to a God that I'm sure knew they were coming.....how He answered was not what I had expected. You see what I had viewed as waiting, God had viewed as clearning. Stay with me for a few...This journey is a process, sometimes we can get from point A to point B in a short time, sometimes it takes longer. (at least the eleven-day journey wasn't 40 years). God has to have space (and time) to clear away some of the clutter to make room for what's coming. Pruning-Clearing-Growing.....ya'll when that picture began to become clear last night I had myself a crying shout. I have no idea what He has planned for 2019, but I'm ready to go after those dreams and visions that continue to be brought into view....and leaving in 2018 the old way of viewing those dreams. 

I don't know where you are, but God does..., maybe you have been in what you deemed as a waiting season for some time now. What sweet child of His is He trying to whisper to your soul? What word is wanting to drop in your Spirit that He needs you to put feet to? If God has shown it to you, it will come to pass in His time...just staying focused on moving towards "it" and trust Him to make the paths and steps clear. If God's been pulling back your layers and cleaning out some of your space...then He has a purpose for what He's making room for. The waiting season may very well be a clearing season for you, where God's making room.  He can't add to, if there is no space for Him to. 

2018 has been a quiet year as far as blogs go. I think I went through the season of no one is reading, so why am I writing, to the season of I don't know if I'm supposed to be doing this anymore etc. Hear my heart....when God has told you there is a word on the inside of you, He intends for you to share it even if it doesn't make sense to you. When you know it's a part of His plan....quit circling the mountain and just be obedient. So here's to staying focused more in 2019 on the blogging, to making regular posts each week (I'm thinking of bringing back Tuesday Truths and starting a Thursday Thoughts post)...and here's to getting back to looking into how to self publish that devotional book that God won't seem to leave me alone about. 

This season...

I'm not sure anyone reads these anymore when I post or if Facebook or Blogger has just done something weird with how things show up....but anyway I will keep writing as God lets me.

In the chaos and craziness of last week, God dropped a word so loud in my day that it stopped me in my tracks. It was one of those words that not only is needed in the moment, but it can shift your entire day. It was one of those moments that can shift things you can't see in this realm because God's doing something in the realm that only He can see. That's a blog to come.....but it was one of those moments I texted my spiritual covering crew and said wow.

I love this time of the year, God and I have been on a journey over the last year or so to redeem this time. That in itself is yet another blog or a chapter in the book I need to slow down and write some day. There are so many emotions and feelings that surround this time of the year that if we aren't careful we can get so caught up in them that we find ourselves going through the motions of the season. That was never God's plan...God never intended for us to get so caught up in the to-do list that we lost room for what is the heart of the season. Trying to do too much leads to exhaustion which leads to frustration when we can't do everything we wish we could accomplish.

This season let's not get so caught up that we forget to make room for the heart and the reason for the season. Mary and Joseph had to search for a place with room so very long ago.....let's not leave God searching for a place in our schedules this season. (and I'm not talking about the time we spend in a church building on Sunday, I'm talking about the time we spend with God just us and Him). The shepherds by trade were drawn as sheep to the true Shepherd that night. Let's not lose sight of what draws us to our Shepherd and show that same grace and love to others. The wise men came and brought gifts of themselves along with something tangible....let's not forget to give not only material things this season, but time to others as well. Sometimes the most precious gift can't be bought in a store or online...

Love came down at Christmas time so many years ago....and that is the love that flows through us today as Children of the Most High. It's a love that can redeem moments that are painful, memories that make our eyes leak and restore those things that the enemy tried to break. It's a love that can cover and fill those holes that seem to never be filled to a place of overflowing. This season and beyond may the gift that was given so very long ago, but what flows through us.