Cracked Pots..

On the elliptical, this week and God started piecing this one together. It's been YEARS since I went to the gym...so that in itself is God at work. I got home from work feeling drained and empty. It had been one of those days when I had poured out more than I thought I had to give....hear my heart, those moments are natural. When we reach that point we have two choices, keep pushing ourselves or stop and do something that refuels. There are moments when we must keep pushing....but when the schedule suddenly clears and you find a sweet smile on your porch, God's giving you direction. This week I had two choices....stay drained or stay driven. Before you think I've figured out how to do this walk...I haven't. Each day is a new set of taking step by step making sure that His truth stays louder than my feelings. It's about learning what places need His covering, what moments need grace, and most of all when you better make sure you are pressing into His presence because everything else is pressing against you. God never said we wouldn't feel anxious, but He said Be anxious for nothing. There is a walk that happens in between feeling and being. There is a shift that takes place when you admit that feelings happen but still walk in truth knowing He gets it.

So what's the point of this post, it's not to do a how-to manual on the process, because honestly, I'm still in the process...but I can see freedom and healing in the distance. I've realized just in the last month that masks hide struggles for a season, but there is a place where you get to with God that the mask has to come off and the inside struggles come to surface. It's not because you feel like you have arrived, but you start to realize that keeping the duct tape over the cracks isn't doing anyone any good.

I had a list a mile long this afternoon when I got home this afternoon but wasn't feeling it. Sometimes we need to get still and just rest for a few. It's in rest that we can reflect and God can start to go it may not feel good, but I'm doing something. The last couple of months have been a journey, but the last couple of weeks I've had some struggle moments. This week especially. I found myself saying to God more than once...but I thought this was gone, or what happened, did I miss something. So many times we can get caught up in trying to figure out the details of the moment that we lose sight of that God is still doing and moving even when it may seem like we took a step backward.  Chains leave marks when they finally come off, and sometimes when they have been on for awhile it can take some time for the healing to reach feeling. You know they aren't there anymore, but there are times it feels like it.  It's okay... Thorns are only painful when they are being pulled at or moving. (That's a blog in itself).

When the nap is restorative, you know God's wanting you to pay attention.  This week hasn't been perfect by any means. Honestly, there have been moments that I have had to breathe through to keep from crying or getting mad, moments where the tears took over, moments of doubt and loneliness, moments where sleep wasn't my friend and moments where frustrations bubbled up and out. Life happens and God knows exactly where we are at in the process. I think back to the healings in the Bible, once the people got to Jesus it only took a touch from Him to take care of the healing, but it was the getting to Him that was different for them all. Some laid and waited for Him to come to them. Some went out and searched for the one healing. The woman with the issue of blood had to push her way through the crowd to get to Jesus for hers. If she had let the crowd distract her would she have kept going?

For that one out there reading this tonight thinking well I'm not sure I'm even in the process yet. What's holding you back? The man that lay by the pool of Bethsaida waited for the waters to stir for years and kept missing his moment because of excuses. The process isn't an easy journey, but God's faithful each step of the way. There is peace to be had and that abundant life He promised. He longs to answer that cry of your heart for a deeper level with Him, but there's junk to be cleaned out first. Maybe you are thinking, well the mask fits me well and this wall is here for a reason. Yep, I've had that T-shirt too and will post about it in time. Hear my heart when I say this......God wants to start replacing lies with truth, but sometimes it takes pushing out a brick in that wall first. Fear will hold you back because you start to wonder if anyone will understand....that's up to God sweet reader. Oh, how we must make Him laugh sometimes when we try to tell Him all about our feelings and hearts when He's the one that made them. The first step to the process of healing is letting someone be Jesus with skin on...and letting them in on the inside. If you are that one being let in on the inside...listen and love them right where they are at. Don't just pray for them, pray with them....and most of all keep speaking life. Life isn't meant to be lived alone and two really are better than one.

I'll end on this...As dearly loved children of the Most High, we are clay in His potter hands. We see the cracks in our pots as messes and cover them with band-aids and duct tape, but He sees them as purpose. It's through those cracks, those thorns in our flesh, that He shines through. Those are the moments that make what we see as a mess into a message that brings Him honor and glory. 

Messes to Messages....

We are all messes in progress and that sweet reader is what keeps us reliant on the One who not only knows the details of the messes (after all He made us), but He can see the message that mess is turning into. We were not created to do life alone, that being said insecurity can come in a form of a pride that keeps us from opening up to those God has called us to do life with. That's a blog in itself that has yet to be written. I'm thankful though...  (I had this first part written last Saturday night and then it just sat). With two snow days, I was like okay good God's going to put some of these pieces together. I knew there were about five blogs He was writing, but the words were only coming a little here and a little there....and nothing that seemed to make sense for a full post. God didn't want to finish a post when I was ready, but when He was ready. It wasn't about when it was convenient for me, but more so when it wasn't. We can become so accustomed to God pouring in that we take for granted when He does. Oh, may His glory and His presence never be taken for granted or something we grow comfortable with? I need Him to show up on a daily basis because let's face it if we take inventory and get real with ourselves....it's uncomfortable living in this flesh if we are trying to walk in the Spirit. It's that uncomfortable that keeps us seeking after and looking for Him to breathe on us. Sometimes it's just the breath of God we need, it's just the simple presence where you know He's walking and talking with you, even if the pieces still seemed jumbled and the picture not so clear.  Faith covers our fears of not knowing what the end result of our steps is going to be. There is a release when you realize God's not only restoring what the enemy has taken, distracted you from, or tried to discourage with you....but God's going to take it up a level if you are willing to take a step in it.  When we realize the limitations we place on ourselves are just that our limitations, there is a freedom that opens up....and God brings back to remembrance those dreams and visions He gave you long ago. Those things you thought would never come to pass simply because they haven't yet, but the truth is we have gotten distracted by words and lost faith in His timing. It's taken me years for this to begin to take root....but if God spoke it to you or shown it to you (and let's face it if it is not anything you can see yourself doing in the natural....chances are it wasn't you dreaming it), it's going to come to pass. I think God stands by just waiting for us to have that flashback, that stirring of Him going....remember Child.

That desperate feeling only breeds discouragement if we take our eyes off of Him and walk by feeling. God knows what He's planned for you, what He's poured into you, and what He's longing to do through you.....He's just waiting for you to see it through His eyes. (That's a blog in itself).  A month or so ago, I woke up with a picture of a girl turned upside down in a well. I didn't know where God was taking that picture...I figured it was the start of a blog to come, so I just filed the image away. Last week after Freedom conference, God finished the picture. So many times we have those moments with God, where we know He was there. He poured it out and we received. The journey continues, but what was flowing seems to have run dry. It wasn't that God stopped pouring it out, it was that we hit a level of junk in our well and the flow got blocked for some reason. We have all have those levels, and we get them cleaned out (at least we think we do..) only for God to go hey there's  another layer. We can give up or keep pressing in knowing that the source of the flow is what may seem like the bottom. (Think back to the picture of a well). Layers take work to go through and clean out junk, but when we ask Him for deeper, there is a price, but there is also grace. God doesn't do something in you, to not do something through you. Sometimes you get to the bottom of clearing out the layers in that well....hear my heart for a minute, the enemy wants you to see it as the bottom, but God says turn around and look up. For you see that's the place with arms wide open when God can pour out all that He has longed to pour into you. It's a place of gracefully broken.

I woke up with a song in my Spirit(the link is below). This isn't meant to be a long post...but God's pouring out to His children today. You may see yourself as a mess, but God sees the message He's working to bring through you. So many times we focus on the mess and we lose sight of the message in progress. God didn't intend for life to be lived alone and someone needs for you to see your message despite your mess and share it. We keep people at arm's length sometimes because all we can see is our mess and lose sight that God has a plan always....you aren't where you are by chance doing life with who you are by chance. (ouch....this whole post may have been to get me to type out that last part #blogforanotherday).

Walking into the new year

6 The Lord our God said to us at Horeb, “You have stayed long enough at this mountain. 7 Break camp and advance into the hill country of the Amorites; go to all the neighboring peoples in the Arabah, in the mountains, in the western foothills, in the Negev and along the coast, to the land of the Canaanites and to Lebanon, as far as the great river, the Euphrates. 8 See, I have given you this land. Go in and take possession of the land the Lord swore he would give to your fathers—to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob—and to their descendants after them.”  (Deuteronomy 1:6-8) 


Washing dishes tonight and God started writing a blog....lol. Yesterday I posted some thoughts on my word and verse for the year. Then last night I watched an amazing watch/prayer service to ring in the New Year....there is something incredible about bringing in the New Year with the One who made it New. Anyway on to tonight's blog...

I love the passage of scripture from Deuteronomy that I included above, but I've never looked at it in terms of a New Year. Usually, this is the passage God takes me to when it's time to move on a from a spot that I seem to keep circling. I'm good at that, but anyway. I don't know what 2017 held for you. I know for me it involved a lot of layers, a lot of looking at some stuff that I had stuffed away and getting real with myself and God. It involved some transparent times where I had to go this is my circus and these are my monkeys, now God what do I do about it. If you are going to ask God what to do about it, then be prepared for Him to not only tell you, show you, and nudge you to that place. He'll get you as close as He can....before you have to take the steps to keep moving forward.  God moved mountains in 2017, He parted waters, made paths straight, and restored what only He could. I've still got a post or two to write about all that He did...Maybe you still have some prayers you need to be answered from 2017, maybe you are still waiting on God to give you feeling back in your legs so you can walk forward and not be carried, maybe you are waiting on the door to open for that thing you've been praying and believing for...We make resolutions, goals each year at this time...some are the same as we have made year after year. We start off strong and then find our strength fading when the drive of the new isn't there anymore...and we end up circling the mountain again. 

2018...God's saying You've stayed long enough on that mountain. We are living in Joel 2:28 days. If you haven't experienced it...get where He's pouring out. God's looking for a people that are ready to quit circling the same mountain and take the promised land, those things He said were ours for the taking. It's time for the greater that's been promised, for the miracles, signs, and wonders. It's time to stop being the dry bones and being the one who speaks life to the bones around us. It's time to take the promised land that He said was ours.....

This was a preaching to myself moment before I ever started to type. So many times we carry things from one year to the next when God's looking to release more to us...but our hands are full of yesterday's junk. This is the year of Release.....

(Hear my heart for a minute...Life is a process and we are all works in progress. I know a lot of that "junk" isn't something you can easily let go of sometimes. It takes precision to pry fingers off of things and to let go of what may have been in your grip for way too long. That's a conversation for you and God....take the time to listen to what He's saying sweet reader and then do. This is the year of releasing messes to Him for Him to release the message through us. 

Being...

When God stops you for a minute and speaks in the same phrase, you look up where it's found. If it comes during the time when you have been praying about and thinking about your word for the year, chances are the word is found in that verse. Being.....at first I was like umm, okay, but then God started elaborating on the word.

So many times we get so caught up in doing that we lose sight of being. We get so caught up in posting, liking, and trying to connect that we lose sight of just being ourselves. We find ourselves competing in a race God never said run. 2017 brought freedom finally in that.  (It was way overdue...but it had a lot of layers that needed to get pulled back first.). There are still blogs in the work from that transparency season as God called it. I'm in awe of what He's done, but I shouldn't be surprised anymore He continually does beyond what I expect Him to. He's good like that. I am walking into 2018 with big dreams and expectations. Things God has shown me for a couple of years now, that I'm believing are going to come to pass soon. 2017 was the restoration and preparation for the next season.  Sometimes I don't think we realize when we ask God to go to the next level, we don't realize there may be some work involved in the process. The water will never part if the step isn't taken. Sometimes we stand back waiting on God do His part when He's waiting on us to do what He said to do first. That's a blog for another day...

John Maxwell said something at First Wednesday in December that has stuck with me. He was talking about Mary and Martha and how one did things for God, the other with God. So many times we busy ourselves with things we are doing for God, that we lose sight of the things He's wanting to do with us. I've been in that season...but God will only leave you there for so long until the desire for doing more with Him starts to grow and become so loud, you do what needs to be done to get to that place. When we move with Him, the being, the doing, the serving follows.....and we find we are stepping where He wants us to step because we can hear His voice a lot clearer. The distractions of busy have been cleared away. Discernment steps up a notch when we are in step when we are who He has called us to be...

Being may mean empty some days, but I'm finding empty isn't as ugly of a word as it used to be. For when I'm empty, He can do more of the filling (there is a difference in being empty and feeling empty..). The word says to be a lot, it doesn't say feel. Feeling is going to happen, but each day I'm learning to ask Him for His truth to be louder than my feelings. Being happens when His truth stays louder than feeling...when we step regardless of how we feel. When we follow what He says even when it doesn't make sense. Being means finding our identity simply in being His son or daughter and leaving the rest to Him.

Other words for the year that I had on my list were intentional, bold, confident etc. Intentional because I want my moments to not only count but to matter. I want to hear when He whispers and follow through on those heart drops (I read that phrase in a book over break...it's about paying attention to who God places in our path and the needs they may have that we can meet. So many times we are so focused on our to-do list that we lose sight of those heart drops...and therefore miss out on the blessing God may have in the moment.) His will always gets done, but how many times do we miss the moment where He can flow through us? God doesn't do something in us, to not do something through us. I know I've said that before...but I'm learning there is a purpose and a plan for everything God brings to you.....it's just sometimes we need to get the junk cleared out so that He can let it flow through us. Bold because I've got some dreams, some visions I'm ready to see God move on.....and it's not in my comfort zone of the past. (I've got the list forming of what I want to do by the time I'm 40 forming already). Confident not because I can do anything....but with Him, I can do everything. I've been content to just walk in the spirit of "I'm just ____" and that's gotta go. I'm who He says I am period. When God led me to the verse, I realized the other three words....all went along with being.  Be bold, be confident, be intentional...Be His and the rest will fall into step.

Blessings in 2018 Readers...and get ready, God's doing a new thing and pouring out!

Rocks, Stones, and a picture painted..

I know it's been awhile since my last post. It doesn't mean God hasn't been writing....there is a book still to come from some of the moments over the last month. A couple of nights ago I went to bed with a visual painted in my head, I didn't know where God was taking it...but it stuck. I wish I could tell you the visual had come as soon as I left my prayer closet time with God, but no. (I'm still a work in progress and some days God and I talk throughout the day....and don't get to the deep intense moments that come when I'm in my prayer closet. That's going to change in 2018...but I digress on to the visual). 

Stones are found all throughout the scripture. Stones of remembrance are used when God did an amazing thing in the Old Testament. Stones took down a giant, stones covered what had been buried (and in some cases when that stone was rolled away, life came forth). There is also a place in the New Testament where it talks about not letting the rocks cry out in our place.  I could go on and on....stones also have a ripple effect. Imagine throwing a stone into a water, even if you just drop it in...there is an impact felt. There is a craze that seems to be going on right now where people paint rocks with messages or pictures and hide them around town. Some are in plain view but the picture on them makes them seem hidden. It wasn't until I watched the Steven Furtick clip that I shared last night that the pieces started fitting. Stay with me for a minute...

Moments when we know God met us, where He showed up and showed out, moments where God did what only He could take credit for...those serve as remembrance stones for us. Maybe it's not even a moment, maybe it's a song or a verse that God dropped in your Spirit just when you needed it and it took root. It's a moment where you didn't even know what to pray, but God answered anyway. The picture from a few nights ago was of someone throwing a stone at a giant and someone throwing a stone in the water. It's that bag of remembrance stones, stones that hold meaning for us, stones that take us back to a time when God did what we needed Him too that we find in our bag again when the giants come. David had five stones in his bag when he went out to fight Goliath, but it only took one. I'm pretty sure he never looked at a stone the same way again. The giants are going to be defeated by stones that are hurled at the giants with a Spirit of knowing the battle has already been won. David knew he couldn't do it...but he knew who could. How many more giants would we defeat if we would march in with our bag of stones knowing who had already defeated the giant?  We pay attention to the weight of the rocks sometimes more than the weight of His presence with us.  (As God has so lovingly reminded me several times on this journey (a lot just in the last couple of weeks)...He didn't move than to not move now, and He didn't part the waters over there just to leave you stuck on the other side. So many times we want to know what the other side looks like when God's saying step in the water first) 

The other visual was of a stone being thrown into the water. Ripples happen when a stone is thrown in whether it's dropped or skipped into the water. What we do, what we say, has a ripple effect. Our stones of remembrance can as well...so many times we are carrying them around almost like trophies or badges of honor...and God's waiting on us to throw them in the river and let them impact someone else. He didn't do what He did in us to not let it flow through us. The stones only become heavy if we carry them around like a bag of rocks. Stones released to Him....can make a ripple impact that we may not ever see on this side of eternity. 

The stones at first may feel like a rock is caught in your shoe, but God has a purpose and a plan. It's hard to see at first because the focus is how the rock feels. The word never said we wouldn't feel a certain way, but it said to be. There is a difference in being and feeling and that difference is how you see the stones on your journey. 

More posts to come before break is over

The heart without band-aids

Yep it's late and this wasn't what I exactly had planned. I fell asleep around 9, so I was wide awake at midnight...and God was finishing the part of this one. I have four other posts in the process, but I knew this one had to come first.

Back in May I attend a ladies' breakfast where Christa Black Gifford spoke. She spoke on the heart. It was a much needed word on making the heart whole through listening to why the heart feels the way it does. I was a mess of feelings at that point and having someone tell me it wasn't that feelings were wrong, I just needed to figure out the why was life. So many times we throw a scripture at a mess without looking to the why behind the feeling of that mess. Our hearts are indicators of what's going on in our bodies and minds if we will just take a minute to listen. I'm thankful God has wired us to where spoken words like that are a seed that He plants deep down. It may seem like nothing is coming from that word, but it's because it has to take time to root and start to grow. I highly recommend her book Heart Made Whole. I can't say enough about the teaching that is in there. Anyway back to the blog...so fast forward a couple of months and busy and overwhelmed were becoming a norm. There was stuff coming to the surface on the inside and it wasn't nice coming out. I was about to hit a wall and I knew it. I am beyond thankful for people that speak life in when I'm headed to a wall and don't just add to it. I am usually pretty easy to read lately....If I'm quiet, I'm probably thinking about something which means the turtle shell mode is close. I've also learned there is a truth volcano side that comes out and it's not always truth in love. It happens to all of us at some point... for me I'm learning is usually a coping mechanism that keeps me from crying in front of others. Just being real....I'm learning grace for myself and over the last week or so am learning more and more to love others like He does means all people. Love without expecting anything in return and trust God for the return.....(which is so contrary to the flesh...which is good cause that means it's going to take Him).  Grace for ourselves means knowing that we are going to fall at some point, but as I heard a couple of weeks ago...stay away from the edge so that when you do fall, you are at a place where you can get back up. Sometimes I wish I had a light on the outside of me that said anxiety in progress, proceed with grace and love. You may be thinking well yeah I wish I had one too but not with anxiety with________. My word on that is, give yourself grace first and press through. It may take a couple of days to see what's really going on, but at some point ...the "get up" rises up on the inside of you and you find yourself pressing through the crowd to get to Jesus. (Yep that's one of the blogs coming).

We all have that thing/place/event, that has created wounds over the years. Some of the wounds may have already gone through the healing process and scars have formed. Some of your wounds may have been like mine and I had band-aids on them (made from duct tape if you ask me). It wasn't until I started the Freedom journey in a small group this Fall that I realized just how many band-aids I had. I knew I had some roots from a couple of things that God and I needed to deal with, but it wasn't until Freedom  that I saw what was under the band-aids and it wasn't pretty. I feel like I've been on this digging process for almost two years now and that's a blog to come about the visual God showed me on that. 

Stay with me for a minute, I'm about to wrap this up. As long as the band-aids stay on, healing can't take place. Some of those band-aids may have been on for awhile, to the point you don't even realize(or remember) what's underneath. God knows though...and He longs for you to walk in a place where your heart is not only whole, but healed. To get to that point though, you have to let Him take the band-aids off. Once that happens ...healing can begin. (Hear my heart I know it's not easy when they come off...getting real with God and yourself about what's on the other side of those places is painful, but necessary). God wouldn't bring your mess to view if He wasn't wanting you to see the message He was writing from it.  When you take off what you wanted to cover those places with, He can cover them with what He intended all along..Him. Reality moment...it's vulnerable to be in that transparent spot of band-aids off. You feel raw and exposed. We'll talk about getting over that wall in another blog about truth. Picture time: In the physical, oxygen brings healing to the wound. When the band-aid is off, the wound can breathe and start the healing process. In the spiritual, it's God's breath that brings healing to the wound. It's His breath that brings life back to the place that was tender to the touch. (Ya'll I about had a shout on that one tonight). 

Small group wraps up next week with Conference which is when part 2 of this will come. I also have a few more posts in between. God doesn't bring about restoration for you to keep it to yourself. The word over and over that He keeps telling me is it's a ripple effect. He works in you so He can work through you. There is a world out there inside the church and outside the church waiting to hear the praise attached to your victory. 

"My Weapon will be My Sound"

Taking a break from posting after this one for a couple of weeks. God's writing one called The heart without band-aids that is going to take some focus.

Last night I was trying to go to sleep and the usual Sunday night anxiety and overwhelmed was flooding my mind. We are off all week, so this shouldn't have been a normal case. I even had one of those anxiety-filled dreams of someone breaking in (and I had watched Christmas movies before I went to bed...so who knows). It was at that point I started praying and rebuking the thoughts...but it took a while to press through. I should have gotten up and gone to my prayer closet...but lesson learned. I was praying but not out loud. Y'all there is something to be said for praying out loud. There is a power tied to our vocal cords that silence the things that need to be hushed. Even if it's just a whisper....there is a power that is unleashed when we take our praise, our prayer, our thanksgiving to another level and speak it. It's more than just a thought at this point, it's a weapon... 

This morning God woke me up with one of my favorite praise and worship songs and the lines that say "My feet on the battleground. My weapon will be my Sound. I will not be silent, my song is my triumph". It was like God was going.."hello Child remember your victory is tied to your voice"  What needs to be unlocked with a shout of your praise? The walls of Jericho fell on the seventh time around with the shout from their voices. This is the year of Restoration....enough said. We are nearing the end of this year, this season....what walls still need to come down? Open up your mouth and let the shout out. 

Sometimes obedience doesn't make sense in the moment. Sometimes the feet are stuck to the floor not because you need the breakthrough right then (you know God will meet you in the prayer closet later...), but you don't know whose breakthrough could be tied to your obedience, to your unsticking of the feet and just taking the first step. We were meant to live lives for an audience of one period. That means everything we do, say, think etc. should be for Him, as an act of worship. Quit worrying about what others are going to say and let the power out that He's placed on the inside. When you stand before God one day...you are the only one that has to account for what you did or didn't do. God forgive me for the moments I excused or reasoned away and should have moved. Our actions should be in reaction to Him and Him alone. (That was a word for me, but anyway...if it's for you feel free to take it too). 

Let's be His Hands and Feet this season to all people. Your weapon is your sound, it's in your voice. You don't know who needs you to speak life into them this season, who needs to not only know you are praying for them but to hear (or read) what you are praying. Let's quit being comfortable and doing things how we have always done it....and be moveable when He says move. He's got a work to be done....and a world that needs to know the One who has already won the battle.