Status-less

If you are a Facebook friend you may have noticed that I have been a little quiet lately. The turtle has gone inside it's shell for now. What led up to this status break? A little too much feeling and not enough listening. I love what I do, please understand that, but this year hasn't started off easily and is lacking the ease that usually comes by now. A part of who I am: is giving of myself whole heatedly to something(some call it giving 110%). Well in years past that meant giving to around 10-15 kids, but this year the number has grown. Yes that means more to impact etc., but if I am being honest you can only give yourself to so many before you have nothing left to give. So I have had about 3 weeks if the what about me's and the but it's not fair until I think He got irritated with me.( just like a parent who tells a child something repeatedly...you still love them but you so wish they would listen to you instead of doing it the hard way). I have questioned whether I am even making a difference and told God more than once how unfair it was, how I just wanted something that was mine and to be a part of something. to belong somewhere. ***side note before I move on...I am not perfect and don't claim to be. I want to represent Him well, but some days the flesh(aka feelings) screams louder and wins. This life is a journey. Some days we are walking along and some days we are stuck on the path and not sure when we are getting up. It's life and no matter how much I would rather just leave the turtle in it's shell, sometimes the turtle's journey(thoughts and feelings and all) can help someone out.

So Monday I finally heard Him when He said "Are you done yet?" I was like done with what? See I thought I was trusting Him with all of this, until He showed me that as long as I was still talking about(be it a status on facebook etc.) I hadn't let go completely. He can't work as long as we are trying to. He knows me so well, that He knows I keep trying longer than I probably should.(FYI He knows your heart....talking about something to a friend for prayer or to confide is one thing, talking about something because you want to have a pity party is another). He knew my heart and He knew that I was letting this stuff defeat me more than I should.  Staying quiet unlocks a key to an amazing power(caution: the more determined you are to stay quiet and let Him work the more the enemy is going to try and mess with you(be it thoughts or people asking you how are you?). Has this been easy? NO! Have I done a great job? No, I've fallen down this week, but I've gotten back up. It's not about how much you fall down, but about how many times you get back up. Has anything really changed in my week? Only my reaction. There comes a time when you realize all you can do is the best you can do. He will do the rest. You have to take care of you along the way(if you don't who will?) Value yourself enough to take care of His princess(or prince).

I may stay status-less for awhile longer(no I'm not leaving facebook altogether, just being mindful of what I post). My goal in life is to show Him, if not in the walk, then at least in the falling down and getting back up. Has anything changed this week? Only my reaction and the way I try to handle it. Am I still learning this process? Yes(still falling down and getting back up). So if you have a situation that you have asked God to change more than once and it doesn't seem like things are getting any easier(in fact they may be getting worse), get quiet....chances are God wants to change YOU!
Until next time..........