You are not an island

You are not an island otherwise known as Melissa had better blog or she is going to EXPLODE!!

Disclaimer first, I am so thankful that I've learned to sort out what I feel versus what I know and regardless of those feelings I know that at the end of the day as long as He is happy that is all that matters. That being said, I'm still flesh and still have to think out loud some days and that only causes me to doubt myself more(lesson in that think out loud with Him first). I'm tired of apologizing for what He put down inside of me and letting the enemy tie me up(see Matthew 12:29). God is not the author of frustration, confusion, or doubt(Hello brain do you get that yet????). God knows what I need and when He's ready the pieces will fall into place, that being said I'm trying really hard not to get ahead of Him but I'm such a planner and so impatient at times. I'm learning that if I miss Him, He always knows where to find me. I'm convinced it may be better to just stand still and take the pressure of the storm instead of trying to walk or move forward. Sometimes it looks like the rain is pouring down so hard that you can't see where you are going, those are the times when you just have to stand still and wait for it to pass. Some days when your mind feels like things are coming one right after another, its important to just stand still and wait for Him to whisper through. The rain is not going to last forever and the sun will come out again. There is a rainbow on the other side in due time. Feelings will mess you up, they can cause you to doubt yourself and cause you to feel discouraged and down in the dumps. It takes discipline to push through the feelings and do what you know what you should do. It takes that same discipline to not drive through Krispy Kreme when the HOT sign is on and purchase a dozen when one will suffice. It's that scripture that talks about knowing the good you should do and not doing it. (Side note...DO not, I repeat DO NOT listen to the enemy when he throws the condemnation up in your face when you mess up. God loves you despite the mess ups and He forgives and forgets). So forgive yourself when He does and FORGET about it. (Easier said then done I know...). I know I must make Him laugh most days because I collect baggage throughout the day and then dump it on Him at night after I've exhausted myself carrying it through the day. I must start dumping it on Him when it starts, which takes practice and discipline and I'm learning.

I know this isn't the typical blog, hope you got something out of it anyway. I'll be back soon with a more inspirational piece ;-) I hope you can see though as the title says You are not an island. I wish you could see inside with what I sort out some days, I'm still learning and in the molding process. I'm a lot happier with me than I used to be, and I'm growing in being okay that other people aren't. I'm letting go of that people pleasing mess, not as fast as I would like, but progress is progress. I know God has gifted me in some areas and I struggle with that because the world I live in wants me to be a cookie cutter. I just want to be me and I want others to see the value in the me He made me to be and not the me they expect me to be. I'm learning to be patient and to sow seeds. I've learned that sometimes its the storms that water those seeds. He'll make them grown in due season.

Have an amazingly blessed week! More to come soon I promise ;-)

It's just another 18 wheeler in the road

Sometimes we quote Romans 8:28 and Genesis 50:20 until we are blue in the face. We look at these verses as our get out of jail free cards also known as nothing bad can happen to me because I'm saved now etc. We have to remember what the word also says about our enemy, He really is roaming around seeking whom he may devour. If you haven't figured it out yet, the enemy wants you dead short and sweet. Some days he will use whatever means to achieve that, even an 18 wheeler in the road.

Over my 29 years I have had two days thus far, that have really rocked my core and my world. One of those was when my sister passed away, the other was July 1, 2010. The last 365 days have been a journey, some better than others. I have done my best to always wear that smile because I felt like that was what I should do(but that is a whole other blog). Most of this journey has been between me and God, because I knew He understood. There came a point though where I knew I had to have a word to start moving forward. That word was from Exodus 33:22 that says When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Have you ever had a verse just hit you like a ton of bricks? This was one of those for me. (***Side note, if you are reading this blog and you have NO idea what happened July 1st, google The Bowling Family bus crash). I wasn't in Exodus that day, but He led me to that verse and I just cried for awhile. See so many times we question God when things happen to us, we ask Him why and wonder why He didn't stop it. God knows us better than we know ourselves and He knows the enemy as well. I truly believe the enemy seeks after those he's scared of, but I digress.

That day we were truly put in a little cleft of the rock and covered by His hand. There was a greater war at place that day, greater things going on that no one on that bus could even see. God was up to something that only He knew about it. God kept us all safe that day. Sometimes safe doesn't always mean without scars, but safe means able to recover and move on. God knew that even with the bruises and scars, that He would get the glory. See when man looked at the pictures of the wreck, it didn't make sense. A lot of things that happened that day, defied the laws of physics, but that's God. He doesn't always do things that make sense. Can I tell you why things happened that day? Why no, but I know this regardless of how I felt that day(how I still feel about that day), He's used it for His good.

There are some days when my scars still hurt(especially with the weird weather we have had lately), but I have learned that meaning of the verse for when I am weak, He is strong. Sometimes its our scars that keep us moving forward, reminding us of where we have been, and what He has done for us. It's those scars that remind of us of the plan He has for our lives because we are still here for them to hurt ;-) Things could have turned out very differently last July 1st, but I am so thankful they didn't. I'm thankful God covered us with His hand that day, kept us safe, and has seen each of us through every day since. The journey hasn't been easy and at times it's been down right tough, but His grace is simply amazing.

Some of you may be wondering about the title of us this blog. Well along with the verse came those words from Him one day when I was no doubt telling Him(very frustratedly I'm sure) about something that I wanted Him to fix. He very calmly said that's just another 18 wheeler in the road. See I'm not the same person I was when I climbed on the bus that day. When you live through one of those days that shake your world, your faith, the core of who you are, God does something(and He is very nice to remind you of it;-)) His words were a reminder of how He had taken us through something in ours eyes that was HUGE, so why shouldn't I trust Him to take care of this little thing? Maybe you have had one of those days that has rocked your world, maybe you even still have scars that remain from that day....He took care of you then, and will take you through this. Did He say it would be easy? Well no, but working out and developing physical muscles isn't easy either. We tend to focus on those little things so much, but it is in the journey that the muscles are developed. When we take our eyes off of the hurt and keep them where they are supposed to be, we get a little stronger every day. Life is tough and honestly it doesn't seem to be getting any easier.It's our choice what we do with those 18 wheelers(those things in our lives that our thrown in our path from the enemy to mess us up).  They are life changing if we'll let Him work it out, otherwise we may find ourselves going around that same old mountain yet again.

It's just another 18 wheeler in the road I heard Him say one day,
so I closed my eyes to the day ahead and held on to His hand.
It wasn't what I wanted, but then again pain never is
I asked Him why and He just smiled and put His hand over it.
He took what He could away and helped me through the rest
Because sometimes you see it's the pain that makes us grow.

I know this is has been a longer than usual blog, but it's been a long 365 days. God has been amazing each step of the way. I truly believe He looked down the road that Thursday in July and saw what the enemy had thrown in our way. Then He moved as only He could and covered us. God never promised the road would be easy and that life would always go our way, but He did promise He'd be with us each step and that day He was. He took that 18 wheeler in the road, that thing the enemy wanted to mess us up with, and turned it around for His glory.

Taking the mask off for a minute

I finally typed out the 18 wheeler in the road blog...it will post tomorrow. I don't know if it's just the upcoming anniversary of that day or the fact that I'm at the beach, but it always causes me to look in for awhile. I think I can hear Him better through the waves or just by looking at His amazing awesomeness(not sure if it is a word, but it fits) every day. Isn't it funny that we can look at the mountains, the beach, or a starry night and go wow God when we look at what He's created, but we can look in the mirror and criticize every little detail about something else He has created. Hmm...

The last year has been a journey, I've learned a lot about myself, some I would like to forget. Most of all though I've learned I'm stronger than I ever thought I was. Why do we let others dictate how we feel about ourselves so much? Why do we let what He says about us be the last thing we care about and or listen to? Why do we let our feelings mess us up so many times? I've learned that I must make God laugh some days, because I'll get so upset about something someone said or didn't say, and then come crying to Him at night and want Him to put it back together. I think after the fifth or sixth time it was like okay child enough is enough. We have got to be confident in who we are in Him first, and second who He created us to be. If we keep trying to compare ourselves to someone else, we aren't being fair to that amazing creation that looks at us in the mirror each day. He didn't just close His eyes and go there she is, He took time in putting each and every little part together. We are treasures. Just like diamonds in the rough, sometimes things need to be cut away or polished, but no two cuts are the same. Be who you are and quit apologizing for it!!

 I've also learned this past year to be real with those you trust and those who will love you regardless, for the rest of the world, put on that smile and do what you can for them through it. Not everyone in your world is a weathered friend, one you can truly pour your heart out to, one you can tell hey I'm hurting today and they will listen. Unfortunately we live in a what about me society, and too often we don't slow down long enough to really care about those around us. When you find one of those weathered friends(been there through it all), you find yourself able to be comfortable. There were days last year that I put on that smile regardless of how I felt, because I knew that was what was expected of me. Shocking as it may seem I am a turtle and I tend to hide in that outer shell and that plastered smile. Through those turtle days though I learned to crawl up in His lap, because regardless of what the day had held, I knew He loved me no matter what. We have to remember that truth and let that get us through some days. Forgive yourself as easily as He does.

Sometimes the journey is just about you and Him. We so long to hear good job, and I appreciate what you did from those with some skin on as I like to say, but how many times do listen when He says it? How many times do we do something for someone only to get something(hopefully in return)? He knows our hearts and He knows our motives. Do what He's told you to do regardless of what is in it for you. He has an incredible memory and trust Him to reap a harvest from the seeds you are sowing. This is still a daily struggle because my flesh still wants those reaffirmations. I'm learning(slowly) that He brings the encouragement you need when its time and sometimes its in places you least expect from people you may not even know.

The video below was a song going through my head sometime in the last week or so. Sometimes it is just me and Him, but those are the times when He gives you what you need to give out to others. He's good about drying tears, making Arthur(arthritis) behave, and saying I haven't forgotten when you feel like no one remembers what you did.

Thank you for letting me share a little from my heart on this blog. Most of what I put on my statuses on facebook or in these blogs are things He's told me or walked me through already. I don't have it altogether by any means, I still mess up more than I should, and some days well I'm pretty sure I make Him laugh when I try to do it my way. I've learned that my relationship with Him though is my most precious treasure, I love it when He whispers to me and I'm finally learning to slow down more so I don't miss anything. My prayer for you sweet reader is that through these moments along the journey, you'll not see me, but Him.

From the Files.......Walls

I'm not always sure who reads the blog, so I thought I would send out some from the files. Some of you may have seen this one, some may have not. He reminded me of this one last night when I came across the verse included at the bottom. We all have walls that we face, some on a daily basis, some on a weekly basis etc. Some of the walls we may get over easily and with grace, some may take some time and require just a little more strength than those in the past. It's our choice whether we let the walls stand in our way, or if we listen when He says.."Come on, let's get up and over this one."

Walls

 I was reading in Psalms in my quiet time tonight and came across something I just had to share.  I love watching the show “Flip that House”.  One of my favorite parts is watching them tear down the walls to change the layout of the house.  Sometimes they can easily tear the walls down, other times they have to demolish parts of the wall and leave the frame work intact to rebuild the wall.  Each wall requires a different approach.  We all have walls that are up in our lives.  Some of those walls exist in our minds caused by fear, worry, or something from our past.  Some of the walls exist simply because of circumstances and deadlines.  Some of the walls are there because of our choosing, because we allowed them to be built up over time, while other walls are there simply because God allowed for them to be built.  The reason for the wall doesn’t matter, as long as one thing remains the focus.  As Christians we have the power inside of us to overcome any obstacle, any test, and any wall that comes across our path.  He never promised us an easy road; He knew there would be walls that would come up in our paths.  Praise God though He did promise us that He would give us what we need each step of the way. 

Remember this week that no matter what wall you may be encountering whether it’s from your past, on the job, a family situation etc.  God has given you everything you need to scale that wall and go over to the other side full of victory.  There is a portion in the obstacle course on the show American Gladiators where they have to use a rope to scale a wall.  Tonight some of the people were struggling just to get over even with the help of the rope.  They just didn’t have the strength they needed to scale the wall.  Don’t allow the enemy to let you feel defeated just because you encounter a wall up in your path!  God has already gone before you and has given you the power to be victorious each step of the journey.  You are a precious child of the Most High and there is nothing He wouldn’t do for you.

Walk in victory this week and claim the promises found in His word!   

I saved the best for last, something to claim this week as you encounter the walls in your path:  Psalms 18:29 …. “With my God I can scale a wall” He has given you everything you need to overcome any obstacle!  When you feel you can’t do it, just hold on, He’s there to push you up and over.

Confident...who me?

I've read Joyce Meyer's The Confident Woman more times than I can count and the new devotional by the name has been my companion this year, but some days I tackle what comes my way not feeling a bit of it. I know that may surprise some of you ;). I've grown a little over the last year or so, but I am much more comfortable being that behind the scenes support person than the one out front. I've growing through it though and realizing I can do the out front thing too. As women I think we struggle with lack of confidence because of the society we live in and because of each other. We compare ourselves to each other and judge ourselves by what we think we should look/act like. God's been preaching at me all year to love myself like He does, well I'm closer than I was yesterday on that journey(but not there yet). I've often known God trusts me more than I trust myself and honestly He has more confidence in me as well. Confidence is not about feeling you can do it, but in knowing He said you could. If He's put that desire in your heart and given you those gifts, He's going to help you get it done. I think lack of self confidence is something the enemy loves to get us with because if we don't believe we can do it, then we won't. I learned this week through some sweet time with Him that struggling with self confidence is just the enemy's way of saying he's scared of what a confident me could do. I guess I said all that to say, confidence is not always just a smile on the face. Some times we get so good at putting on our faces that we forget we just need to be real. Remember those that do for you and encourage them, chances are the one who is encouraging you may need encouraging themselves. Hold your head high, shoulders back, and as they say at the gym with your abs on, and walk knowing that regardless of how you feel He's got your back! God doesn't call you to do something when you feel like it, but to do it regardless. That is a truth I'm finally starting to grasp. I still struggle with confidence some days, but those days are becoming fewer and fewer. I know He's given me things that only I can do, people that only I can touch, and a work that only I can do. Now that's confidence ;-)

Side note: The first truth I gained on this confidence journey was knowing who I was in Him. Talk about making the enemy scared...when you realize who you are in Him and what He's going to help you do, YOU can do anything! You have to know who you are in Him, that He loves you know matter what, and regardless of how many times you knock yourself down(or let the world knock you down), He's going to be there to dust you off and pick you back up again.

So today despite how you may feel, know that He loves you and He has a plan for your life. On this journey to that plan though He knows you may fall down some, but He knows that each time you get back up, you get a little stronger. He also knows that at the end of each day, regardless of what kind of mess you may have made of it...you can ALWAYS crawl up in His lap and tell Him about it.

"I took care of the you then and I'll take care of you now"

I woke up yesterday and read the facebook news alert on the bus crash in Virginia . Some people were questioning why whnt would post something out of state, but I couldn't help but think back to 11 months ago. Some people hear about bus crashes in other states and don't pay attention to it, but for me my heart breaks for those who lost loved ones and for those that survived the crash. It's been 11 months (see picture article above) and I'm mindful of how God amazingly took care of each one of us that day. Just the mere fact that I can call each one that I was with that day and hug their necks is a blessing in itself. The recovery journey isn't over for some, but  normal is coming back and God is getting ALL the praise. More to come in another blog that is still yet to be finished, but God is almost done with "It's just another 18 wheeler in the road". The journey has been between me and Him mostly during these last 11 months, but He's been amazing, not that I always have;-) I'll stop now because I want to let Him finish it in the blog(s) that are still to come.

One last thing: (I have tried to type this "one last thing out multiple times" and it is just now coming..I can't help but think it is for somebody. So many times we go through things only to forget about it later on during our journey. Our God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He doesn't change(we are the ones that do!!). The title of this blog has been His word to me more than once over the last 11 months. He didn't bring you through whatever "big" thing you are going through, only to leave you now. That's not how He works, His timing is not always ours, but He always knows what we need when we need it. He knows how to put the people in place, He knows who needs to be where, and He knows just what time things are going to happen. He's not surprised, but He promises to keep you safe! Just trust Him and know He always starts what He finishes. So sweet reader, let Him remind you of the times He's taken care of you in the past(big and small), and remember that He took care of you then and He'll take care of you now. (As He likes to tell me I didn't get you through that day just to leave you on your own now;-))

God didn't say

God didn't say when He just said He could
God didn't say how He just said He would

God didn't say why He just said He'd always be there
God didn't say what He said I'll hear you when you pray

God didn't say who He just said whosoever which means YOU!

So many times we bring God our excuses, when He just wants us. He knows the days are hard, that people can be mean, and that sometimes we let our flesh get the better of us. That's where grace comes in and stands there ready and waiting for us to pick ourselves back up and say let's try this again!