Taking off the mask for a minute or two

Why is He writing this post so late tonight, I'll never know, but I haven't felt this strong of a type now in awhile. So here goes:

I love this season. I love what it stands for, I love what it brings out in people, and I love giving gifts and seeing the smiles on the receiver's face. That being said, this year the season has been different for me. I knew when we came back from Thanksgiving that things were going to be different, and I tried to "prepare" myself the best I could. I gave myself the pep talk and encouragement speech. I cried many tears to God over what I am sure seemed like little things and then I went on and tackled what came my way. Can I tell you it has NOT been easy? Am I where I am supposed to be for this season of my life? Pretty sure that's a yes(otherwise God would have moved me(He's good about opening and closing doors), but I wasn't prepared for this month. I came back after Thanksgiving determined to smile my way through it, but there has been many tears on the drive home. God's been faithful each step of the way. He always has a song or a verse something to keep me pushing forward. The right song and/or verse can keep you moving forward when all you want to do is to run back to comfortable. I miss the hustle and bustle in the classroom that I had last year, the doing Christmas crafts and going to Santa's village, the playing Chipmunks Christmas and singing along with the kids, the taking a class picture with Santa, the kids bringing in ornaments and hanging them on the tree. This year has been different, my December has been filled with paperwork instead of decorations and Christmas themed activities. I'm not sure I was ready for that mountain just yet, but here we are. That mountain stands before me each day, and I have a choice to make, do I slide back down when it gets tough, or do I let Him give me a push to the next rock? Thankfully, I've let Him push me so far, but believe you me it has not been easy. I haven't slid back down, but I've looked down and wondered how much easier it would be to slide back to comfortable and just have a pity party until we left for the beach. I am thankful that He has allowed us to spend the last three Christmases at the beach. New traditions make the time bittersweet, but enjoyable again. God's good and always will be.

My heart goes out to those who are looking ahead to their "first" Christmas without a loved one. I wish I could tell you the time gets easier, but there are still moments that make it seem like yesterday. It's been 13  years and this month is never "easy", but He's been good to carry when I get tired. So I press on with more paperwork and even though the days are not as I would have planned(or would like), I'm determined to be happy and to do what I can each day with where I'm at. The mountain only seems tall when you look at it through fearful eyes. Determination takes one look and says, let's get climbing. I know the next few weeks are still going to be tough, one day at a time, but determination and peace can go along way when the enemy shows up with other things. The enemy can only defeat you, if you forget Who's holding you. If you are in your first season, please know that you are in my prayers. With time, new traditions emerge and a new normal, and sweet memories will make you smile all season. Cherish each day!

Thanks for letting me take the mask off for a minute or two ;-) I don't know why He wanted this typed so late, but He has a plan I'm sure. The song below is from my Nashville family and it has been running through my head all month...It's one of those songs that keeps you moving forward

~Until next time ~