Sunday, December 11, 2011

When God writes a friendship.......

I have hinted that this blog was coming, and decided to go ahead and post it now. It's longer than most, but it takes time to tell a story(and this was one of my first.) 

I originally had titled this one Joy Through the tears in the files, but this year God gave it a new title. So the writing is from the files(and it's one of my first so be forgiving ;-)).  This was written five years ago, it will be 13 years next week. If you read the earlier post about taking off the mask, this will explain why I have had some struggles this year. For anyone dealing with your first year anniversary, let the memories be what carries you through this season. God creates new traditions, new things, and you do find joy once again!! Yes there are moments that are hard, but I was reminded last night delivering Christmas presents to my wonderful Nashville family that despite the changes at work and the "feelings" that attached to those this year, God things are always the same. Everything that happens in our lives is for a reason, and some make us stronger than we could have ever imagined in time. When God writes a friendship, He does more than anyone could ever ask or imagine. At least I know He did for me ;-)

So now from the files:
Joy through the Tears

I still remember that day like it was yesterday. My parents were down in Birmingham with my sister who was having surgery. I had to stay at home because of finals.  I was a junior at Madison Academy. The morning in particular was Sunday five days before Christmas. I got up to get ready for church and put my less than a minute to nuke biscuit in the microwave.  I sat down at the phone ready to call my mom when I heard a knock at the door.

Looking back now I never realized how a simple sound would change my life forever.

I opened the door to see some adults from church. In my heart at that point I knew something was wrong.

Bless her heart, I don’t know how she did it, but she managed to get the words at that Pamela had passed away that morning.  I’m not sure exactly what happened after that.  All I remember was I was crying and I felt sick at my stomach. I knew I had to call my Madison Academy family and let them know.

At this stage in my life my school was like my second family more than even my church family. That’s an advantage to going to a Christian school.  I called three of them because in my mind if I could get the words out and tell someone else than maybe I would start to believe it myself.  It helped but still didn’t make the pain any easier.  I knew though that I was going to have to be strong for my parents when they got home.  My biggest regret and sinking feeling though was that I wasn’t down there too.

The house quickly became full of people coming and going.  The more I had time to let things sink in the more I couldn’t believe this was happening.  I just wanted to go to school and for life to get back to normal. 

That afternoon I went for a walk around the block.  I just needed some time to think by myself. Up until that point life had been easy.  I lived in a bubble up until that day, but on December 20, 1998, I knew more than just my physical reality would change.  On the walk around the block, I laid it on the line to God.  It was just Him and me out there.  I knew I was a Christian, but at that point in my life I never really had to live it out.  On that Sunday my relationship with God got kicked up a notch. I laid it on the line and basically said God I can’t do this without you.  I knew there was no way that I could get through this but to be in His arms.  He was going to have to carry me some.

During that walk this sweet sense of peace and joy came over me.  When I told God I needed Him to carry me I instantly felt like He was.  A song that we sang in chapel at school started going through my head: “The Joy of the Lord is my strength, I will not waiver walking by faith; He will be strong to deliver me safe, The Joy of the Lord is my strength.”

I wasn’t sure how this song came to play in my head, but I knew I wasn’t in control any more.  Only God could help me to have joy through all of the tears I was crying.

All things do work together for our good, they just don't always happen in our timing. God doesn't forget about you.  He is always aware of what you go through and how your heart hurts
Eight years ago this December, my little sister passed away.  She had been sick since birth, but this was very unexpected.  She was my only sibling and up until that time I had never lost anyone close.  I didn't know what to do.  I was in shock really.  I remember walking around the neighborhood that afternoon and found myself singing a song from school.  "The joy of the Lord is my strength, I will not waiver walking by faith, He will be strong to deliver my safe, The Joy of the Lord is my strength."  I know I wasn't very joyful feeling at that time.  Then Romans came to mind.  It was hard for my mind to comprehend how God was going to use this for my good, but I trusted Him.
A year and a half later I graduated high school.  My parents were strongly encouraged at that time to go on a vacation.  They hadn't been anywhere since my sister passed and they were both still having a hard time.  They knew they didn't want to be home when I was gone (I already had a senior trip planned at this time), so they decided to find something for that time frame.  They knew they wanted to go to a gospel sing, so they started looking through the Singing News.  They narrowed it down to two homecomings.  The deciding factor was how many artists were appearing that they recognized from the Gaither videos.  The homecoming they chose was a group I had NEVER heard of before in my life. They were going to a town in Kentucky called Beaver Dam for the Crabb Family Homecoming.  Well I wished them well and I went off to Disneyworld
They brought me home two CD's from the main group at Homecoming.  I was still not sure about this group.  The two CD's were Pray and Live from Kentucky.  I started listening to the CD's and was amazed.  I fell in love with this group and their music. I couldn't wait to go see them in person. I was hooked. That fall I saw them for the first time in Hanceville, Alabama. That only deepened my love for this group and their music. I saw them again the next year at this same venue. Their CD's lived in the CD player in my car. I was a fan that’s for sure.  The following year, 2002, I was able to go to my first Crabb Family Homecoming.  At this point I finally worked up the nerve to go talk to them and ask them for their autograph (at this point I had never said a word to them).  Homecoming that year opened my eyes to so many things.  God used that time to show me more of who He really was and what being in a room of anointed people felt like.  He also showed me what being real meant and what true worship was. I left there so pumped, yet sad because I didn't want to leave. A few weeks after that God placed a deep desire to pray for this precious family daily.  If their music could encourage me that much and being at one of their concerts could strengthen my walk with God, the least I could do is daily lift them up to Jesus.
From that point on I continued to go to concerts and support them.  I also continued to lift them up in prayer daily.  God is so awesome.  Since that Homecoming four years ago, I am blessed to say that I now call The Crabb Family my friends.  These people are so dear to me and so special.  I am not sure if they will ever know how much they mean to me.  They are always an email or a phone call away if I ever need anything. I feel truly blessed that God allowed our paths to cross.  God really does work everything out for our good.  We may not always be able to see how things are going to turn out, but if we are just patient and wait, its always something amazing.  Over the last few weeks God placed something in my heart.  When my sister passed away it left a huge void in my life.  It was something I could have tried to fill with other things of this world, but those wouldn't have filled the void.  I knew I had to let God fill it for any healing to take place.  Losing someone you love is never easy.  Sisters are precious.  God knew that void would have to be filled by something just as precious. Thank you Abba Father for placing The Crabb Family in my life.  I may not have my earthly sister here with me anymore, but God sent me more Christian brothers and sisters than I could ever imagine. 
 I have often found myself sometimes wondering what if my parents had chosen to go to that other Homecoming.  It's at that point I have to stop and thank God for working out His plan even when I didn't know what He was doing.  It's at the times in our life when we find ourselves going, how is this going to work out, where is your hand, that if we'll just sit back and be patient, the picture will turn out better than we could have ever asked for or imagined. (Ephesians 3:20)

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