Okay I know long time without any writing, but I can promise He's been writing so much. I'm walking out a journey finding who I am and learning to be okay with that. This is not a traditional blog post as far as devotional format, but it's just me writing for a little while and letting some things out. I keep a lot to myself. I've been burned one too many times when I opened up to other people, so I'm finally learning who I can trust and who I can't. I've learned who loves me for me and who loves me for what I can do for them/give them/or who they want me to be. A rare find is to find someone who loves you for you and doesn't want to change you in anyway shape or form.(Please note: someone with skin on is what I mean in this situation). I know that my Heavenly Father loves me for me no matter what. I promise you that reality is so, life-sustaining. I've finally got to the point in my journey when I know beyond a shadow of doubt where I stand in my relationship with Him. I'm harder on myself then He is, but I'm moving forward in the journey. Life is a journey and the more you get back up, the further you will walk on that journey. I think He smiles when regardless of our weaknesses(notice I didn't say flaws), we can look in the mirror(outside or inside) and see ourselves as He sees us. Trust yourself to listen when He says to walk this way, and listen when He says stop, and listen when He says I love you. Sometimes we keep going when God says rest. We stop when He says walk this way, and when He says I love you we go, but I've fallen down. No one is perfect, but when you can learn to walk in those strengths and gifts that you do have, while strengthening your weak areas(I refuse to call them flaws anymore.) you find that you smile through the day regardless of what is going on. Love God first and foremost, love yourself(not in a prideful sense, but like He loves you) and when those too are in place you will love others the way He loves them. I know some say JOY is Jesus first, others second, yourself last. I took that literal for too long and beat myself down when I didn't have to. There is more to me than some can see, more than some will ever see, and more than I could see at first. I'm so thankful for open eyes and being able to see through His for this season. There is a peace when you know He's got your back, and you grasp on to that truth and walk in it. It takes time, please understand it takes time. Most people will not understand when you start walking in this new freedom. Some will want that door mat back, that gossip ear, that "friend" who always took care of it when you forgot or were too lazy to do so. The only box, cookie cutter, that you were made to fit inside of is the one God made for you. When you try to fit into the box(or let someone else stuff you inside of it), frustration, discouragement, etc. tend to happen. As a Christian, we all have the seeds of the fruits of the Spirit inside of us. It takes time and a little water to help those seeds grow, but they will with time and attention. I've decided(well God told me) which fruit to focus on now. It's one of those it's time and I might as well quit ignoring the self control/discipline excuse monster that I have feed for the last two years. Okay I feel like I've rambled on this blog some, but I hope it made sense. Love yourself as He loves you, listen for His whispers on what to do, He'll tell you who to help and what to get involved in. When something happens, seek forgiveness and then FORGIVE YOURSELF. Often times we are harder on ourselves than anyone else is. Don't beat yourself up when you fall down, but get back up and keep walking forward. When you mess up, fess up, and then move on from it. Being a Christian doesn't mean you will never make mistakes, but it means you have someone to help you learn from them. You know better than anyone else what God has called you to do. Trust Him to show you which way to walk, and let Him take care of the explaining.
It's a new turn in the journey and I'm sure more blogs are on the way. He's just good like that ;-)
~Until next time,
Melissa
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