There are about three blogs in the works, but this is not one of them. The three in the works I assure you have some meat, but they are still being written. For now, I just need to write.
Today was the worst day I've had all month. It's like the enemy saw me get out of bed this morning, knew I hadn't slept much but had been up praying about a few things and said let's just see if she is ready for this. Well, I'm still trying to decide if I was ready for it or not...as of right now the vote is no. This has been a day from start to finish that I would rather forget, but over and over today I've asked God for a chance to put the pieces together. Pretty sure I was even begging at one point for fear that this day would be lost to all of the drama that had engulfed it.
Lesson learned over the last two days, I'm not apologizing for who I am anymore. I've spent way too many days apologizing for things about me that God has more than once told me are a part of who I am. I've aplogoized for haing a heart too big that cares too much, to which God said....that is all a part of my plan, just look how many I gave you to care about. I've apologized for being too passionate about things, to which God said...I'd much rather have you hot than lukewarm....hot I can mold and work with. I've apologized for for standing up for myself, to which God was like umm....serving and love do not mean being a doormat.
I've been the push over one too many times and it hit a point today. I have feelings, opinons, and am pretty good at what I do if I am just given a chance. At one point today, I had decided that I give up on a situation...to which I heard(when I got quiet....don't give up when the adversary says to give in..)Hmm....
One truth:: The more you seek after God, the more the enemy seeks after you. This is so true! The more you set out to live out what God has called you to do, the more others are going to seek to tear you down. The devil(who is a liar by the way), will do what he can to wear you down. Be careful, be careful, be careful, be careful who you surround yourselves with and who you listen to. Hear my heart on this, I've learned the hard way. There are those in your life who love you for you and those that love what you do. Learn the difference before you decide what to do.
Believe in yourself and the power that you have within you. It is greater than what anyone says and can defeat any pity party(TRUST ME ;-)). God loves you for you and He always will. Now take that love and leave that mess with Him. Some days you just need to crawl up in His lap, cry a few tears, and have Him remind you He's got you and all of the pieces. Sweet reader, stay close to Him because you are about to mount with wings like an eagle and FLY!!
I hope some of this made sense and there were a few nuggets hidden within. I still have three blogs to write later, but tonight I just needed to write. Today was a day where I have felt worn to the bone and honestly felt horrible all the way around. We all have days like that...but on those days I challenge you with something He challenged me with. Ask Him to show you the God things in the day? He will show you. It makes those tears of passion, those feelings of being two inches tall because of the lack of respect, appreciation, and voice seem worth it. You defeat yourself more than anyone else does. You can't let someone else's treatment of you dictate how you feel about what you do. This is beginning to sink in. We all want those outward signs of appreciation and those outward signs of making a difference, but some times God calls us to a season between just us and Him. Times when you have to rely soley on seeing things through His eyes to keep doing what you are doing. It's a difficult season and often lonely, but oh so sweet. Believing in yourself is half the battle, be the princess He made you to be and just do what He's called you to do. Know His word and line it up with that, as long as they match keep walking forward.
Until next time,
~Melissa
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