Monday Musings....(thoughts and reflections from the heart...)

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately(probably too much on some days), but anyways. This time of the year always makes me reflective. Tomorrow we have a work day and at the end of the day, year 8 will be a wrap. The lessons learned in this school year which was just 187 working days are more than I could fill a book with. Some of the lessons I learned willingly, some I had to learn the hard way. With that being said, I didn't know how strong I was until this year. If you know me and know about some of what I've been through prior to this year, that may seem like an off statement. Hear my heart for a minute....sometimes it is much easier to trust God and walk with Him through the big stuff then to let go of the little things and just walk with Him period. That's been the theme for this year. Getting out of the boat and just staying focused on where my focus should be. I wish I could tell you I've passed the test, that I walked on the water with Him more than I sank, but I haven't. I'm still along way from where I need to be, but I'm also a long way from where I used to be....that would make me stuck in the middle ;-) (That's a blog for another day). I am my own worst critic and some days I can feel my way through the moments with the best of them. I am also my own biggest cheerleader and some days I can follow my way through the moments with Him. He's bringing me to a place of being steady, but it takes a lot of letting go. Letting go is not just words to say, but it is steps to be made. That thing we are trying to carry around isn't heavy if we leave it at His feet.

I prayed several times this year for God just to fix the situation, to change things, but instead He changed me. This journey is a walk of trust and some days we may want to feel our way through, but if we stop for a minute and listen His heartbeat will guide us each step of the way. I love though that He knows me so well. He knows the days I'm going to want to feel my way through and the days when I just want to stay put. He knows just what makes my heart anxious and what causes worry to creep into my thoughts. He never leaves us on this trust walk. Think about it....If we didn't have something that we needed to turn over to Him, something in our lives that we couldn't figure out, something that made our hearts anxious...would we talk to Him as much as we do? He wants to get us to the point where we give our all to Him, we give Him the day before anything ever happens. Oh how my heart knows I trust Him, but my head has days when I have to remind it (over and over!). Claim His promises for your life and watch the words you speak over your own day. So many times(yep this was an ouch for me too) we speak words over our day that allow the enemy a way in. Instead we should speak a blessing over our day and over the events of the day regardless of what the schedule says. Think of it this way...Speaking a blessing over your day is like putting duct tape on a crack. God can heal a day before it ever begins if we keep our hearts focused on Him. 

God's been peeling back some layers over the last couple of months. If you have never had this happen, it hurts. Ask Him to point out some of those work still in progress areas when it's just you and Him. I wasn't prepared when we had our first talk, but the second time around has been a little easier. God doesn't want us to grow comfortable in this world we live in. Over the years too many Christians have grown comfortable and have become complacent over some things. We have let our focus shift off of what God says and excused or reasoned it away with what the world says is "normal". 

One last thought and this is a question He posed to me last night. If God has planted a dream inside of you....don't let it die! He is growing it day by day and the time is coming when it will bloom for the world to see. Don't let what other people say or how they treat you affect your seed. Protect it with everything you have and know that one day the bloom will be there. It may not make sense now because it is just a seed, but when it blooms...everyone will see in time. Don't rush the process, because God's timing is perfect. It takes patience and season changes, but He makes all things work together. So back to the question He asked last night: "Why are you settling for a caterpillar when I told you, you could be a butterfly." Keep growing and when it's time watch God do what only He can do! 

Stay focused on the journey,

~Melissa 

Making a Difference

I started off this week pumped and ready to tackle the last week of school. I now feel like the last week of school may have tackled me. This has been a LONG week period, but Friday has finally arrived. The end of the week and the end of the school year have both finally come. Time has flown. Some weeks truly felt like they took forever, but looking back now they went faster than I realized. So many times when we feel our way through the week we may feel like it is taking longer than it should. It's not really. Time goes by quicker than we think. When it's gone, it's gone. Today is a gift from God to you. Did you open it and enjoy the present? or Are you complaining because it's not wrapped the way you thought it should be(or better yet the way you envisioned it to be)?

Honesty check for a minute: We are all tasked with making a difference each and every day. Our choice is whether that difference is going to be a positive one or a negative one. The difference will be made, but you decide the effect you will have on it. God has been dealing with me over the last couple of weeks(this week particularly) about this whole concept. I can start the day without the intentions of letting Eeyore show up, but by the end of the day Eeyore is there and Tigger is no where to be found. Let's face it, this dying to flesh truth is HARD. If you find someone that says it is easy, send them my way. Some days I can push through anything and some days I can't push myself forward.  The hardest thing is to pour yourself into a day and at the end of it not know whether all of that pouring made a difference. I've learned over the years doing what I do that sometimes you have to keep pouring even though you can't see that the glass is getting full. We feel like giving up because we have poured all we can into the container, but if we can step back and see the container through God's eyes we would see there is still more pouring to be done. The flesh wants to hear thank you and to feel appreciated. Sometimes you have to just trust Him that you are making a difference in what you do otherwise He would move you. The hardest thing is to bloom where you are planted and then step back to see the bloom. We concentrate so much on taking care of what needs to be done that we lose sight that the flower is starting to grow. In time it will bloom...don't be so busy that you miss it.

Where is all this coming from? Well that long week has really had me thinking. (Not sure when in the middle of the paperwork I found the time, but anyway). God asked me a question tonight and it left me speechless. My heart knew what answer I needed to say, but my head said what I was feeling. Are you doing what you do so I'll notice He asked or so they'll notice? If we truly live our lives for an audience of One and do what we do because He cares, the rest will fade away. It won't matter when we don't hear a thank you. It won't matter that the list keeps growing. It won't matter when someone else gets to put the lid on the container that you have poured yourself in to. It won't matter because we will be focused on Who does matter. I'm not there yet. I'm making progress, but some weeks the steps are smaller than others. My flesh still wants to hear a thank you and to know that my efforts have made a difference, but that doesn't always come.  It's in those moments we have to let Him whisper that He noticed. We have to stay focused on the One who can not only move mountains, but He can open doors we never dreamed. He knows how we feel. He knows what it is like to move a mountain and make a difference for someone without ever hearing a thank you. Remember when He healed the ten lepers, only one came back to thank Him.

Do what you do sweet reader not because anyone else is noticing but because He is. You make the biggest difference just by being who He has called you to be. When you sow love, the harvest you will reap is endless. The more the enemy tells you that you aren't making a difference, the more you need to smile and know that you are. After all, why we he be trying to make you doubt yourself?

You make a difference each and every day!
Focused on the journey,
~Melissa

Sunday reflections......

Today has been a good day from start to finish. I love days when God just whispers I've got this, enjoy the day and He shows it to you with everything that happens. We often times get too caught up in what needs to get done that we forget to just be. I'm thankful today that He was my God and I could just be me. I didn't try to figure it out, I just enjoyed the moments as they came. Don't get so caught up in the what of the moment that you forget to enjoy the moment. Life will pass you by while you are crossing things off of your list if you aren't careful.

As I sat down tonight and was journaling about today, God was continuing to whisper. Worship was precious today. It was one of those moments when you want to just push pause and sit for awhile. I can recall a few of them over the years at various places in my life and they are precious memories. I asked God the question again tonight that I've asked Him after each one....why couldn't I just stay in that moment for awhile? I imagine that may have been how Moses might have felt when He was up on the mountain with God. He probably didn't want to leave that time with God and go back and deal with the people. How many times do we just want to stay in that moment or on that mountain with God and not get back to life or a routine? It's that time on the mountain or in that God moment that enable us to carry on with our routine. It's in those times when He says you asked for a full cup, but I am going to make it overflow. When life starts coming at you and it will, get still for a moment and let Him whisper...remember.


Sweet reader, only God knows what your week holds. Yes, you may know what is on your to-do list, written in your calendar, and planned for each day. He knows what the week holds. The people you will come in contact with, the opportunities that will come your way, and the moments that will be yours to treasure. Today is a gift that only happens once. Treasure it and make the most of it. Let Him be in charge of your to-do list. Sometimes if we take a step back and let Him finish what He has started to tell us and/or show us, we'll find He's answering everything we asked Him to. Sometimes we miss His answers because we are so focused on our answers. Don't run from something just because it starts to "feel" uncomfortable. The fire you may be feeling may be God ordered and ordained to take you to the next level with Him.

The chains that were broken on Sunday are gone. Step into Monday with a smile on your face knowing that You are a child of the Most High and He's got this :-) I know I will be!

Focused on the journey,
~Melissa

All at Once lessons

Excitement may  help you start the race, but it takes determination to finish the race. It takes determination when nothing seems to be going your way to know that no matter what He still is. It takes determination and a faith that can't be put into words to know that when it looks like you are failing, God is at His strongest. God's been at His strongest this week, because I have been at my weakest. Sadly though I'm afraid I felt my way through a couple of moments this week instead of just walking through. (Pretty sure that means I'll have a test with that again, but anyways). Trust doesn't mean you feel your way through the darkness scared with each step, it means you walk where the light is shining because you are looking ahead not to the side. 

I got distracted this week and with that I got discouraged. I am realizing now the two go hand in hand. When we take our eyes off of the One where they should be and focus on ANYTHING else, we are distracted from our true purpose and calling in life. Too much time spent focused on the distractions leads to discouragement. Been there done that this week, trust me.... I ended up being sick over some of those distractions. God wants our focus to stay on Him despite what else is going on in our world. This takes time and practice. We may not always feel like we passed the test, but if we learned a nugget of truth that we can take into the next test then we have made progress. 

When it seems like everything is coming at your all at once, it probably is. That seems to be the enemy's best tactic. The devil doesn't play fair and the more determined he knows that you are, the more he will through at you. Think back over your last couple of weeks, I think we have all had one of those weeks when it seems like EVERYTHING came at once. Everything means something different to each person, but we all have our own this and that's of life. If you are quiet for a moment, He'll let you in on what yours are.

So here are a few of the all at once lessons I learned this week:

• Take care of you so you can take care of what God has called you to do. So many times we put ourselves at the end of our to-do list feeling that is the "Godly" thing to do when He never intended it that way. If you don't take care of you, you can't do what He has planned. Make time to pour back into you(physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally).  
• Busy does not always equal best. Learn the difference in being busy and being fruitful. God didn't call you to live a life on the hamster wheel spinning in circles. Start cutting out things that aren't lining up with what He has called you to do and more important with who He has called you to be. 
• Sometimes God makes sure the person never answers the phone or text, because He wants you to lean on Him and Him alone for the pep talk/strength you need. 
• There is a different between friend and acquaintance. Learn it and save yourself some heartache. 
• Don't wait on God to open the doors if you aren't at least walking toward it. (In other words, do your part and He will do His). 
• God gives grace and strength for this thing called today. He will give you what you need for tomorrow's tasks when it becomes today. Don't try to handle tomorrow's problems or even yesterday's issues today. Today is a gift of it's own and will give you enough to handle. Think back to the story of the Israelites and the manna. Don't try to store up strength and grace for tomorrow's issues today. 

I'm learning the older I get the more thankful I am for people in my life who love me for me. Treasure those people and pour into their lives as much as you can! They are truly Godsends. God called you where you are for a season. During that season, learn all you can from the lessons that come your way, but most of all love. When this life comes to a close and we stand before God one day, God is going to ask how we did with what mattered most to Him. He knows we all have impatient days, but He knows our hearts. At the end of your day, ask yourself two questions....1. Did you love all you could? 2. Did you do your best at everything that came your way? God simply asks us to love others and to give today our all like we are doing it for Him. Let your to-do list line up with His....I'm a work in progress, but I'm moving forward. A couple of years ago God whispered something during the height of IEP season, I'm going to ask you about people not paperwork. Yes paperwork is part of the job, but people is part of His call. Keep it in perspective! 

Moving forward on the journey,

~Melissa 

How quickly we forget?

So I celebrated a birthday a couple of days ago and made myself a promise. I promised that year 32 was going to be different. Well that promise didn't even last 72 hours. How thankful I am that even though I quickly forget, He does not. How thankful I am for His gentle reminders of grace, mercy, and trust. So here's to a restart and staying focused on how He feels and not how I feel. 

How quickly we start to stress about something when He has already promised us He has this. How quickly we question and wonder if He is going to move in a certain situation, when He has moved every other time before when we asked. How quickly we forget that confidence doesn't mean we can do anything, but that He can do everything. 

God's decree was simple....love. He didn't say we had to understand it, He just said do it. He didn't say others would give it back in return, but He said He would. We let what others think, say, and do mean more to us than it ever should. I love something I saw on Facebook this weekend. It was a quote that said there are over 7 billion people in the world and you are going to let one mess up your day. In short...don't. It's not worth it. What you do to others is what you will have to answer for, but in the same regards what they do to you is what they will have to answer for. We trust God to protect us from what we consider big things(tornadoes, car wrecks etc.), why shouldn't we trust Him to protect us from anything else the enemy may send our way. God really does have this all under control if we have asked Him to take care of it. He doesn't need a reminder set on an electronic device to remind Him to take care of something. 

How quickly we forget that God loves us more than we could ever lover ourselves. He made us with a heart like no one else and it hurts Him when we feel like we need to apologize for that. Be who He made you to be period. Don't set your expectations so high that they are higher than His. So many times we expect more out of ourselves and push ourselves to a limit that even He hasn't asked us to do. That's when we end up stressed, physically ill, and frustrated. Take the day as it comes, He has given you the grace for that day nothing more, nothing less. So many times we worry about what tomorrow brings(a meeting or something on the calendar etc. ) that we lose sight of and make a mess out of the gift of today. 

Walking on this journey,

~Melissa 

This is Me ;-)

Sometimes I think I post too many on the other side posts and not enough in the middle ones. So here is a just me post in honor of birthday week. This is an honest post...

I'm a Princess, Daughter of the Most High. I am loving some grace because I fail Him daily. Some days I can pop right back up after I'm down and other days it takes a little longer. Some days I need His help just to find my balance again. Most days though I find myself somehow by the end of the day ready to crawl up in His lap and have Him tell me what only He can. I make Him smile at least once a day and I'm pretty sure I make Him laugh too. He loves me despite my questions and has learned to use them for His purpose. I was raised in a private Christian school and would not trade it for a minute. I had teachers and friends who loved me for me and that foundation has helped make me who I am today. I knew I was overweight growing up, but never realized it mattered to anyone until I was out of high school. In my little bubble back then I was loved and accepted for what was on the inside, so finding that most of the world cared about the outside only was troublesome. I have recently lost some weight and finally looked at myself in pictures last month and could say I'm pretty.  God already knew that though and loved me regardless. My life changed about 15 and half years ago when my sister passed away. She was born with special needs, but it was still unexpected. That started a journey I would never wish on anyone. Before that day I was never sure I had a testimony per say as most did. I mean I was a good girl that went to church and a Christian school. God started writing my testimony that day as I started walking my first test with Him. I had been a Christian since I was nine, but that one day it was just me and God. As I walked around the neighborhood to clear my head, the God I knew from Bible stories began making Himself real in a whole new way. My faith was becoming my own.

My mouth used to get me in trouble at school when I was growing up. I laugh at it now, but I was a straight A student who never according to the report card could control my talking. One day in fourth grade I was close to my very first B. I earned that tenth of a point to make it an A by being silent the rest of the day. The enemy knew even then God would one day use my mouth for Him.  Honesty check:  As the people pleasing chain is breaking, I'm learning that I don't have to analyze everything I say if I'm letting Him do the talking. I don't have to be afraid to open the lips if He said to. He brings an understanding when we follow His lead and don't let fear keep us from being ourselves. (Yep I am working through a fear of public speaking, more like a fear of being misunderstood....which is kind of humorous considering I do webinars and present at conferences, but anyway...)

I was always the one who loved helping the teachers after school to grade papers, file papers, do bulletin boards etc. (Funny thing is those are things I put off to the last minute now). I grew up with teachers who were like second parents. They demonstrated to me what loving through academics was all about and that has pushed me to where I am today. I never went into education thinking I was going to win the awards most do or have the best classroom etc. I just wanted to love people. I wanted to be that teacher I had grown up with to students today. In the world we live in, this is not easy. Kids face more than we could ever dream and some times the best you can do is to love them through it while you have them at school and pray for them while they are away from you.

Throughout college I taught classes at church, was on various committees(even chairman of one), and did basically anything and everything. Halfway into my college tenure I met a group of people via a CD my parents brought home and fell in love with a song  called Through the Fire. That song has messed me up and carried me through more moments than I could ever write about in one setting. God did an amazing thing. Later on these people on a CD would grow to be friends who are more like family. We have been friends for over ten years now, but I still get a huge smile on my face when I see one of their CD's in the store. It's truly been a God thing. They have prayed me through so many things and taught me more about this Christian walk. They made me want more because they walked it out in front of me. They have spoken into my life on numerous accounts and pushed me to the next level of my journey with Him. Because of them I learned how to put faith into action. Because of them I have learned how to love through listening. Because of them I know more than ever God has not only a plan for my life but a purpose.

I'm not perfect by any means. I am just a thankful child of the Most High who realizes I'm not where I used to be, but I'm on my way to where I need to be. I'm determined to finish well and to enjoy the day where I am. Too many times we stay focused on the flower that has yet to bloom that we forget to take care of the seed we just put in the ground. God has a purpose for us where we are while He is working out the details to where we are going.

I'm still learning not to eat things that make me feel yucky even though they taste good(hello chocolate chip muffins). I'm still learning that God has placed people in my life that I can be myself with and who love me for me. I'm still learning that I don't always let the me He made me to be show to some because of fear or whatever reason. I'm still learning that my feet can move when He puts words in my mouth and I need to follow. I'm still learning that the walls I put up to protect me were of my own choosing.

If we will give God our weaknesses, He will give us His strength. We only struggle with them when we try to do it on our own without ever asking Him for  help. He has given us the willpower to eat the way He intended us to and to be healthy. It's up to us to ask Him for help to take the cravings or feelings away. He has given us the words we need to tell someone from Him, but it's up to us to open our mouths and do so. These are both two things I still struggle with on a daily basis, not because He hasn't given me what I need to overcome it, but because I lose focus and let feelings get in the way. If I feel my way through the day I will end up in a mess. If I follow through the day I will end up on the road. Either way I still get to end up in His lap because I somehow manage to listen by the time I lay my head on the pillow at night(I love sleep too much to not talk to Him about it).

Well this post is longer than it probably should be. There is meat, but mostly there is me. So many times I only do the posts about the lessons learned, that I sometimes forget to share me. This is me though and I've learned to quit apologizing for that. I used to say my heart was too big, but it's not. He made it just the way He needed it to be for me. Balance is a good thing. Friends are even a better thing. If I say I'm okay or fine, it means I've already talked to Him about it. I'm working through stuffing things and not dealing with them. Most of the time I want to just try and forget it, but God wants to talk about it so He can heal it. The walls are slowly coming down. God and I have a unique relationship and the notes in my Bible(along with this blog) are proof of that. I don't try to explain it, the words aren't there yet. The best is still to come.

Just being me on the journey,
~Melissa

Finish Strong

I have a thing apparently with starting things and not always finishing them. (Hence the multiple books that are part of the way finished and the two sticky notes full of blog posts to come). God's really been dealing with me on that subject lately. Why do we start something and not finish? Because we quit and/or give up for some reason or another. (Most of the time it's not even a reason, it's a feeling). God help me finish strong. Warning...different kind of post coming

If my eyes are focused ahead on what lies before me, then I don't have time to look back to what could have been. The what could have been's are of yesterday and the what can be's still lie ahead. God laid the way and did what He did before so I could walk the road I'm on now and stay focused on the journey that He has ahead of me. He didn't move in our past, so we could stay stuck in it. He moved in our past so He could keep us moving forward to our future so He could keep moving on our behalf. We look for God to move in big ways a lot, but what we don't realize sometimes is He is moving for us daily. He is moving on our  behalf before we even open our eyes and put the feet to the floor. He doesn't have to move in a big way for big things to happen. Too many times we fix our eyes only on what we can see and forget that what we can't always see is of greater importance.

Last week was a week full of what if's, wonder's, and thank you's to God. He doesn't mind the questions, He actually expects them from me at certain times I've learned ;-).I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say I wonder sometimes what life would be like if Pamela were still here. That's natural. It's been 15 years and last Thursday was her birthday. That wonder isn't something I dwell on a lot, but I have my moments and her birthday was one last week. Hear my heart though....God has shown me more than I could ever imagine from that day that changed my life over 15 years ago. He has taken me from a shy(well I'm still shy) young girl not sure of a few things to someone who is becoming more confident in Him by the day. Confidence is not in knowing that you can do something, but in knowing He can do something through you. I've seen God turn that day into a Romans 8:28 story(there is a blog post a few years ago that tells the story if you are wondering.). So my wonders turn into thank you's. I'm getting quicker at letting Him turn my what if's to thank you's, but those aren't without some stress at times.

I love reading scripture that I have read several times before and seeing it with different eyes. I did this a couple of weeks ago with Deuteronomy 1. This is where the verse of You've stayed long enough on this mountain is and the verse about the eleven day journey that took 40 years. God's been stirring in my heart over the last couple of months. Not because any circumstances are changing, but because He is changing me. Sometimes we pray so hard for Him to change the what and He is more interested in changing the who. So I read a little on from the you've stayed long enough verse and it talks about how they were headed into the promise land at this point. That's when God started doing His thing that He does. (My Bible time is quite interesting. I don't take notes in a journal I write in the margins around the verses.....I also date verses for those when God goes see I told you I would....but anyway).  What mountain has God said it's time to come off of? Sometimes we spend too long at the top of the mountain that we forget to come down and keep moving on with our journey. The Israelites had to come out of the wilderness and get off of the mountain to move into the promised land. Don't quit climbing half way or stay stuck at the top scared to slide down. God has things in store for you that are more than you could imagine. Until you get off the mountain though, you can't walk forward in it. The mountain has its purpose, but the journey continues on the other side.

The school year is drawing to a close and I just want to finish strong and well. I have learned more this year than I could ever put into words. More about myself, more about Him, more about life, and more about what my heart truly desires....I'm so thankful He knew me in the beginning when we started this journey way back when together. He knew how all of the pieces would fit together and how He would refocus and balance my life. God knew though that this was a walk on water kind year and He has taught me what trust looks like in the every day walk. (That's a blog still to come).

Walk out what God has called you to do. Be the you He has made you to be and the rest really will fall into place.  Do what you do because He's watching period. If we truly live our life for an audience of One, a lot of the "stress" will become out of focus. Sometimes I wonder if had our God glasses on all of the time, if we would even notice it. One last thing, don't lose hope just because you haven't or can't see the harvest. It takes time for things to grow. God will always make things bloom in His time. So many times our flesh gets frustrated when we can't see the crops or the flowers, but trust means knowing you planted and when the Master says it's time the blooms will appear.  Patience means letting God open the door and trust means not second guessing when He does.

Focused on the journey,
~Melissa