I came home last night and crashed. Sleep has not been my friend this week and it was starting to catch up to me. My three hour nap resulted in being wide awake close to midnight. Conversations with God at midnight are simply some of the best period. These conversations always lead to truth regardless of how it feels and last night a picture that well left me in tears. More about that in a minute...I wish there was a way sometimes to record our conversations, especially the midnight ones. Then again, God has it recorded I'm sure and that's all that matters. The last couple of weeks have been draining. I've poured out more than I have poured in on a daily basis. Hear my heart...He is faithful to pour in and my time with Him is what sustains me. He gets it though that some days, some moments we find ourselves on empty. Those are the moments when we have to find a minute to slip away to just whisper His name, the moment to get still...(If you are sitting there thinking umm, when is that going to happen during the day...well you have to get creative). It takes just a minute to whisper the name that stirs up the power on the inside of you. (I know because I have done it multiple times this week). God knows when you need a fill, He also knows that filling up with Him is the only way to keep going. The pace of this year is that of running a marathon almost. It's the time of the year that my flesh wants to be overwhelmed, frustrated, stressed, and close to anxiety. Me for a minute, I have felt each and every one of those at some point this week. Feeling them and being controlled by them are two different things. I've learned over this past year to recognize when they start and to turn them over to Him. It may mean I can change something, it may mean it's up to Him to do the rest. I trust Him to reveal it (easier said than done, but He speaks peace to that part...)
Our flesh will never be comfortable when we are out of the boat. It doesn't like being stretched to grow stronger or refined by the fire. Our flesh is loud, but our Spirit can be louder. Our flesh also wants to act before thinking and our Spirit makes us take a step back and breathe. Taking a step back for a minute leads to His perspective. He knows our hearts...and I've told Him several times before..God it may not be what I want to see, but let me see what you see so I can understand. His perspective is priceless and the push we need to keep walking forward and not looking back to that comfort zone. When God breaks chains, they are gone for good. The enemy may try to remind you of them, make you feel like you are stepping back to that moment...but then God steps in with a picture that well only He could paint. When God breaks chains, He has them under His feet. The enemy can't get to them there (and neither can you!). That'll make you shout (even at midnight)....
This Jesus girl is growing in freedom. She's realizing how priceless perspective from the One who holds the pieces can be. She's also learning how to throw messes at Him a lot quicker and to fight in the spiritual realm for what she is seeing in the natural. I know I'm not perfect, far from it...but I know that in Him I can do all things and that some days is all I need to make my flesh hush it. I have struggled with the feeling of not being "enough" for a long time....God spoke truth to that this week. I'm not enough in my own, He is though...and that's what makes me enough. I've learned that pouring out to others is what He planned for us to do, we were created to invest who we are into others and make an impact on our world. Pouring in is how we continue to be able to pour out. You know when you are on empty, tell Him, tell a trusted friend...but refill back up quickly. Running too long on empty is when the feelings start to become louder than the truth. God and I has out a lot at night. He's patient with this Jesus girl and I'm thankful. Patience is knowing that He's working on the answer, which means changing (sometimes you, sometimes the situation). To say I may have sounded impatient with Him this week would be an understatement, He loves me regardless and knew how this week was going to go even before it started (right down to our conversation).
Different kind of blog, but it's been a different kind of week. I'm still processing some of what He and I talked about, so it may be a blog later. God's pouring out ...that I know. There is a shift going on in the atmosphere....God's fanning flames in the hearts of His children. He's seeking to pour out His presence....to remind those that may be circling the mountain of the promise He spoke to them. He's calling out to love...love like He would not thinking of what it costs you, but remembering what it cost Him. Child of God, the week may have taken all of you and you are feeling like you are on empty....stop for a minute from the hustle of busy, the glare of a screen and breathe. Now run to His lap...and let Him fill you back up. His presence is what fills you when the world wants you to feel it. It sustains when you are tired, nourishes when you are hungry, and replenishes when you are dry. When you have felt His presence...it changes you and nothing in this world can make you want to go back. Sometimes you just need Him to remind you of that in a midnight conversation ....
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