Trust Me Child

When the day empties you of all you have to give, you take the time to let God pour back in....even if that's at two o'clock in the morning while working on paperwork. Oh how I wish sleep and I could be friends again like we were doing Spring Break. Some days you are doing all you can to just push through what the day throws at you. It's not that it's a bad day, it's just a messy day......even when your Spirit knows that God's going to make the mess into a message...your flesh is doing all it can to put one foot in front of the other. Stress is one place, empty is another. When the two meet...that candle at both ends feels like it's being burned and about to meet. Hear my heart for a minute.....God knows that very spot and above that, He knows your heart. He knows that you are running on empty, but guess what He knows just what you need to be filled back up again. Take that time...yes it may mean sacrifice on your part (actually it probably will), but when you take it....God will meet it above your wildest expectation. I seriously should be at a wall right now.....my flesh feels it. My flesh has had many nights this week where what little sleep I have gotten has ended in tears. Sometimes God will let you get to a point where the battle you need to win is within yourself.....and that is a battle you need to surrender to Him to win. The verses of He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak have taken on a whole new meaning.....God knows what you need and sometimes He needs for you to trust Him to meet that need. I'm a fixer....to a fault. I'm learning though there are some things that take longer to fix....quick fixes only last so long but eventually, the band-aid loses its stickiness. 

I'm the worst at asking for help (some of you are reading this and going yep with a smile). That weakness is one that God is slowly burning away.......because I've learned that asking for help is not a bad thing. In fact, it takes off the mask and lets you be transparent with those around you. Transparency has been one of my words this year.....I'm learning to be real (sometimes a little too real which comes across blunt), but I have lived too long of my life with stuffing down how I felt about things and not being real about what I need. God already knows our needs....He's waiting on us to get real with Him about them as well. He knows what He's trying to do...that discomfort is there for a reason to push us to the next level, to take us to a higher place. We can ignore it and remain...or pour it out to Him and let Him show us who He is through us yet again. I am sure He sits there sometimes looking at me and going ....does she not remember that I took care of (and lists out a whole long list of things), why doubt now. God wants us to lean on other people for support at times....but He wants to be first. 

Transparent truths I've learned this month: 

• That hurt that the enemy keeps using to wound you....is a place in your heart not covered by God. When you dig up a root and place it in the hands of the One who loves you more than you love yourself....He can cover it and protect it. It doesn't mean the enemy won't ever push on it again...but a healed scar doesn't hurt as bad as one that is still exposed and open. God will show you the hurt, the root...obedience on your part is pulling the root up and laying it at His feet. Let it go child....haven't you let the enemy push on it long enough, it's time for it to be covered under the blood of the One who hurt so you didn't have to. (Heart moment...it's a process, I know that...but I have seen God apply this in some areas of my life...notice I said some because just this week revelation came on another root....and I have a feeling sleep will come when that hurt gets left at the feet of Him) 
• Distractions are from the enemy....if he's trying to distract you then know that he's scared of what you are trying to accomplish, what God is doing through you. 
• Trust God to pour in the words you need if you are willing to take the time to listen. As a friend reminded me this week, God always lines up His word. If He's telling you something, trust Him to confirm it. 
• When you ask for more of Him...realizes that means an emptying of you to make room for more of Him. It's not always going to be easy....but it's always for your good. 
• God will place people in your path, journey, walk etc. that may frustrate you to no end at times, but God is using them to reveal more of His plan and purpose in your life....when He wants you to get closer to your calling...He's going to put someone in your life to re-direct you to it and push you closer to His plan (even if it's initially through frustration). His passion is true and stable...He's going to keep it kindled on the inside of you. That fire you feel...is God moving the wood around so that the flame can get bigger. 

Trust Him this week sweet reader....I know it feels messy, but God is writing a message that is only yours to give. There is a passion that He poured out the day that you were born and He's going to keep it going. What is He showing you that you need to release, let it go? That prayer you have been asking for more of Him, for no limits....step out in obedience as uncomfortable as it feels because if you move just one of your feet, God will move your other one. 

Just thinking...

That moment when as drained as you are, God reminds you of something you wrote almost two and half years ago....and it's in reading that you go...okay God you knew all along. If we truly believe His promises of our steps are ordered by the One who knows us the Best...then why do we question things when they start to happen. Why? Because we feel our way through....the mess of it feels messy, the stress feels heavy, and the weight of it all makes you think you are barely keeping your head above water. It feels heavy because we focus on the defeat of it, instead of the victory that is coming. God started this week with a word...and confirmed it with a similar word from a trusted friend later that day. Our focus is what impacts our steps. If we focus on what God is doing we will line our steps up with His, if we focus on what we are feeling we will line our steps up with that. Hear my heart for a minute...life is messy, sticky, and overwhelming a lot of the times. We give out more than we take in and run at such fast paces that we are almost convinced we will one day meet ourselves coming and going in the middle of it all. Somewhere in the middle of the mess that is stressful, in the chaos that we call life....there is peace. Peace that He is lining things up and moving you into place...peace that could only come from Him. Peace that even when you are running on empty, fighting feelings that are not yours to own, needing some serious sleep, and a visit to the chiropractor......He can pour in the way no one else could. I'm starting to see that sometimes God doesn't send us that answer the way we asked because He wants us to trust that He has something so much better. It's in those quiet moments....that God reminds you that He is praying for you and that even David encouraged himself. Sometimes God doesn't send us that help to pull us along, to push us through, or to even pick us up.....because He wants us to see that it's within us already. The power to walk out our calling even on the days when we don't want to get out of bed is already ours. Yes, we need to live life with others and stay connected....but on the day when you just can't get out the words you need to someone else, He knows already. He knows the words you can't say and is already making a way. 

My sciatic usually acts up on those days when I need to be reminded of ordered steps and even though it doesn't make sense at the moment...God knows the details and trust is all He's asking from me. This week my sciatic is at a 10+ and yes while it's weather, I haven't taken myself to the chiropractor this week either. I'm the worst at keeping myself on the to-do list, but sometimes doing things for ourselves isn't selfish...it's loving ourselves. The commandment to love your neighbor as you love yourself....is two parts. You can't pour out if you don't stay filled. Love yourself so you can love those God places in your path. Trust Him to speak the words you can't get out and when you feel like just finding a bag of chocolate to just eat....or hanging on to the knot at the end of the rope and are just swinging...God's about to send you the next rope and move you along, so just keep hanging on. As far as the bag of chocolate...everything in moderation it's about restoration this year so make a run to Him first before the chocolate (yeah I'm still working on that one).  

When the moments make you feel like you are barely keeping your head above water sweet reader, stay focused on the One walking on the water beside you. He's not going to let you go under as long as you keep your eyes on Him. A friend of mine spoke a word last week that you are being stretched to be strengthened...take the time you need to recharge so that you can keep pouring out as He has called you to do. It's not going to make sense to a lot of people and some may even question it....but the ones who see your heart know why you do what you do....but more than that God knows your heart and wants you to see it as He does. Sometimes we just need to leave the understanding to Him and know that He will tell us what we need to know...as we need to know it. 

Saturday thoughts....

I've been ending Spring Break reflecting yet again....there are actually two shorter blogs right before this one that I posted last night. This one is going to be a little longer...

The word spoken Wednesday night was transitional. At one point I even said ouch and that's good....that being said my prayer since that night at the altar was Lord let it stick. Let the word spoken take root. The more our heart needs the word, the more we desire for it to stick...the more the enemy wants to wash it away. I'm thankful for technology because I'm watching the service again.....because this means war. I'm over labels, I'm over boxes...and I'm over limits. I'm over being judged and categorized simply because I haven't found my Boaz yet. The absence of a ring on my finger does not negate my calling or my ministry, but that's a blog for another day. This wasn't the initial blog that God started writing last night, but I had to clear this out so I could write what He spoke last night. Be protective of the words God speaks into your life...draw a line around it and watch God take you to a deeper level. God spoke it to you...and He's ready to act on it...don't pay attention to the distractors around you...It's the season of restoration.  God's restoring the thoughts of not enough and not worthy enough and showing you He's called you for such a time as this. He's lighting the passion that He destined for you....hold on to what He has promised you and know that no weapon formed against you shall prosper (not even the opinions of others).

Spiritual dehydration...that's the word that God started writing on last night. It was a topic that the kids actually chose as their small group last week for FCA and God hasn't let me forget it since. We can Google the symptoms of dehydration in the natural, but do we know the symptoms of what spiritual dehydration looks like. Do we know them enough to recognize before the IV of water is needed? If we get too dehydrated in the natural we need an IV to get us going again....it's the same in the spiritual. If we let ourselves get too dehydrated in the spiritual, we need an IV in order to get back what the enemy has stolen from you. Your color comes back when the IV in the natural gets into you and it's the same in the Spiritual. When that IV, that word that brings life back into you.....gets into your system...whew. Look out devil......Know the symptoms of spiritual dehydration...and just like in the natural, the more you do, the more you need to hydrate.

I don't know who else this is for, it may just be for me....but the enemy wants you to keep stuffing and God is raising up a word on the inside of you that someone needs to hear. You have what He's given you in your hands, what are you going do with it? It's yours for the taking....quit letting someone else tell you it's not yours or you aren't good enough. Think about what God thinks about you and quit letting the opinions of others keep you in bondage any longer. The stirring on the inside of you is moving for a reason....are you going to let that stirring defeat Goliath or are you going to let it keep you back tending sheep? The season is shifting for a reason.....rise up to what God has spoken to you...This is the year of restoration ...Believe it and Walk in it...(You can't walk in it standing still, just saying)

Your Doing vs. Your Being

The line in the middle of these two is where I find I seem to spend more time than I should. I've struggled with this for awhile, with being consistent in knowing that my being is enough because society places so much on our doing. We are constantly comparing ourselves to one another or to the likeness of one another (because how many know we post through rose colored glasses on social media). I long for connections that are about my being and not always about my doing. In other words, if you just came and were somewhere (not your job of course) would you still be a part or is coming and doing what makes your piece fit into the puzzle? Hear my heart for a minute....there is a balance in the midst of our being and our doing. When we are filled it overflows to our doing. When we know that we are where He has called us for a season...we serve out of our doing. Don't get so caught up in pouring out that you forget to take a moment and let Him pour back into you. If your season isn't where you have a place to be poured into on Sunday, then find it in your own quiet time during the week or with an accountability partner. You have not because you ask not....ask God for that place where you can connect and be a part just because of who you are. Then when He opens the door, run through it...I've learned so many times we ask God for something so specific that when He answers with what we need, we don't always recognize it. Trust that God knows the season you are in and what you need to grow.....after all He knit you together from the start sweet reader.

Overcome by Your Presence

This hit me like a ton of bricks Wednesday night....(a lot of things did, but this was when God started getting my attention). We don't have church during school breaks, so I was in Nashville visiting and at my other home church. The title of this song is from Holy Spirit...a song that I have sung many times, but this night that line hit me a different way. Every time I walk into Restoring Hope, I'm overcome by His Presence...it hits me as I walk through the doors and regardless of distractions, what my phone may be saying, how I feel, or what I am even thinking...God has my attention and He knows it. How many times do I let myself get to that place in my day to day walk? His presence is overwhelming.....and once you experience it so heavy and so thick that you don't want to move....He knows He has your attention. That's the presence we should desire always.....distractions aside, speak to us, Lord. Breakthroughs happen when we are Overcome by His presence...because we get to the point in our heart that we aren't going anywhere until God does something. As Jacob said when He wrestled with God, I'm not moving Lord until you bless me. Are you determined that even if you leave with a limp, you are ready for God to do what He needs to do?

Want to feel the shift? Give Him permission to unstick you and release all of those insecurities, discouragement thoughts, and doubts....The enemy knows the value on the inside of you...do you? God has greater things still to come....if you will just release yourself into His hand. This is the year for everything to be restored that the enemy has stolen. It first starts in His presence.....God may we become more aware of Your presence.

The shift is the atmosphere...Can you feel it?

When you are swimming in Overwhelmed....

My heart says this is going to be a transparent post, we'll see. Sometimes the best place to write and reflect is when you aren't in the middle of it at the moment. Hence yet another Spring Break post....because honestly, I'm going to need someone to remind me in the weeks to come to go back and read this post for myself.

This time of the year has always overwhelmed me because of the fast pace that is required to finish out the year. I thought transparency was going to be my word for the year...but I am finding balance may be more like it. Balance on the outside helps to balance the inside.....when the clutter around you is manageable, it makes the clutter on the inside easier to ignore. To say the last month has been anything but overwhelming would be an understatement. I run at a fast pace anyway and have become the yes girl for more than I should. I have always struggled with putting myself on the to-do list...and now with managing a house by myself ...well me has to get on the list somewhere. Otherwise, the clutter starts to overtake and there is a sense of chaos that is hard to calm. My anxiety has been at an all-time high the last couple of weeks....my sleep schedule has been messed up and I've eaten pretty much anything that wasn't good for me. You can know God's working, moving, and got you and still feel like you are swimming and barely keeping your head above water. Swimming in the natural is not something I do...so swimming in the spiritual realm is often a battle. It's not because I can't, but I defeat myself because of the comparison trap that seems to be a norm for society today. The feelings of "not enough" or "not measuring up" are constants when we compare ourselves with others (or even to ourselves when we lived in bondage). The Israelites were constantly comparing the provisions of God as not being enough because they kept looking backward. When God said in Isaiah that He wanted to do a new thing...He meant it. A new thing doesn't look like the old thing...so stop comparing. You'll never walk forward if you are always constantly looking backward. The greatest threat to a dream and a calling is "well this is how we have always done it." That's what isn't good enough anymore.....not you. You reader are a royal heir to the throne as a Child of God....and He said you were good enough a long time ago (before your first heartbeat). You are good enough...now believe it. (Can you tell God and I have been having a long conversation over the last 48 hours?). Yes, you may feel like you are swimming in the middle of a mess that is about to take you under....but stand up...the water is yours to walk on with Him.

Yes, anxiety is a real emotion and feeling and when life gets out of balance when you start to put the wall back up or find yourself trying to meet everyone's needs but forgetting about your own....it will happen. God didn't design us to live life going all out all of the time and He didn't design us to be a solo power source. We may not always agree with the people we have been called to be in line with and walk this season out with....but we need each other. We need that person we can text when the day has just been too much who reminds us they are praying and to get the oil out and pray for ourselves. We need that person who we can show that our running shoes are out...that reminds us to wait on God's timing regardless. We need that person...we need that Jesus with skin on. Connection is the only way when life is draining us that we can get charged back up again. (Yes we need to stay connected to Jesus...but we also need connection with other people). In being real with others, we find .....life's not that crazy after all and that you are not the only one just trying to stay above water.)

There were several moments last week when I just wanted to grab a bag of chocolate and hide somewhere for a few. There were several where I wanted to just cry...but the tears wouldn't come. I didn't spend the time I needed in my prayer closet because I would fall asleep on the couch until really late and then crawl into bed. Distractions come in all forms...and the enemy knows how to wear down the Child of God. God kept pressing through, though....and talking even when I tried not to listen. Sometimes we want the battle to just be won first before we get up, but God's saying get up....stand up and take back what the enemy keeps trying to take from you. Draw a bloodline around your promise and know that He promised to finish what He starts...and that dream, that calling, those desires of your heart are not finished until He says they are. (When you are almost 35 and single...let's just say that's quickly becoming some of my life verses). The enemy loves when we turn to food, social media, or a TV show to escape how we feel instead of dealing with it. The wall isn't yours to build back....being real keeps you in front of the bricks and keeps the enemy at bay. Remember he may push a button that flips one of your switches, but he can't touch the power on the inside. When the enemy flips a switch, flip it back by reminding him Whose you are.

Hear my heart for a minute....I know life isn't easy at times. We all have those things that make us want to fake a smile and just get through it.  We all have those days that could defeat us if we let them. We all have those buttons that seem to get pushed regardless of how strong we were the week before (or even the previous day). God knows that....and despite what is being thrown your way...He wants to remind you that you are strong enough. Yes, you may feel anxious and overwhelmed. Yes, you may be doing all you can to keep your head above water...but He sees you. He knows exactly where you are at and says don't quit. Don't put on the running shoes until He hands them to you. He's the lifter of your head....and yes you may be swimming but He says to look up and press up. It's in looking up that we can stand up and it's in doing that ...we remember that we can walk on water with Him.

Monday moments....

I am beyond thankful that God knew exactly what the last couple of weeks held and despite the cold weather, it's Spring Break. God knows when we have had all we can take and need life to slow down just a bit so we can catch up. God knows when we are out of balance...and even though we think He may not be listening...He's not only listening, but He's moving things into place so we can listen as well.

God may have shown you the mountain you need to climb next, but He's not going to pick you up and put you on it when He knows you are strong enough to start climbing. At some point in our journey with God, we grow up....we move from Him having to put us into place to us knowing where we need to be at with just a whisper. We grow up on the inside and there in lies the fight. We fight the change and the growing up process because we liked things better when we were on milk. Oh sweet Child of God....there comes an amazing moment in the journey when God has said welcome to the table. The place you used to sit is not yours to sit in anymore, but you are invited to sit at My table and feast on what I'm eating.

Hear my heart for a minute...This place of sitting at the table while is ours for the taking, we have to sit down at the table. We have to accept that place that has been given to us and believe we are enough...not because we feel like it but because He says we are. Our greatest struggle is not the fight going on the outside of us, but the fight on the inside of us. It's that fight we have to take His lead on and fight the way He fought....

God's moving things into place but He's waiting on you to be tired of looking at the mountain in front of you and start climbing it. Stop worrying that it looks bigger than you can climb, He is climbing it with you.  I've spent the last two weeks looking at the mountain and wanting to run the other way. Overwhelmed has been my new norm and to say I've done well to just try to stay afloat would be an understatement. I've known God's been speaking (even when you try to not listen, He will get your attention...hello late night wake up sessions with God). God knows what He's doing even when you have no idea what He is doing. I've actually found those are the moments when that running on the inside of you is about to break into a sprint because God's about to show you just what He can do. When He said greater things were still to come...He meant it. When He said the One who calls is Faithful and He will do it...He meant it.

Whatever you are needing this week....ask Him for it...and then start listening for the answer. He sees you out there swimming barely keeping your head above water and He wants to remind you He said you could walk on water. He sees the anxiety that is about to get it's best of you....and reminds you just breathe. He sees the loneliness that the enemy is trying to sow....and reminds you He's there even when it seems like no one else is. He sees the desires of your heart to connect and reminds you....just be patient He's the ultimate pour source. He sees the weariness on your face and in your words...and says faint not, rest in His strength and know that He's about to breathe in something supernatural and to fill up when all you see is a drained and empty place. He sees that you feel like quitting and reminds you why you started. The moments when you feel the push on the outside is Him reminding you to press on the inside of you. The race is not won by those who quit running when they get tired, but by those who keep going even when they feel like giving up because they know He is the only One that knows the finish line. That dream is still yours to walk out....don't lose heart in this preparation season, in this mixing of ingredients. God's still working and moving on your behalf.

Transparent blog coming soon.....it's time to start climbing.

Valley Distractors and Mountain Pushers

Valleys have a purpose but they are for a season and a time determined by choices. God knows the length of the valley and He is faithful to lead you to the mountain when it's time. The choice is whether or not you listen...and know this...there are distractors in the valley that will do what they can to keep you from climbing the next mountain. There are distractors that see that you are moving forward and for whatever reason will speak words that sow doubt and discouragement to try and paralyze you. A lot of times they don't realize what they are doing when they are doing it.....but life and death are in the power of the tongue..and oh how we need to sow life or just not speak.

God showed me the mountain last week that was to come....but the struggle to get on that mountain this week and start climbing has been a struggle. I knew the climb would not be easy but honestly didn't expect the fight that came. I'm thankful for a friend who saw in the Spirit what I couldn't and has been interceding this week. She has been my mountain pusher....and has kept me moving forward knowing I don't fight against flesh and blood. Yes Child of God...it may seem like the enemy is out for blood, but remember you have His running through you and he can't touch the blood. You can feel the enemy's punch in the flesh, but the enemy can't touch your soul...he can't touch where you reside. Don't let anyone else cloud the view of who you really are either. Walk in that calling and anointing that you know God spoke to your life and rest in the truth that at just one word, He can speak peace to the wind and shift the atmosphere. I've felt the shift over the last week.....and wow. When God comes in....all feelings and previous thoughts go flying out the window and you have a clarity to see through the eyes of the One who holds the whole picture. So many times we try to see through just a dim view when God has the view from every corner. Trust His seasons.....but know that even though the natural seasons seem to shift within the week...seasons in the spiritual are felt in a deeper place and touch that part of you that few understand.

So grab that rock Child and hang on....trust God for the push and the strength to climb. As a song by some precious girls, this week reminded me, "He sees the mountain you'll be standing on". God already sees you standing on that mountain you are about to climb...and He's waiting for you to focus on the climb, tune out the rest, and know that He will provide everything you need each rock/step along the way. He never promised easy, but He promised to climb with you. The teacher isn't asking the student to do anything, He's not willing to do too.

Don't let the distractors in the valley keep you from starting to climb the mountain God made just for you. Spend as much time as you can with your mountain pushers because they are who will keep you climbing....when it seems that you can't do it, they will speak life back in and remind you that you can. People who can see your God-given calling and not just what you can do for them are treasures.....let those people be the wisdom you hold in your heart.