If I wrote this blog before today the title would have probably been, so what do you do when the blahs hit. February was an exhausting month even though it held several moments that made me smile. Worn could have easily been the word for February.....There is a difference between worn and exhaustion. Exhaustion goes away most times after rest. Worn takes time to restore and renew. Worn is one step away from autopilot, from the motions of just pushing through the day. That being said...God can take anything and use it for His purpose...IF we let go of it and give it to Him. If ya'll could have been in my head over the last month, there were some days I walked in fear more than faith. Staying real....I used to tell my Sunday School kids when I taught that fear and faith were antonyms. It's like a light switch, you can't have it on and off at the same time. That's how it is with fear and faith....we can't walk in both at the same time. How many times though do we switch throughout the day or even the week? (Hands raised because I've been there). We get so caught up in the cares of this world that we lose sight of who cares the most. We get so caught up looking ahead that we forget to look inside the moment. We get so caught up noticing the planks that we lose sight that the speck is causing things to become blurry for our own walk.
If you have read any of my posts lately you know I've been in the middle of a process of freedom. I could call it a journey, but this whole walk with Him is a journey. I knew I had one area where freedom was still lacking, one place where I still needed God to do something. Timeout for a second...this had been a matter in my prayer journal for MONTHS! I knew there had to be a change somewhere. You see I've been in places where I've seen God move mountains. I've been in the back of an ambulance and been told to prepare for the worst and then reach the hospital and see God show up and out. I've seen God speak life into situations that the enemy had spoken in something else. I've seen God take the darkest day of my life and work a Romans 8:28 story through it. I've had prayer times with God at home that well only God knew what I was asking because my flesh was out of the way. I've seen God move in meetings where the power of God fell so strong that you didn't want to leave. I knew what God could do because I had seen it.....but yet I still had a grip on an area of my life. I was looking through a blurred lens and the enemy was loving it. I was on the verge of becoming lukewarm because this back and forth was exhausting. Fast forward to the last couple of weeks...some days we get our running shoes ready and God says hang on a minute. He knows our heart and knows that if we are running anywhere it better be towards Him. Nevertheless, the shoes were out, but God was getting through. I'm thankful God knows I'm stubborn, but He also knows how to get me to listen. Twice in the last few weeks, I had heard two different sermons on the same set of scriptures twice. (So four total sermons from different sources, two on one set of scriptures, two on another...) The theme of not quitting when you feel like stopping and obeying even when it doesn't make sense was starting to sink in. It's one thing to hear the word, it's another to do what He's asking you to do it.....
Two weeks ago I was in Nashville at Restoring Hope and it was altar call time. My heart needed my feet to move, my head said no. There was a battle in my head between well me and me. My spirit knew what to do, the rest of me was insecure and full of fear. I looked at my friend next to me and said my feet won't move...to which she replied well you are the only one that can do something about that. That moment a shift took place...and what she said was more prophetic than she knew. The fear of missing out on what God was wanting to do in the moment became stronger than any other fear...and my feet started to move. God showed up and showed out that morning. God had to ingrain something on my heart that morning that would take root. The week after while I was still "stuck" in one area, God sent two words that began to take root...and finally yesterday I got still and said okay I'm listening. Sometimes we have to slow ourselves down after some physical rest and go make it clear God....(Hear my heart if you ask to be able to see it clearly, be prepared for the answer and to then move on it). I wanted to know what had stopped the flow....and God was pretty blunt, it was me. I don't swim in the natural and I was struggling to swim in the spiritual. Stay with me...ya'll know I'm visual. I was almost all the way in the float ready to go wherever the river took me, except for this big toe I had stuck in the sand keeping me grounded to a place where I could float and still touch the water. God wanted me to swim....and He knew at some point with the flow all around me I'd listen. So that was His word yesterday...it was me and my big toe still digging in the sand of control that was holding me back. It didn't have anything to do with anyone else...but me.
I had to let go of control in this last area and trust that He would handle the details. Those things I had been praying for and asking Him for, those desires that I thought He was answering in other places...He wanted to answer them how I asked them, but I had to let go of me first. I had to move when He said move ....and listen when He said listen. There is a blog in itself on that part of the process to come later. I'll say this though, God is faithful and when we can take our eyes off of the distractions of the crowd, we will find the hem of His garment and healing. (and yes feet did move this morning at home and the fear of missing God was stronger than any other fear)
I don't know where you are at today, but I know where God is. If you are a Child of His, He hasn't left your side even if it feels like He's far away. He's been working out details and fighting battles that you didn't even know about so that you could walk in victory. God knows our heart....and there is a peace that only He can usher in when we walk in obedience. There is a healing that can be found when we start to live life simply as who He has called us to be, focused on seeking after Him, and knowing that the rest really will fall into place.
Have an amazing week! More to come later ;-)
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