From the pages of my heart....

More lessons learned from last week.....

• People will hurt you once. You are the one that keeps letting them do it again and again. Hit delete on words/actions and distance yourself from those who are only going to put a knife in your back. You can love from a distance.
• The hardest thing to ever do is pray for those that hurt you. When you do though, you come out on top and the power the enemy has to control you with those thoughts weakens.
• Know the battle you are facing and who it is you are really fighting. The enemy is seeking whom he may devour and he uses things/people you would least expect to get to you. Recognize that and move on.
• If the devil is on your back, it means he is scared of what you can do. Take that as  compliment and STAND. Stand and let God fight the battle.
• When it is all said and done, God is not going to ask me about paperwork. He is going to ask me about my time spent with people.

There is a shift in the air. Things are changing, there is more of the mountain behind me than in front of me. The chains of people pleasing are falling to the ground. At the end of the day, He is the only one that we have to please and make happy. The best thing about that is, He knows our hearts and can see what others cannot see. Too many times we walk around on egg shells. We keep to ourselves when God says to share a word. We could encourage someone, but what would that person think or say? We could be His hands and Feet, but what will happen when someone slaps our hands or stomps on our feet? Time to move past what others think and follow through what He says to do period.

Some moments along the journey aren't easy. Some are rest stops, some take your breath away, and some restore and refresh you so that you can keep walking this journey. God is bigger than it all and My God has got it all under control ;-)

Giving Him glory each step of the journey!
~Melissa

The enemy did NOT win this week

This has been a week that probably should have multiple blogs coming from it, but I'm going to try and focus on just one for now. The enemy is not going to win this battle. He's just not. Apparently I scare him and make him uneasy. Why else would he try to do everything he could to throw me off course?

The enemy can't touch a Child of God, but he can get to you through people around you. He can use those people to cause you to doubt yourself, to feel discouraged, to feel like you can't make a difference, and to just have a good ole pity party. If you open the door and let those thoughts play in your heart and mind, he's won. The enemy can use your feelings and emotions to paralyze you to where you are no heavenly good. That's his goal otherwise he would just ignore you and move on.

The enemy will try and what he throws at you may knock you down for a minute, make you cry, and make your heart feel like it is broken. Take a deep breath, throw this on God, delete those thoughts, and stand up. You may not feel like moving forward just yet, but in time you will and before you know it you will be running this race again. Where we mess up is that we don't hit delete quick enough and we don't throw it on God as early as we should. We let others words and/or actions play around in our mind and heart until we feel defeated and broken.  Accept God's grace, delete the words of the enemy, and listen to His truth. Then and only then can you stand up and move forward.  God will use the attack to make you stronger. He will open your eyes to people around you who are stepping on you and who the enemy may be using to keep you down. Trust what He shows you, write those truths on your heart, pray for them, but be on guard.

So where is all this coming from? Well the enemy has been after me this week. In fact, it is almost like he has attempted to launch an all out war. See he loves to throw it at you one right after another. His goal was to keep me defeated and discouraged....guess what he's a liar by the way and does not win. See I know who I am in Christ. Yes, I have felt broken by the events of the week, but it has not crushed me. My feelings have been hurt and the knife in the back has been turned, but God is bigger than all of that. See only God can take what the enemy means for evil and turn it around for His good. Only God can take those moments when you feel two inches tall due to others words and actions and use it to remind you Who you are to Him. God's grace covers it all and He can take care of everything. He can re-inflate what the world has deflated. He can breathe life where there is doubt. He can send encouragement where there is discouragement. We just have to let Him.

I would not have made it through this week without the prayers of some precious few. They have been a lifeline over the years and when I send out a prayer text, they start praying. Their prayers breathed life back into me. I was able to move forward and replace the discouragement with the truth of Who He said I am. See the world wants nothing more than for you to believe what it says about you....DON'T!! God is going to raise up a standard and take care of those who speak ill about you, believe it and stand on His truth. God has a word for you that the enemy didn't want you to hear. God has pieces of your puzzle to show you, that the enemy doesn't want you to have. God has a light for your fire, that the enemy wanted to extinguish. God has a plan and a purpose for you that the enemy hopes you never know. God has a word for you that the enemy doesn't want you to hear.

The enemy doesn't win. Believe me when I say that. You may feel broke, discouraged, and questioning whether or not you can do anything right at all....trust me sweet reader, YOU CAN! Greater is He that is in you, then he that is in the world! The world may step on you, but God is going to allow you to step up and out! Defeat is a tool the enemy uses. You are a child of the Most High, a royal prince or princess...there is no condemnation for you. Believe what He says and delete the rest ;-)

When it is all said and done, it only matters about hearing Him say well done. There are things we spend our lives doing and putting a great importance on, that when we stand before Him one day will not be something He asks about. (That's a blog for another day...). I'm going through this mountain, not because I'm anything...but because He is everything!

Until next time,
~Melissa

From the pages of my heart

I've decided that from time to time you may see a post titled this "From the pages of my heart". The posts will have meat, but it will be woven within just what I said...my heart. I have previously called these "Just thinking" posts, but I feel like it is better said with from the pages of my heart. So here goes this one :-)

I've been stepped on, questioned, looked over, and made to feel like I am two inches tall way too much. Why do I take things so personal and let what I do impact how I see me? Only God knows. I climbed the mountain of people pleasing and there sat the feelings mountain. I'm convinced that is not a mountain I can climb. See some mountains are meant for us to climb, some are meant for God to move, and some He means for us to go through. I have asked, begged, implored Him to move this mountain. I'm tired of being hurt and having people look down on me. He finally said, this is a mountain you are going through. I did have to ask Him why. See sometimes the lesson is not taught until we walk through it. Can you imagine the Israelites crossing the Red Sea? Would they have still felt the same way if God hadn't parted the Red Sea and simply took them around the Sea? No when we go through something, it is for God to yet again show out as only He can. So through the mountain we go.

At some point, you have to separate your who from your do. Your do is your job etc., your who is who you are.  Sometimes we get the two mixed up and let our do make us feel bad about ourselves. Keep doing what you are doing and pressing forward with Him. The law of sowing and reaping is biblical and His word never returns void. Be faithful with what He has called you to do and one day, He will put you in charge of a much larger thing. For years I prayed for God to give me favor and opportunities within a certain aspect of my life. Over the past couple of years, He has begun to open door outside of the inner circle for that part of my life. I finally started to see, I had been praying for God to move in my fish bowl and God was giving me an ocean to swim in. God will always answer our prayers, just not in the way we necessarily expect Him too. When He gives you the ocean, move on from the fish bowl.  One day you will turn that puzzle piece over, the one that you have tried so hard to squeeze into a certain spot, and realize it doesn't fit the puzzle you were trying to put it into.

God has given everyone talents and abilities. If you are doing what He has called you to do, people are going to question and attack you. Not because they realize what they are doing, but because the enemy is using them to fire away at the target on your back. My heart is huge, that's a part of who I am. I can see the good in most and I look at people as more than just a number. I asked God for the ability to see others through His eyes, and let me tell you that has not been easy. While my flesh gets frustrated with the way someone has treated me, my Spirit sees the bigger picture. Does it make things easier? Not yet. My flesh still gets me in trouble and my mouth wants to run to the defense of me, but that's not something I can do. This is bigger than me, so I must defer to the One who can handle anything that comes His way. One day I will respond with just my Spirit and not my flesh, but I'm a work in progress. 

The task that has been set before me this year is one of impossible proportions. My God though likes to work when things are impossible. I've seen Him do it more than once, the only difference this time is it is a journey not a sprint. The impossible times before have been short sprints, one where the deadline/end time was in the near future. This year the impossible task is a little more lengthy, and more of a marathon instead of a sprint. God's got it though, He just has to keep reminding me of that over and over.

If  have learned something on this first leg of the journey, it is this....I am thankful for those who see me for me and love me that way. I'm thankful for those who have taken time to get to know me. Not the me I try to put on for others to play the part they have requested, but the me that is who I am. I'm tired of wearing masks just so someone will be happy. I'm tired of people trying to fit me in a box that meets their expectations. I am who He says I am...not anyone else. I am a Princess of the Most High. I first had that encounter when I worked at WorldSong and I have never let go of that precious truth....I am a Princess because my Daddy is the King of Kings. I'm someone who grew up with incredible examples of teachers who cared. These were teachers who were there because they wanted to be and who saw us as who were, not just a number. I grew up with teachers who took time to get to know their students and to build that relationship that made us want to do well in their classes, because we knew they cared about us. That was the foundation I had and why I wanted to be a teacher. I felt God calling me to the public school system to be that kind of teacher to my students. That is why I do what I do and why I care the way I do. I've been at this teaching journey for 8 years now. I do not by any means know everything there is to know, but I have learned more than some will ever realize. I read and research what I do not know, and I find ways to apply what I learn. I then take and share that with others through my Professional Learning Network. Why did I say all of that...because I am a teacher too. I may not have a classroom of my own, but I have expertise that some will never tap into because they have labeled me and cannot get past the label. Lesson in that: Every person has something to offer, take time to listen and you may just learn something new. Labels are for food products to tell you what's inside. Labels are not meant for humans, because it takes time to know what's on the inside. I am someone who has seen God move in her life in ways that I can't put into words. My relationship with God has developed so much over the last 15 years that I still look back with mouth wide open. I've seen Him take two of the worst days of my life and use it for my good. I've seen Him build relationships that I still thank Him for daily. I've seen Him take a little girl who spent a good part of her life being a Martha, develop into someone who just wants to sit at His feet and be a Mary. I've learned to quit looking for Him in the earthquakes, and to treasure His whispers. I'll share some more on those moments along the journey in later from the heart posts.

This blog went longer than expected, but I hope you were able to take a peek inside my heart for just a few minutes. I am so much more than what you may see. Thank you to those that have taken the time get to know the real me. You are a part of this incredible journey and I am grateful for you. To those who haven't, I've learned you are a part of this journey as well. For God has used you to rub off these rough edges, to continue to burn off some flesh, and to refine me until He can see His reflection. I do not fit in a box, God doesn't work like that. I know who I am in Him and the next part of this journey looks to be amazing! Together He and I are going through this mountain and I can already see through to the other side.

Until next time,
Enjoy the journey!
~Melissa

You are Who God says you are..........

It is what it is
I have been guilty of saying this more than once this school year. Honestly until my quiet time this morning, I didn't feel bad about it. I just chalked it up to the mood of the year and the situations I can't change. WELL....apparently God didn't care too much for this statement coming out of my mouth. He was blunt and matter of fact this morning and I had a two and half hour drive to listen even more.  His message was clear: It may be what it is, but you are who I say you are. Ouch...that one hurt.

Situations are what they are. You are responsible for you. You can't change what someone does to you, says to you, or doesn't say/do to you. You decide how you respond. Are you going to let it hurt you? offend you? anger you? As hard as it is, we tend to take things way too personal and not recognize that our enemy is not one we can see. The enemy will use anyone he can to achieve his purpose. If he can keep you down on yourself, frustrated, and feeling like you can't do anything right....he has won. So it may be what it is, but you are Who God says You are. There will come a point on your journey where you encounter a situation/season where you can't change anything. You just have to go through it. God has a purpose in that season. Do what He says, so the season will end, a new one will come. Seasons do not last forever, but it will be hard to recognize the new one if we are so focused on staying in the old one.

God has a plan and a purpose for everything. He knows what hurts you, what makes you upset, what angers you, and what makes your heart sad. He will not let a tear, a sigh, or a moment where you have to count to ten go unnoticed. All He wants is for us to let Him in on it before we let it affect us.

Please understand I am by no means perfect and have this all figured out. I'm just sharing where I'm at on my journey with Him. I make plenty of mistakes and some days I wonder if I haven't crept back over that mountain again. I've asked Him to move and do His thing as only He can, I've done all I can do. He may have to keep pushing me through it at some point, but the lessons and the moments with Him have made the fire worth it. His word never returns void and what He has promised will come to pass.  I'm just waiting on Him to let me unwrap the gift and to be able to show it to others. The time is coming, and apparently this is the lesson that will push me to mastering self control and patience.

Be happy with who He says you are. The box others try to put you in, is not from Him. He threw away the box when He made you because He desires freedom and a relationship. God has made us all special, take some time find out what He says you are. 

Until next time.......
~Melissa

Have a heart

I've learned some have a heart for things and some don't. Having a heart keeps you going when all you want to do is give in or when the fire starts to feel too hot. Having a heart allows you to keep walking towards the finish line because you know in the end it will all make sense and be worth it. Your heart is one of the most precious things you have. For with it, you can fight battles you can't see. You can do things you thought were impossible. You can keep going when you feel like quitting and most of all you can know you are making a difference even when you don't feel like it.

Guard your heart for as the Word says it is a well Spring of life. Your heart is not your own when you let Him take control. Your heart will take you places you never thought you could go, if you will listen and follow His lead.

Your heart will keep you focused and regardless of feelings it will keep you where you are meant to be.

I've seen what it looks like when someone's' heart goes cold, when someone chooses power over their heart, and when someone seeks to please those that are out to climb the ladder and not please the One who made their heart.

God keep my heart close to you. Regardless of how the fire feels, keep me focused on the goal, the prize that is ahead.....My heart hasn't failed me yet and I trust you with it completely.  I'm sorry for all of the times I've apologized for my heart for now I realize it is what makes me who I am.  God thank you for making me to be and giving me the peace and strength to walk in that calling daily.

Until next time,
Enjoy the journey!
~Melissa

Perspective check aka being real for a few minutes

I'm always real, but for most of my posts I focus on what He has said etc. This post may be a little different.

I'm pretty sure the last six weeks would be called a boot camp of some sorts. I've learned more than I could ever put on paper. I'm a lot lighter(not literally, but in other ways) because I have finally dropped a few things that were keeping me from running the race He has set before me. I was starting to become convinced that I was a marathon sprinter.  I would take off running trying to keep up with those in the lanes to the sides forgetting what the real prize was. I was more concerned with the crowd than the finish line.  In life, no one can take off running a marathon without training first. I'm finally looking at the end of training and ready to start jogging on this journey with Him.

Lessons have finally sank in, and application time has arrived. So here is to the week ahead, the journey ahead as the application process starts.

It takes time to realize that its okay for everyone not to like you. Accept that truth and move on. Spend time with those who love you for you and not necessarily what you do. Friends love you, acquaintances love what you can do for them. There is a difference and not learning it will cost you.
True friends are few and far between. They will be there always and will love you know matter what. God friends are the ones who pour into you as much as you pour into them. They make you a better you. Jesus had lots of acquaintances, but only a few close friends. There is a lesson in that.

When you ask God for wisdom, and He answers that request....USE IT!!! He didn't reveal things to you and give you discernment for this season just so you can keep trying to run the popular race and please everyone. He gave you that wisdom to take you to a new level, so you would see with His eyes why some do what they do. So you would see a bigger picture and could know how to guard your heart. So you would realize that time spent with some people is not productive as it breeds negativity, doubt, and just plain flesh issues.  When He says to do something....DO IT! He is not going to move a mountain you are trying to climb. So when you ask Him for help, take it and apply it. God doesn't always change the situation, but I am living proof He changes you while in it.

God made you to be you. Don't apologize for that fact. (Oh how long it took for me to let that truth sink in....). I've learned how precious His favor is and how real it is when you are looking to find purpose. I've learned that His favor is not something you can work for or earn, it's all Him. I've learned that some people will never be happy or positive, that's their problem not yours. Stay focused on what He has called you to do and know that in the end every battle, every ill word, every enemy will be taken care of by Him.

Words will still hurt, people will still be mean, and there will be times when you grip that shield of faith with both hands and say over and over I trust you God, I trust you. You are still moving forward. Freedom is that place where yes you may cry when you are left out of something, you may get upset when someone doesn't listen or says something unkind, but freedom is swallowing, taking a deep breath and realizing it is their loss not yours. Freedom is not letting the way other people act affect how you see yourself. Freedom is His voice being louder than theirs.

So my situation hasn't changed, in fact it's probably not getting better, but that's okay. There is a peace walking forward knowing He really has got this. There is a peace knowing how much He loves me and that NOTHING can change that. He knows my heart period and for that I am thankful.

If you do not have the new Bowling Family CD, GET IT!! It is so powerful and anointed and I'm not just saying that. It took my journey to a new place last week. The song I know Enough has been my theme since I first heard it. "I've been on the other side of the mountain, seen the night give way to day, delivered over and over when it seemed there was no way. I've been rescued by mercy, lifted by love. I may not know much, but I know enough."  That is just a sample of the lyrics. Get it, I promise you it will be a blessing.

Different kind of blog I know, but it is where I've been the last week or so. No more people pleasing, playing the game, or doing things just so someone will notice. God is the only one who needs to notice, and He has never stopped paying attention. He knows my heart and His favor will protect even when I can't see. "I may not know much, but I know enough..." I've seen God move in miraculous ways and last week I was reminded that I'm not the same. I've been changed by an incredible relationship with the One who knows me the best and loves me the most!!

God gave you the light inside of you that makes you shine and sparkle. Guard the outlet and don't let anyone unplug it!!

On the journey,
~Melissa

Darts, Knives, and Forgiveness

When you are doing what God has planned for your life, what He wants for you to do, rest assured you the enemy will come looking for you. This truth seeped into my mind a couple nights ago when I had finally had enough with a couple of situations that were just draining me. I had asked God more than once to fit the pieces together, but what I really wanted was for Him to fix the situations. I wanted Him to take out His big magic eraser and make them go away. I don't like being uncomfortable. I don't like being stretched. Oh, but see that's how we grow. (Like it or not, it is....). The sand has to get inside of our shells and its our choice if those things that are irritating turn into pearls or just stay as irritants.

So why did I use the term seep when I referred to the truth earlier. Seeping implies that it took time to get into my mind which it did. Like I said, I wanted Him to just make the situation get easier and comfortable. He wants me growing ;-)

So as I said earlier in a blog, He kept writing with this truth. Now on to why this is called Darts, Knives, and Forgiveness.

Darts: When you are where God wants you, the enemy is going to throw darts your way. His goal is to try and mess you up, throw you off course, and just plain distract you. What God showed me though, is as long as we keep our shield of faith up, the darts cannot affect us. It is when we take our eyes off of Him, start worrying about what comes next, spend time trying to figure out what is next, that we lower our shield of faith and get hit. Faith is not always knowing how the pieces fit together, but knowing and trusting the One who does. Faith doesn't fear, reason, or worry.

Knives: Knives in our back hurt. They just do, God knows that. If you read in Ephesians 6, there is a piece of armor to protect every part of our body except our back. If we are moving forward and following Him...our back is never exposed to the battle. It is when we get scared and start to turn around and run back that we end up with a knife in our back from someone. Knives are unexpected to us, but God knows before they hit. He will take the knife out and use that hurt to remind of us of His truth if we will let Him. Stay focused on the path He has planned for you. Stay focused on what He has called you to do. Look straight ahead and don't turn back. He has your back covered, if you keep moving forward.

Forgiveness: This truth came this morning. (I've heard it before, but it stuck this morning). Forgiveness is not for the other person. Forgiveness is for us. A lot of times, the hurt we feel, the hurt that caused the wall to be built around us is a hurt that the other person may not even know exists. If they do know they hurt you, chances are they have already moved forward anyway. If you hold on to the hurt, you stay put. Forgive that person and let go of the hurt. Forgiveness gives the hurt to God and lets Him do what only He can do. You can't run this race if you are tied to a hurt someone did to you. Move on....time is too short. (Word of caution: Forgiveness doesn't mean you continue to let that person hurt you. It means you follow His leading when interacting with that person. Please Him with your actions, interactions, words etc. He will protect your heart ;-)).

I heard this song last night for the first time. I'm still not sure how I had never heard it before, but I think God knew exactly when I needed the words. I've let the enemy make me feel guilty for having too big of a heart. I've let what others expected dictate way too much instead of following my heart. His box is the only One I was made to fit in, not the boxes others try to stuff me in to meet the their own needs/wants. No more apologizing for who He made me to be....My big heart is part of who I am;-) When I heard this song last night, God whispered this is you. Be who He made you to be!

Enjoy the journey!
Until next time
~Melissa