It's renewing, restoring....

Somewhere after my time with Him last night, God said to listen to a certain song. I don't argue when it's after midnight or even question at that point....God had already been pouring out, so I wasn't about to rock the moment. I played the song which is one I have listened to on an almost nightly basis and even sang in worship service before when visiting Restoring Hope, but last night God used to it on a whole other level. God always has the word ready His children need, always. He's never late or behind even though our flesh may lead us to believe that. He created us and knows us the best....so the word is always right on time. 

Your Blood is a song by Aaron and Amanda Crabb, the link is below if you have never heard it. There is a line in the song that says it's renewing, restoring, setting us free.....

Things in the natural reflect things in the spiritual...stay with me as I describe the picture God painted last night while I sat there with tears streaming down during this song. Sometimes the wounds of life can leave us gushing out blood. We try to bandage those wounds, but the loss still leaves us feeling weak. Maybe our spiritual iron is even low and over time we continue to just go through the motions lacking any pizzazz cause we just don't feel it. You keep going and doing all that you can, but tired becomes the norm.....His blood is renewing, restoring. Sometimes we need a blood transfusion, a hook up from the One who is always a perfect match. It's then and only then do we start to feel restored over time, renewed with an energy that is fresh, and a strength that comes from the source. Wounds are going to happen, but I'm thankful His blood is renewing, restoring. It's when I slow down and let Him take over that I am reminded He gets what I can't seem to comprehend. He understands the moments that make me have to count to ten and take a deep breath. He knows what makes my heart stay in rhythm. I'm thankful for His promises and even when I make a mess of things and the day is held together with His duct tape, He always pokes through with a peace that reminds me "I'm working on what you can't see". 

My anxiety hasn't been my friend this week. I've learned what makes my heart stay in rhythm and what makes it get out of rhythm. I'm learning that boundaries have to be put in place for those things that don't make my heart beat with His.....and no is a word that needs to be used more. I'm a little too transparent some days and walk a fine line between throwing the wall up or telling you how I feel. I'm thankful for those in my life that pour back in when I tell them exactly where I am at. I'm learning to stay sensitive to others that may be where I am and after tonight's sermon praying for interactions that are divine appointments. I've seen God restore confidence over the last week that I had only dreamed about and I've also seen my insecurity and self-doubt turn up the volume in another area. Isn't that how things usually work? The puzzle comes into view at one spot, but the pieces in the other start being harder to fit into place. There is a surrender to the pieces altogether that has to happen at some point.....after all, it wasn't a puzzle I created in the first place. 

I don't know where you are at walking into this week, but God does. Maybe you are running along and life is great, stay the course and keep smiling. Maybe you are in that point where you are starting to feel the weakness set in and the motions aren't that far away, and you need to slow down for a hook up from the One whose blood is restoring and renewing. Maybe you are in the place I was last week where you were in between what made your heart stay in rhythm and what made it come out of rhythm.....let me tell you what I needed last week...I see you! More than that sweet reader, God sees you and knows exactly where you are at. I know it feels like your feet are having trouble walking, but water walking was never meant to be easy. There were other disciples in the boat when Jesus told Peter to come....sometimes the water walking part of your journey is just between you and Him. Whatever it is you are needing in the moment....ask Him for it. I'm reading The Circle Maker and every chapter I'm reminded that the only prayer that is never answered, is the one that is never asked. Don't lose hope when the answer seems to be a delay.....God's still on His way. 

Unpacking with suitcase

The suitcase was packed full of what had been used from the trip, clothes that had been worn, clothes that hadn't, shoes, jewelry, and even a few souvenirs. It was bulging by the time she rolled it into the house because don't we all know that it never goes back in the suitcase as neat as it did when it came out. It's never an easy fit, but you stuff it all in there just to make the trip to home to unpack it. Suitcase is opened and you start to "deal" with everything on the inside. The clothes that had been worn need to be washed and after the trip the ones that hadn't still need to be washed. The shoes need to be put away, the jewelry hung up, and a place found tor the souvenirs. Then once everything has been dealt with, once everything has a place again..it's time to put that suitcase away. It's time  to put the suitcase away. The suitcase still reminds you of the trip, but once it's in it's place....it's not something you will trip over anymore.

I'm the worst at unpacking in the natural and it's not much better with my own house. I would go on trips in the summer and certain bags would stay packed all summer. How many times do we just get it out of whatever bag it's still packed in when we need instead of taking time to deal with it and put it away. It was never as fun to unpack as it was to pack.

A couple of months ago, God showed me a picture of a suitcase and it was open. I had tried to leave the suitcase at His feet multiple times and all of the junk that it contained. A couple of years ago a friend finally spoke truth that broke through this hard head..I had to deal with some stuff. The leaving the bag at His feet wasn't how freedom was found, because as soon as I needed a feeling or a thought would pop in..I knew exactly where to go to get it. Yes the suitcase may have stayed at His feet, but I would go pull out what I needed for the moment to use. I couldn't understand why it was still so "heavy" when I had left it at His feet. Well hello, I was spending all of my time trying to live in the natural and in the spiritual, but didn't know that's what I was doing. I was picking blooms and not digging up roots. For the suitcase to not be something the enemy could use to entangle me and distract me, I had to deal with what was in the suitcase...every piece whether it had been worn or not, there were things that needed to be restored to their place. Are you following? Today He used an empty suitcase sitting by my closet to finish what He's been trying for two months to get through to me. (I'm slightly stubborn, easily distracted, anxious at times, and tend to walk in discouragement more than I should so it takes a few times for the "word" to poke through the soil so it can take root). Sometimes we go through the process with God to deal with what's in the suitcase so we can let it go...we let go of the contents, but don't take a minute to put away the suitcase, to let that go in His hands. God's ready to turn the page to our next chapter and we are still staring at the period. Hear my heart for a minute....the time to unpack the suitcase is between you and God. Just as in the natural, some people get caught up on laundry and put things away a lot quicker than others. Some people can move houses and not have a box left a week later. Some of us six months later, still have a box or two to put away. It's a process for you and God...no one else can tell you how fast to do it, just keep doing it. One thing at a time is better than just staring at the suitcase. Talking with Him about the suitcase is better than acting like the suitcase doesn't exist.  The suitcase may not always stay away in the spiritual life happens...and just because you get through dealing with the contents of one, doesn't mean it won't be filled again. Just remember God never changes and He's not going anywhere. He's a loving Father willing to help however you will let Him.

I don't know what you have been carrying around. How much more grace and mercy we would probably show each other if we could see the bags and suitcases we are all dragging around? God knows though exactly what's been weighing you down. I'm not going to tell you it's easy....goodness I've been staring at mine for a month because I really didn't want to talk about it. I thought I had dealt with it and I had...I had victory over the feelings, but one punch and the memories came flooding back. One punch and I stood staring at the suitcase for almost a month not sure if I wanted to put it away. God doesn't quit talking just because you don't want to listen. He doesn't stop poking and prodding, knocking until you listen. For that I am thankful...I'm thankful He stepped in last week when I wasn't exactly expecting Him, but then again He knew what I needed. I'm thankful for shifts in the spiritual that reminds of His purpose and plan....we were created to be His hands and Feet simply put. I know what it's like for anxiety to overwhelm you in the flesh, for discouragement to be the thoughts that are on repeat, for the blahs to be a fog around you, for Netflix to be what you would rather watch/listen to than your praise music. (I'm learning just in the last week, energy happens when you feed it from His well, but that's a blog for another day). You may still have a full suitcase....okay open it up and ask God for help to start dealing with what's inside of it. As you do God will remind you of His love, His mercy, His grace...and His incredible plans for your life sweet reader. God knows the suitcase is there, He's waiting on you to get tired of carrying it around. It took me awhile to open up the suitcase...now to put it away, but that's a blog for another day when it's left at His Feet for good.

Thursday thoughts

Are you living up to His reason you walked through whatever you thought you wouldn't? When you find yourself writing those words in your prayer journal as a sentence as God I want to be faithful to the reason I walked through it, Your reason. So many times we think we know His reason and we try to walk that out....and we fail miserably. We apologize for the heart He created inside of us because we compare it to others. Oh how quickly we forget that only God can see the heart. We only see what's on the outside of others and ourselves. If we could all just take a step back and simply respond in love. It's going to hurt...we live in a flesh world. It's going to feel like we are being stepped on at times, but giving was never promised to be easy. We ask Him in our prayer closets to help us love others as He does.....yet do we really know what that means. Transparency is never easy, but it's how we walk in freedom. It's how we say these are my scars, these are my wounds, this is how I'm walking through it, so that when you find yourself on the other side you can help pull/push someone else through it. I'm finding out and it's true...our story isn't ours to keep it to ourselves. There is a voice on the inside of each of us with a story that is waiting to be told.....God's been writing the pages since before you were born, but He's not the one who holds the permission for the audiobook version. You walked through what you did, so you could share His grace, His mercy, and His love with others. He didn't write the words for them to stay only read by you, or seen by you. Your life is a story being written and lived out each and every day. What are the words saying? Are you giving someone else permission to do your audiobook, or is there an audiobook at all? Let that sink in....

God called us to give period. When we give of ourselves, He gives back pressed down, shaken together...and running over. Wondering why you aren't feeling the overflow? Check your giving....I'm not talking about the giving so that someone will notice or give back in return, but that simple giving because He said to. It's giving trusting Him to take care of the feelings, the hurts that may come, and remembering nothing happens to you that He doesn't know about already. God doesn't leave even when we feel like running and things get "rough/tough". He's always got eyes on us even when we don't feel them. We'll talk about the whole choice thing in another blog. Hear my heart on the whole giving thing for just a second....don't get some caught up in giving so much of yourself away to others that you forget to give some to yourself as well. Those things that fill your tank quickly, that make your heart smile, those moments that remind you why you keep running the race with endurance. Wondering what those moments are? Get still and listen to the beat of your heart.....He'll remind you what they are. 

Transparent blog coming in time...when God steps in there is a shift, there is a push towards the reason, the purpose that He created you for.  He saw the punch that thing that knocked you down for a time. He saw the stare when you wanted to tell Him your heart, but you didn't really want to listen to what He wanted to tell you. He saw the motions as you walked through even though you were down. He saw...sometimes we look at only what's on the outside, but it's until we get a chance to really listen to the stories do we start to see the duct tape God's been using to hold the pieces in place. Strength doesn't always mean the one who knows that they can run the race, but the one who doesn't think they can run the race and runs anyway. 

Release and Fill

I'm such a visual person and sometimes the pictures God paints in our time together.....sometimes the pictures are His way of pulling up the glasses of His perspective and letting me see things from His view.

When we release things, when we let things go, when we dig up roots (with His help), there is a hole left. Releasing is just the first part to moving forward.....it's the next step that determines what happens next. Are we covering the holes we just emptied, trying to hold on in some way to the idea of what we let go of? Are we trying to fill those holes with the things from the current season not realizing God has new seed to plant in those holes and the new season is coming? Are we arms up in praising asking Him to fill the holes or are we staying distracted so that we feel the holes but that's about it? The shift is in the atmosphere, the season is changing....don't miss it because your holes are sitting empty waiting to be filled with seed that only He can give. It may seem dark and lonely while the covering takes place, but don't lose hope.....it's a new season coming your way!


I almost typed there are multiple blogs in the works from the last couple of months, but there may even be a book. The layers get pulled back, the truth gets revealed....that's His part, then it comes time for yours. Obedience at this stage in the journey takes more than a checklist, more than a set time each day, it takes desire and pursuit of being whole...knowing that as long as you are not walking in obedience you aren't whole. Knowing that once He speaks a word to you, breathes life into you, paints the picture you asked Him to....it's your turn next. The response looks different because we are all different. God didn't make us all the same and that means we don't show our love the same way to Him either. Some praise with a shout, some with a dance, some with a run, some with a prayer only God can understand, some with hands/feet in motion, and some with just a simple smile. The Creator of the Universe....has the details of our heart engrained on His and He knows just what we need. Oh how we must make not only make Him smile some days but laugh as we try to follow the steps that aren't shaped for our feet or listen for the notes that aren't being played from our hearts. We lose sight of the focus when we look at our this and that from a perspective other than His. We grow frustrated when we forget that what we can see isn't all there is and that the impact/difference we are making goes way past what is seen. As the word says, so we fix our eyes on what is unseen.....

Before you go reading this, going oh great another keep pushing sunshine and roses post. Umm no...the details will come in a later post, but this is the view from the other side. This is the view from realizing the enemy has had my focus on the battles of this level so that I couldn't see the fight I needed to engage in on another level. The wounds happen when we disengage from the battle...and some moments in the battle we are meant to soar sweet readers. We are meant to mount up on the wings of eagles and rise above the distractions of what we can see. It's not easy period. Discouragement is real especially when we are distracted. There are days when the prayer closet is the last place you want to go. There are moments when a gentle kick in the pants reminds you hey get your focus back on My plans for you and My Business. There are moments when that cover you placed over your fire, There are moments when you know the power on the inside of you, yes, but you still feel your way through. But God always gets through.....He always keeps whispering knowing that when the time is right, the heat inside that covered flame is going to get some hot that you will pull the cover back off again. He knows that because He lit the flame and what He starts no one else can touch. He knows because He knows you. He doesn't waste a moment so let your this and that become part of your story and be real with how He spelled it out for you. Be real with where He's brought you, walked you through, and covered you...Be real with the fires and the valleys....Be real because you don't know the holes other people have, the roots God is helping them pull up, and your transparency, your story.....maybe what He uses to fill their hole. Your steps are ordered by the One who wrote your story long before you could read. Your steps are ordered and even though it doesn't make sense....the pieces are His to put in place, He just asks that you stay engaged and focused.

More to come later....

Sunday thoughts

My heart is full and I'm forever in His debt for the shifting today. I sat there decorating my room for VBS this week and had The Bowling sisters CD playing on my Ipad in the process and just had to stop for a minute and think back over the last 17 years of ministry. When it hit me that the room I was in was my very first classroom, it made my heart smile to think back to all of those memories....and God used that moment to dump in a load of grace and push that I honestly had been without for few weeks. It was in that moment thinking back to all of my classes that I have had during that time at more than one church (not to mention my kiddos in Nashville whom will probably always call me MelissaMann) and the lies of discouragement that the enemy had been trying to sow were yanked up by the root yet again. You see....if he can make us operate in our feelings, he wins. Feelings are one of his best weapons of distraction. The enemy knows when we are worn, tired, and our guards are down. I'll leave it at that.....but just because he pushes doesn't mean we have to stay stuck.  Sometimes we just need God to take us back down memory lane to where He's brought us from and to remind us we aren't who we used to be.  The core of our heart is the same, but He's refined it over the years to where for the most part those things that used to matter don't stay in focus so easily anymore. 

So many times we pray for the shift to happen, but we miss it because we are looking for it to happen in the realm we can see and God's shifting things in the realm we can't see. Shifts don't mean that circumstances change, it means we remember the ins and outs of the battle and that we were made for more than "this". Sometimes it's about God opening our eyes to see the journey how He's seen it and remembering that if He's done it before, He will do it again. I don't know your "story" and most of you don't know all of mine...but as I told a friend this week, God didn't do what He did then to quit doing now. If you are feeling the stuck.....get still and let Him remind you of all of the "done befores" and then remember His promises ....The One who calls you is Faithful and He will do it and He's the same yesterday, today, and forever. 

Make this week what you want it to be...the choice is yours. He never said the tearing down of walls (aka strongholds) would be easy, but the fire is refining you to answer that prayer of Make me More Like You Jesus. He knows our hearts after all He created them ;-)

What do you Do When....Discouragement hits

This is a new blog series for Wednesdays this summer. God actually laid it on my heart after the post I made Sunday when I talked about being stuck. These will be short (hopefully) posts about a topic each week and just being real. It's about admitting hey this is how I feel, God help me deal with it and not just ignore it. So the first what do you do when ____ hits is on discouragement. 

What do you do when discouragement hits? (and let's be real, it's gonna hit at some point during this journey....for most people more than once). What do you do when life has just worn you down and that smile on your face is fake even though you know the joy of the Lord is on the inside of you? Let's take off the masks for a minute and get real, life can be discouraging at times. If it's not something personal, just turn on the news. There are going to be bumps, twists, and turns that make you ask God what in the world are You doing? There are going to be moments when you just need a good cry or to let out a scream. There are also going to be moments when you will be too hard on yourself and overanalyze the would have, could have, should haves of a situation. There are going to be moments when you just feel down. Discouragement happens when we focus on just what we can see and lose sight of all that we can't. It's hard to press forward when you can't see exactly what God is doing(or that He is even doing something). It's hard to not stay stuck when your flesh is hurt and you just don't want to rise above it. God never said we wouldn't feel down, even David did. One of the most real verses in the Bible is 1 Samuel 30:6 where it says David encouraged himself in the Lord. No one else may get where you are feeling or even see where you are at, but God does. He knows what is on the inside of you...and sometimes you have to stir that up. You have to take the step to remind yourself of what God has done in the past, what He is doing now....and that He has this because He has you. You can't always wait for someone to be that Jesus with skin on, but you have the power on the inside to encourage yourself just like David did. Nothing in your flesh may want to, but sometimes the stirring is what's needed to take the step to jump in to see what God is doing through what you can't see. 

Put on the music that lifts you and move your feet even if you don't fee like it...the enemy likes to see you down and focused on just what you can't see. You up and armed for battle scares him, so put a little purpose in your step and remind that liar what you can do through the One on the inside of you. You may not feel powerful, but God said you are. You may not feel period, but we have to walk by faith and not by sight and feelings are what we can see. Discouragement is real, but posting about it isn't going to fix it or help you move forward. Trust the One who knows your heart to encourage you just how you need it. Trust Him that He's not going to leave you there if you are obedient to His voice. One last thing...during those discouragement moments, stay connected to those God connections in your life. You know who they are...and when you don't feel like it, they will be the Ones who God uses to speak life back into you. 

Moving past the Stuck Zone...

I debated writing this blog....I'm the worst at second guessing myself and actually almost titled this as The Mountain of Me.  To head to a deeper place with God, there is a stripping away of what we used to see as ourselves that happens. Can I just be real for a minute? It hurts....It hurts to have band-aids ripped off, wounds exposed, and to deal with why you feel the way you feel about something. I'm reading a book called Heart Made Whole that has been life changing. It's talking about those places in our heart where we put up walls and what all it keeps out. When you ask God for wholeness and restoration....be willing to cooperate with whatever that means. I still remember the day when God spoke that word whole back last Fall into my Spirit....and this book whew. I'll blog about that later....

So the last couple of weeks has been, well the best word to describe is stuck. There are times we reach a place where we know we can't go backwards to what was(how we used to think, do, feel), but for the life of us, we can't get our feet to move forward either. I know all about feet glued to a floor and those stuck moments have always preceded a shifting. Hear my heart for a minute...you can stay still for so long (knowing you can't go backwards, but also knowing that you can't make your feet move forwards)...that you grow numb. You find yourself on auto-pilot and are so close to going through the motions that for this Jesus girl it's not easy. When you know what it's like to lay on your face in your prayer closet and not get up until He answers....you have that gnawing in your soul that won't let you stay stuck forever. It's that gnawing that pushes you to unstick those feet and stir up on the inside what you know is in there. We can get so focused on trying to make sure everyone else hears our heartbeat, that we forget to stop and listen to our own. We lose sight of our own calling, our own purpose, and our own walk....and get lost in a sea of "busy". If we aren't careful we can grow complacent and with that the "going through the motions" is one step away.  I'm thankful today for friends who even in an Instagram/Facebook post speak the life (and truth in love) that you need. 

"Being in the Stuck Zone" has a purpose if you are willing to let God show it to you. My prayer closet and I haven't had time together over the last couple of weeks...I've had a devotion here a devotion there, a tearful talk with God in the car more than once, and praise song after praise song pushing through to try and get through the crowd to Him. I listened to a word late Wednesday night/early Thursday morning that well let's just say when God takes the scripture He gave you about the upcoming season almost three months ago and then your friend speaks a word using that same one...God gets your attention. 

There are battles to be fought in the spiritual realm and the enemy would love nothing more than to keep us focused on fighting battles in the natural realm. (I could preach a sermon at this point right now that would be multiple blogs, but that's for another day). The hardest thing to do is to stay focused on what God is calling you to do when your flesh has just taken a punch to the gut, but we will never fly with the eagles which is where we find His strength. We will never run the race with endurance as long as keep letting the things that so easily entangle us keep us wrapped up (and stressed out). It's our choice just as the man that lay by the pool of Bethesda when Jesus asked him did he want to? For God to restore something, we have to release it, and for us to release it we have to admit it needs releasing. Wounds can't turn into scars if we keep picking at them (and the enemy will pick as long as you let him....trust me). 

I know this is a different kind of blog, but the last few weeks have been different. I've been in a stuck mode for an area of my life and content to just go on auto-pilot. When I had to make myself get up this morning, I knew something had to give, something had to change before the stuck grew cold. God and I have had simple conversations over the last couple of weeks, but the deeper level has been well non-existent. It's not that I didn't want to go sit in His lap for awhile, but I think part of me didn't really want to hear what He wanted to say. I wanted Him to fix something and He wanted me to rise above it(and just pray). Yes, there are times when the devotions don't happen, when the prayer time loses to sleep, when you have poured your heart out and it feels like it got handed back to you, and when God and you are on a casual basis....but hear my heart reader, He won't leave you in that spot for long if you keep pushing through. Words that have been spoken over your life, into your life....are seeds that are getting ready to bloom. God won't leave you stuck...but once He shows you what to do, the choice is in your hands at that point.