It's been a deep week with Me and God...Yesterday was full of conversations. I've done my best to type them back out, because I've learned some of what I'm walking through and learning is not always just for me;-) So here is my Friday....
My conversation with God on the way to work yesterday was simply, God please send me someone that understands....(I'm not sure I just asked, I may have been more pleading). Before I move on, we ALL have days like this. We want someone with skin, someone in our day to day world, just to tell us Hey I get it, I understand what you are dealing with, or just wow didn't realize you had that much on you (You get what I mean?). I almost put that on my facebook before I went in to work, but I was afraid it would be analyzed and someone would go, God always understands etc. Yes I am fully aware that God always understands, but I also know that He knows my heart and He knew what I meant when I asked. That aside, His reply left me speechless. He simply asked me, would it change anything? Made me think, you know I'm not sure it would. Sometimes the things we ask for are not necessarily what we need, but things we want to make our flesh feel better, and make our flesh shut up.
Second conversation came not long after the first.....It was another one of those, But God moments...I asked Him why I'm dealing with so much this year, why so much struggle, why so much adversity. While some of what we go through is caused by other people, our RESPONSE is something we can change. This is something I am still walking out. I'm hesitant to call it a struggle because I'm not where I was before on it. God reminded me that when He is moving in our lives, when His plan is coming to fruition, it makes the enemy mad. Why wouldn't the enemy push all of the buttons he can to keep us locked in a frustrated, stressed state? When you are walking in your calling/gifting, that thing that only you can do, there is an amazing sense of peace, but it also makes the enemy mad. If you weren't doing what God called you to do, had planned for you to do from the very beginning, the enemy wouldn't be as scared of what you could do. Sometimes our struggles as we journey forward are proof that we are where we are supposed to be (even if we want to run;-)). When you feel like running, its then that you have to keep moving forward regardless of how hard it feels.
Conversation to end the day: "But God I just want to make a difference......" He reminded me of the verses about someone planting the seeds, someone else waters, but it is God who makes it grow. Lesson from that is that, there are going to be days when you can't see the difference you are making with your eyes, but He knows why you do what you do and He can see what you can't. At the end of the day, you have only you to answer for. Did you do all you could with the hours you had? Don't miss out on the God moments because you are waiting on an earthquake. God may have you taking care of some little things(in your eyes) as you move to the bigger, but to God it is all the same size. He has you where you are for a reason and the talents inside of you make you who you are.
Wrapping it all up......It's been a deep week. I've asked God a lot of questions, some days I have cried through my feelings, and some days I have wanted to scream. It's tough crucifying your flesh, but I can only imagine it's nothing compared to what He went through for us. Joyce Meyer says it best, there has to be a Friday before Sunday. There has to be a crucifixion before a resurrection. I'm still in the putting flesh in it's place phase, but I can see Sunday. I can see part of the puzzle box, but it has to be in His time. It's hard to not care what others think, to keep doing the best you can and still feeling like you have failed, to keep doing all you know to do and it's not enough. It's hard to go through the week and just want that person to say to you "I understand". My encouragement for you is this, keep doing what you are doing with all that you have, where you are at. He knows your heart and He knows why you do what you do. In time, that heart will shine through to others. When the world causes you to doubt yourself, remember He believed in you first and still does! Get victory over the little things, and you'll be amazed at what will come next. Sometimes faith means moving forward with what He's told you, even if you are the only one that knows it. So keep doing what He's called you to sweet friend, it may not be easy, but He is never late.
and I understand ;-)
Until next time,
Melissa
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