Here's my heart on paper tonight, please don't analyze and/or judge. This is one of my just thinking posts. In other words, it's my blog and I get to share period. Over this past calendar year I have learned so much about me. I've learned why I do what I do, who it matters to, and what really matters. For so long, I have been that people pleasing person. The one who tried to make everyone else happy and lost myself in the process. I was the one who cared more about what others thought and let those expectations drive what I prioritized. This summer God has peeled back the layers and shown me so much more than I could have ever imagined. Life is short and some things that we put value on, shouldn't really matter in the scheme of things. So this blog is mainly what I've learned, what I'm still learning, and where I still have to go. I'm not where I need to be, but thankful I'm not where I used to be.
I've learned that who I am is pretty special. I've learned that I let what others said and did matter way too much than it should have. I've learned that God knows my heart and He will let me know when I've stepped out of line. I've learned that patience isn't easy. I've learned that His timing and mine are two different things. I've learned that I don't have to say everything that comes to mind. I've learned that I don't have to push replay on thoughts that are not from Him, delete works well too. I've learned that He loves me way more than I ever thought and has more in planned still than I could ever imagine. I've learned that God moments and God friends mean more to me than everything else put together. I've learned that trust has to have action not just words. I've learned that some days it really is just one step in front of the other. I've learned that I do make a difference, sometimes it is seeds planted, some time I get to see the harvest, but a difference is made period. I've learned that I have been the one defeating myself. I've learned that if you don't believe in yourself and what He has called you to do, it's hard for others to do the same. I've learned that I have gifts and talents that I still have yet to fully tap into. I've learned that God doesn't always answer your prayer with someone you can see. (i.e. social media....answer may not be always someone you know).
I'm still learning how to let Him do His thing without trying to help. I'm still learning to rely on Him with it all not just with the big stuff. I'm still learning who to listen to and whose words don't need to take root. I'm still learning what the future holds, but thankful I know who holds the future. I'm still learning to do things without complaining. I'm still learning to not come unglued after I've stuffed my feelings/emotions. I'm still learning which bridges still need to be crossed and which ones can continue to burn.
The kids come back tomorrow, summer has officially ended for 2013. I didn't accomplish everything on my to-do list, but I enjoyed my summer tremendously. I finally grasped some truths that were along time coming and am working to put those in place during this school year. Being a special education teacher is not always an easy thing. Some(I dare say most), view us as paper work holders or assistants. That is so not the case. Just because I do not have my own class(or even a room this year), does not change the fact that I am a teacher too. It's a partnership and with some students it takes more than one to help them be who they are meant to be. Thankfully last year God used people I have never even met to remind me over and over again how good of a teacher I was and that I had a lot to offer. God will always send us the encouragement we need, it just may not come from where we "expect" it. God knows my heart. He knows why I do what I do, why I am where I am. My heart is just to make a difference. I still enjoy seeing the light bulbs come on, I still enjoy seeing the faces of those when they do something for the first time. Teaching comes in all different styles and ways. God's called me to make a difference each and every day and to do it His way. As long as I stay focused on that, the rest will fall into place.
Different kind of blog, but as I said it's my heart and a just thinking post ;-) Trusting God to do more than I could ever ask or imagine this school year. Trusting God to water the seeds that are planted, and to do what He does best ;-)
Until next time,
Melissa
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