This past week has been a revelation time for sure. I've pulled off more band-aids than I even realized I had on. I'm not perfect, but God knows I'm pressing forward. Last week the world took a few punches at me and to be honest the enemy tried to keep me down. Let me let you in on a secret about me for a minute, I'm insecure at times (aren't we all). God has convicted me more than once about doubting myself and apologizing for the heart He put inside of me on purpose. Oh how my mirror was clouded with how others saw me, instead of how He saw me. Yes the people pleasing chain has been broken off, but that doesn't mean the struggle isn't there at times. It's a daily process to let God have control of my mind and my thought process when my flesh takes a hit. The last couple of months I've struggled. I've cried my way through many moments and said I'm done more times than I would like to admit. It's been a struggle because I tried to hold on to a bit of control. I tried to have some hold of the reigns for this particular leg of my journey, when God said just trust me. You are not going to fall off and you are going to make it to the other side. Oh how hard it is to let go even when the ride feels bumpy. Those that know me, know I don't let go very well. However I have had a couple speak into my life over the last couple of months and put it bluntly...you either trust God or you don't. If we know we have the power that He says we have, than why do we doubt ourselves. Why do we not rust that God is already in the moment that makes us feel stressed, upset, and worried? He goes before us and prepares each step of the way, let go of the control, trust His word more than your feelings. Tears are cleansing, let Him wipe them and use them for your healing. If the enemy can keep you in a state of stress and doubting yourself, he wins. Press forward and trust the One who said He will finish what He starts. Press forward and trust the One who says I've got you with my right hand. Press forward and trust the One who is faithful and will do it!
I am who He made me to be. I realize that isn't the part most people may want me to play, but that's who I am. I am the special education teacher who has no idea how she ended up in this field when she WANTED to go a different route. I am the special education teacher who made herself a promise to treat the parents as I would want have wanted mine treated and the kids how I would have wanted my sister treated. Those that have known me for awhile know this, but those that do not may not know, but my sister would have been a kiddo I would have had in class. She was in school before the regulations were in place, but if she hadn't been, she may have had an IEP due to her medical concerns. I do what I do because of her(even though I have tried to RUN many times away from it). I listen and love. That's what He's called us to do. I grew up with teachers who saw the good in everyone and truly loved what they did. They instilled in us everyday that we mattered and that we could make a difference. My heart has always been to be that teacher for others. The journey hasn't been easy, but I trust that He has planted the seeds. Now to leave the harvest up to Him.
Thank you Lord for reminding me this weekend, Melissa Mann is good enough in your eyes. (Vulnerable statement, but if you only knew where I was at when it came....oh how He knows our hearts and our prayers when we didn't even know we had prayed them). I'm sure my FB feed got tired of seeing all of the videos I shared from my Nashville family. God knows when I need them and this weekend I did. When God allows paths to cross and lives to intertwine, it is for a reason. Thank you Lord for what that group means to me.
The weekend started off with the world reminding me of who it thought that I was and ended with God reminding me who He saw me as. Honest moment; mask off: I started off Friday feeling like being me wasn't good enough for the world around me. I ended Friday with God reminding me that being me was just who He needed me to be. See there are stories in my journey and seeds that have been planted, that God gave me a glimpse on a couple of weeks ago. Seeds that were reaching a harvest that I could only dream about, seeds that were there because I listened to Him and was the me He created me to be. The world will try and tell you who you are. The world will try to put you in a box and make you feel that your best isn't good enough. Sweet reader, God threw away the box when the relationship with Him started. He doesn't fit in a box and He didn't make you to fit in one either. You were not mean to play the part others create for you, only the one He has created for you to play.
No comments:
Post a Comment