Being real.....

I'm in a reflective mood today....just thinking back over the last couple of weeks, all that God has done, all that He has spoken in.....and all that is still to come.

I'm learning to be real...I'm learning to be the me He made me to be and all that entails. I've lived far too long in a box listening to everyone but Him.....the box breaking is life changing. It's not easy swimming in the deep waters with Him, but the plan and purpose He has prepared are worth taking the jump. I'm not a swimmer in the natural. In fact if I'm not on the edge holding on to the side or with a float, you won't find me anywhere near that end of the pool. In the spiritual we can't walk around the deep end holding on to the edge. It works for awhile, but it will wear you out. When God has called you to swim in His plan, His purpose....and His promises you won't be satisfied walking around the wall. That being said....I found my way to the wall last week.....I know what it's like to swim in the spiritual deep, but I found myself tired in the natural and walking around the wall. My natural wanted to be comfortable ....and it wanted to be in the easy waters again. If there had been a tape recorder in my head last week.....let's just say His voice was not the loudest. The enemy was shaking the anxiety, fear, and depression chains loudly......Chains that God broke off last year were laying right in front of me. The word I used in a text was stuck.....I was stuck between picking up the chain again or stepping over it and moving forward.

There are moments when we have a choice to make and it's one only we can make. We can stay stuck...or we can reach out knowing that when we can't push ourselves in that moment, we have friends who can pray and push us forward. The enemy knows how powerful your testimony is, how purposeful your steps are, and how your praise and prayers are impacting lives....if he can convince you to stay stuck you begin to lose sight of the race God has called you to run. Running the race isn't going to be easy, but running with Him means running with purpose. Sometimes you just need a friend to remind you know how to fight and to push through to Him......There was a shift that took place last week. I actually remember the exact spot and moment where the God I just want to sleep for the next two weeks turned into quoting scriptures as He brought them to mind. Devil you don't win.....The struggle will only defeat you if you choose to let it. God has every step ordered and every moment is under His control as a Child of God. He doesn't waste any of them.....and even when you feel on empty God is working through the emptiness to a place of overflowing. That place where you feel like you can't do anymore is truly an amazing place to be (even when you don't feel like it is)...you see when you reach the end of all you know that you can do, God steps in and shows you all that He can do.

I don't know what your week holds, I'm not even sure what my week holds. I know this though, my steps are ordered by the One who does. There are moments that may make me feel stressful, discouraged, and even anxious....but God is working through those moments to defeat the enemy. He is the lifter of our heads when we feel discouraged. He knows we may feel anxious at times, but He says to be anxious for nothing but give it to Him. In other words, He knows you are going to feel it, but He says to let Him do it. God knows the purpose, the plan, and the anointing that He said was mine....(and He also knows how mad it makes the enemy). Pushing through the struggles doesn't mean they get easier, it means you get stronger because you learn that true strength comes form Him. I'm still such a work in progress, but I look back at how far He's brought me this past year and it makes me want to shout. The enemy is going to be louder at times, but it's in those moments...when we have to take ourselves to Him. He already knows we feel a mess about things, but He needs for us to bring that mess to Him. He knows how loud the enemy has taunted, how real the anxiety felt again, and how weary you have felt....He knows, but look back over all that He has done for you and know that He's making a way now even when you can't see it...and He will do it again!!

(Different kind of blog....but this is me) The last couple of weeks have worn me out in the natural. My spiritual understood what was going on, but my natural was wearing out day by day. The enemy was after my joy, my praise, and my focus....he knew that if I focused on what all was going on around me in the natural I would miss the need to fight in the spiritual and oh what a fight there has been. I reached a moment last week when I hit the autopilot button.....I knew I didn't want to go back to the chains of last year, but I was stuck. God and I are working on this being real thing. I'm still a work in progress...I tend to run to the mask of everything's fine and stay so busy to keep the tears at bay. God's faithful....I'm thankful for the reminders He sent last week, the truths He spoke in....and the moments of revelation. He's already been giving me a list of verses for this week....He knows...the steps that He has planned out and He's already gone before covering each and every one of them. He knows when you don't feel like you have enough, but your enough in His hands...turns into more than enough with some left over.