When I look back through my Facebook memories of today, there have been a couple of blog posts...but they had a certain tone to them. This one is different I hope. Here is my heart, layers pulled back for the next couple of hundred words..
Six years ago was a day I will never forget, a day that has changed my perspective, my outlook, and my walk with God. A day that in the midst of it, I didn't understand what was happening, but looking back now...God had ordered steps to put in place what was needed to keep everyone safe. He had His hand on that day and everyone involved...there was a battle that took place that day and God had the victory in His hand. There was an anointing that poured out that day....that would change the lives of everyone on the bus and everyone they encountered. (If you are reading this and have no idea what I am talking about...Google Bowling Family bus wreck or read Kathy Crabb Hannah's book). Moving on....fast forward five years...
There were some roots that took place that day, roots of fear, anxiety, complacency, apathy etc. Roots that led me to not eat at Zaxby's for over a year, to speed past 18 wheelers so that I was never stuck behind them or beside them. Roots that led me to not really enjoy that day each year and the memories that it held...oh but God had a purpose. God was as patient as He always is and waited for me to get tired of those roots. He waited for me to see the strength in Mike and Kelly....and spend an hour later that night telling Him I wanted that. He waited for me to be able to see that day through His eyes. To see that He had my steps ordered and ordained and I was right where He needed me to be. To see that nothing was impossible with Him...and I had a very visual reminder of it that would be a testimony. To see that the anointing poured out that day....wasn't just for the ones who took the platform every weekend, but was for me as well. God had a purpose for me as well. I fought going to the mountain last year, but God had once again ordered my steps. He had started to pull away layers in my heart to reveal that He had been guiding my steps all along..., layers that showed the roots I needed Him to pull up...but first I had to let them go in His hands. God was shifting and ordering things into place once again in my life. I headed to the mountain unsure of what to expect, but knowing that He would be there (along with 200 plus women). I'm a creature of comfort and I went to the mountain with some walls...God was shaking them, but I didn't see that they needed to fall just yet.
Kelly preached a word during that time....that said a River runs through it. I didn't fully get it at that moment, but God planted that seed....and He knew it would take root in time. God was redeeming that day for His purpose. I left the mountain changed...but little did I know the change was just beginning to happen. A week or so later, the walls came down....and this Jesus girl felt a freedom I still can't put into words. A freedom that God knew six years ago would be a part of this refining and restoring process....as Amanda has said many times, you have to scrape off the mold and clean the walls in order to restore....God was restoring this Jesus Girl's heart and tearing down the walls she was hiding behind. I remember the day in August when I was texting with Terah and it took root...that the anointing that day was for more than just them, but for me as well. The seed planted on that mountain was taking root.....
Walls went up this day 6 years ago, walls I hid behind unless I was around a few...walls I hid behind because trying to explain to someone who wasn't in that world of what happened that day...would not make sense. Walls that had kept the river that God had deposited in this Jesus girl from flowing...walls that needed to come down and soon because God had a purpose that needed to be walked out. Through time spent with Him, time spent in His presence being poured into by my spiritual parents, and time just listening...God started to reveal in a visual picture what had been going on in my heart (I love how He knows I am a visual person..lol). The walls had started shaking at the mountain and had crumbled soon after....the walls were down and laying in a heap, but I was staring at the rocks that used to be the walls...until I realized I needed to step over them. The night when He spoke in a personal message for me.....I stepped over the rocks, I stepped over to the other side of what God had flowing through me and began to walk forward in who He had made me to be. There are days when I turn around and see what's behind me, but God is loving enough to redirect my focus to what lies ahead....and I truly believe the best is yet to come. God ordered my steps on that mountain last year....just like He ordered my steps on that bus six years ago. He redeemed this day...
Tonight I smiled because God showed up six years ago in a powerful way....and on days when the enemy tries to tell me what I do and who I am doesn't have a purpose..I take him back to an interstate in North Carolina...and tell him to hush it.
I don't know what you are dealing with or what walls may have built up because of something that happened. I do know that as a Child of the Most High, there is a river on the inside of you. A river that is flowing with life, with purpose, and with a power to change your world. A river that brings life to what the enemy may have said was dead. God wants to use you, yes you, the one He calls redeemed and Mine, to share His love, mercy, and grace with everyone. He has a purpose for you and that wall, that wall that makes you feel comfortable and "safe", is holding you back from walking in that anointing and purpose. You can't tear it down on your own, but if you'll let go of it.....and praise with a shout that comes from that inner part....it's going to come down. God will redeem the time....moving forward, trust Him with it.
Be blessed readers....He's a good, good, Father....
Today has been full of peace, texts with sweet friends, and Zaxby's for supper ;-)
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