Preaching to myself ....look out devil

God didn't do what He did for you, give what He gave to you, move the mountains that He moved for you, pour into you what He did, and bring you to a point of restoration for you to keep it to yourself. That fight you are feeling is God saying break free....free from what people have always expected from you, free from what people have always thought about you, and free to be who He has called you to be. God doesn't look at your finger or your status in this world to determine whether or not you can be used by Him. In fact, He only looks at one thing...your heart. He knows how the pieces fit together because He made the pieces. So your heart in His hands means a power released that He can use. A power that makes the enemy tremble, a power that can break the yoke of bondage and can speak life into someone who is on empty. Feeling a fight? Good....it means God is moving and the enemy knows it. The enemy knows the power you have, do you? 

I spent years of my life not realizing the power that was on the inside of me. Let's be honest when you grow up in a traditional Baptist church, attend a Church of Christ school...and find yourself single in your early 30's...God has a lot of barriers to break through and a lot of roots to pull up. He was faithful and patient to do just that. When God shows you how He sees you, believe Him. When He takes the time to answer the prayer of freedom that your heart has been longing for, to break the chains, pull up the roots of hurt, and to show you what He has called you to do....believe Him. The hardest thing sometimes is walking out that calling when others knew you before you knew who you were. Let that sink in for a minute....You can be a Christian for years and not fully understand or grasp the power that in on the inside of you. You can talk to God, listen to Him, even follow His lead at times...but when you grab a hold of that anointing for yourself....there is a shift in the atmosphere that only God can do. There is a shift that changes you....the restoration process has begun. God is talking the mold off the walls so that He can begin to paint them a brand new. God doesn't look at your finger to decide if you are anointed, He looks deeper. I said all that to say...God knew before I was born the destiny He had planned for my life. The devil did too...and the liar did what he could to try and take it from me. A Child of God in bondage is not a threat to the enemy....because routine and ritual are more important than His presence and power. Going through the motions doesn't work in the middle of the fight. It doesn't work when you are fighting anxiety and the only people you can open up to live a state away. It doesn't work....but when you grab a hold of the anointing that is yours look out devil. When you finally see that the anointing that was pressed out, poured out....was more than just for the ones on stage, but for you as well...look out devil. Grabbing a hold of that anointing last summer...truly changed my life. I remember the night when I sent a text to a friend ...and it finally sank in. I remember the shift...the nights spent in my war time that lead to tears and revelation that only He understands. The prayer times in the car on the way to church and work...that are from my Spirit straight to Him. There is a power that is released that can flow through you when you get to that spot in your journey with Him...(if you will let it). What stops the flow you ask? People pleasing, letting what others say/do crowd out what He says/does, forgetting who He called you to be and what He has done to bring you to this very spot. That story that is yours is not yours to keep to yourself...it's a story He gave you to tell. That mouth that used to get you in trouble in school (if you all could see my report cards from grade school...) is the very same mouth He planned on using even back then. God has your steps ordered even before you had a foot to take those steps. He knows about the bumps in the path, but He also knows that you know the strength that is stronger than those bumps. That strength that says....I'm not going to stop even though I feel like it. The strength that says He didn't bring me this far to stop now. The strength that says....I know the One who lit my flame..and devil you ain't putting it out today. Don't expect others to understand your journey outside of the boat if they are still riding in the boat. Don't expect others to know what God is telling you and speaking into your life....He tells you what He needs you to know/do and the same to them. It's not always going to make sense and that's okay. 

This is one of those blogs that may be just for me, but something tells me someone else needs it to. You are a Child of the Most High...grab a hold of what He is doing in you and through you...and walk in that power. He didn't write the story thus far to quit writing it now. He also didn't take you through the tests that you have walked through to bring you to a place where He can't use your testimony. You have one and there is a power that is behind it that makes the enemy scared (or otherwise that lie wouldn't be spoken...). You are anointed and covered by the Most High......trust that when feelings of anything else rise up. Being covered by Him...means He's got your back, sides, and front Child....just walk in His shadow and smile. God knows what He's doing...and that fanning of the flame has a purpose I promise. Keep speaking when He says speak, fighting in the spiritual realm and interceding...keep being the You He has called you to be. You Child of God are anointed and appointed....look out devil!

Up and Over....(Thoughts from the heart)

My God is bigger than anything the enemy can throw against me...(even me!)

To say I've been my own worst enemy at times, would be an understatement. God's been peeling back those layers the entire month of February. While God calls us to be a servant, He also calls us to take care of ourselves. I neglected the latter....and today I have been on the couch resting. Rest can be restoring when we truly let it be just that...rest. So many times we let our minds race when we are "resting" that it's not truly rest. We also tend to give out more than the rate we are taking in, and that will eventually take it's toll. Knowing God has it all doesn't mean you stop living, but it's about finding a balance. God can't keep working through you when you aren't able to be you. Let's face it...when we don't feel good, we can't be the us He made us to be. Lesson learned hopefully.....and a new day tomorrow.

God and I have truly had some interesting conversations over the last couple of weeks. I wish I could say they have all been deep, but some have let's just say been insightful. Seasons are a beautiful thing. I've truly learned to appreciate when God pulls back the curtains and shows you some of what He has made you to be. I love the calling that He has placed on my life. For years I tried to embrace a career path/plan and never saw that the calling was in the same place. I've always had an idea of what my calling was since a very young age, but God needed me to find out and embrace who I was first before I could truly understand what He had called me to do. If you are trying to figure out why you are where you are, take a few minutes to ask Him to show you who you are. The Who comes before the where, when, why, and how. God made you, knows every detail about you, and loves you just the way you are...trust Him and only Him to show you who you are. As a Child of His, He only sees you as a Blood covered Child of the Most High. (Remember that when the enemy tries to scream otherwise at you). Freedom from people pleasing is where peace is found. However the enemy slips in when you are tired and busy to try and slip that chain back on...it takes time for your mouth to get sanctified and free, so until then let your heart tell your mouth what to say.

When you ask God for the why and the details, be prepared for the answer. Revelation will come in your time with Him.....but it may not be easy to swallow. He may ask you to stay the course in an area that you would rather run away from....but He knows what's coming, what He's prepared...and why He has you where He has you. You can't explain God's presence, that truly life changing, tears flowing, tongue praying, healing presence to someone that has never experienced it. It's something they have to experience fully for themselves....so many times all they have to do is want it, to ask Him to come sit with them....He's not looking to always be on the move and doing, sometimes He wants us to just ask Him to sit with us, to be with us. His presence in the lives of individuals leads to movements of Him. His presence changing one person that goes to the throne room for something and fights the battle in the spiritual realm...can impact an army that needs life spoken back in them. Wonder why the enemy is attacking you? Is God calling you to intercede for an army that has yet to realize they need to be awakened? The more revelation He has given me about the call to intercede, the more I have started to see the enemy's pressing through busy schedules and physical attacks. (Thank you Lord for revelation that shows us how to FIGHT!). Don't quit doing what He has called you to do just because no one seems to understand your calling. Trust God to keep the fire going that He started...and know that He will place the encouragement you truly need in your path when you need it (not when you feel like you need it).

God didn't give you the testimony for you to keep it to yourself. He didn't restore your brokenness, your hurts, and pull up the roots of anxiety, fear, and depression for you to keep it to yourself. We overcome by the power of our testimony. We all have a story to share. The enemy is very quick to tell us we don't, but personally I think that is because he is scared by it. I've only begun to tell my story through this blog....and I'm thankful God is still writing it.

One last thing...we all have moments where we feel like we have hit a wall. I've told God that many times in my walk with Him. Ever since He led me to this verse a few years ago, this is what He reminds me of...every time I tell Him I've hit a wall(which was the conversation we had last night) God knows we have walls that we are going to hit, He made us, He ordained our steps...He knows where the walls lay before we even know they exist. He stands ready and willing to be the One to help us get over them...as long as we are humble enough to ask (and admit we know we have hit the wall). Trust God to help you get up and over that wall today.

....and I'm loved by you...

Yes the song titles continue...the more I let the lyrics of "Good Good Father" take root in my Spirit..the more I realize just how good He is....

The last 72 hours have been a shift. It started after hearing the sermon from RHC on Wednesday. When God is telling you something, speaking it from His word and in your prayer time...and then the same thing is preached in a sermon...call it confirmation my friend. (Also call it a moment of truth where God's going ..it's time). God knew what I had been dealing with, honestly He knows better than I know myself even....He knows what needs to be in His hands, what works in my hands, and what the enemy would rather I never get free from. (Apparently the enemy still hasn't learned...). The challenge came Wednesday night to go deeper....God was specific and I knew that it was a word that needed to take root in my Spirit. Well how many know that when there is a word that needs to take root that the enemy will do everything he can to make sure that doesn't happen. See once that word takes root, it starts to grow....and you start to change...and become more like the One who created you. It was clear Thursday..the enemy was after this word taking root. I haven't wrestled and fought like that in almost a year. God knew what was going on....and just like He always does He knew how to get my attention. I've had sciatic pain on my right side ever since the bus wreck. Most of the time it doesn't flair up and I keep it in check with regular chiropractor visits. Friday....I was in pain as I walked to my car. It was on the therapy table, God started putting the pieces together....the battle, the struggle that was taking place was bigger than what I could see. Yes it was frustrating, it made me want to cry and scream at the same time, but that was feelings....God was doing something I couldn't see...and I had to keep moving forward. Later that night in my quiet time God took me on a trip down memory lane...all of those times when He had moved mountains out of my way, shielded me from darts I never saw coming, restored what the enemy had stolen, and taken me through days that only He knew how to walk through. That same God was the One fighting this battle that was going on now...(umm that's enough for a shout right there,). 

God had ordered my steps this past weekend before I even knew Thursday and Friday would be the days they were. He knew I would need my quick get away to my second home and He lined it up. He knew the drive time that I would need for Him to speak to the feelings that were rising up. I'm convinced He even saw ahead at my week and knew the word I would need to hear in church yesterday and the chains that needed to be broken. God started a restoration process last year and He's still making it beautiful. He's still making me into what He created me to be. This morning on the way to work...I found myself confessing what He thought of me versus what I thought of me. (Umm...let's just say that stirred the devil up I'm convinced). Tonight...as I was fighting back tears just thinking about the last couple of days...God reminded me of this song again. Yesterday as we were singing it in church, the chorus stuck with me this time...."it's who I am..and I'm loved by you" The God who created the universe loves us. Let that sink in for a minute...He not only loves us, He likes us. He thinks we are fearfully and wonderfully made. He knows the power that is on the inside of us because He put it there. He knows what we can do (even when we say we can't) and He knows the walk He created just for us. He truly does love us more than we love ourselves and I think at times that makes Him sad(but that's a blog for another day)

Last night God and I were still talking about the sermon....and He asked for something. Personally I thought I had given Him everything already...but just when I think I've reached that point...He reveals something else that needs to be His. See God wants how we feel about ourselves in His hands. He wants us to surrender our thoughts and feelings to His. Are we going to still think and feel that way at times? yes....but He promised that His ways are higher than ours and His thoughts greater. At some point we have to reach that point of surrender where we say God.....they are yours. Take the insecurity, the feelings of not being pretty, the doubts, the fears, and the feelings of not liking what I see in the mirror...take them...and give me yours. Let me see myself the way You see me always.....even on the days I don't feel like it. For "You are a Good Good Father...and who I am is loved by you"

Oh I've heard a thousand stories.....

If you have listened to Christian radio at all over the last few months, you know exactly what song the title of this post is from. If you haven't heard it....go Google "Good, Good Father" and really listen to the words.

If you have grown up in church for any amount of time, you have heard the stories from the Bible. Most can tell you Jesus' first miracle, who He raised from the dead after 4 days, what He told the disciples when they were afraid of the storm, who walked on water to meet Jesus, and even what He rode into Jerusalem on when He was headed to the last supper. There is a moment when stories become strength, a moment when knowledge becomes application. There is that moment when learning about Him doesn't satisfy you as long as learning from Him. There is a moment when His presence is the only thing that fill that void. God created us all with a God shaped hole when we were born. As we grow older, the hole grows bigger. We can keep trying to fill it with the things that worked when we were younger, but just as the Word says in 1 Corinthians, at some point we have to do away with childish things. We have to move from wanting someone to always tell us about Him, to wanting to know Him for ourselves. It's the shift from sitting to serving, from doing to being, from hearing to loving.

There is that moment when in His presence is the only place where answers are found, where peace is gained, and where perspective is priceless. When God restores and renews the heart that He planned for you to have in the beginning, it isn't meant for you to keep it to yourself. The words may not always come out right, the actions may not always make sense in your mind, but know this...God covers where He leads and speaks. When you are following what He has asked you to do, you are walking in obedience. It may not feel right at first, your flesh may even get a little scared, but keep your eyes focused on the One walking before you on the water.

Child of God, He longs for you just sit in His presence. More than doing something for Him, He wants you to be with Him. For sitting with Him for awhile turns into walking with Him...it's in that walk that you start to see His plans unfold. Open up to Him, tell Him everything (He already knows it anyway) and let Him restore back what the enemy has taken from you. The same stories you heard when you were younger, that same Jesus is the One walking with you today. Opening up your hand to take His, letting go of everything you have been holding on to trying to fix......He's a good, good Father....and He loves you right where you are.

When God speaks truth....

When God speaks truth...you listen. Let me just go ahead and get it out....I am so thankful for a Snow Day. I adore my job and I love the kids and teachers I work with, but I have pushed myself too hard the last couple of weeks and I was thankful to push pause today. I've been productive today, but I've rested. I didn't need the physical rest as much as I needed the mental rest. I needed a day just to go at my own pace (or the pace of my laptop battery) as I worked. I've come too far for you to tell me God doesn't care about what we need. For me, He knew I needed a snow day. He knew I needed the time to slow down and let some things take root, like the word(s) He spoke into my Spirit last night/midnight.

When the pace of life picks up for one reason or another, the fight mechanism revs up. You fight to stay on top of things and not feel overwhelmed. You fight to stay confident when you are feeling tired. You fight to keep your joy when the world around you says you should be anxious. You fight to press forward when you feel afraid. You fight to be the you that doesn't fit a mold or a box. We all have those moments if we stop and look back over the last couple of weeks. For me, when it's a fight..I have always wanted to run, hide. I don't like confrontation....but I realize now I was fighting in the natural battles that are meant for the spiritual.

God is always faithful to pour back in when the world drains out, if we will get still and let Him. For this talker, still means quiet.. Still means hearing Him say this is why Child and this is the what. It doesn't mean He's changing the situation, but that He's giving me perspective. He's giving me focus that propels me forward in Him. The enemy knows the fight that is on the inside of you. God has ordained your steps and the battle He has planned for you to fight isn't one you can exactly see. So the enemy does what he can to keep you distracted and fighting in the natural, so you will be worn out and too tired to fight in the spiritual.  When God got done with that truth last night coupled with a verse that He spoke just two words of, so I had to Google to find the rest...I wanted to shout. (and yes it was midnight!)

When God has given you a purpose, a destiny, and an anointing....walk it out. Your steps are ordained by God. So the enemy throws in a dart here and a hurt there, keep your eyes on the One calling you out of the boat. Greater things are still to come...and your time around the mountain has come to an end. This is your season of promise, your season of restoration...and as Pastor Aaron declared Sunday at RHC..The year of No Hindrances (receiving that in Jesus name!). Don't get so caught up in what weighs you down that you forget to give the weight to the One running with you. God knew your steps Child, He planned them out. He knew you were strong enough for this race in this season, or else you wouldn't be running it. When you are in relationship with Him on a daily basis (You are talking, He's talking...), He's got you covered. Hold on to that when the world throws a hurt...Raise your head with confidence in the One on the inside of you..and Keep walking forward!

If you take only one thing away from the blog tonight, let it be this.....Trust Him! He knows you better than you know yourself, He knows the moments that hurt you, the ones that make you feel insecure, the ones that make you doubt yourself, the ones that make you cry...He knows. He isn't surprised by anything that has happened in your day, so talk to Him about it. Let Him be the One that speaks truth that is healing ...truth that is calming from the inside out.

Praising in the Middle....

Devil you lose...apparently you needed reminding of that today. You took a shot, but now you are just making me mad...and this Jesus girl has her war clothes on.

The enemy fights to keep you distracted and a lot of times it may work for awhile. Child of God...your steps are ordained by God. He knew you would be right where you were at when whatever the enemy threw your way came. He knew how you would feel and the fight to not react in the flesh, He knew it even before it happened. Guess what else He knows....your heart, yep that's right. The hardest thing to do when your flesh wants to react is to trust God with the hurt and to fight for you. My flesh has not been my friend for a couple of weeks now. The enemy knows the seed that is on the inside, the intercession that God has called me to do, and the revelation in prayer time that God has spoke...and the enemy is fighting for that seed. (What he doesn't know is that it is taking root....). When God has spoken a promise, given you a word....guard it as it takes root. The enemy will do what he can to try and take it. I'm tired of his messes...and everything he has taken is coming back this year. My flesh wants to react, but my Spirit is ready to act. I'm learning that a hurt in His hand...releases me to pray for His will not my own. As long as I am still feeling my way through, God can't fill me through.

Perspective doesn't mean God changes the situation, but that He changes you as you see it through His eyes. When you can step outside of the natural (flesh, feelings) and see it in the spiritual.....the pieces start to make sense. The feelings may still be there, but God knows the strength on the inside of you can keep moving forward with a look through His view. Peace for me sometimes is knowing how He sees it....and knowing that the power on the inside of me is stronger than the feelings on the inside of me. I have felt God leading me to pray for boldness in 2016. It's been in my prayer journal more than once....and today God reminded me of that. Boldness means stepping even further out of the boat and the comfort zone into the calling God has for your life. Boldness to let Him fan the flame He has started and to walk out the calling He has placed on your life. It doesn't mean it will make sense to others (a lot of the times it won't...) or that the struggle for complacency and comfort won't be there. Boldness means dying to myself and knowing greater things are still to come. Boldness also means trusting that when He says open my mouth...He will take care of the words. (For a person who has always had a mouth issue....this is almost funny to me. I'm learning to be quiet more...but to be quiet because He said to...not because I've put a wall up and want to just hide behind it. Lesson still in progress...) Boldness also means knowing that this Jesus girl is enough in the hands of the Creator who loves those places she considers weaknesses. (For a person who has always had a confidence issue....I'm learning being confident in Him doesn't always mean feeling confident). God ordains my steps, always has and always will. I may take longer going around the mountain than He planned, but I'm thankful He is patient. He's written a story that only He could write thus far in my life, great things have been written, but thank you Lord Greater things are still to come! I'm thankful for kingdom connections, friends that pour in so that you can pour out....friends that are in my life because of God making His promise of Romans 8:28 come to fruition.

I'm not perfect....and I think sometimes I only blog about the other side of the lesson and not always in the middle of it. This is a middle of the lesson blog. I'm not the same person I was this time last year.....my Spirit has been restored and there is a shout on the inside of me that is tired of being told to be quiet. God has been patient and persistent...He is the teacher who never grows tired of re-doing an assignment until a passing grade has been reached. He wouldn't keep pushing you to realize you can do it...if He didn't already know that you could. Today He had to remind me I could push past it. My conversations with God are truly comical some days....

Child of God I don't know what your week holds, but I know Who does. I do know that He already knows the steps that make up the days. The words that make up the hurt and the tears that make up the praise. He knows the moments that will make you smile, the moments that will make you cringe, and even the moments that will make you count to 10. He also knows the people who need that smile, the ones that may need your ear, and the ones who He has given you a word to speak life into. God has already seen the distractions the enemy has planned for the week...but Child..trust Him. He knows how to step over them, to move them, and to even step on them in Jesus name. He didn't say it wouldn't hurt or that you may not even feel pain at times, but He's greater than anything that is thrown your way...The weapons may be formed, but they shall not prosper. The hardest thing to do is to walk forward knowing that in the physical you don't feel like it. God gets the glory Child of God...when you leave it in His hands and let Him work through you as only He can do. The messes make sense in the hands of the One who already knows the message.

So remind me...

I came home last night and crashed. Sleep has not been my friend this week and it was starting to catch up to me. My three hour nap resulted in being wide awake close to midnight. Conversations with God at midnight are simply some of the best period. These conversations always lead to truth regardless of how it feels and last night a picture that well left me in tears. More about that in a minute...I wish there was a way sometimes to record our conversations, especially the midnight ones. Then again, God has it recorded I'm sure and that's all that matters. The last couple of weeks have been draining. I've poured out more than I have poured in on a daily basis. Hear my heart...He is faithful to pour in and my time with Him is what sustains me. He gets it though that some days, some moments we find ourselves on empty. Those are the moments when we have to find a minute to slip away to just whisper His name, the moment to get still...(If you are sitting there thinking umm, when is that going to happen during the day...well you have to get creative). It takes just a minute to whisper the name that stirs up the power on the inside of you. (I know because I have done it multiple times this week). God knows when you need a fill, He also knows that filling up with Him is the only way to keep going. The pace of this year is that of running a marathon almost. It's the time of the year that my flesh wants to be overwhelmed, frustrated, stressed, and close to anxiety. Me for a minute, I have felt each and every one of those at some point this week. Feeling them and being controlled by them are two different things. I've learned over this past year to recognize when they start and to turn them over to Him. It may mean I can change something, it may mean it's up to Him to do the rest. I trust Him to reveal it (easier said than done, but He speaks peace to that part...)

Our flesh will never be comfortable when we are out of the boat. It doesn't like being stretched to grow stronger or refined by the fire. Our flesh is loud, but our Spirit can be louder. Our flesh also wants to act before thinking and our Spirit makes us take a step back and breathe. Taking a step back for a minute leads to His perspective. He knows our hearts...and I've told Him several times before..God it may not be what I want to see, but let me see what you see so I can understand. His perspective is priceless and the push we need to keep walking forward and not looking back to that comfort zone. When God breaks chains, they are gone for good. The enemy may try to remind you of them, make you feel like you are stepping back to that moment...but then God steps in with a picture that well only He could paint. When God breaks chains, He has them under His feet. The enemy can't get to them there (and neither can you!). That'll make you shout (even at midnight)....

This Jesus girl is growing in freedom. She's realizing how priceless perspective from the One who holds the pieces can be. She's also learning how to throw messes at Him a lot quicker and to fight in the spiritual realm for what she is seeing in the natural. I know I'm not perfect, far from it...but I know that in Him I can do all things and that some days is all I need to make my flesh hush it. I have struggled with the feeling of not being "enough" for a long time....God spoke truth to that this week. I'm not enough in my own, He is though...and that's what makes me enough. I've learned that pouring out to others is what He planned for us to do, we were created to invest who we are into others and make an impact on our world. Pouring in is how we continue to be able to pour out. You know when you are on empty, tell Him, tell a trusted friend...but refill back up quickly. Running too long on empty is when the feelings start to become louder than the truth.  God and I has out a lot at night. He's patient with this Jesus girl and I'm thankful. Patience is knowing that He's working on the answer, which means changing (sometimes you, sometimes the situation). To say I may have sounded impatient with Him this week would be an understatement, He loves me regardless and knew how this week was going to go even before it started (right down to our conversation).

Different kind of blog, but it's been a different kind of week. I'm still processing some of what He and I talked about, so it may be a blog later. God's pouring out ...that I know. There is a shift going on in the atmosphere....God's fanning flames in the hearts of His children. He's seeking to pour out His presence....to remind those that may be circling the mountain of the promise He spoke to them. He's calling out to love...love like He would not thinking of what it costs you, but remembering what it cost Him. Child of God, the week may have taken all of you and you are feeling like you are on empty....stop for a minute from the hustle of busy, the glare of a screen and breathe. Now run to His lap...and let Him fill you back up. His presence is what fills you when the world wants you to feel it. It sustains when you are tired, nourishes when you are hungry, and replenishes when you are dry. When you have felt His presence...it changes you and nothing in this world can make you want to go back. Sometimes you just need Him to remind you of that in a midnight conversation ....