Thursday Thoughts

This blog has been forming since midnight this morning...I would have written it then, but I needed some time to process what all God was speaking in during my war time with Him. I needed a word, I was at a point where I knew I was smack dab up against a wall again and I wasn't moving till I got the word over, through, or I'll move it. God pulled back some layers last night and started asking the tough questions, I can't say I was surprised...I asked Him to. God's always faithful to give us the word we need to keep doing what He has called us to do. It's up to us with what we do with that word. For me I've been asking for a couple of requests for months now. Sometimes if it seems God's not answering, it's because He's already answered and is waiting on us for our part. He's not going to drag us kicking and screaming to the revelation, but eventually that neon sign becomes so bright you can't ignore it anymore. God knows what is draining our time and our energy. He knows what we are involved in that needs to be pruned so that the fruit He has planned for us can be planted. If we keep tending to dead branches, we will never have any time or focus to put on the branches that are ready to be connected to the vine. I asked God last night why I didn't notice this one thing until just recently.....I'm so visual He had to show me a picture. Sometimes God has that thing covered for a season, the drains aren't a drain if someone is covering the hole. Let that sink in.....

Martha time has it's purpose, but we can become so consumed with being Martha that we forget to stop and spend time being Mary. He doesn't want us to be focused on spending time doing for Him that we forget to spend time with Him. If we will be with Him we will be filled to do life with Him. We can become so stuck on doing for Him that we don't spend enough time with Him. The more He wants to pour in, the more we must sit with Him period. The deeper we go with Him, the more time we will need Him to pour in through His word, through prayer time, through songs, and through those friends that God has placed in our paths to be the fan to our flame. Don't neglect things that fan your flame...it leads to a worn and weary and let's be honest that's not how God wants us to be. He needs us to take the time we need to pour into ourselves, to keep our flames fanned...so that we can fan the flames of the people He has put in our path. I've learned this lesson the hard way....when I carry things for too long, it begins to weigh me down...when my give out is gave out and on it's way to burn out...my flame is on it's way to a flicker. If I let those go on too long...it wears at me and eventually wears me down. Sometimes we just need someone to come along side and say Hey I'm praying for you. The enemy wants us to "feel" alone in the battle we are pushing through. This life was never meant to live alone....we need to pay attention to those who God has placed in our path. The enemy seeks to wear out the saints of God.....let's not let Him. We will all have seasons of weariness and worn out.....it's going to happen as God refines us to rely on those times for His strength. As Christians we have got to do better at looking outside of our cliques and circles (yep they exist #beinghonest), to those in our daily walks....and coming along side of them to be that Aaron and Hur when they are tired. We are all going to have battles to fight and yes God is fighting them for us, but in the natural we are going to to get tired....(especially those of us who don't pay attention to our limitations and let our give outs become gave out). Spiritual warfare is real and it's here.....it's time to join together and take care of the people God has placed in our lives.


So back to the wall I knew I had hit again last night....the fumes were real and the tank was past empty. God whispered last night(well midnight), that the wall was Him....because this going around the same particular mountain was over. God has brought me too far in the last six years for me to let the enemy slip back in through motions and "good works". This tired is the enemy's attempt to steal my focus....I have a purpose and a calling to do each and every day. I have flames that are looking for me to fan them period. Then God used a Sunday School lesson I taught a couple of weeks ago to speak into the season I've been walking in.....it's pruning time. (ouch)....God's faithful to come through and take care of cutting them off of your tree, but you have to clear them away. Until you clear them away, you'll keep stepping around and through those things that may easily entangle you...if it's not bearing God fruit..you have choices to make. Just as there are blooms that God doesn't want to see bloomed in your life, there are fruits that He doesn't want to see produced either....let that sink in. (frustration and exhaustion are not God fruits....)

One last thought....I read this quote last week and I've been chewing on it ever since. It is possible to be in a room full of people and feel alone. Proximity and activity don't always equal connectivity. It's possible to be doing somewhere and never feel like you can be there. There is more to this in a blog to come, but God's still writing it. I've lived way too much of life in a box designed by other people. It's a box with walls that God didn't design and I've finally reached the frustration point where I've got to make some changes. There is God fruit that needs to be nurtured and other fruit/branches that need to be laid at the feet of the Only One who knows what to do with them. I know I'm nothing without Him....but when you can finally look and see the you He sees......whew! That's enough to make this Jesus girl shout and take a run

Different kind of blog tonight....but it's been that kind of week. God's moving and the enemy is distracting. I'm thankful for tired moments that lead me to His lap.....I'm thankful for weary moments that He uses to remind me He's just getting started. I'm thankful for worn tears that He uses to remind me of His purpose. I'm thankful for ministry scars that remind me that God's anointing will always cover and protect. I'm thankful for a flicker that He uses to remind me that what He has lit will never be extinguished. I'm thankful for moments where I feel like nothing that God uses to remind me He is everything. The battle is real, but the victory is bigger. Is your focus on the Goliath in front of you or the God within you? Quit trying to put on other's armor, pick up your stones covered in truth, and march on......Don't rely on whether you feel like it or not, rely on the truth that the One who has called you is Faithful and He will do it! The fields are ripe...and it's harvest time! 

Thoughts this Sunday...

Out of the boat faith doesn't mean you can always see where you are going, but you know who you are walking towards. It doesn't mean that you don't feel the waves that are beneath your feet, but you trust the One that said get out of the boat and come to me. Comfort zones are found inside the boat, where sleep is present and talk is even more present. Out of the boat is where that time spent with Him starts taking action. It's where you start walking out what He's poured in and knowing that what He promised He will keep. It's where you start letting Him refine and prune despite the pain that is felt. It's where you start realizing that who you are to Him is all that really matters. It's who you are to Him that dictates who you are, believe that and the confidence you have to walk forward will surprise even you. So often we focus on the lack of confidence that we have in ourselves when all the while He is smiling because the moment when you finally realize you can't do anything, is when you realize He can do everything.  Reality check...it's often times not going to "feel" right, but feeling is not truth. Feeling says I'm worn and tired of giving, that my give out is gave out, but truth says Give and it will be given to you...pressed down and shaken together until it overflows. So yes you may feel worn, tired, and on the verge of burn out .....but if you are where God has placed you for this season of life, where He has called you to pour out, then trust Him to pour back into you. So many times we feel ourselves nearing empty and instead of waiting to find the right station to fill up in, we pull into the nearest station hoping to be able to fill up and avoid the rush. This past weekend I waited in a line to get gas(mind you this was in the third gas station I had passed). No I wasn't a part of the gas shortage panic that others were taking part in, I legitimately needed to fill up (the light was on and there were less than 45 miles to empty). So I pulled in not where I normally fill up at, because I wasn't sure where I usually went would have gas. (Passing the lines at some of the stations made me slightly nervous). How many times do we do that though in the spiritual? We fill up wherever we can and wonder why we still feel empty. Oh the tank may say it's full, but did we fill up at His station or the one most convenient for us? Empty can still feel empty even when it should be full until we let God do the filling. When we wait on God to fill us up, we will do as it says in Isaiah...we will run and not grow weary, we will walk and not faint, and we will find a strength that only comes from His filling. 

Feeling fear or nervous about something can keep you distracted from doing what He has called you to do for this thing. When you focus on feelings, it's hard to focus on the battle that needs to be fought in the spiritual. When you focus on feelings, it's easy to feel like you are walking this battle alone....the enemy loves the mirage of isolation. God's got angels around you sweet reader...so alone has never even crossed His mind. There is a strengthening that comes when you finally surrender to the truth that He's got you, always had you, and always will have you. The process of strengthen means you are going to run faster and farther in the next leg of the journey. It's not always going to feel easy, in fact it may never....but you know what He's called you to do...so do it. God said to lean not unto your own understanding...in other words without revelation from Him, it's not going to make sense. Hear my heart for a minute...time with Him is the only way to get His perspective. It means taking off your glasses in exchange for His. It means taking off what other people have handed you to see in exchange for what He has handed you to look at. It's not going to make sense, but there is a peace that comes when God starts speaking in to that specific request you have made. There is a peace when you are desperate for Him just to whisper to you. Sometimes you don't need others to speak in words of wisdom, but just to say they are praying for you as you listen to Him. So many times we seek out someone to tell us the answer, when God is seeking to be that answer. 

As hard as it is to see, God knows what we need. Even requests that we may see as ones we think He should answer, He knows what is best. Don't ever forget that He sees you walking out of the boat, so why would He answer what will keep you inside the boat.

There is a shift coming again...I wish I could say it meant answers, but it's a season of trust despite feeling. Trusting the One who has never let me down yet to continue what He's always been faithful at doing. This coming week the seasons change...according to the calendar it will be Fall even though it may not feel like it most places. Sometimes the natural reflects the spiritual. Seasons may be changing for you...it may not feel like it, but God sees the calendar and the timetable you can't see. God sees what He has planned and despite how it feels right now, He is working this all out for your good. Just because it feels like He's late, hold on.....He's still bringing it all into focus so that when He knows you are ready you will be able to see what He has planned for you all along. 

Take is a verb

I knew a blog was brewing soon, but only God knew the timing. Only God knew that I would wake up from my nap ready to write, with a word that seemed to be burning to come out through the keyboards. Last night I was reading in Psalms and I almost had a shouting fit in chapter 18. Every verse seemed to hit almost every feeling and every thought over the last couple of weeks. Thoughts that were beginning to take root until I took the time to let God put a stop to that. The last few weeks have been a battle, a battle God knew was coming because He not only knows my purpose, but He knows the plan He has for me. A battle that didn't take Him by surprise and for that, I could take a shouting run! God doesn't waste a moment, He has a plan for each frustration, each moment of stress and each thought. It's how much we let Him work His plan in us, that determines the length of the plan. So many times we want to run from what God is using to strengthen us for the next chapter of our journey. Callings are not walked out by sitting and waiting on some divine revelation to smack you upside the head. Honestly most of the revelation I've had lately has been in those quiet moments when I was so desperate for God to show up....but hear my heart when I say the revelation wasn't always easy to hear. It was what I needed, but I can't say it's always been what I wanted. Those are blogs for another day....

There was a word in verse 30 that jumped out at me last night. Verse 30 says he shields all who take refuge in Him. God got my attention with the word take last night. Take is a verb, it's a choice, an action that we have to do in order for it to be completed. That thought that came into your mind that stressed you out or caused you frustration, is it going to be captive in your hands or in His. That moment when you wanted to respond in the flesh because you were angry, but you took a minute to take a breath instead. Take is a choice, when we have that day that leaves us feeling discouraged or maybe not worth enough to make a difference, what are we going to do ? Are we going to stay put in those thoughts allowing them to grow...or are we going to take ourselves to the lap of the only One who understands? The One who knows you better than you know yourself. Think for a minute...He knows what makes you frustrated, what causes you to feel stress, and what discourages you. He knows what seeds of doubt tend to find their way in and He can see them taking root before we can. He knows our weaknesses and oh sweet readers He knows those spots that make us feel insecure. You know the ones I'm talking about, the ones that make you doubt your ability, your calling, your worth, your who and even your do! He knows about those feelings that you keep to yourself even with that smile on your face. God knows....and His word says more than once He's got His children covered.

Take is a choice, it's a verb that requires action on our part. Finding yourself feeling drained by what life has thrown at you, frustrated with what the world has handed you in a package labeled purpose, take refuge in the One who can shield you. Walk yourself to His lap, find that place where you know He's met you before and spill it. He can handle it I promise. Take yourself to the place where you can find refuge. It doesn't mean you may not still feel the rain blowing in or get drenched running to His lap, but it means He will keep you safe in Him.

Midnight Moments

The lessons from the last 48 hours are enough to fill multiple posts.... but not yet

God's shifting things in place. the layers He has pulled back...ouch but wow. Last week at Overflow was life changing. God poured in and seeds were sown that are starting to take root this week. I feel the push...but as much as my flesh has wanted to respond He has been louder. Crumbs from yesterday are no longer going to fill this soul of mine. I have a place at the table of the King and a portion He has served up just for me. You see I have lived life way too long thinking the crumbs were my portion. Hear my heart...the enemy knows you have a seat at the table... and he is willing to do whatever he can to keep you from sitting in it. (Busyness, people pleasing, insecurity etc.) Take what is yours Child of God...God's got your portion ready for you to feast on. Side note...you will never feel good enough or worthy enough to sit at the table. It has nothing to do with you...He pulled the chair out and invited you to the table because of what He did for you. It's time to join in His feast that fills...

I have been thinking about the parable of the sower over the last two days. When God sows a seed, a word or two...the enemy will do what he can to keep that seed from taking root. Trust God through process...press in...and while it may feel dark ..He's just covering the seed for protection.

I'm thankful for what God did last week at Overflow... I'm thankful for the shift in seasons that's coming.. and the purpose and confidence that He poured out last week.

When the anointing finally becomes louder than the insecurity.....🙌

Won't He do it...

Okay I'm just gonna be honest...God and I have had some serious heart to hearts over the last couple of weeks, a lot just this week. I believe I asked Him more than once if I missed Him somewhere ...cause I was on the verge of burn out. Honestly in some areas of my walk, I was burned out. I was poured out and desperate for Him to pour back in. I tend to give and give and give....and I've learned (the hard way) that if we aren't walking in the OverFlow...giving this much will leave us empty. We've got to be careful to give out of the overflow of what God is pouring in so that we can stay in His flow. Sometimes we have to get desperate for that revelation....It's not something that will even make sense to others if they have never reached that point of desperation. Hear my heart...desperate is not a bad place as long as you let it take you to His lap.

 I told God in my time with Him I needed a word. He was faithful to answer with verses and even a vision or two. I knew God was talking, but I was still missing the connection....so I kept pushing through knowing there had to be a shift soon. I've learned in the last couple of years in my journey with Him that when the struggle is like this, there is a lesson, a nugget, a something coming. Why do I know that because God has proven it time and time again? I may have a moment or two where I forget that He has this....but He's good to remind me. (Sometimes it's a reminder in the natural aka my sciatic that flairs up. My sciatic pain is an amazing reminder that God has a plan for my good, that He has a purpose and that what the enemy meant for evil God meant for good. God's promised me healing in that area...and every time the pain comes up in the natural I remind the enemy of that. One day this Jesus girl will be running when the healing comes, but that's a blog for another day. It's part of my testimony that I probably don't share enough. Actually I've got to get better about sharing more about what God's done in my life and just being transparent on here more. We overcome by the power of our testimony and too many times we don't share our testimonies for various reasons (we don't feel like anyone will care, we don't feel like we have one to share, or we don't feel free to share since we are still in the struggle stage). All of those are lies from the enemy to keep you insecure of who God made you to be and who He has called you to be. How do I know...been there done that...and to quote a friend tonight #imoverit

I'm over caring what others think to the point that I keep my mouth shut when God says open it, that I hide in a box or an area that keeps me from being who God has called me to be. I realized about this time last year that there was an anointing given out the day we all walked off the bus. An anointing that was for more than just the ones that had a platform, but for everyone because God had ordered steps and knew who would be where. God doesn't just order steps for one moment in your life as a Child of His and then quit. Too many times we let the opinions of others become louder than the dreams and visions God has place don the inside of us. God didn't say to follow the steps of others (or to be the slinky that gets stuck as my object lesson in Sunday School was this morning). He said to follow the steps He has laid out for you. He knows how far apart they are and how far you can stretch to meet them. He knows there are going to be days when you feel like you aren't making a difference, but He knows that if you will just hang on, He's going to remind you He has you right where He needs you. Let's get real...sometimes we have to encourage ourselves...in other words we have to do those things that we know are going to pour into our tanks. That song that always gets right to the heart of you..that church that always speaks into your life...we have to take time to pour into our tanks and we have to be intentional about it...period. God will put in our lives the people we need to intercede, to pull us along, to encourage us, to keep us focused on who He has made us to be....those are the people that need to speak in your life. When you know you have a calling, an anointing...pay attention to the words you take to heart...for words in the heart grow into roots that will bloom at some point. Blooms of insecurity or security, blooms of confidence in Him or of lack/discouragement, blooms of trust or blooms of doubt (see where I'm headed...).

You may be reading this going where in the world is this coming from...it's coming from a heart that has been desperate for a shift all weekend. A heart that needed God to make some connections together so she could let some things go (again). A heart that needed her Heavenly Daddy...just to remind her I'm listening. What you read on the blogs are more than I share in person (especially in Alabama), I'm still working on that comfort zone.....I have ones I know who will pray and who will love me regardless of what I pour out to them(and believe me they have heard it all). Sometimes we keep asking God for something He's given us....it may not be in the form we asked Him, but it's what we need. I'm thankful for friends who are like family who pray with every text and every message...and who speak life back into me when I can't speak it for myself at the moment. I'm not always going to be down at the altar (kind of hard when you are the words media person), but that doesn't mean I'm not praying and interceding as I click. I digress... my point in all of that was my heart wanted to make it to the altar today (that will surprise some of you reading this...). I carried out of church what I carried in.....and God knew and I knew it was starting to get heavy. So I put on Restoring Hope tonight.....listen when God uses a sermon preached by a man of God who is also a friend that speaks to so much...you know it's a God word and on time at that. When He uses the verse that God has given you for your life verse (and that you used as your Sunday School lesson in the morning), you know God heard you...more than that when the vision that God gave you of where you were at two weeks ago...that hasn't made sense is a visual he uses....you have a shouting fit as you cry your way through to a release, a shift because God knew what you needed and when.

Look out devil...this Jesus girl is armed and ready. The battle has already been won...#imoverit

Running the race...

I saw this on FB last night and honestly it could not have come at a more perfect time. This was the first full week of school and to say I've been running at a fast pace would be an understatement. I don't think anyone outside of education truly realizes what we do and how much we pour out and into what God has called us to do. Focus is my word for the year....It's something I've struggled with for the last couple of years because I end up doing more than I should and end up losing sight of what God has truly called me to do. My race to run is my race to run. So many times we think that our race will make sense to others, but sometimes only we know what the trainer has told us to handle that specific turn or hurdle. God never called us to run the race that He called others to run, but to run the race He set out for us. God also never called us to run the race others have set out for us to run. This is an area that can easily overwhelm us if we aren't careful. Comparison is a trap the enemy uses to keep us distracted from who God has called us to be and what God has called us to do. Oh if we could just grab a hold of the truth...God made us an original, a unique masterpiece designed to do what only He planned for us to do. Someone else can try to run your race just as you can try to run someone else's, but in the end God's purpose and plan will always prevail. He gives grace and strength, and a peace when we run the race He has called us to run. Let's let go of our race making sense to others as well....there will be people in your life that God has placed in for a reason to speak into your life, to help propel you forward, and to pull you out when you get "stuck". He knows what you need and who you need....trust Him to order your steps and quit trying to put pieces into a puzzle that He created (not you).

I've been watching the Olympics this week and the focus these athletes have is pretty incredible. They know why they are there, they have a sense of purpose, and they know who they are. They don't let the distractions of their surroundings cause them to lose focus.  I've also noticed they each have their own unique twist, spin, and moves as they compete as well. They know what their trainer, their coach has told them to do...and they do it and leave the details to the coach.  God's called us to run our race, to focus on what He has called us to do and not on the distractions around us. Life can keep us busy if we let it, but there is a difference between busy and fruitful. When I'm in my sweet spot and serving from the overflow of what God has poured in, I know what it means to run and not grow weary. When I'm running close to empty myself, weary happens while I run. The enemy likes empty.....we have to make the effort to keep our tanks full. God will fill us up if we are ready to sit still long enough with hands open in surrender and lids off (see previous blog).  God gets what He wants...get still when He says to...or things in the natural may lead to a time of getting still. I have had many moments of headaches and not feeling great moments that lead to a time of getting still, but He knew what I needed. God orders our steps, He has the details under control....our part is to step and trust.

This above picture is my prayer this year....God I want to run at your pace, I want to run and not grow weary and run from your Flow. I know what it's like to run with Him and to run on my own and I'm done with my own. My heart is huge to a fault some may say, but that's not for me to defend anymore. At some point we have to let go of everything but what God has said to hold on to. Let that sink in...because often times we hold on to what we think God wants us to hold on to when in reality God said to let go of that a long time ago. Let us run the race He has called us to and keeping pace with Him and not worrying about anyone else around us. For when we run that race and keep His plan in focus, things that used to be our focus grow strangely dim. God orders our steps to put us in the path of those He has called us to minister to and be His hands and Feet to.

My purpose is to live His purpose...to live for an audience of One knowing that the stage has already been set, the script already been written, and the parts already assigned. God directs the steps and He hasn't called for the curtain to go down yet. Let's live with purpose as we run the race that He called us to run letting go of what has entangled us before knowing that our eyes are fixed on Him as we run.

#Preachingtomyself (Heart sharing post)

What if God answered our prayers exactly how we prayed for them? Think about that for a minute...would we really have what we are asking for if we knew what His better and best for us was? I can think of numerous times that I have asked God for something (more than once...) only to realize He has answered with something better. Why do we keep asking God for the fish bowl when He has said the ocean was ours to have? (The fish bowl vs. ocean conversation with God and I happen more than it should...#learningtobecontent)

I've been thinking a lot this week. I can't say that's a great thing....because my anxiety has been at a high level. I sent a friend a text Sunday and said if I didn't know God had this and was in the details my anxiety could have gotten the better of me. Oh how the enemy knows what a threat we are...because it's been a shouting match this week...between what I feel and what I know. If I can be transparent for just a minute.....having freedom and victory from something doesn't mean the struggle isn't there at times. It's one thing to be in bondage to something, it's another to feel the pull and know you aren't going backwards because God's got you forward bound. Leaving something in God's hands doesn't mean the enemy won't ever dangle it in front of you again, it's a choice to keep moving forward...knowing that God has greater things ahead of you. An example...grief. There will always be days of struggle (hello who ever said it was #nationalsistersday or #nationalsiblingday has never lost a sibling), but it doesn't have me bound. It's not a cloud hovering that I'm expecting rain to fall out of at any minute. It's sunshine and if there is a cloud it's got manna in it..but that's a blog for another day. Anxiety is not something that binds me anymore...because I've learned to speak truth to it. It doesn't mean that there are not days when I have to scream at it, but it's not a cloud of fear. It's hard to explain if you aren't on the other side of something...but so many times the enemy wants us to think that having a moment of struggle means we are falling backwards. This isn't always the case. God's mercies are new every morning period. You can't add to or take away from the truth of that. God never said walking in freedom would mean walking alone, He's there always.

The last 24 hours have made me think about purpose. I've asked God this week if I missed Him, I've asked Him if the season was up, and I've asked Him more than once for help. Last night I came home from a day that had worn me out mentally and emotionally. I ate supper but it was going through the motions...all I wanted was some time in my spot with Him. I knew that the things that were weighing down my heart last night weren't going to get any lighter until I talked to Him about them. How many times do we keep thinking about those things that weigh us down when God says come tell me about them? Being desperate for God to do something in an area...means you have finally taken your hands off, pulled yourself out of the picture (and closed your mouth about it). How hungry are we for revival in our lands that we are willing to lay aside those things that easily entangle us? The things the enemy is using to distract us from our higher purpose. How desperate are we for God to move among us that we are like the lame man by the pool that we are willing to do whatever we can to pull ourselves to the water that is stirring? God knew where that man was (and no I'm not talking about physical location). God knew that the man was more concerned with making an excuse than getting to His miracle. (Ouch...how many times do we delay our own miracles because of our words? God forgive me...) Motions don't make a difference...they keep you on the fence. Service and Busyness are not synonyms.....the difference is the heart condition of the one doing. Make the moments count and don't waste time counting the moments. Time is precious...and God has you planted where He purposed for you to bloom this season. Don't question the Master Planter. He alone knows when the seasons are going to change.

God never called you to do it solo. Jesus went around with a group of 12, but three knew His heart. Walls are not from God.....build an altar where the wall fell so you can remind the enemy it's down and then move on. When I look back over the last almost 20 years.....I can't help put see the footprints of how He has ordered my steps through it all. The steps don't all make sense but as much as I may feel my life should be going one way, He alone knows the way I should take. Tonight God reminded me of the verse that is before the often quoted I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Verse 12 talks about I've learned to the secret of being content .....Oh how sweet it is..when God speaks that word you need to your Spirit. That's the season I'm in....learning the secret of being content. Content to know greater things are still to come...that there is an anointing I haven't even tapped into yet living on the inside of me, that there is a purpose that God is shifting into place even as I type this blog. It's a season of learning to be content...because I know that He knows just what I need....and I choose to trust Him (and not what I feel).

Different kind of blog, but it's been a different kind of week already...