I knew I had a blog coming this afternoon, but if you had asked me if this one was it...I would have said no. I actually had an inspirational moment in one of my classes this afternoon that sparked the blog I thought I was going to write (and still will at some point.). Right now this is heavy on my heart...so here goes. This is a transparent post.......
I'm stubborn...if you didn't already know that I have a police officer in North Carolina that will tell you the same. (He called me the stubborn one after the bus wreck). Sometimes my stubbornness isn't a bad thing, because it means I dig into something. I don't give up or quit easily...even though I may say I feel like it or want to. If I say I'm going to get it done...my stubbornness will get it done even if it may be right at the last minute or a little late. My stubbornness also kept a wall up for way too long, that God took down last year...that the enemy almost put back up yesterday. I don't let a lot of people in on the inside. I've gotten pretty good at faking a smile...and dealing with the "stresses" of life to tell you what may really be bothering me. I guess I always figured everyone else had enough on their plate...I would just push through. I grew good at stuffing things when my sister passed away....and it became a habit. It was easier to just talk about what needed to be done and the "to-do" list...than to actually talk about something that mattered. It was easier to pick and choose who I let in on the inside...other than realizing God was choosing for me as He placed me where He wanted me. If God has called you to a place and given you a group of people to do life with ...be that at work, church etc. Don't hide behind a wall and then get frustrated when no one knows how you feel. (There are some of you saying Amen at this point...). Over the last 15 years I have a group that I have been able to always let on the inside. It's a group of friends that I can text at a moments notice and know that they are going to offer encouragement, prayer, truth, etc. I often wondered why it was so much easier for me to let them in on the inside...and I struggled with people I saw every day. He let me in on a little secret....in that world I could just be. So many times in our daily lives...we feel like we have to always be doing, that we forget to just be sometimes. We place more focus on our do and lose sight of our who....and when we lose sight of our who...we lose sight of who He made us to be. We get so caught up in being busy that we are barely keeping our heads above water in the sea of overwhelmed. The enemy wants your focus to stay on what you do...because if he can achieve that he knows you will lose sight of who you are. We all struggle....this world is not all sunshine and roses and walks in the park. God never said we had to have it all together...but to take Him the pieces of the mess we may have made and let Him do what He does best.
I'm usually a very talkative person (I have been since I was little and my report cards prove it). If I grow quiet.....I'm usually processing something or trying to keep from feeling something. I'm also not one to ask for help....if I ask you for help I pretty much already know you are going to say yes because you have before....or I have exhausted every option I know...and am just plain worn out. This usually goes for carrying more than I should, but that's a blog for another day.
Where is this headed tonight? Just being transparent for a little bit.....only you know where you are at, well you and God. Are you fighting a wall or a turtle shell? Do you keep that smile fixed even when the inside is anything but smiling? Do you trust God enough that the people He has placed in your path are there for a reason...there is power in connection. Hear my heart...I'm not saying air all of your problems on Facebook or tell everyone you meet how you feel. You know who God is calling you to be real with. Those people God has placed in your life to keep you from hiding in a turtle shell or behind a wall...those people God's called you to do life with for this season....let them into the smiles and the struggles. Life isn't all about smiles...but when the wall almost goes up...and you reach out and it doesn't...that's a smile right there. Life's too short to not be real...and just be who God made us to be.
So many times my posts are on the other side of something. It's the after I've walked through it or God has spoken in and I've been able to type out. The last couple of weeks have been draining....I've been on every point in the feeling spectrum from tears to cheers. Tonight God reminded me ....that the pressing through...is just as important as the made it through. It may feel easier to put the wall back up, but just trust Him.....He didn't tear the wall down, for you to put it right back up.
More posts to come soon....
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