She loved........

I have done WAY too much thinking over the last couple of days. My brain is full, and I am so ready to write. I'll do my best to stay focused. The question was posed in a training session this week about what would we want our legacy to be after we are no longer here. Well I got two words out and then I just couldn't go there any more. Why couldn't I go there? because that's me. I knew in my head what I wanted to say, but there was a block that couldn't write any further. I also knew if I went there there was no amount of chocolate that could get me back to a happy place that day. It was just one of those days. The verse and song at the bottom of the blog were the inspiration of what started the writing. The two words I got out were She loved. In essence that encompasses so much. Too many times we live our lives for other people. Understand, that's different than serving. Living your life for other people the way I'm talking about means living to meet others expectations. Living a life of service means doing what you can to meet the needs of others. You are responsible for you. That means, how you react(regardless of what others do or say), what you do with the time you have, and the mark you leave on this earth. Living in your gift means doing what you love(and are good at!), regardless of what anyone thinks, what you feel, or what others do. God didn't call you to make a difference at the expense of losing yourself. I've been in the woodshed so to speak over the last couple of weeks on beating myself up. (Some of you are reading this going, she would never beat herself up, and others are just smiling). Yes I am harder on myself than ANYONE else, and I know it doesn't make Him happy. He made me the way I am and He is so tired of my apologizing for things that He considers gifts. Here's the visual I was given: Imagine you give someone a gift, one you find pretty special. You are over at their house one day, and you hear them complaining about that gift. Oh they like it, but they get frustrated using for one reason or another and apologize because it doesn't work like it should(in their eyes, because in reality it does). Follow me? How would you feel? God gave us gifts, He wired us a certain way, and has plans for us that only we can do. There are doors He wants to open for just YOU, but you have to start walking first. Quit apologizing for the gifts He gave you, open them up, and use them. NO they may not always work like you think they should, but ALL things work according to His plan. You are a piece to this puzzle called life and the puzzle is not complete with your piece. Live your life that way. Live Him each and every day, and He will take care of the rest. 1 Timothy 4:12, is a verse I have loved for years. Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young(that means YOU). You have ideas and gifts to offer at any age. God will take care of the words, but first you have to be willing to open your mouth.
Live it for Him,
Until next time,
~Melissa

 

1 Timothy 4:12

New International Version (NIV)

¹² Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.

Shadows

It has been an amazing summer(a crazy busy one and down right chaotic at times), but an amazing summer nonetheless. I haven't accomplished everything I had on my summer to-do list, but I don't think any teacher reaches the end of summer and says, yep I finished everything I had planned to do. I've done some things that were not on the list, and others will get finished as I walk into this new school year. I was reminded yet again this morning, that if we will listen, He will show us things about ourselves that we didn't know were there. He whispered something, that just made me smile. I didn't set out to accomplish it this summer, but through the course of the events He worked it out through me. I know some of you are sitting there wondering okay what's she talking about and why is the title labeled shadows. See I am a firm believer that God knows my heart better than anyone else. He knows my innate desires, those things that I'm too scared to tell anyone else, and He knows those weaknesses that I refuse to let show to others. (Yes you can hide your weaknesses with fake, but you can never hide them from Him.) He knows how He wired you and He knows what He has made you to be. He knew I needed to believe in myself like He believes in me. It's not about what others think, its about what I think and do. My actions speak louder than my words is such a powerful quote, but it applies to yourself as well. If you believe in yourself, it's not a pride thing, its a knowing who you are in Him and knowing that regardless of public opinion, you are called to live Him. Believing in yourself like He does, releases you from looking to others for approval and knowing that He will take care of that part as well. Through the course of events this summer and something a friend told me, I've realized some things about myself that I had hid for too long. I've played the part and stayed in the shadows, but there is more to me than that. There comes a time when you truly grasp what He says about you and realize that what others think does not make a difference. You are accountable for what you do, how you act, and what you say. You are responsible for how you react to what comes at you, regardless of how you feel. Life is not always going to feel good on the outside, you are going to get hurt and people are going to play mean, BUT that doesn't need to/have to affect how you see yourself. It is God's job to understand and figure out why others think the way they do and act that way, not yours. You may not understand why someone did something, that's okay. Confess it/Speak it and move on....knowing that you will never truly understand so why let it continue to eat away at you. Don't put God in a box and don't put yourself in one either. Too many times we have in our minds what we want to have happen, where we want to go and God has so much bigger in store. The thing you may be seeking, may in God's plan just be a stepping stone. Don't set your eyes on the here and now. Okay this blog is getting long enough...It's really my heart on paper without getting specific. Last thing on the title, the only shadow you should be seeking to follow is God's. When you step where He steps and go where He goes life will be good. Don't follow(or let someone else direct you to follow), another person's shadows. You are YOU and God made YOU to do things that only you can.
Until next time,
Melissa

Blog to come:
Live your heart, make your time count, and take the time  you need to invest in those who need you. There is a difference in need and use. Spend time with God and He'll show you the difference between the two.  

You see......God sees

You see today, God sees your tomorrow.
You see the mountain, God sees your moment.
You see the problem, God sees your potential.
You see the struggle, God sees your strength.
You see your feelings, God sees your thoughts.
You see your actions, God sees your heart.

10 nuggets for the day....

I may elaborate on these later, but for now....they speak for themselves.

1. Sometimes the best players are the ones sitting on the bench. Until you give someone a chance, you may never know who can score the winning point or make the pass that wins it all.
2. Put "it" in His hands and then walk away. Be careful which way you are walking ;-) so many times we put it in His hands and then run back to where we just came from, when we need to keep moving forward trusting that He's got it.
3. The best thing to do sometimes is to just to stay quiet(but it is also the hardest).
4. Actions last longer than words. Let them speak for who you really are.
5. Do what you know is right REGARDLESS of what anyone else does. So many times we worry about what others are doing that we forget to stay focused on what we are called to do. We are only responsible for ourselves and what we do represents our integrity.
6. Are you frustrated, stressed, overwhelmed? Take an inside and look and find out where you are out of balance. Could it be that you have lost your focus? (Note: We lose our focus when we take our eyes off of God and what He's called us to do and place it on what others are doing).
7. Let God lead your investments. Time is one of the most precious things we have. Spend it wisely. Be leery of people who only want you to invest in them, but have no desire to invest in you at any point in your relationship. These investments have their place, but good things are not always God things. Let God lead you to those investments and He will be the one who invests back in you.
8. So you have a mountain in front of you, good ;-) God has one of two things in mind, both require Him all the way. It may be a mountain for you to climb or a mountain for you to move. Each one requires a different type of strength and power that is already inside of you.
9. Get victory over the little things and watch the bigger things fall into place. If a cookie has power over you, what does that say? (In other words you can put it down and walk away). Have a little faith and trust.....God loves to work when you have no idea how it's all going to come together.
10. Believe in yourself and remember who you are in Him. God has special talents and abilities inside of you. He has called you to do things only you can. Listen to Him and walk where He says to walk, otherwise that 11 day journey may take 40 years. Be who He has called you to be and not what others may want you to be. Trust what His word says, that He will give you the words to say when it is time. Don't speak out of pride or spite, but when your voice needs to be heard(those moments in your gut when you know you should speak, but fear says what will others think), is the time to let Him speak through you. Trust me, looking back now I've missed several opportunities to let my voice be heard all because fear told me I had nothing worthy to say.

Personally I think all 10 of these are a nugget in themselves(at least they have been for me the last couple of days). Take Him at His word, speak the word when you don't know what else to say, and trust Him! He didn't bring you this far, to let you run backwards. He has a plan in the work and doors that only He can open for you to walk through. All He is waiting on you to do is to place it ALL in His hands and keep walking forward.

Until next time,
~Melissa

Just a blogging moment.....

Okay I know long time without any writing, but I can promise He's been writing so much. I'm walking out a journey finding who I am and learning to be okay with that. This is not a traditional blog post as far as devotional format, but it's just me writing for a little while and letting some things out. I keep a lot to myself. I've been burned one too many times when I opened up to other people, so I'm finally learning who I can trust and who I can't. I've learned who loves me for me and who loves me for what I can do for them/give them/or who they want me to be. A rare find is to find someone who loves you for you and doesn't want to change you in anyway shape or form.(Please note: someone with skin on is what I mean in this situation). I know that my Heavenly Father loves me for me no matter what. I promise you that reality is so, life-sustaining. I've finally got to the point in my journey when I know beyond a shadow of doubt where I stand in my relationship with Him. I'm harder on myself then He is, but I'm moving forward in the journey. Life is a journey and the more you get back up, the further you will walk on that journey. I think He smiles when regardless of our weaknesses(notice I didn't say flaws), we can look in the mirror(outside or inside) and see ourselves as He sees us. Trust yourself to listen when He says to walk this way, and listen when He says stop, and listen when He says I love you. Sometimes we keep going when God says rest. We stop when He says walk this way, and when He says I love you we go, but I've fallen down. No one is perfect, but when you can learn to walk in those strengths and gifts that you do have, while strengthening your weak areas(I refuse to call them flaws anymore.) you find that you smile through the day regardless of what is going on. Love God first and foremost, love yourself(not in a prideful sense, but like He loves you) and when those too are in place you will love others the way He loves them. I know some say JOY is Jesus first, others second, yourself last. I took that literal for too long and beat myself down when I didn't have to. There is more to me than some can see, more than some will ever see, and more than I could see at first. I'm so thankful for open eyes and being able to see through His for this season. There is a peace when you know He's got your back, and you grasp on to that truth and walk in it. It takes time, please understand it takes time. Most people will not understand when you start walking in this new freedom. Some will want that door mat back, that gossip ear, that "friend" who always took care of it when you forgot or were too lazy to do so. The only box, cookie cutter, that you were made to fit inside of is the one God made for you. When you try to fit into the box(or let someone else stuff you inside of it), frustration, discouragement, etc. tend to happen. As a Christian, we all have the seeds of the fruits of the Spirit inside of us. It takes time and a little water to help those seeds grow, but they will with time and attention. I've decided(well God told me) which fruit to focus on now. It's one of those it's time and I might as well quit ignoring the self control/discipline excuse monster that I have feed for the last two years. Okay I feel like I've rambled on this blog some, but I hope it made sense. Love yourself as He loves you, listen for His whispers on what to do, He'll tell you who to help and what to get involved in. When something happens, seek forgiveness and then FORGIVE YOURSELF. Often times we are harder on ourselves than anyone else is. Don't beat yourself up when you fall down, but get back up and keep walking forward. When you mess up, fess up, and then move on from it. Being a Christian doesn't mean you will never make mistakes, but it means you have someone to help you learn from them. You know better than anyone else what God has called you to do. Trust Him to show you which way to walk, and let Him take care of the explaining.

It's a new turn in the journey and I'm sure more blogs are on the way. He's just good like that ;-)
~Until next time,
Melissa

His hands or Yours?

Where are your weaknesses? Where are your fears? I was reminded of this visual God gave me last week again tonight. Think of your weaknesses as those things that trip you up, those things that the enemy knows about it(those buttons so to speak). Where are they at? Are they still in your hands, where you are trying to do the best you can to fix them or overcome them? OR Are they in His hands, where He alone can take care of things?

Take that weakness or that fear, that you spend a lot of time thinking about (whether you mean to or not)(that if only.....). Now place it in His hands and as you walk away He takes it and wraps His hands around it like a fist. Now keep walking, but wait there comes a thought (Be it, if only I looked a certain way, if only I could do this, if only this person would, if only this would happen, (Get the picture?).....are you going to entertain the thought or keep reminding yourself, It's in His hands, it's in His hands?


There are some things that only God can fix. Some things that we can only overcome with His strength and His power, basically things we can only overcome with Him. So continuing to think about it is like prying open His hand and exposing that weakness to the enemy. Remember God said in His word, I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. If it's something that is a part of His plan(and you'll know it when it is), trust Him and leave it in His hands. Keep walking forward knowing that He's got it.

Now I would love to tell you that once He showed this picture, I was able to take it and make progress. Not always.....there have been some days with a couple of those weak areas that I've had to apologize when I've let flesh have its way and played on that weakness. So I have envisioned myself going back and wrapping His arm back around that "thing" ;-)

God knew our weaknesses when He made us. He didn't make a mistake. The weaknesses make  you a part of you(just like your strengths do). Those weak spots are not to make you feel bad about yourself (or for you to let other people make you feel bad about yourself). You are a precious creation in God's sight. He loves you just the way you are and thinks you are BEAUTIFUL!!! (Side note: If God has told you to exercise more, eat better etc. then do it(yes I'm speaking to myself here, but do it not because you want to weigh a certain amount, but because you want to be healthy to do what God has planned for you(guess what pounds will come off when you get healthy). As the childhood song says, we are weak, but He is strong. Turn those weak spots over to God and keep walking forward.  God's got it and can do more with them than you ever dreamed possible. When the thoughts come(and they will), just keep saying It's in His hands. After all, you really can't do anything about it anyway ;-)

Until next time
More to come soon ;-)
~Melissa

I'm a part.....

I am a part of all I have met ~Alfred Lord Tennyson

I first heard this quote when I was in my 11th grade English class. I didn't know then that it would still be something that would resonate within me today. This time of the year is always a time for looking back, but with turning 30 I guess I've been doing memory lane more than usual. If you are on my FB, you may have picked up on that. I guess I've also realized that sometimes even the smallest things may make the biggest difference. What we see as a small gesture, a word in passing, or just being there may not be small to the other person. When you are doing what you are supposed to do, it's not small. It may seem small, it may feel small, but God can multiply what you do just like He did the loaves and fish. We all have pieces in our lives that make us who we are. Sometimes you may need to show the pieces that helped get you to where you are(especially for people you meet later on in life). People that have known you for awhile have seen the pieces come together.

You are a part of all you have meet, whether you realize it or not. As a teacher, I've realized that more each year. I was blessed to grow up with some amazing teachers. They demonstrated to me what it was like to not only teach, but to care. Their example is what I try to emulate each day. Some days you get bogged down with paperwork and what's expected, that I'll admit it's hard to see if all the time is worth it. It is, may not seem like it at the moment, but it is. Some God calls to run the race where they can hear the cheers along the road, some of us have a race where we not see/hear the cheers until we get closer to the finish line(Those are the moments when I hold fast to the verse about our rewards being in heaven). Watching some amazing young people graduate this year reminded me, the little things do make the difference. The teachers I had in school were in it to make a difference(I went to a private school so they had to be, because it wasn't for the money), they wanted to be there. They had learned it was about creating those ripples though. They knew that they were there to teach and impact our lives for the time that we were at Madison Academy and today they are reaping some of that harvest. They may not see it, but every student has grown up to do something and is reaching others. 

I can look back and see some amazing doors God has already opened. Some friendships that are God sent, some paths that crossed that only God could have crossed, and some moments that have shaped who I am. I saw this year that when you(your personality, who you are) is split in half, it's hard to stay focused. Last school year was a struggle for me in so many ways, but it taught me SO many lessons. Some of which you have read on the blog. I often felt like I was doggy paddling, struggling to get to shore, and wanting someone just to throw me a life raft so I could float to shore. The bumps in the road, the scrapes from the fall, and the exhaustion from running are all things that help shape us to be that person God made us to be...IF and only IF we will let them. We can be like a stubborn child intent to do it our way and follow our feelings, but it will only keep us frustrated. We can choose to do things  His way, follow the rules, and trust Him to lay it all out. Sometimes His way may be the road less traveled, but it will make all of the difference. I've learned(more on another blog to come later), that God will take care of the reward, God is a God of order and not chaos, and God has a set of rules(game plan) for a reason. Sometimes our lovely flesh does not understand when others get away with things that are 1.) are either breaking the rules 2.) not following the rules 3.) not doing anything but getting all of the credit/accolades. God will help you understand when it's time and He will take care of the reward, all He asked you to do was to follow the rules, do what you know its right, and stay the course. The right road is never the wrong road even if it doesn't feel like it's the right road. Trust doesn't always mean you can see the next step, but you know who has the flashlight ;-)

I'm not perfect. I have several scrapes and bruises from along the journey. Some have left scars, but I've learned a lot in a short amount of time. Things that I thought mattered, don't really matter any more. The true test is not who wins the race, but who keeps getting back up when they miss the hurdle. God's not looking for someone to finish first, He's just calling us all to finish. God made you special. He didn't use a cookie cutter to make you. He made you one of a kind. Those pieces that have come together to take you to the point you are now, have helped make you who you are. Don't apologize for things that are a part of you, forgive yourself when you do fall down, and remember there are things that only you can do. Run your race smiling and knowing that you are making a difference doing what you do!

~Until next time
Melissa