The smile

It's break time from work and that means reflection time. It is also the end of a year and the beginning of a new one this week and that also is time for reflection. Last night God started writing this blog. I'll be honest, I didn't see it coming to finish until mid January. I still have two others in draft mode and I thought He would let me finish those first. After my quiet time last night/this morning I knew this one would be written before the others. I've learned a lot in 2015. The learning didn't come easy, several of those lessons were ones I had to retake from previous times. Some were lessons that God had been trying to get me to listen to for a couple of years and I well hadn't. Some of the lessons I didn't realize I needed to learn until it was time to learn them. Now comes the walking out that learning, the application after the knowledge part of this journey. This year I've learned a lot, a lot about The smile. 

We all have one, a smile that is. It comes out when we are happy, excited, surprised, and even just thinking. Sometimes it also comes out when we are just going through the motions. We put the smile on because we would rather hide behind it than deal with someone asking us what's wrong. We put a smile on our face because it's easier to just pretend then be real. We get so comfortable with the superficial and the casual that we forget what's down deep, on the inside. The roots that lead to the blooms that are going to show in season or not. God knows what the roots are and He's calling for us to deal with the ones that He didn't plant. That dear readers is hard to do when you are behind the smile. It's hard to pull up the roots of bitterness, anxiety, fear, insecurity, doubt etc. when we are not ready to get real with the cause of those feelings. That getting real moment requires moving past comfortable and stopping the motion train. It means getting still, probably not smiling, and getting honest with yourself and God first. Sometimes it requires getting honest with others, but the first person is ourselves. The tears come when the layers are peeled back, but just like taking a band-aid off...healing happens when you allow air to reach the wound. It hurts and there may be a scar at that spot, but healing comes in time. Our smiles are a security measure because deep down we aren't feeling it. Let's face it...the smile on our face can be a wall to say I'm good, move on to someone else. 

So I've learned a smile isn't always an indication that everything is good or fine. A smile may be a security measure for someone. That's where prayer and discernment come into play. In this world we live in we can't rely on feelings and flesh alone, we have to rely on the power of the One on the inside of us. Take time to really listen to what the person behind the smile is saying. It may be in words or in actions. Listen to what that still small voice on the inside is saying to you and act on it. God doesn't give you wisdom and discernment for you to keep it to yourself. Put it into practice and love people the way you would want someone to you. Pray for the people God has put in your life, on your journey, and those that He brings to mind. Sometimes people don't want you to fix something, they just need to know that you are praying for them. Stop and do it in person if God leads you to or type it out in a text to them. So many times we hide behind the "I'm praying for you" line and yet we don't always follow through. (That's extra...God dealt with me earlier this year on that one and was patient enough for me to change). 

We don't have a mess without a message or a test without a testimony. That's sometimes an overused statement, but it's true. God's word says that He works all things for our good. In His hands, it all makes sense to Him. He can take the things that make us frustrated and use it for our purpose. He can take the thing we have just walked through and give us eyes to see it in others. God will use your moments to pour into others if you are willing to share them. To do that we have to get real, open, and honest with others on the good, bad, and ugly. That doesn't mean posting it all over Facebook or other social media accounts, but it also means not hiding behind a smile while escaping into a turtle shell wishing you could just scream. There is a balance to this authentic journey and it starts with loving who He made you to be regardless of feelings, opinions, and weak spots. God's not surprised and knew what He was doing when He wanted a relationship with you on the cross. Yep you read that right..He knew how you would feel about you when He died on the cross and He still did it. Now that love is something to smile about always. 

You may be reading this today going, but you don't know what I'm dealing with. No sweet reader, I don't ...but God does. I know that for too long I hid behind the smile. I had a certain group that I was willing to get real with and experienced freedom there, but that meant the enemy kept me bound the rest of the time. Freedom is being real and honest with yourself and others in any setting. God wants us to walk in the freedom He died for and is ours to receive with our relationship with Him. He wants that for us in every part of our lives, even the ones we would rather just smile through. Trust that He has His children safe under His wings of protection. 

God, You know the hearts of the Ones reading today. Shake the chains that need breaking so that they can walk in freedom. For the ones hiding behind the wall of a smile, put them on someone's heart today that they can be real with and who will pray them through in Jesus name. God meet them where they are at. The band-aids are off for some and healing has started, blow on the wounds as you heal. For others the fear of taking the band-aid off has kept them going around the mountain and safe behind the smile, give them a glimpse for a minute Jesus to what their Promised Land looks like and the freedom You died for them to have, Thank you for what you are going to do and are already doing in Jesus name. 

Tuesday Truths vol. 11

2 Timothy 3:5
having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people. 

I've heard and read this verse many, many, many times before...but this time reading it in my quiet time was eye opening to say the least. The context of the verse is talking about how people will behave in the last days. Now read this verse again....having a form of godliness, but denying it's power. I had to ask for forgiveness after this revelation, but how many times do we get caught up in the same thing. How many times do we go along in this relationship with God and yet forget about the power that is on the inside of us? We talk the talk and may even walk the walk as long as it's an easy walk. It's when the walk starts to get bumpy, the waves start rocking, that we start to get nervous, we start to wonder and may even doubt. I've been there more times than I care to admit. It's easy to get caught up in a feeling moment that you forget that the power on the inside of you can handle ANYTHING that comes your way. Let that sink in for a minute....As joint heirs with the Jesus, we have what He has. That same power that on the third day folded up the grave clothes and walked out of the grave (without moving the stone) is the same power living on the inside of a Child of God. The same power that spoke to Lazarus and said come forth, is the same power living on the inside of you. The same power that took the five loaves and two fish and fed 5000 plus people is the same power living on the inside of you Child of God. Yes you will have feeling moments, but tell them to hush and let the power on the inside of you rise up. Back to the verse...there are so many churches today that have a set schedule for service, they sing one song, have a prayer and announcements, sing two songs, take up the offering, special music, sermon, invitation, and closing prayer. Like clock work each week it's a tight run schedule and going over time is not an option. God doesn't work on a schedule, think back to the Lazarus story...He wasn't on Mary and Martha's schedule (or else He would have came when they wanted Him to), but He was on His schedule...and look at what happened. God isn't in box, He's inside of you, His child.....The church isn't an organization or a building, it's a group of redeemed, forgiven, Children of the Most High. 2016 is set to be an incredible year. God is pouring out His Spirit like never before and lives are being changed. If you are blood covered Child of the King, tap into that power that is on the inside of you. God's looking to pour into you so He can flow through you. The power is yours, the victory has already been declared...walk in it! 

What's your Goliath?

I have looked at the story of David and Goliath in a variety of ways over the years. I've learned over the last four months of in depth study time with Him and just listening, God will take a story that you say you know very well and open your eyes to yet another truth found in that story. He'll show it to you in another way that meets your exact need at the moment. He's an on time God and His word is always truth.

The story of David and Goliath is in 1 Samuel 17. If you haven't read it lately, go do it. It's a story that speaks to a variety of seasons and stops along the journey. David was a shepherd boy who knew who he was in God. He knew who had anointed him and called him for a purpose. He knew all of that when He went in to fight Goliath. Verse 39 describes David trying on Saul's armor in preparation for the battle. He told the people he just couldn't do go in those because he wasn't used to them.

Now think about the question in the title. What's your Goliath? It could look like several different things (after all Goliath was a huge giant). It could be anxiety (that was mine this past year), fear, insecurity etc. Are you trying to fight the Goliath with someone else's armor or with the stone God said to pick up? Someone else's armor could be advice from well meaning people telling you how they passed the test etc. or how they left it in God's hands at the altar. God knows your Goliath and if you ask Him, He'll reveal it to you if you don't know already. David could have never fought Goliath with the way Saul wanted him to dress and fight. David knew who had called him to fight and that was all he needed to defeat Goliath (that and a sling and a stone). As you look back on 2015 is your Goliath still taunting you or have you fought him in Jesus name? The same power, the same confidence, the same security that David had when he gathered five stones and took his sling to go against Goliath is the same that you can have against yours.

1 Samuel 17:45 David said to the Philistine, "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.

God you know the hearts of the ones reading the blog today. You know the Goliaths they are facing even if they don't already know them. In Jesus name, give them the strength and confidence to walk boldly into this new year with a stone in their hand knowing that they can come against that fear, that insecurity, that anxiety in your name and their Goliath is going down with a thud. David wasn't confident that he could do it, but he was confident that You would do it through Him. Our Goliaths can't come down in our strength, but God we are trusting in you to defeat giants as we close out 2015 and walk forward into 2016. In Jesus name...

When it's all said and done...

I heard a story this week of a family where the dad (who is battling terminal cancer) pondered if his life had made any difference. He told his wife this one day, so she set out working on a Christmas project. On Christmas she gave him a chest of letters written by friends and family telling him what a difference, an impact he had made on their life. As the story went on, the mom talked about how these letters will live on long after her husband passes as a testament of a legacy passed on to their son.

When it's all said and done.....this story that was told to me this week has stuck with me. It's made me think, made me ponder, and along with a few Hallmark movies...made me take inventory. It's the time of the year where the holidays have passed and we are looking forward to a new year. Personally I like New Years....I love the feeling of a clean slate. Then God reminded me, each new day with Him is like that. His word in Lamentations says that His mercies are new every morning. He looks at the day as a clean slate, so why shouldn't we. We only get one pass at this life, one pass at this gift He gives us called today. Are the things we are pouring ourselves into things that matter? Are we leaving an impact, an imprint on the people we meet every day? It it an imprint that will be forgotten after time or one that will last, maybe even spur them on to making a difference. There are not enough hours in the day to impact this entire world for God....and I honestly think God gets a smile when we set out trying. Thankfully He knows our hearts and knows that if we will just set out to impact our world, the corner of life that He's called us to plant ourselves in for this season...He will take care of the rest. You never know, that child you teach in Sunday School today may be the next missionary God calls to Africa, or they could be the person that grows up to be the one that makes a difference as an encourager and an intercessor for the next great evangelist. God is the only one that knows how the pieces all fit together....His plan always prevails, it will take place whether you hold on to your pieces or let them go in His hands. Do you want to stand before Him one day and have to answer for what you held on to, or do you want to be able to say you ran this race with open hands leaving it all up to the One who was already standing at the finish line? The story of the talents in the Bible comes to mind....invest what God has given you and trust Him for the returns. The enemy wants you to bury what you have, leave it in the box created by the world, and walk through this life with hands closed fisted.

Newsflash, Honesty check, heart to heart moment...whatever you want to call it. You aren't going to feel like you can make a difference each and every day. There are going to be days when the enemy attacks your confidence and your security buttons (Hello...if the liar can make you think you can't do anything..you won't. That's a fact and I'm sure if you think for a minute you have your own story you can insert here). God didn't say feel your way through the day, He said to trust Him. God didn't say you wouldn't feel insecure or lack confidence. If you are waiting to only do things for God when you feel confident, well....you are going to be waiting awhile. God didn't said be confident in yourself, He said be confident in this...that He who begun a good work in you will carry it on to completion. That's a truth to hold on to when the enemy needs a good stomping. I've got another blog in the works for Tuesday on Goliath...sometimes we need to quit trying to fight our Goliath with others armor on and take up our sling and stone and fight with the One who called us to the battle. More on that later...

The enemy's been on an attack for the last couple of months, but he knows his time is drawing near. Some of the attacks I've seen coming and some have hit me in the gut...some God took the hit on and some He needed me to walk through. If we never face a battle, we will never know that we have the victory. The victory isn't in how fast we make it through, but in making it through. There are moments meant to sleep in the boat and let Him calm the storms. Then there are moments where God says...come on out on the water. God made the comfort zone for a season, stay in it too long and you get to be seasick from the rocky waves. The same hand that helped us out of the boat on to the water is the same hand holding us as we walk on the water. He doesn't say out of the boat and on your own....it's a journey, a race He longs to run with His children.

You may be thinking oh but you don't know how I feel about this or that. No I don't, but I know how I've felt at times. I know the insecurity that has been louder than it should have over the last couple of months. See the enemy gets scared when we get out of the boat...because that's when we start to walk out our calling, our anointing that has been there all along. So he lets the waves get a little rocky..sometimes they may make us feel unsteady and wondering why we ever left the boat....but God in His perfect wisdom says....I've never let go of you. Hold on Child..and in that moment...you start to feel steady again. Not because the waves calmed, but because you relied on the strength of the One who was holding on to you.  The enemy may see you as threat, but God calls you His Child. You have the power on the inside of you to move mountains, to see people healed, to speak life where the enemy has spoken death, to see chains broken off of souls, to see people set free...The word says you have not because you ask not. God longs to give you the desires of your heart...and when your heart is truly seeking after more of Him, He is faithful. More of Him equals more of His power, more of His presence, more of His provision, more of Him....He longs to fill you until you are overflowing, but He needs you to let go of you....trusting that He knows you better than you know yourself.

When it's all said and done....Reflecting on this past year, let go of what didn't work right(mistakes that were made, choices that were not chosen, the "what if's" that lead to regrets.) Let go it go and grab on to what He has planned for you. Hold on to what He holds on to and let the rest go..(easier said than done...but that's where peace is found) Trust Him to shine through....and then just be the You He made you to be. What are you seeking after in 2016? Spend some time over the next week and let Him pull back the layers, take off the band-aids and speak revelation as only He can. One day we will all be at the point where we look back over our lives and wonder if we made an impact. Living each day with His direction is the way to know....that one day we will hear Him say "Well done thy good and faithful servant".

The hurt and the Healer Collide

Facebook has an option to show you your "memories" of the day over the years...It's a way of looking back over what has been posted on this day for as long as you have been on Facebook. It's not always fun to look at, sometimes I found myself complaining way too much, other times I saw myself worrying too much, and then there have been some memories that just make me smile period. Today as I looked back over the memories from the past few years, they all seemed the same. Yes this day changed what I considered normal 17 years ago, yes God has a Romans 8:28 story from the day, but for the first time since that Sunday in 1998 I haven't dreaded today. The enemy threw what he could at me this week, but what he didn't realize was it only made me fight harder. We have a choice when things are thrown at us...we can fight harder or choose to feel our way through it. I wanted to feel, but I chose to fight. Through the fight I realized, I had let everything go about this day...except for that ...the day. He had already taken the feelings, the memories, the moments...and covered them as His own. At some point though the actually day and those leading up to it...needed covering. The enemy knows the calendar, but God knows the timing of the days.

2015 has been my year where the hurt and the Healer collided. I had to let it go, all of it, before He could do what He needed to do. There have been several moments over the years where I plastered the smile on and just did what needed to be done. Some even over the last week, but God is a Redeemer and a Restorer. He sees what is lacking and when His Child puts it in His hand, He makes it whole, new. Sometimes we have to push through things to get to the other side of what God has planned. It doesn't mean we always feel strong enough to do it, but that we know God has a plan on the other side of what we are pushing through. I've said all that to say...don't stop in the middle. Keep pushing even if you can't see the other side. Keep pushing even if you feel like you just want to stop for awhile. God's working as you are moving forward. If I had stopped this week, I wouldn't have looked on this day with a smile. If I had given in this week to what was looming, today would have been full of cover over my head moments. Today I'm thankful. I'm thankful for smiles, memories, and moments that are covered by the One who knew them all from the beginning. The line from this song....is my heart right now.. :

"It's the moment when humanity
Is overcome by majesty
When grace is ushered in for good
And all our scars are understood
When mercy takes it's rightful place
And all these questions fade away
When out of the weakness we must bow
And hear You say "It's over now"

I'm alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take this heart and breathe it back to life
I fall into your arms open wide
When The hurt and the healer collide"

Yes this day 17 years ago made heart hurt. I held on to that hurt longer than I should have, but that didn't surprise God. He knew the journey even before I knew their was a race. He ordered my steps so that I would find the freedom and the victory He had planned all along. Moments will come that make us question why, hurt our hearts, and cause us to want to hide at times. God hurts with us in those times, but He hurts more when He sees us holding on to the moments that only He can do something with. 

I don't know what your year, your journey, or even your day has held, but God does. He knows the days you smile because you feel like smiling and the days you smile because you know you should. He knows the hurts that you have held on to and the feelings that seems to have taken root. He longs for you to leave them in His hands, but you have to be willing to let go. I know it's hard, trust me I held on longer than I should have, but God is faithful to pry your hands open if needed. He knows the calling and anointing on the inside of you...and His plan always prevails. 

Feel or Fight part 2

Sometimes the choice we have to make when we we are feeling our way through the day...we have to make the choice to choose to feel how He feels about us versus how we may feel about ourselves. Let's face it..feelings are not always a good indicator of our true worth. Most of the time they are an indicator of how our day has gone. So if we hold on to the truth and the promise that God already knows how our day is going to go, then we can feel how He feels about us (and it). That being said...feel or fight....choice is ours. That being said...the journey, the race you are called to run is your own. You can't run someone else's or even compare yours to theirs. God never made you to run any other race other than the one He called you to. That's why you feel frustrated if you try to run your race like someone else. Be you and not only that ...be the you God made and called you to be. There will be days when your feelings want to tell you to crawl in bed and pull the covers over your head. The tears will fall, but the God inside of you..says fight. Fight to feel about yourself, your situation, and your journey the way He does. Fight to run the race He created just for you. He didn't say it would be easy, but He promised to run it with you. 

This week started off with me wanting to pull the covers over my head and just push the autopilot button on the week. I didn't want to feel my way through the week, but I was on that track. Quiet time with God and revelation through the grumpy mode and God was talking, but the choice was mine. The choice I had to make was feel or fight....fight it was. I had pushed through too much this year to let the enemy's bump in the road cause the journey to go around the mountain again. The mountain had gotten old after 17 years and I was glad to be off of it. Hindsight....I knew the battle that came with the week, but busyness and physical tiredness had me off my guard at first. That's how the enemy slips in..he throws his darts when we are tired and seeks to wear us down. Done with that though...he lost, God won. When you let "it" go in the hands of the One who can handle "it, He restores and redeems. God already gets your heart, already knows what you need, and when you need it. Trust Him....

Thankful tonight...thankful for the 180 that only God can do. From a week that started off with the spirit of pull the covers over my head lurking to a week that is ending with a peace that can only comes from Him. God knew the battle before I knew the day. He knew what this week entailed and He knew it was part of my journey. See if we never fight, we will never realize He's already won the victory. We spend so much time worrying about the end of the battle, when the victory is going to come, that we forget God says just trust and walk. He didn't say it would make sense, but simply trust. Fight for the things the enemy has taken, or is trying to take. Tell God you are ready for Him to take them back, and then walk out the fight. I felt the shift in the atmosphere last night....I can't explain it, but I knew God was turning it. I knew God was making the way from the covers over my head feeling to the smile that comes with peace. I didn't know how He was going to do it, but I knew He would. He had already done more than I could have ever imagined...why would I doubt Him with this. My feelings didn't agree, but His whisper was feel the way I feel about you period. Tears through the smiles today as He used a few Beanie Babies spread throughout some bags to bring healing to this Jesus girl. 

God you know the hearts of the ones reading tonight. You know the battles they are facing, the ones they just came through, and the battles that are still to come. God fan the flame on the inside and pour in the courage to fight. For those that have lost loved ones this Christmas season, just hold them. God hold them until they reach the part of their race when You say walk again. The timing is Yours, not ours...God thank you for peace, thank you for grace, and thank you for whispers. In Jesus name...

Feel or Fight

This was the question God posed on the way home today and I just about shouted(after I said ouch of course...). To say I've fought feeling my way through the last couple of days would be an understatement. The enemy never fights fair and for me to think he would start now, well I should have known otherwise. I'm thankful for revelation before it got too deep. I'm thankful for a deep sense of fight in me that regardless of what I was feeling, I was going to fight. This is me being transparent for a minute...I'm usually on autopilot at this time of the year. I usually put on that smile and go through the motions for the month of December. That's what I have done almost every year for the last 17 years. In case you are new blog reader and are not familiar with my December day story, my sister passed away in 1998 five days before Christmas. It does something to your traditions when you lose someone you love, especially someone who is in your everyday normal routine. I'm not going to dwell on that right now, that may be a blog for another day. I know I've said it before, but I'm a stuffer. I think we all are if we truly get honest with ourselves and God. We have things we don't want to deal with , feelings that we feel but would rather keep to ourselves, so we stuff them. We ignore them and put on that smile. What we don't realize is, the feelings don't go away. They are still there and are starting to take root. Roots eventually begin to grow and blooms come out. They may look like bitterness, anxiety, anger, insecurity etc. I had the blooms, but didn't realize I could do anything about those roots, until earlier this year. (So many times we pick the blooms of things and leave them at the altar without ever dealing with the root ). This year I pulled up the roots and left them in the hands of the only one who could handle them. Freedom was there and through my time with God, He began revealing how He had redeemed and restored that day. What the enemy meant for to cause pain, God had brought healing. Hear my heart...it takes time to get to this point in the process and only God knows when. For me, I was past time, but thankful to finally have listened. That day where my normal changed left a huge hole in my heart. It's a hole that will always be there, but God knew that. He opened the door for a friendship that only God could write. A friendship with some amazing friends who are like family. I'm a better me and in the process of becoming the me He made me to be because of this connection. God knew that in 1998 how the journey would continue. He knew how I would one day be a special education teacher and now teaching the same age kids my sister was when she passed. He knew that in 2000, my parents would attend a homecoming in Kentucky of a family I had never heard of before.  He knew that in 2015 I would finally deal with everything I had stuffed and find freedom. God knew....I don't have the answer to the why questions I've asked over the years, but He gets that. He knows I still ask, I still have those teary moments at times (especially when people talk about sisters), but that I trust Him. I trust Him to be the One to dry the tears, to remind me of His promises, His calling, and that He is the only One who needs to worry about the why's. 

Fast forward to this week...as I said earlier typically I'm on autopilot and find my way going through the motions at the start of December. December started and it seemed to be going well....so far so good. I was like yes, I'm moving forward God. Let's enjoy the season. That verse where God warns us to be careful not to think we stand, lest we fall...yeah it's in there for a reason. The enemy seeks to devour and wear out. Let's face it this time of the year, that's common. We are all running as fast as we can to get the list of to-do's complete and be everything to everybody, all at the same time forgetting those two words in another verse of the Bible...be still. Getting still is in there for a reason, it's His reminder to us that we need Him to be what we cannot be. We need Him to restore our peace and that takes getting still. Busyness leads to tired and tired leads to grumpy, in time things that normally wouldn't annoy you do...enter in frustration. Things that usually wouldn't make you doubt yourself do..enter in insecurity. See how the enemy plays...he doesn't fight fair. I'm thankful God intervened only a few hours into all of this and said..it's battle time. He pulled back the layers for a minute and let me see through His eyes. The enemy was mad that I had found freedom this summer and this was the week he was determined to see me run backwards. Child of God...your feet only go forward unless you choose for them to turn around and run backwards. God's not leading you to your past, that's the enemy's lie. So dig in...and fight. When the enemy throws the feeling of wanting to crawl in bed, pull the covers over your head and give up on the day...fight. God knows your feelings, but He also knows He's stronger than those feelings and He's on the inside of you. It's taken 72 hours for the fight to rise to the fingers. I've pushed through more in the last couple of days than I could even begin to put down. I didn't always push with grace, but I pushed until I heard that still small whisper this afternoon. Then I shouted....yep God got through. See I could have made the decision to feel my way through this week, let myself go back on autopilot, and go through the motions. The enemy would have won then...and God didn't redeem the day, restore my joy..for me to let that liar take it back that easily. Fight Child of God...when God has redeemed you, He called you His. When the enemy comes in and wants to take what is yours....take him to the place where God said nope..she's mine. We have closed hands too often for what we don't need to hold on to and open hands for what we need to hold on to. It's time to let God control the opening and closing of our hands. I know the fight isn't over this week, but God's already won ...now I just have to walk out His steps. 

I know the holidays are tough when you have lost a loved one. I get that believe me. Christmas hasn't been the same for me in almost 17 years. You may have an anniversary time around Christmas like I do. The choice is yours to feel or fight through this season. You know where you are on your journey, but hear my heart. If you are ready to move on past the feeling part of it, God wants to redeem the day. He wants to bring healing to the pain you feel in your heart. He can't do it in the physical as in bringing your loved one back, but He can heal in the spiritual realm. He can heal those parts of you that you can't see....if you will let Him. 

Different kind of blog I know, but this is my heart right now. I've been in a battle all week and am still walking forward in it. Usually I get to move to the other side after the blog is finished....but this battle of feel or fight is different. God gets that and I'm thankful with the help of some amazing anointed music, some wise counsel from a friend who reminded me of the King on the inside of me...God is moving this battle to the fight side. There is a calling and an anointing that 2015 has brought and I'm not going back....Devil notice served, this Jesus girl is taking back her season, armor on, I'm ready to fight.