The hurt and the Healer Collide

Facebook has an option to show you your "memories" of the day over the years...It's a way of looking back over what has been posted on this day for as long as you have been on Facebook. It's not always fun to look at, sometimes I found myself complaining way too much, other times I saw myself worrying too much, and then there have been some memories that just make me smile period. Today as I looked back over the memories from the past few years, they all seemed the same. Yes this day changed what I considered normal 17 years ago, yes God has a Romans 8:28 story from the day, but for the first time since that Sunday in 1998 I haven't dreaded today. The enemy threw what he could at me this week, but what he didn't realize was it only made me fight harder. We have a choice when things are thrown at us...we can fight harder or choose to feel our way through it. I wanted to feel, but I chose to fight. Through the fight I realized, I had let everything go about this day...except for that ...the day. He had already taken the feelings, the memories, the moments...and covered them as His own. At some point though the actually day and those leading up to it...needed covering. The enemy knows the calendar, but God knows the timing of the days.

2015 has been my year where the hurt and the Healer collided. I had to let it go, all of it, before He could do what He needed to do. There have been several moments over the years where I plastered the smile on and just did what needed to be done. Some even over the last week, but God is a Redeemer and a Restorer. He sees what is lacking and when His Child puts it in His hand, He makes it whole, new. Sometimes we have to push through things to get to the other side of what God has planned. It doesn't mean we always feel strong enough to do it, but that we know God has a plan on the other side of what we are pushing through. I've said all that to say...don't stop in the middle. Keep pushing even if you can't see the other side. Keep pushing even if you feel like you just want to stop for awhile. God's working as you are moving forward. If I had stopped this week, I wouldn't have looked on this day with a smile. If I had given in this week to what was looming, today would have been full of cover over my head moments. Today I'm thankful. I'm thankful for smiles, memories, and moments that are covered by the One who knew them all from the beginning. The line from this song....is my heart right now.. :

"It's the moment when humanity
Is overcome by majesty
When grace is ushered in for good
And all our scars are understood
When mercy takes it's rightful place
And all these questions fade away
When out of the weakness we must bow
And hear You say "It's over now"

I'm alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take this heart and breathe it back to life
I fall into your arms open wide
When The hurt and the healer collide"

Yes this day 17 years ago made heart hurt. I held on to that hurt longer than I should have, but that didn't surprise God. He knew the journey even before I knew their was a race. He ordered my steps so that I would find the freedom and the victory He had planned all along. Moments will come that make us question why, hurt our hearts, and cause us to want to hide at times. God hurts with us in those times, but He hurts more when He sees us holding on to the moments that only He can do something with. 

I don't know what your year, your journey, or even your day has held, but God does. He knows the days you smile because you feel like smiling and the days you smile because you know you should. He knows the hurts that you have held on to and the feelings that seems to have taken root. He longs for you to leave them in His hands, but you have to be willing to let go. I know it's hard, trust me I held on longer than I should have, but God is faithful to pry your hands open if needed. He knows the calling and anointing on the inside of you...and His plan always prevails.