The "I don't care" syndrome

You know when you get to that point where the revelation starts to really take root? I'm talking about that point when you start to get it and you can see God smiling going, finally? Those moments can exhaust you, but when you wake up and realize the roots are starting to grow...ahh it's a good feeling.

So I've been plagued with the "I don't care" syndrome this year. The sad thing is it's been the wrong I don't care syndrome.  I've gone through some changes at work and then there is that turning 30 thing which caused me to re-evaluate a few things. I cared more about what others thought of me, what others did, and what others said(or didn't say). In doing this, I've lost myself in the process. I quit caring some of what I did(hello I can count on two hands how many times I've been to the gym this school year...that's not me). I can fix me(okay so before anyone goes you can't do anything without God etc., yes I am fully aware its me +God to do anything(really it's just Him). I'm at the point though where He's told me what to do, it's just up to me to do it.) So at that point I can fix me by doing what He's already said to do. I digress....

I've learned what the old saying means about "leading a horse to water but you can't make him drink".You can lead the horse to the water, you can even dunk his head into the trough of water, but only the horse can make the decision to drink.  I am responsible for me period. I am in charge of what I say, what I do, and what I think. That being said, why do we let what others say and do mean so much to us? God knows our heart, He knows why we do what we do....our motivation shouldn't be what others say, but what He will once say. I care(a little too much some days), but it's been on the wrong things. Caring about what others do(when its obvious they will not change and you can't help them) will only lead to frustration and stress. Do your thing, care about what's in your lane, your journey....those things on your God path and He will  bring everything else into place. We can lose ourselves trying to put band-aids on things only God can heal(fix).

So as I said to someone yesterday...I don't care anymore about "it". In the last week and a half, I've turned 30 and had the flashlight yanked back on this journey. I went from seeing how the pieces would fit together on something to taking it one piece at a time. Talk about a stress filled  cloud....(Just because there is a cloud hanging around, doesn't mean it will always rain...(but that's another blog).  So this road on the journey as I look ahead for now, is to just be the best Melissa I can be. To love all I can, to give as much as I can(to myself and others), and to not lose sight of what really matters and what doesn't. To just enjoy the journey called life and to be happy ;-) Being happy is a choice by the way....

Change what you can, pray about the rest, and enjoy the day. God has a plan in all of it and one day He'll show you how the pieces fit together, until that time do what you can and just breathe. Everyone may not understand you(appreciate or like you) and it's okay! Be confident in who He has made you to be, who He has called you to be, and care about what He cares about.

Until next time
~Melissa