So I turned 30 last week...( I know some of you are thinking I wish I could go back to 30 etc.). It wasn't the turning 30 that bothered me, but the fact that I had so many things on "my list" that I wanted to have finished by the time I turned 30. (lose weight, buy a house, get married, a kid or two etc.) Trouble was it was "my list" and not necessarily "His list". Do I think all of those things are a part of His list, yes but it's just not time. I truly believe He'll give you the desires of your heart and He hasn't changed my heart yet. I was reminded several times last week that your who and your do are two separate things. How I wish some days that what is on the inside could shine out, that others could see more of who I am(and not just what I can do/or not do)....sadly that's not how the world works at times. Get comfortable with who you are and not worry about what others do/say, and eventually your feelings(and others) will get in line. That has been the biggest lesson I've learned/am still learning this year. Be happy with who YOU are, who HE made YOU to be, and just live your life period. Not every day is going to go your way, not everything is going go as planned, it's life. Chances are if you look back over the day, there is something you can find that made you smile, something you were proud of, and hopefully something that made Him smile. That's what matters in the day...love others the best you can, but love yourself as well. Don't beat yourself up at someone else's expense. Love for others doesn't mean you lose who you are in the process. God gifts are not forced and will not reap condemnation, but everything falls into place. When it's a God gift, you forget about what you are doing, and you just do.
Speaking of gifts, every Christian has a gift(or gifts) inside of you. You'll never know what the gift is until you take the lid off of it. Then once you take the lid off of it, you have to try it on to see if it fits. When it's Christmas morning, you don't just leave the presents under the tree...when it's time you take the lid off and see what's inside. You don't go shopping and buy new clothes without trying them on at some point(okay yes at some stores I can buy without trying on, but....you know what I mean). Sometimes to find out how your gift fits, you have to the take the lid off and just try it. You'll know when it feels right regardless of how others think it may "look". You may need to work a little before the fit becomes just right and you may need to lose a few things you have become comfortable carrying, but in His time it will fit and the world will see what you saw when you first took the lid off.
When you ask God to give you His eyes to see some things through, be prepared for some tears. Often times when we look at it with His eyes, we get ourselves out of the way and it can break your heart. We all have that innate desire to know that what we do matters, but I've learned this year(well actually had it drilled into my head with repetitive practice), that you have to first know that what you do matters. As long as you believe what you are doing is making a difference, you may hear the splash but you may not always see all of the ripples that come. You may see the seeds being planted, but you may not get to see the bloom. There are no small parts because without the seed you would never have a beautiful rose ;-)
It's Mother's Day today....to all those who have ever loved a child with a Mother's love(be it your own, an angel you have waiting in heaven, or the children God places in your life right now that you help each day)...Happy Mother's Day! If it's not your time yet to be a "mom" in the traditional sense, keep trusting Him, but while you wait....love the kids He places in your path. You never know the difference you may make in their lives.
Until next time!
~Melissa
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