A season of waiting...

One of my favorite Dr. Seuss books is "Oh the Places You'll Go" and there is a part in there that seems to resonate with me in different seasons. It's the part that talks about the waiting place. I think we all find ourselves in that season at one time or another.

 

In case you haven't read the part of the book that I'm referring to here it is ;-)

I've had my time over this break, I've had time to reflect on this past year. First off wow, it went by way too fast. I've already beat myself up over the whole not feeling like I got a whole lot finished this year. When I look back over the year, my to-do list is still the same, my goals (well I think I'm bringing more weight into 2019 than I did in 2018), and my one word for 2018 well I did well on that for the first couple of months. I think we have all hit those places where we are like okay God what was the purpose etc. We ask so many questions sometimes instead of just simply trusting that He has a perfect plan and a purpose even when we can't see any of the details in the puzzle. It's like we are looking through the glass and the pieces seem to be coming together, but it's a fuzzy picture. As we age in the physical our vision changes, and I think it's that way in the spiritual as well. God's refining how we see things, it's our choice to put on the glasses. So in my God time last night I poured out my waiting place, season woes to a God that I'm sure knew they were coming.....how He answered was not what I had expected. You see what I had viewed as waiting, God had viewed as clearning. Stay with me for a few...This journey is a process, sometimes we can get from point A to point B in a short time, sometimes it takes longer. (at least the eleven-day journey wasn't 40 years). God has to have space (and time) to clear away some of the clutter to make room for what's coming. Pruning-Clearing-Growing.....ya'll when that picture began to become clear last night I had myself a crying shout. I have no idea what He has planned for 2019, but I'm ready to go after those dreams and visions that continue to be brought into view....and leaving in 2018 the old way of viewing those dreams. 

I don't know where you are, but God does..., maybe you have been in what you deemed as a waiting season for some time now. What sweet child of His is He trying to whisper to your soul? What word is wanting to drop in your Spirit that He needs you to put feet to? If God has shown it to you, it will come to pass in His time...just staying focused on moving towards "it" and trust Him to make the paths and steps clear. If God's been pulling back your layers and cleaning out some of your space...then He has a purpose for what He's making room for. The waiting season may very well be a clearing season for you, where God's making room.  He can't add to, if there is no space for Him to. 

2018 has been a quiet year as far as blogs go. I think I went through the season of no one is reading, so why am I writing, to the season of I don't know if I'm supposed to be doing this anymore etc. Hear my heart....when God has told you there is a word on the inside of you, He intends for you to share it even if it doesn't make sense to you. When you know it's a part of His plan....quit circling the mountain and just be obedient. So here's to staying focused more in 2019 on the blogging, to making regular posts each week (I'm thinking of bringing back Tuesday Truths and starting a Thursday Thoughts post)...and here's to getting back to looking into how to self publish that devotional book that God won't seem to leave me alone about. 

This season...

I'm not sure anyone reads these anymore when I post or if Facebook or Blogger has just done something weird with how things show up....but anyway I will keep writing as God lets me.

In the chaos and craziness of last week, God dropped a word so loud in my day that it stopped me in my tracks. It was one of those words that not only is needed in the moment, but it can shift your entire day. It was one of those moments that can shift things you can't see in this realm because God's doing something in the realm that only He can see. That's a blog to come.....but it was one of those moments I texted my spiritual covering crew and said wow.

I love this time of the year, God and I have been on a journey over the last year or so to redeem this time. That in itself is yet another blog or a chapter in the book I need to slow down and write some day. There are so many emotions and feelings that surround this time of the year that if we aren't careful we can get so caught up in them that we find ourselves going through the motions of the season. That was never God's plan...God never intended for us to get so caught up in the to-do list that we lost room for what is the heart of the season. Trying to do too much leads to exhaustion which leads to frustration when we can't do everything we wish we could accomplish.

This season let's not get so caught up that we forget to make room for the heart and the reason for the season. Mary and Joseph had to search for a place with room so very long ago.....let's not leave God searching for a place in our schedules this season. (and I'm not talking about the time we spend in a church building on Sunday, I'm talking about the time we spend with God just us and Him). The shepherds by trade were drawn as sheep to the true Shepherd that night. Let's not lose sight of what draws us to our Shepherd and show that same grace and love to others. The wise men came and brought gifts of themselves along with something tangible....let's not forget to give not only material things this season, but time to others as well. Sometimes the most precious gift can't be bought in a store or online...

Love came down at Christmas time so many years ago....and that is the love that flows through us today as Children of the Most High. It's a love that can redeem moments that are painful, memories that make our eyes leak and restore those things that the enemy tried to break. It's a love that can cover and fill those holes that seem to never be filled to a place of overflowing. This season and beyond may the gift that was given so very long ago, but what flows through us.

She knew who He was.....

I've been exhausted over the last couple of months...and I don't think I just realized how exhausted until this week when I've had a chance to rest. I wish I could tell you the to-do list was completed this week, but rest won. My soul is full though and my heart is happy. If you don't know you can be exhausted in more ways than physical, well that's a blog for another day. I've had writer's block during this exhausted time...more so than I realized. This morning though God in His perfect way started writing a blog.

I was WIDE awake in the early morning hours and tried to watch a movie to sleep. God brought the woman with the issue of blood to mind. I was like okay God where is this going.....but I decided to just listen. Then He took me back to a time in service last Sunday and used it to engrain a truth on my heart. The woman with the issue of blood knew who Jesus was and that's why she pressed through that day to get to Him. Y'all don't read that and just let it go in one ear and out the other. She didn't just know about Jesus, but she knew Him otherwise, would she have taken the risk to press through the crowd that day and get to Jesus. I'm not so sure but she knew Him and she knew that if He had done it for others, He could do it for her.....she just had to get to Him. Sometimes we want so desperately for someone else to press through for us and clear the way, but sometimes God's going come on child...press into until you get that touch. Yeah, it's deep.....I've had the week off and been able to finally listen. When we experience that press....that push in prayer that leads us to that place where we hear Him call us Daughter. That's not found in any denomination or bylaws of a church....but in a relationship with the One who knows all of your mess and still loves your beautiful self!

It's sometimes not a huge thing that overwhelms us over time, but the little foxes that can spoil the vine. This woman had dealt with her mess for a time, but she knew what she had to do and she wasn't going to let anything distract her. The end result.....she not only got her healing, but He called her Daugther. (Don't miss that part....). God knows where you are at right now sweet reader.....and He's saying don't let the distractions keep you from me. It's not about what anyone else says, how they do things, or even what will keep them happy...press through daughter.

I could keep writing, but I'll end this here.....Do you, not the you that pleases everyone, but the you that pleases Him. What He's called you to and the steps He's ordered for you may not always make sense to everyone else.....but that's okay. I think sometimes we expect people to know our story based on the chapter they joined in without giving them the chapters they missed.....and that's a blog for another day.

Sunday thoughts...

What's God put on the inside of you that you are still waiting to see come to pass? What dreams has God promised that He's saying don't give up on? God's timing and our timing are not always in sync.....but when He shows up.

I know it's the first post in over a month, but October was a blur. Don't get me wrong I had a lot of fun and made some amazing memories, but I feel like I barely stopped to take a breath. Y'all that will wear you out in ways you didn't know you could be worn. God is faithful....and somewhere in the midnight hours this past week, He's whispered in.

Sometimes we see the fire starting to lose its flame. We do what we can in our place to move the wood around, to add some fuel to it, but our best intentions only last for a moment. However, when God's wind blows through.....there is a roar that comes back that is a flame that says keep moving, I've got you.

So many times we try to complicate what Jesus died to uncomplicate. Live love in front of this world and they will see Him. They aren't looking for a perfect person to preach truth to them, but they are longing to see a forgiven person demonstrate grace. The truth will come in time. God didn't heal the wounded places for you to keep those places covered. Real and authentic is what this world is longing to see.....The rocks are getting restless when we stay silent. The rocks are getting antsy when they see us not catch on to what God is doing. God's not looking for another program to work through, He's looking for a people to shine through.

There was a devotional I read through this past week based off the song Known by Tauren Wells. If you have the app and haven't read this one, I highly encourage it. It was amazing and so on time, I can't even begin to speak it. It was the pop to the insecurity bubble that had begun to form again and the reminder that this blog needed some time from me even if it was just a short post.

Tonight I'm thankful for a fire fueled by not me. I'm thankful for grace and mercy that are filled up every morning when the day seems to deplete my share. I'm thankful for a loving push to get back focused on what He said. I don't know where you are at this evening, but God does. Praying He whispers what your heart needs and if it's a push that you lovingly get back going. I've learned more times than I should have had to over the last few years, God won't move your feet for you....but He will get you to a point where you will move your on and then the rest is His to put into place.

Water walking days

Now before you go making judgments just by reading the title, stick with me through the end. This isn't one of those get out of the boats and change the world kind of posts. It's a revelation from me bringing my mess of feelings to God last night and going make sense of them, please. I love deeply and pour out often times more than I remember to slow down and take in, hence the migraine that stuck around for a couple of days this week. I don't get them often, but when I do I usually find myself at one point going okay, God what am I supposed to hear. Migraines for me are usually a slow down Child, you have been running way too fast. I'm glad no one else but God can truly hear what goes on in between my ears some days. I'm way too hard on myself and way too quick to start overanalyzing things. That being said....as I've mentioned on here before I'm a visual and some days God has to paint the picture for me to make sense of what I've asked Him. So here's the real look into a me and God conversation last night. Maybe someone else has found themselves at that point too...

The week had worn me down and out and I was feeling it. I had given what I knew was my all but felt like it had been handed back to me with a big stamp on it as not enough. I get in that place a lot...and it's usually when the flesh is screaming and my Spirit is whispering. Those are not so easy places to be at because if we listen to the screams we will keep wanting to hear the applause and searching for someone to feed that part of us. I'm still learning to quiet that part of me quicker so that I can hush those screams and remind my soul that it's not about me, it is about Him. If we could hear His whispers in the moment the screams of not being enough for those around us wouldn't matter because we would know we are enough because He's enough. I care too much some days and my do takes over my who....but it's a journey and a work in progress, I am. So I laid all of this in a messy way to God last night and was desperate for some sense to come to my soul. In His perfect way, He started painting a picture. Out of the boat means we are walking in that part of who we are that we know we need Him, it's that calling that is slightly uncomfortable (hello it's out of the boat).  Out of the boat though is that journey with God, that relationship building time with Him. It's where we get to know Him and the us that He made us to be. I've lived on the verge of overwhelmed and exhaustion for most of the last few weeks. God knew it and I knew He knew it.....I also knew that He had a plan and a purpose if I could keep my focus on Him. I don't know about ya'll but I start out my day knowing who I am and that He is in control, but there are some days that before lunch I'm going God I need an intervention. It's how water walking days go....we are out of the boat focused on the One who said we could get out of the boat. We feel the water beneath our feet, but we know God's got us and we can keep walking. Then the waves pick up and all of a sudden we are feeling way more water lapping around our legs and for a quick moment our hearts start to beat really fast and we question if we can still stay on the water or if the boat would be a better spot. This is usually the time when good ole anxiety and its companions start hanging around. Hear my heart for just a minute.....if God hadn't designed you to walk on the water, to go to a deeper place with Him...He would have never allowed you to get out of the boat. The enemy knows what's on the inside of you and that's why he wants you to run back to the boat. There are moments during a day when the water may lap so much that you do look down at it just to see if it's getting close to overwhelming you...and that glance, that moment when the screams of the flesh take over is when we lose sight of who we are in Him. It's that moment when our eyes go from our Creator to our circumstances....and we sink for a minute, feelings start to win and we start overthinking. A song, a verse, a stone of remembrance time rises up and you look up again. You keep walking and knowing yeah the waves are still lapping and you are still feeling overwhelmed, but God's taken care of it all before and this time is no different.

Some days we can have those sinking and looking up moments all throughout the day, some days it depends on what is thrown at us (and how we are physically feeling). It all plays a part in how we fight....grace is amazing though and I'm thankful for a Father who takes the messy parts of our day and connects the dots for a message. Maybe you can't relate to this kind of day, but maybe you can. Maybe you are giving it all you got and some days still wondering it's enough, show yourself the same grace He does...that's my plan for the upcoming week. I'm not perfect, but God knew that when we started this relationship. It's His expectations for the day that matter more than anything...if those are met, we can smile and lay our heads on our pillows knowing He is pleased. There is a difference in people pleasing and serving....but that's a blog for another day (God's still refining that part of my heart).

Remember the deposit.....

Wow, it's been over a month since my last post (that's not me). Let's just be real...August was long and weary at times. It's always hard getting back into that routine and finding the balance that everyone so desperately wants. I'm about convinced balance is scriptural.....one day that may be a blog in itself. I'm my own worst enemy or as someone said last week, it's between my ears that needs convincing. I walk some days on the verge of being an insecure mess and I know God's up in heaven going umm...Child really? Didn't we talk about that already? Mask off, turtle shell not around.....the mountain in my view wasn't the one I wanted to climb. I had already climbed it, quit circling it.....but it was looming. Even today had moments where I got close to the mountain of mess again.....You see the enemy knows that the mountain of message awaits us when we go over the mountain of a mess...and he wants nothing more than for us to climb back on the mountain of a mess, so he does what he can to push us closer to it. Y'all I could park right there and end this blog on just that statement.....

Last week I was getting ready for church and having my worship time....when I heard God speak in, remember the deposit (Read 2 Timothy 1:6). Well, ya'll I figured it was a blog He was starting since it had been awhile. I didn't realize when I walked out to the car and realized that recall that I had neglected to get fixed was going to need to be done. I can't say I handled it well at first.....but after I realized it was what it was (that was after realizing my laptop had seen better days and wouldn't be going through this IEP season with me)...I turned on Restoring Hope and was like God you know. Well, ya'll He does...I say this a lot, but Aaron's word was so on time I can't even explain. God used several moments during that service to remind me...hey I see you, I hear you, and I've got you. Isn't that really what we need sometimes? Back to the deposit word from the morning......it made me think back to a sermon I had heard Jason preach just a few weeks ago about residue. Sometimes life stinks, sometimes the days aren't as sunny as we would like them to be, and our feelings are just plain yuck. Let's stay real....we all have days when we would have rather stayed in bed. Days when we Netflix is the only company we want. We also have days when the cry of our soul is for someone to just connect with....and to feel like a part of something. It's on those days when we need someone to speak life in and remind us God still has a plan coming....I'm thankful for friends that just know.

You know what God's put on the inside of you, what He's deposited......on the days when you find yourself wondering God did I miss you on this...let that deposit be what keeps you steady. I found myself having to walk and worship a lot during August to talk out my insecurities with God. I asked Him more than once if I had missed Him (of course I hadn't but isn't that what we usually start to feel when it gets uncomfortable or uneasy). It's okay to have to have those moments....where you put the praise music on and just talk to Him like it's coming out. I think sometimes we try to clear our heads before we come to Him in prayer when if we would just lay it all out for Him, He can make sense of the fuzzy. I'm not saying I have it all figured out....or that I haven't looked really hard at that mountain of the mess today, but the choice was mine. I have never doubted Him....but I've doubted me a lot and yes that's a blog for another day. There is a confidence coming that will probably finish that book that should have been written by now. I promised myself on this journey a few years ago that sometimes the posts would just be real. I spent way too much of my early journey with Him with the "Everything's fine" smile even if I wasn't feeling it....that I just can't fake it anymore. I'm real, it's not always pretty......but God loves right where we are at and too much to let us stay put for long.

I don't know where you are at tonight, but God does. He's whispering...I see you, I hear you, and I've got you. Put on the praise music....and just rest, trusting that He's that good. (cause He is😀😁)

Why do we?

If we truly grasped what God meant by when He said the same power that raised Jesus on the inside of us...lives on the inside of us, would we really let the "little" things send us into such a defeat cycle? If we really could grab a hold of what He's poured into us to pour through us...would we walk around consumed by the busyness of life? I've had way too much time today to listen ...(don't get me wrong the to-do list has been HUGE, but God's list has come first). Sometimes He pulls you away because He needs your focus, your attention. If you have never experienced a time of fasting, well that's what it's all about. It's about taking something away that usually keeps your focus and drawing your focus where it belongs. Sometimes I see the big picture before I see the steps....and not knowing the steps keeps me from embracing the big picture. That's a blog in itself.....so many times God's calling us to take a step and we keep wanting to know what it is exactly we are stepping in and on. Ya'll I'm a Jesus girl who has been on an intense journey over the last three years, I probably really should write a book one day....but I can't shake what I feel in my Spirit tonight.

The weather forecast this week calls for rain in the natural, but God's raining in the spiritual as well. He's looking for His children that are positioned and ready to hear. He's not looking at denomination, He's looking for obedience. I gave up a long time ago after a yucky migraine moment calling myself anything but a Jesus girl. (If you aren't sure what I mean by that....it's in a few blogs back). My praise may not always make sense, but it does if you know my story and know what all God has walked me through. (Yeah I said through). I've come from the one who needed someone to pray me through EVERYTHING to knowing how to pray and press through. There are some battles that are only won on your face in your prayer place with God. There are some battles that are only won staying there until God does something.

Don't get so distracted by all that is going on that you miss all that God is doing. Don't let your to-do list be so much of your focus that you lose His focus. Why do we stop at just enough when God has running over planned? Why do we stop at filled up when God plans overflow? There is a praise coming from this season that is going to be a sound that shakes places that can't be seen. The places that were once dry are going to be saturated again. If we are comfortable going around the same mountain, that will be the view that we stay with. Mountain moving takes place when you get off the mountain, or over the mountain, and on to a new thing that He's doing. I don't want to stand before Him one day and hear God ask well why didn't you _________with what I gave you. Ya'll when that truly sinks in....it will rock your world.

I know the days aren't always easy, ya'll I have enough moments of my own when insecurity and anxiety start to get loud.....but for the last 48 hours God's been clear ...stir it up. When we know what is on the inside of us...even on the days when we can't see what He's doing, we have to stir up what He's deposited on the inside of us. When we know the power we have.....we have to take time to not only plug in, but to stay connected long enough for a complete charge to happen. So many times we plug in, but only connect long enough to have power for a bit. This world is going to take power that comes from a full charge. Maybe you aren't sure how to press in ....get alone with Him and just listen (until He answers). Sometimes we have to tary for awhile and wait......(that's a blog for another day).

Different kind of blog tonight, but if He's letting me finish it so it's for someone besides just me. I don't know what your week holds....but I know who holds your week Child of God. There is power on the inside of you....tap into it and stir it up. I know what it's like to coast through, been there done that......and done with this swimming in the shallow end season. I've been in the secret place tonight and pressed through to touch Him. There is a peace with Him that makes you forget that it doesn't always make sense.  There is power on the inside of your Child of God.....flip the switch and follow His lead.

Sunday thoughts

Y'all if I had a recorder for the last couple of days this blog would be so much easier to write....lol. I'll be honest as I start to type this, I'm not even sure exactly where He's headed with it....but the stirring to write is there so I know He's headed somewhere. Mask off for a moment.....I'm not a swimmer in the natural. I love being in the pool and the water, but when I get close to the deep end I tense up and start to make sure I ease back to the side where I can touch. Stay with me I'm headed somewhere....how many times do we get that way in the spiritual realm? We get so close to the deep end of swimming in what God truly has for us, but we tense up and walk back to where we can touch...where we are comfortable. Y'all God didn't call us to stay in the shallow end.....I know I've written on this before, but a few months ago I had found myself back in that safe end of His waters. Yes God was speaking and we were in a relationship...but it was safe. Throughout the summer, I've edged closer to that deep end and the last couple of days I've felt God going, just trust me. No more back and forth...this time just let Me do it and trust me that I've got you. I know where I struggle, where I'm weak at, God does too...but the words that I've spoken when in those weak moments have clued the enemy in on those places as well.  As Children of the Most High, we have got to take God at His word when He says the power of Life and Death are in the tongue.....

David would have never defeated Goliath if he didn't trust that God had given him a purpose and called him. David would have never defeated Goliath if he hadn't picked up the first stone and made a step out there to face what others feared. The giants you face in your life will never be defeated if you just stand there sweet readers. Throw the stones of what God has given you....it may be a word, it may be a moment...that's how we fight the giants, that's how we fight our battles. (cue the song ;-)). One last thing on that...I feel like God's calling those that know how to fight to lead and fight for those who are still learning how to fight or may not have the strength to fight. At one time we all had to learn what it means to be a soldier in God's army. That may be deep for some...but that's where God's at this afternoon. Yes, there is a war going on around us, but when the Children of God come together unified......there is a sound that will go forth that will DESTROY anything the enemy is doing. 

I'm not perfect, far from it.....I'm thankful for grace each and every day. I'm thankful that on the days when I'm not so sure of myself, God is more than confident in who He has called me to be. I'm thankful on the days when I worry if I've messed up, that God says grace...I forgive you now forgive yourself. I'm thankful that on the days when I'm feeling like the day has taken its toll...there is a residue of His oil that covers me until I can fill back up with Him. When we lose focus on what is on the inside of us, God pursues us back and reminds us of the visions and dreams He has placed on the inside of us. That will light a fire in you that I don't even have words for at the moment. 

I don't know where you are at, but I know this God knows right where are at. He knows what the temperature on the inside of you is and He knows what He has set as the normal temp for you(that's a blog in itself). Stir up what is on the inside of you and walk in what He's called you to do. He never said it would be easy, but if we could fully grasp the power on the inside of us....the way something feels wouldn't matter anymore. 

More later, enjoy the rest of your Sunday sweet readers

When God speaks in.....

So Joshua said to the Israelites: "How long will you wait before you begin to take possession of the land that the LORD, the God of your ancestors, has given you? Joshua 18:3

When God drops a verse in my Spirit, I often times will put a date by the verse. This one was one God gave me almost a year ago.....and then He brought it back to my attention just a couple of weeks ago. I've had an expectancy in my Spirit this summer...and I've been waiting on God for revelation. I knew it was coming, but impatient me has been like come on now. I've been in reflect mode, hence the lack of blogs. I would start to write and God would never let me finish just yet. If we are truly living our lives for the applause of One, then why do we let the lack of applause from so many keep us distracted. That was in one of those blogs I started one night and never finished...but that part wouldn't leave my Spirit. So many times we get caught up in the comparison trap and it leads us to a rat race that never ends. One thing God kept whispering over and over (He knows I'm stubborn and need time for the root to start), it's a focus issue...if we keep our focus in the comparison zone, we will never be who God designed for us to be. We will get close to it, our promised land in view, but we will never walk into it. So many times we sit waiting on God to give us our promised land, and God's waiting for us to move our feet. God's waiting on us to quit looking at everyone else's feet and start moving our own. He's waiting on us to grow up and move from walking to running. He's waiting on us to know that the visions and revelations He has given us will come to pass. There is a season of overflow coming...God's looking for a remnant that will stay so close to what He's pouring out that it can't help but spill over to others. 

I've been in listen mode for most of this summer. I can't say it has always been easy, insecure, anxious me was a lot louder some days. I promise you I know I make God laugh some days as He sits there and goes, child haven't we already been there. I knew last year was the year of Restoration and this year the word has been release...I could sense what God was pouring out in the spirit realm. The enemy loves to use distractions, some of them may even be good distractions to keep our focus offset. I'm so thankful God keeps stirring though...He knows what is on the inside of His children and He's not going to settle for you to walk in the land of distractions when He has a promised land planned. There are still going to be days when anxious me needs God to whisper loudly steps are ordered by Him (ya'll if I didn't already know that, but some days I need God to remind me and He knows that. He knows that is part of my testimony and if you don't know the story....well it's a blog to come. It's one I should have told more before now). Back on topic...God isn't looking for a perfect people to pour out on..but on a people who are positioned and open to what He's doing. He's looking on hearts where the ground has already been tilled up aka broken up and is in receive mode. I'm the first to tell you I'm my own worst enemy some days...but last night while trying to sleep God gave me a picture of an umbrella of grace. We are so busy sometimes giving that umbrella to cover others when we need to remember it for ourselves too. Stop giving the enemy an inlet of insecurity and speak grace and His truth and promises over our own lives. This morning driving to church, His presence was so real and so tangible....that I couldn't wait to get the car in park and look up the verses God had shown me in a vision. What you saw as a burst, God saw as a shift. What you saw as a stretch, an uncomfortable moment...God saw as putting the new wineskin on and it's time for overflow.

I'm a Jesus girl who has seen God do way too much to start doubting Him now. I know what it's like to take Him at His word and to see Him move as only He can. I've seen God step in and tell the enemy that's enough. I've experienced His presence in a tangible way and I know what it's like when the anointing is poured out. I also know what it's like to breathe through when anxiety rears it's ugly head, knowing that the presence of it is unavoidable, but also knowing now that the prison of it is optional.  Sweet reader, God's not the only one that knows what has been put on the inside of you because the enemy knows it as well. What vision, what promise, what dream has God said was yours for the taking? What are you waiting on? Your confidence isn't in what you feel like you can do, but in what He said you could do. Move those feet.....and step into what God's doing. 

No lie you won't tear down.....

There has been a blog brewing for weeks, but ya'll May was so packed I did well to sleep. If we are being honest, I didn't do that part well either. I'm the worst at running myself into the ground and then going oh yeah I need to be on that list. Taking care of you is not a pride thing, it's a grace thing. We can't love others if we don't love ourselves....and some days I fail at loving myself. God knows that though and lets me get only so far before He goes, Hey child...come on back into the zone. That's a blog in itself one day...but we all have that zone with Him. That place where we know we are pressing into His heart and listening for any whispers.

3:00 this morning and the title of this blog finally came. I knew the blog had reached the surface and I was going to be able to type it out. Those of you that know me, know I'm my own worst critic at times. I have a tendency to see what I can't do more than what I can do. It's a weakness I know that and a couple of weeks ago when worn had hit and autopilot was closer than I wanted to admit, God whispered Phillippians 1:6 in my Spirit. It took a couple of days before that word could even attempt to take root. If I were going to list some of my own strengths, confidence wouldn't be on the list.  That's a whole blog in itself. Confidence and self-esteem are cousins to each other and when your confidence tank isn't full, self-esteem takes a hit too. I believe when God brought that verse out I may have responded with, me confident? and laughed. Take another look at the verse though....it says being confident in this that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion. I've always held on to if God did it before, He can do it again, if He moved once, He will move again. That I can be confident in, knowing that He's still working and moving. Having a revelation of who you are in Christ is huge, but when the revelation of who He is in you takes root too....whew. It'll make this Jesus girl take a run and shout.

In my study time for VBS, I can't get Reckless love out of my head. The first Bible story is about The Lost Sheep and it makes me think of this song now. The last two months, I took a couple of punches to the gut that had me going God what are you doing. It wasn't anything big, but the enemy slid in with those doubts of what God was doing too. It made me question a lot, and I'm thankful that no one had a tape recorder for my head. Questions are okay as long as make sure we take them to the lap of the One with all of the answers. Just because you are out of the boat and walking towards God doesn't mean you aren't still going to feel the waves. Let that sink in....being free of something doesn't mean you won't ever still feel it again. Hear my heart....you learn the power on the inside of you when you realize you can step on those thoughts and move forward. The shift will come if you keep pressing, I've seen it happen one too many times. I've seen God move when I expected it and when I least expected it. I've seen God do what only He could do enough that I know He can do it again. I've seen God take seeds and turn them into blooms. God shines through the cracks when we don't hide them. God can shine through those moments when we feel insecure and anxious when we keep our praise and press as close as we can get to Him.

I don't know where you are at but God does. I don't know what you are pressing through, but He does. I don't know what lies He needs to tear down for you, but He does. Our grace giving, reckless loving Father runs after all of His children. He won't let us get too far without pulling us back going, this is why I made you. God knows what He's planted on the inside of you. I still remember the night when I finally grabbed a hold of what God did almost eight years ago. I remember going okay God and started walking forward in that not knowing what that meant. God knows what He's planted on the inside of you.....and there is no lie that He won't tear down to bring you where He wants you to be. He's that kind of Father. For me, it was a sermon a month or so ago on being single. I sat there listening to this word with tears running down my face because God knew. God knew the lies the enemy had thrown at me that while I had dug up, there was still a hole that needed God to do what He does best. God knew my heart better than I did.

You are more than enough despite how you feel sweet Child of His. There isn't a wall He won't push down, lie He won't tear down to bring you close to Him. He knows exactly where His children are at. This journey is a process. Be gracious to yourself, and let Him love you. If He promised it to you, be confident that He will bring it to pass. 

It may look like I'm surrounded ....

One of my new favorite worship songs, right behind Reckless Love is "This is How I Fight My Battles". It's been a song that has been in my Spirit for the last couple of weeks when the stress has been overwhelming. We all have things that overwhelm us....and some days, if we aren't careful what's going on around us, can surround us and start to close in. What's going on around doesn't have to get inside of you....but you have to fight, to battle, and keep a praise. Even if that praise is only between you and God...you have to keep a praise. There is a shift that happens when you praise your way through the press when you dig deep until you find water....when you realize just what God meant by that He came to serve and not be served. 

The last couple of weeks have just been....well press is a good word. I can point to the places that pushed a little harder. I know the load that got too heavy...but I also know that God was faithful to keep speaking and stay close. He knows how long to give you room until you see exactly what He needs you to see. For me, it came last Wednesday in the form of a prayer card at FCA. Eight words brought me back to the level that the battle needed to be fought on. It's why the enemy fights me like he does and tries to keep me distracted. You see, not only does a room full of kids hear about Jesus each week....but this past week one sweet kiddo realized that they need Jesus. I don't know who this kid is, but God does and that's enough for me. When the battle has eternal rewards, that I know how to fight. ...and yeah most battles need to be fought on the spiritual level, but that's a blog for another day. 

Distractions are the enemy's tool to keep us from focusing on our purpose and our calling. Hear my heart...if he can make you think or feel (notice we are dealing with the emotional you...) that you aren't making a difference you won't. Been there done that, and have more t-shirts from those moments than I care to wear. I can battle all day long in prayer for someone else when it comes to battling for myself....I've just started learning in the last six months how to take it to that level. You see...God knows what we need, but there is a boldness that comes when you start circling His promises for you and standing on them saying...okay God you promised and knowing He will deliver in His time. I'm not the most patient person, but there is a seed of patience on the inside of me...and one day there is going to be the fruit of it. 

Transparency moment...I'm not great at asking for help and even though my face may show it, I can slide into a turtle shell with a wall quickly. God knows it...but this time He let it happen to build momentum back up. I know there is a seed on the inside of me....the devil has tried more than once to take that and shut this Jesus girl up, but that's a blog for another day. The dig is not dark if you stay focused on getting to Him. There is a peace that comes when you realize that you are digging deeper not circling the same mountain. There is a peace that comes when you know who God made you to be and regardless of it makes sense to anyone else. (Hello I'm a mid thirty single Jesus girl who attends a Baptist church and prays in a prayer language at times. There is a power on the inside that has taken me almost eight years to charge up.....) . One day this insecurity and anxious me is going to be a quiet little whisper......loud enough to keep me leaning on Him but quiet enough to not be considered truth. 

I don't know where you are at, but God does. It may look like a dark place or a valley, but oh sweet reader.....there is a growth that happens in those moments that only God can get the glory from. It's in these moments God shifts something on the inside and we start to get what He meant by doing all things through Him. Maybe you have made it all the way to a place and you know that there is a step that needs to be made to keep from going backwards....take it even if it doesn't feel right or make sense to anyone including you at the moment. If God said to do it...then He's already covered it.  It's about others seeing Him through us, not about seeing us. When that truth starts to take root...the rest grows dim. Some battles are won when we realize we have to keep pressing through for others even when we are fighting ourselves. This may be just me preaching to myself......but just in case here's my heart on a blog. I've pressed through a mess the last couple of weeks, been close to tears one too many times, and went toe to toe with the enemy and said not today that's already been covered by the blood. There is a world out there that needs to know He loves them right where they are at, and there is a body called the church that needs others to come alongside and not just say praying for you, but how can I pray for you. It's time to not only let others in but to battle with a unified front....for you see that's the army God's rising up. It's the one who will hold hands up when someone grows weary, who will speak life when it needs to be spoken, and who will plead the blood when it needs to be poured. Weariness happens, worn happens, loneliness happens.......but God is faithful and I'm praying right now that if that's you ....you find an Aaron and Hur to hold your hands up, to be that Jesus with skin on that reminds you are surrounded by Him. 

"I may be in a daze"

I've known this blog was coming since the last one. The press has been real and I can't say I've handled it the right way each time. This time of the year is CRAZY and overwhelmed is an understatement. The time seems to go by so fast and the list of what needs to be done seems to grow longer instead of shorter. I thought I was sliding back on autopilot again. It's what I seem to do when life gets overwhelming. I push out anything (and anyone) that isn't on the list and just go through what looks like the motions getting done what has to be done. This is a dangerous place because it's one step away from the "not caring zone". That's not me and most that know me know that...I'm thankful God does too.  I think it was the seventh time listening to "This Means War" and it hit. This wasn't the motions, this was a daze. In the Motions zone, God seems distant. God's been right there the last couple of weeks and caught EVERYTHING I've thrown His way (including me a few times). He's been one step ahead of me and known what needed to happen before I knew there was a need. We limit God some days because we ask for a specific request and when God answers we don't always see it as an answer even though God took care of the need. God is a limitless God and will meet the needs of His children in His timing (and in His way). One day my sleep schedule is going to be consistent and normal again. Until then though (and yes I fell asleep earlier on the couch hence I'm wide awake now), I will press and pray through the late nights knowing God has a reason for everything.

There is a praise that comes during the moments when you start to realize what God is doing. When you know that the enemy is throwing what he can your way to distract you and that it almost worked....but God. My mind multi-tasks way too much, and if I'm not intentional in trying to stay organized I can lose focus easily. (and some of you said Amen at this point..).  There is a praise that comes when you go after what is yours even if it doesn't feel like it makes sense. When we start to use His eyes for a lens of our feelings, the rest begin to grow strangely dim. Strength doesn't mean you have it all together and never find yourself going God what are you doing....it means you know how to press when you feel stuck. It means you know that even when you are on empty, you stand on the give and it shall be given to you truth....and know that God keeps His promises. I know it doesn't feel easy sometimes and we wish we could just pray away whatever is making us press. God has a purpose for the press; there is a strength that He is developing that will be needed for the next mountain etc. There is a season where you press with people and a season where you have to learn to press through just you and God. (but that's a blog for another day).

Transparent/Mask off moment.....so what do you do though when it looks like the motions may be looming and you feel the edge of the turtle shell at your back. You keep seeking Him and standing on the truth that if you go after Him, He will go after you and make everything else fall into place. It's a shift in your mind that has to happen when you quit looking at God to do and looking to Him to be. So here are a few "lies/feelings" I've pressed through over the last couple of weeks. I'm not sharing because I've got this journey down....I'm sharing because someone else may be able to relate and one of the enemies favorite lies is that you are alone in what you are feeling..so pop that now and stand/circle that iron sharpens iron.  Maybe you have heard the whispers of "what you are doing doesn't make a difference." Planting seeds takes time and even though you may not be able to see the roots growing, God is using what you do to invest in the lives of others. Never let that lie take root...because the enemy can paralyze you with it. Believe me, I've been there done that more times than I should have. If you believe you don't make a difference, you won't. You will defeat yourself before you ever get started because your heart won't be in what you do. Your head doesn't have to believe it makes sense, but your heart does.....You aren't always going to feel like you are making difference (can someone say Amen?)....but if you are walking out what God has called you to do and being who He made you to be...then trust Him for the difference. His difference-making power multiplies instead of subtracting.... Trust God for the ground to sow the seeds He's given you to plant. So many times we get caught up in the details and God's saying just be you and I'll handle the details. One of my favorite quotes from The Circle Maker is "Work like it depends on you and pray like it depends on God". In other words, do all that you can do, but at the same time trust that God will do all that He can as well as you seek Him in prayer. Seeking isn't a one-time quick prayer...it's a daily pursuit of the only One who truly makes sense.

Maybe you have heard the whispers of "You just thought you got free from that..". Y'all we live in a world that has more in the atmosphere we can't see then we can comprehend.  We wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities. In other words, just because you run up against something doesn't mean it's got a hold of you again. It may slap you in the face one day, but if God set you free...it doesn't have a hold on you. It has to leave when you tell it to, so speak to it in Jesus name and keep walking on. It doesn't mean it won't come find you again, but you have the power to trample on its head. Max Lucado says the presence of anxiety is unavoidable, the prison of it is optional. You may run up against it one day, but when God has set you free from it...you are still free indeed. Now if you are still bound up and locked in it, that's a whole other issue and a blog for another day. I'm done with the enemy going ...you just thought you walked out of that chain. Hearing the rattle of chains doesn't mean you are locked up if Jesus has set you free...let that sink in. God's word says be anxious for nothing, He never said we wouldn't feel anxious. He gets it and will use it for your good and His glory...if you let Him.  He's been too good to me lately for me to question that He's still got this thing covered. I've fell in His lap more than once broken and thought I had pieces He needed to put back together.....when He needed me to just keep trusting that He was strengthening and restoring what He had already put back together.

I started this blog a couple of days ago one night late...thinking I was going to get to finish it..but God needed to finish writing it first. It may feel like you are in_____, but hear me when I say just because you may be in it doesn't mean it's in you. Oh me, when I heard that word this morning something inside of me, started leaping. It may feel like the waves are lapping at your feet and that underneath doesn't feel so secure....but fix your eyes on who you can see in front of you. Don't turn to the left or the right....but straight ahead knowing that He has already planned out each and every step. He gets the moment you are in and still whispers just trust Me. The deeper you have to press, the more the root is growing and that's okay.  Roots have to be secure in order for the bloom to be secure. If you seek Him, I mean really seek Him....go after what He wants to tell you (even if it may not be what you want to hear), You will find Him. God's not hiding it from you....He just wants to know you are serious about finding it. Looking and seeking may seem like synonyms but one has a deeper press than the other (and that's a blog for another day). Some moments are just for you and God....it doesn't have to make sense to anyone else, but I am so thankful for when He pours out that word you have been seeking after. I'm thankful when He says this Child is what I'm doing......ya'll words can't describe when the Creator goes, lean in for a minute and listen. When we pursue Him with a relentless surrender, He will pour out a reckless love that knows no limits and overwhelms us with a peace that can't be explained.

God thank you for your seed, thank you for rain in the natural and in the supernatural that waters the seed on the inside of us. God thank you for what may seem like a stuck moment in the natural is in the supernatural a breakthrough moment because the seed is coming forth in season. Thank you for a praise that may not make sense to anyone, but that goes straight to your heart. Thank you for loving like you do and for catching us when we start to let the weight of our this and that weigh us down. Thank you for stirring up what only you can stir up....a moment is never wasted when it's in Your hands and for that, I'm eternally thankful. Thank you, Jesus, that greater is still to come....and that You are just getting started in Jesus name!

Some mornings you know there must be a blog...

Some moments are just messy and feelings can make them even messier. Some mornings bring tears and frustrations....so what do you do when that hits? What do you do when you start wondering if you missed God again because it just doesn't feel right? Feeling right isn't a bad thing...sometimes it means you are right where you are supposed to be and the enemy is SCARED to death that you are close to your calling and purpose. Sometimes it doesn't make sense because it's not supposed to...He wants us to trust especially when it doesn't feel right. The enemy likes to push certain buttons and knows exactly what to throw your way for doubt to be right in front of your face. Are you going to grab it or are you going to go home and take yourself to your prayer place with Him knowing you need Him to move period? 

Sometimes we feel the push and it lands us on our face....but when we let the push draw us closer to Him, a shift happens. I'm not saying I've got this thing figured out because I so don't. I almost tripped over my own feet this morning and took myself home to a nap and a God really session. One of my life verses is about how God has ordered our steps. He made that verse take root when I truly understood what He did on a North Carolina interstate back in 2010. So if He ordered them, He's got them ordered now and He's not going to let me miss Him. (and yes I asked Him again this morning and even said out loud it felt like I had missed Him). So I went home and put on what I know is that sweet place with Him, I put on what I knew what not only take me to His throne but to His lap. Sometimes God is trying to get our attention just for us to come crawl up in His lap....and when we get up there, He cups our face in His hand and says what we need Him to say. This morning ...it would be another reminder of "Trust Me, Child". 

I don't know what God's doing right now, but there is a battle going on that we can't see....and He's needing us to stay focused on that. As Children of the Most High, our battle isn't one we can see. If we fight on the level we can see, we are fighting a battle we will never win. It's time when we know how to fight, to arm ourselves and fight in the realm that can't see. Hear my heart for a minute.....the enemy knows how to distract you from fighting and to make you think you can't fight anymore....(been there, done that). It's in those moments when you have to make a choice to walk what God's called you to....even when you don't feel like it. 

I'm thankful for words of confirmation. God knows what we need and will get us to the place where we can hear what He's trying to pour into our Spirits. God doesn't fill us up with a word for us to keep it to ourselves though, He stirs it up on the inside for us to share it with someone to pour out what He's poured in. That sweet readers is why we have to stay filled up because there is a world waiting on us to be His hands and Feet....and once they see us as His hands and Feet, they will listen when we share Him. The struggle is real though when life takes over and the schedule is crazier than ever. The struggle is real when you feel like you are fighting alone and trying to press through even when it doesn't seem like anyone understands or can read the face you are wearing. I get that....but know this, He's there and understands right where you are at. He's got a purpose for that push and when we listen, He starts to bring into view what He's been doing all along. It may not make sense to anyone around you, but when He stirs up that calling on the inside of you....there is a peace that makes everything else grow strangely dim. 

So this blog may have been just me preaching to myself and writing so I can remind myself for later, but just in case it hits home for someone else, I'll end up clicking publish. I understand more and more what God meant by dying to flesh every day....but I can I tell you some days I have to die more than once during the day. Every time feelings and emotions rise up, remind them whose you are.  There is a seed of everything that is yours as His Child, just because you can't see the fruit yet doesn't mean it's not growing (and I claim that in Jesus Name #patiencewillbemineoneday).  We were never made to fight the battle on this level because the victory has been won in levels we can't see.  For me it means, walking in who God says I am and letting that be my focus. Insecurity will always rise up if I'm looking anywhere but at Him and I was reminded of that again today.  What has God promised you? It's time to go after what He has said was yours and take it back. Your praise isn't tied to the opinions of others, but your praise could be what God uses to move someone else. That prayer you keep praying for God to show you where your place is.....may very well be in the gap for someone else(Ezekiel 22:30). It doesn't feel right because it's just meant for you. God doesn't do something in you to not do something through you. It's not always going to make sense to those around you, but you know what God has called you to.....don't get distracted. God is in the details and the rest will be a story only He can write. (that's a blog for another day). What you have seen God do is what someone else may be waiting on. Grab a hold of if God did it once, He will do it again....and go to war as only you can Child of God. 

Who are your Amalekites?

8 The Amalekites came and attacked the Israelites at Rephidim. 9 Moses said to Joshua, “Choose some of our men and go out to fight the Amalekites. Tomorrow I will stand on top of the hill with the staff of God in my hands.”10 So Joshua fought the Amalekites as Moses had ordered, and Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of the hill. 11 As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. 12 When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset. 13 So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword.14 Then the Lord said to Moses, “Write this on a scroll as something to be remembered and make sure that Joshua hears it, because I will completely blot out the name of Amalek from under heaven.”15 Moses built an altar and called it The Lord is my Banner. 16 He said, “Because hands were lifted up against[c] the throne of the Lord,[d] the Lord will be at war against the Amalekites from generation to generation.” (Exodus 17: 8-15) 

I've loved this section of scripture for a while. I remember reading it before and was like okay move on, and then one night God brought it to life. If you read the set of scriptures right before this one, it is a time of frustration in the Israelite camp and they were in a wanting mood from Moses. They wanted him to make happen what they wanted right then and there. Verse 7 says they tested the Lord going "Is He among us or not?". Think about all they had seen God do at this point and yet they still doubted if He would come through our not. Oh how we find ourselves in that spot at moments....and if we aren't paying attention to when those thoughts and feelings arise, we can get into the same mode they were in.  Frustration preceded battle....so by the time Moses made it to this battle time, he was probably growing weary. Verse 11 says as long as Moses' hands were raised, the battle continued in their favor. (but remember he went into the battle already weary from frustration...) Verse 12 says Aaron and Hur held his hands up when he grew tired...until the battle was won. Verse 14 jumped out at me today when I read this again...God wanted to make sure Moses recorded what had happened that day and to make sure and tell Joshua. Joshua was so in the middle of the battle that he couldn't stop to see what was going on in another realm. God wanted him to know. I'm sure on those days when Joshua would grow weary....this would serve as a remembrance for him. 

I don't know how your week has gone, but God does. Maybe you are in the place where Moses is and the battle has left you tired and weary at this point and it's getting hard for you to keep praising through. (Cause after all that's how we fight through the battles....praise). I pray you have an Aaron and Hur close by to hold your hands up and remind you of all that God has done already. Maybe you are the Aaron and Hur in the situation....speak life to the ones God has placed in your path that you know are growing weary. Don't be like the priest in the story of the Good Samaritan and just wish them well as you travel on...do what you can and remind them how to press/praise through.  Maybe you are the Joshua in the story and you need to read back through all that God has already done...(pick up your Bible and get started.....When God gives me "that verse" in a moment I put a date beside it in my Bible. Sometimes I just need a trip back down through those to remember that if He spoke then, He's still speaking now. If He did it then, He's still doing now. God is no respecter of persons and is looking for children in receive mode to pour out all of Him.). Maybe you are the Moses that needs to tell the Joshua your story. So many times we keep to ourselves when God does something when we need to be sharing our press through the praise moments or simple our praise moments. You don't know who needs to hear, but God does. Don't hold back just because  insecurity hits. (I'm finding that when those insecure moments hit (and trust me they will), it's because what is on the inside of you is needing to come out and it scares the enemy. Hear my heart...if the enemy can make you doubt what is on the inside of you, feel like you aren't enough to do what God has called you to do, think you have no place doing it because you are you, or discourage you from seeing that you are making a difference...he wins. The enemy throws those lies when he is scared...because if he can slide one in and you start playing it around in your head, he can slow down that walk of yours. It's in those moments when we as Children of the Most High have to throw those lies back in his face and stand on truth. Transparent moment....all of those lies I listed above have been thrown at me at least once this week. In the hustle and bustle of the week, exhaustion hit early and putting those thoughts in their place took a backseat to sleep (or attempting to sleep). I love that God knows what is going on in realms we can't see and will slow us down at some point even if it means we spend our time with Him crying it out. That's a blog for another day...

I'm at a place in this journey that I've seen what God can do and I know greater is still coming. I still find myself having to stir up what is on the inside when the enemy throws his mess in my path, but God is faithful when we take the time to stir it up, He'll pour it out. I don't know what battle you are facing at the moments but hear my heart...if God moved then, He is still moving now. Get still and let Him remind you of your Amalekites(battles already won) moments...and let that stir up what is on the inside of you to keep pressing through the now.  See what the enemy doesn't quite get that I'm strong enough now to know that when he starts throwing what needs to be done even if I don't slow down to do it at first. It's in the recognizing what is going on and slowing down to remind the enemy not today.  Maybe you always find yourself in the Aaron and Hur part and can do the helping someone else through, be open enough to let others help you and trust that God is going to give back what you are giving out. I'm dreaming again and knowing that the God who has already done so much...still has greater in store. I've seen what He can do...and that fills me with an expectation of what He still has in store. 

Somewhere in the middle

It's Day Two.....also known as the middle. It's the day between what was painted as defeat and what God painted as victory.

The middle in the Grace story was only one day, but sometimes the middle can be longer. Day two in the Easter story was a day when it looked hopeless in the natural. For what they could see, it looked like defeat had won. They couldn't see what was going on in the realm they couldn't see. Oh for you see on that day two, the middle, the day when it looked dark and the blahs were possibly starting to set in.....God was still at work to set things in motion for the miracle that was about to take place.

Y'all let that sink in for a minute......The middle may look dark (and full of blahs), but hang on God's still at work. He's setting things in place that are going to be more than you can ever imagine. I think sometimes we lose sight in the middle, what we feel in the natural overtakes us and keeps our focus from the fact that victory is coming. The same God that set the world in motion still controls what is going on today. He was in control then and still is now. (If you can let that truth take root...the fruit that is about to come is limitless).

I wonder if those closest to Jesus remembered His words on day two. I wonder if they remembered that He said what would happen on day three. I wonder if they remembered all that He had done when the walked with Him. I mean if He raised Lazarus.....

How many times as Children of God today do we forget? I don't know where you are at in your journey, but hang on if you are in what looks like Day Two. God has not quit working and victory is closer than you can see. While you are feeling in the natural, God is moving in the spiritual realm and setting things in order for the victory He planned for you before you were born.

Happy Resurrection weekend readers!

Wednesday wandering

I guess I've had what you could call writer's block this month as far as blog posts go. I've sat down multiple times over the last few weeks and gotten out a paragraph or two, but nothing that was finished to post. There's been a thought here, a thought there....but nothing that would piece together for a post. It's Spring Break week...and I was sure that there would be multiple posts this week. (Umm ya'll it's Wednesday and not yet...) Hear my heart, God's been faithful and is still talking, but I'm learning sometimes those words are just for me right now and not for behind the screen. 

Sunday I laid down for a nap asking God if I had missed Him with the steps lately (Transparent moment: I'm not a patient person(especially with myself).....God's working to develop that fruit and I've resisted for a long time. I know my steps are ordered by Him and His timetable isn't mine, but there are moments when it takes my head some time to catch up with my heart and to just plain hush). Doubt and insecurity are close cousins, and I've struggled with insecurity longer than I care to admit. (That's a blog for another day). So I woke up from my nap with the story of Peter walking on the water on my heart.....it was all about His focus. He knew who had told him to get out of the boat, but when the feelings of what was going on around him started to overwhelm him, he took his eyes off of where they should have been. Faith is focusing on the One who has called us and is faithful to do it (1 Thess 5:24)....even when we don't feel it.

Monday night I laid awake, trying to sleep, but God was talking...Psalms 46:10 says Be still and know that I'm God. (In other words.....He's got this and is working it all out). Tuesday I pulled out The Circle Maker again and started drawing some circles again. I looked back at the dreams and visions I had written down when I first read the book, the ones that in my mind are all bigger than me, but that means they are the right size for the King of Heaven. You see if my dreams are something I can reach on my own......than I'm not relying on Him. I want to dream crazy dreams that take a crazy faith to accomplish. I've seen what God can do with crazy faith...and even though it scares me (yeah God and I are still working on the control thing..), it's the season God's pouring out. Moments that matter and that make an impact outside of our own hands is what God's calling His children to walk in. It's about knowing the only label is that we are His child and that is enough. (If you know me well enough, you know that's not my strength. I have to stop myself from overanalyzing things and just trust God's ordered my steps before and is doing so now.) I'm a work in progress.....

Today I found my prayer journal from 2004. That year in itself is a blog post, but there were moments written down on those lines of things I had asked of God....with answers on the back. There were moments that took place that year that are a part of my story that only God could orchestrate and write. Looking back over those requests, stirred something up on the inside of me. One of the promises in God's word is that greater things are still to come. If God did what He did then, then why should I doubt the details now? I've seen what God can do and seen Him show up and show out in ways that only He can get the glory from. He's the same today as He was back then and that's enough to make any Jesus girl shout.

If God promised it to you sweet reader, He will bring it to pass. If He's given you the vision for it, write it down and keep circling it. Sometimes we give up just short of the miracle because we are worn and weary. We let the overwhelmed, insecurity, anxious feelings steal our focus. Hear my heart...those moments are going to come. Let's let those feelings though drive us closer to the Healer of the Feelings. Let's let them drive us so close to Him we feel His heartbeat as we lean up against Him. (It's a choice when the feelings hit....and I know it's not easy some days, but it's worth it to press through). I don't know where you are at reading this. Maybe you have been feeling like you have been in the wilderness somewhat, kind of going God I know you are there taking care of things...but I'm ready to see where this is headed. Hang on sweet friend...God has the steps ordered for those dreams and visions He has placed on the inside of you. He doesn't see what others see, or even what you see....and that right there is enough to stir up some peace on the inside. Stay faithful to what He's speaking in and step where He says to step, The Promised Land is closer than you think.

When feet are no longer stuck....

If I wrote this blog before today the title would have probably been, so what do you do when the blahs hit. February was an exhausting month even though it held several moments that made me smile. Worn could have easily been the word for February.....There is a difference between worn and exhaustion. Exhaustion goes away most times after rest. Worn takes time to restore and renew. Worn is one step away from autopilot, from the motions of just pushing through the day. That being said...God can take anything and use it for His purpose...IF we let go of it and give it to Him. If ya'll could have been in my head over the last month, there were some days I walked in fear more than faith.  Staying real....I used to tell my Sunday School kids when I taught that fear and faith were antonyms. It's like a light switch, you can't have it on and off at the same time. That's how it is with fear and faith....we can't walk in both at the same time. How many times though do we switch throughout the day or even the week? (Hands raised because I've been there). We get so caught up in the cares of this world that we lose sight of who cares the most. We get so caught up looking ahead that we forget to look inside the moment. We get so caught up noticing the planks that we lose sight that the speck is causing things to become blurry for our own walk.

If you have read any of my posts lately you know I've been in the middle of a process of freedom. I could call it a journey, but this whole walk with Him is a journey. I knew I had one area where freedom was still lacking, one place where I still needed God to do something. Timeout for a second...this had been a matter in my prayer journal for MONTHS! I knew there had to be a change somewhere. You see I've been in places where I've seen God move mountains. I've been in the back of an ambulance and been told to prepare for the worst and then reach the hospital and see God show up and out. I've seen God speak life into situations that the enemy had spoken in something else. I've seen God take the darkest day of my life and work a Romans 8:28 story through it. I've had prayer times with God at home that well only God knew what I was asking because my flesh was out of the way. I've seen God move in meetings where the power of God fell so strong that you didn't want to leave. I knew what God could do because I had seen it.....but yet I still had a grip on an area of my life. I was looking through a blurred lens and the enemy was loving it. I was on the verge of becoming lukewarm because this back and forth was exhausting. Fast forward to the last couple of weeks...some days we get our running shoes ready and God says hang on a minute. He knows our heart and knows that if we are running anywhere it better be towards Him. Nevertheless, the shoes were out, but God was getting through. I'm thankful God knows I'm stubborn, but He also knows how to get me to listen. Twice in the last few weeks, I had heard two different sermons on the same set of scriptures twice. (So four total sermons from different sources, two on one set of scriptures, two on another...) The theme of not quitting when you feel like stopping and obeying even when it doesn't make sense was starting to sink in. It's one thing to hear the word, it's another to do what He's asking you to do it.....

Two weeks ago I was in Nashville at Restoring Hope and it was altar call time. My heart needed my feet to move, my head said no. There was a battle in my head between well me and me. My spirit knew what to do, the rest of me was insecure and full of fear. I looked at my friend next to me and said my feet won't move...to which she replied well you are the only one that can do something about that. That moment a shift took place...and what she said was more prophetic than she knew. The fear of missing out on what God was wanting to do in the moment became stronger than any other fear...and my feet started to move. God showed up and showed out that morning.  God had to ingrain something on my heart that morning that would take root. The week after while I was still "stuck" in one area, God sent two words that began to take root...and finally yesterday I got still and said okay I'm listening. Sometimes we have to slow ourselves down after some physical rest and go make it clear God....(Hear my heart if you ask to be able to see it clearly, be prepared for the answer and to then move on it). I wanted to know what had stopped the flow....and God was pretty blunt, it was me. I don't swim in the natural and I was struggling to swim in the spiritual. Stay with me...ya'll know I'm visual. I was almost all the way in the float ready to go wherever the river took me, except for this big toe I had stuck in the sand keeping me grounded to a place where I could float and still touch the water. God wanted me to swim....and He knew at some point with the flow all around me I'd listen. So that was His word yesterday...it was me and my big toe still digging in the sand of control that was holding me back. It didn't have anything to do with anyone else...but me.

I had to let go of control in this last area and trust that He would handle the details. Those things I had been praying for and asking Him for, those desires that I thought He was answering in other places...He wanted to answer them how I asked them, but I had to let go of me first. I had to move when He said move ....and listen when He said listen. There is a blog in itself on that part of the process to come later. I'll say this though, God is faithful and when we can take our eyes off of the distractions of the crowd, we will find the hem of His garment and healing. (and yes feet did move this morning at home and the fear of missing God was stronger than any other fear)

I don't know where you are at today, but I know where God is. If you are a Child of His, He hasn't left your side even if it feels like He's far away. He's been working out details and fighting battles that you didn't even know about so that you could walk in victory. God knows our heart....and there is a peace that only He can usher in when we walk in obedience. There is a healing that can be found when we start to live life simply as who He has called us to be, focused on seeking after Him, and knowing that the rest really will fall into place. 

Have an amazing week! More to come later ;-)

Cracked Pots..

On the elliptical, this week and God started piecing this one together. It's been YEARS since I went to the gym...so that in itself is God at work. I got home from work feeling drained and empty. It had been one of those days when I had poured out more than I thought I had to give....hear my heart, those moments are natural. When we reach that point we have two choices, keep pushing ourselves or stop and do something that refuels. There are moments when we must keep pushing....but when the schedule suddenly clears and you find a sweet smile on your porch, God's giving you direction. This week I had two choices....stay drained or stay driven. Before you think I've figured out how to do this walk...I haven't. Each day is a new set of taking step by step making sure that His truth stays louder than my feelings. It's about learning what places need His covering, what moments need grace, and most of all when you better make sure you are pressing into His presence because everything else is pressing against you. God never said we wouldn't feel anxious, but He said Be anxious for nothing. There is a walk that happens in between feeling and being. There is a shift that takes place when you admit that feelings happen but still walk in truth knowing He gets it.

So what's the point of this post, it's not to do a how-to manual on the process, because honestly, I'm still in the process...but I can see freedom and healing in the distance. I've realized just in the last month that masks hide struggles for a season, but there is a place where you get to with God that the mask has to come off and the inside struggles come to surface. It's not because you feel like you have arrived, but you start to realize that keeping the duct tape over the cracks isn't doing anyone any good.

I had a list a mile long this afternoon when I got home this afternoon but wasn't feeling it. Sometimes we need to get still and just rest for a few. It's in rest that we can reflect and God can start to go it may not feel good, but I'm doing something. The last couple of months have been a journey, but the last couple of weeks I've had some struggle moments. This week especially. I found myself saying to God more than once...but I thought this was gone, or what happened, did I miss something. So many times we can get caught up in trying to figure out the details of the moment that we lose sight of that God is still doing and moving even when it may seem like we took a step backward.  Chains leave marks when they finally come off, and sometimes when they have been on for awhile it can take some time for the healing to reach feeling. You know they aren't there anymore, but there are times it feels like it.  It's okay... Thorns are only painful when they are being pulled at or moving. (That's a blog in itself).

When the nap is restorative, you know God's wanting you to pay attention.  This week hasn't been perfect by any means. Honestly, there have been moments that I have had to breathe through to keep from crying or getting mad, moments where the tears took over, moments of doubt and loneliness, moments where sleep wasn't my friend and moments where frustrations bubbled up and out. Life happens and God knows exactly where we are at in the process. I think back to the healings in the Bible, once the people got to Jesus it only took a touch from Him to take care of the healing, but it was the getting to Him that was different for them all. Some laid and waited for Him to come to them. Some went out and searched for the one healing. The woman with the issue of blood had to push her way through the crowd to get to Jesus for hers. If she had let the crowd distract her would she have kept going?

For that one out there reading this tonight thinking well I'm not sure I'm even in the process yet. What's holding you back? The man that lay by the pool of Bethsaida waited for the waters to stir for years and kept missing his moment because of excuses. The process isn't an easy journey, but God's faithful each step of the way. There is peace to be had and that abundant life He promised. He longs to answer that cry of your heart for a deeper level with Him, but there's junk to be cleaned out first. Maybe you are thinking, well the mask fits me well and this wall is here for a reason. Yep, I've had that T-shirt too and will post about it in time. Hear my heart when I say this......God wants to start replacing lies with truth, but sometimes it takes pushing out a brick in that wall first. Fear will hold you back because you start to wonder if anyone will understand....that's up to God sweet reader. Oh, how we must make Him laugh sometimes when we try to tell Him all about our feelings and hearts when He's the one that made them. The first step to the process of healing is letting someone be Jesus with skin on...and letting them in on the inside. If you are that one being let in on the inside...listen and love them right where they are at. Don't just pray for them, pray with them....and most of all keep speaking life. Life isn't meant to be lived alone and two really are better than one.

I'll end on this...As dearly loved children of the Most High, we are clay in His potter hands. We see the cracks in our pots as messes and cover them with band-aids and duct tape, but He sees them as purpose. It's through those cracks, those thorns in our flesh, that He shines through. Those are the moments that make what we see as a mess into a message that brings Him honor and glory. 

Messes to Messages....

We are all messes in progress and that sweet reader is what keeps us reliant on the One who not only knows the details of the messes (after all He made us), but He can see the message that mess is turning into. We were not created to do life alone, that being said insecurity can come in a form of a pride that keeps us from opening up to those God has called us to do life with. That's a blog in itself that has yet to be written. I'm thankful though...  (I had this first part written last Saturday night and then it just sat). With two snow days, I was like okay good God's going to put some of these pieces together. I knew there were about five blogs He was writing, but the words were only coming a little here and a little there....and nothing that seemed to make sense for a full post. God didn't want to finish a post when I was ready, but when He was ready. It wasn't about when it was convenient for me, but more so when it wasn't. We can become so accustomed to God pouring in that we take for granted when He does. Oh, may His glory and His presence never be taken for granted or something we grow comfortable with? I need Him to show up on a daily basis because let's face it if we take inventory and get real with ourselves....it's uncomfortable living in this flesh if we are trying to walk in the Spirit. It's that uncomfortable that keeps us seeking after and looking for Him to breathe on us. Sometimes it's just the breath of God we need, it's just the simple presence where you know He's walking and talking with you, even if the pieces still seemed jumbled and the picture not so clear.  Faith covers our fears of not knowing what the end result of our steps is going to be. There is a release when you realize God's not only restoring what the enemy has taken, distracted you from, or tried to discourage with you....but God's going to take it up a level if you are willing to take a step in it.  When we realize the limitations we place on ourselves are just that our limitations, there is a freedom that opens up....and God brings back to remembrance those dreams and visions He gave you long ago. Those things you thought would never come to pass simply because they haven't yet, but the truth is we have gotten distracted by words and lost faith in His timing. It's taken me years for this to begin to take root....but if God spoke it to you or shown it to you (and let's face it if it is not anything you can see yourself doing in the natural....chances are it wasn't you dreaming it), it's going to come to pass. I think God stands by just waiting for us to have that flashback, that stirring of Him going....remember Child.

That desperate feeling only breeds discouragement if we take our eyes off of Him and walk by feeling. God knows what He's planned for you, what He's poured into you, and what He's longing to do through you.....He's just waiting for you to see it through His eyes. (That's a blog in itself).  A month or so ago, I woke up with a picture of a girl turned upside down in a well. I didn't know where God was taking that picture...I figured it was the start of a blog to come, so I just filed the image away. Last week after Freedom conference, God finished the picture. So many times we have those moments with God, where we know He was there. He poured it out and we received. The journey continues, but what was flowing seems to have run dry. It wasn't that God stopped pouring it out, it was that we hit a level of junk in our well and the flow got blocked for some reason. We have all have those levels, and we get them cleaned out (at least we think we do..) only for God to go hey there's  another layer. We can give up or keep pressing in knowing that the source of the flow is what may seem like the bottom. (Think back to the picture of a well). Layers take work to go through and clean out junk, but when we ask Him for deeper, there is a price, but there is also grace. God doesn't do something in you, to not do something through you. Sometimes you get to the bottom of clearing out the layers in that well....hear my heart for a minute, the enemy wants you to see it as the bottom, but God says turn around and look up. For you see that's the place with arms wide open when God can pour out all that He has longed to pour into you. It's a place of gracefully broken.

I woke up with a song in my Spirit(the link is below). This isn't meant to be a long post...but God's pouring out to His children today. You may see yourself as a mess, but God sees the message He's working to bring through you. So many times we focus on the mess and we lose sight of the message in progress. God didn't intend for life to be lived alone and someone needs for you to see your message despite your mess and share it. We keep people at arm's length sometimes because all we can see is our mess and lose sight that God has a plan always....you aren't where you are by chance doing life with who you are by chance. (ouch....this whole post may have been to get me to type out that last part #blogforanotherday).