When you see...

If you haven't heard the song linked above, listen before you finish reading the blog. It has touched a spot deep within me every time I have heard it, but this past push in the journey it has taken on a whole new meaning. If you aren't in the mood of reading a transparent post..you may want to skip this one. This is just another moment along the journey of life. It's that moment when the load feels heavy and the choice has to be made. Are you going to keep eyes forward looking at the One keeping you afloat or are you going to pay attention to the feelings of the water underneath? Eyes off of moving forward and the sinking occurs before you realize. You start to feel overwhelmed with the mess of life (let's get honest we all have a mess we are carrying) and you see you are treading water, but there is a deep part within your soul that longs to be back on top of the water. Once you have walked on the water with Him, you know what it's like to be in that surrender walk....treading water wears you out quickly, exhaustion sets in, and if you aren't careful the motions are quick to follow. You plaster that smile on and do what needs to be done each day, but all the while deep inside longing for that flame you once had raging on the inside to burn again. God won't let you go under and at some point, you find your way back to the surface and see the hand that's been ready to help you back up all along. You get still long enough to let Him breathe on your flame...and the fire that was just a minute ago a flicker starts to burn bright again. When you see....He sees....

Busy can creep in faster than you realize and with each moment of doing, you lose a moment of just being. You spend so much time focused on what others need that you lose sight of what you need. As much as we may want others to read minds they can't. Oh people can sense when something isn't right, they can sense when you are treading water, but if you don't push out a brick ....the wall is going to stay up. We all have a story to tell, but are we telling it or just assuming others are able to read it? Let that sink in.....because so many times the enemy leads us to become frustrated with others but if we will get real we are frustrated with ourselves. It's like receiving a really nice coat/boots/scarf for a present. You opened it with excitement wore it for a season or two, but put it away when the season wasn't right. Then the season comes around again, but it just doesn't feel right. You can't walk in that present you received because you are so focused on how the season feels. The first part of the present is receiving it, the other is walking in that gift....(each and every day regardless of the season). Seasons are going to change and sometimes even when the calendar says it's a new season, it may not feel like it is. (Let that sink in for a minute......have you felt the shift?) . 

So many times we are waiting around for others to see our hearts, recognize our worth and God's waiting on us to see it for ourselves. For when we truly begin to see from His perspective everything else grows strangely dim. You may be reading this going I thought she said transparent post....well most of where I typed you I could have typed I. The last month and half have been a chapter of a book that is still to be written. It's been a turn in the journey where busy crept in, scars that had been "healed" were opened up again, and it was easier to just do instead of be. You see I know that it's in the still moments when God speaks in (whether it's what you want to hear or not). All I could see was what I couldn't do or be , when He was longing for me to see what He made me to be. Feelings because louder and my insecure anxious self was the voice that I responded to instead of the confident anointed voice that knew regardless of feeling, God has a plan (because He always does). One thing the enemy loves is isolation....don't let it get to that point. You know what you need, don't be afraid to ask for it and let others in. God has planted you where you are at for a reason...if He wanted you to move, He would release you. Live life with who God has placed in your path, but to do that....climb out of the turtle shell let people in on the inside and then let God start the healing He's been wanting to do for a very, very, very long time. One last thing....don't complain to Him about not fitting in or having no one to connect with, if you aren't willing to open up and give others a chance. You may not have a group that you feel like is yours, but God will give you what you need....and will tell you who is there for when you need to push out a brick. 

As you read this you are probably thinking one of two things....you have thought back to a time in your life where you can relate to what I have typed (or you may even be in that moment right now) or you are thinking what in the world is she talking about (and if that's you...hold on because your moment will come). Life is a journey and it's not a flat field to walk. There are rocks, there are dips, hills, and mountains to climb. There are moments when you are walking on the water, moments when you feel like you are sinking, and moments when you want to go crawl in a cave and hide. Let this truth sink in....God knew about those moments before you were born. He knew what kind of heart He put on the inside of you, how you would struggle to see yourself in His eyes, and how one day....the seeds would start to take root and the bloom would start to appear. He knew before you were born what walking out the gift He gave you would look like. He knew you would question yourself more times than you should and how you would need Him to remind you more than once just how much He loves you the way you are. He sees past the smile and He hears the thoughts you push play on more than you delete. He knows how you feel your way through moments but also how He uses those moments to draw you to Him. Oh can't you see...when you see anxiety, insecurity, fear, wounds, scars......He sees a purpose and a story that He has been writing since before you were born. 

An almost turtle moment....

I'm learning to run everything through the filter of the One who knew it was going to happen in the first place. Some moments are sandpaper that rub off the rough edges to make us more like Him. Some moments may feel like a crack, but they won't break us...because He's using them to remold a place in us that needs to look more like Him. When our heart's desire is to be in step with Him, He answers.....our natural doesn't always understand it, but it was never meant for our natural to make sense of it. There is a space deep inside that knows the steps we take are ordered by the One who orchestrated the neurons in our brains to order our feet to move. There is a tune that is being sung that can only be heard by the heart that is still and listening for the whisper of the Creator. Life is so busy at times that we run here and there, from good things to good things, forgetting that good things don't always line up with God things. We can give so much of ourselves to others that we have nothing left to give to Him much less ourselves. Busy does not yield fruit....it equals spending so much time running from this crop to that crop that you lose time to tend to those things that God has called you to tend. Get still for a minute, okay it may take longer than a minute.....and listen what makes your heart smile? What are those things/people/moments that God has placed in your path that energize you and renew a sense of purpose within you? Those my friend are fruit indicators.....listen to what makes your heart truly beat and run after it.

October was a month that had some amazing memories that were made, but at the same time there was stretching like I haven't felt in awhile. Stretching isn't always a bad thing, if you cooperate and get still enough to realize what's really happening.  Getting still has been my problem this past month, well still long enough to listen. When I haven't spent time listening like I need to, it impacts my natural and my insecure self starts to become louder than my spiritual self. I've been the queen of walls before, the one who has wanted to hide in the turtle shell until I felt like coming out. I've lived a lot of this journey not wanting to be that open book because it never seemed like anyone wanted to read what I was writing. I have a small group that I text in a moment when I'm almost stuck (I've learned not to wait until stuck...), that same group has always been that safe place and will always speak truth to where I'm at. We get through those moments when the enemy wants us stuck with the help of those God friends that He has placed in our lives. We grow through those moments with the Aaron and Hur's He has given us that say no you can do this and hold you up while you press through. Stuck looks different for everyone, you know what it means for you.....reach out before you get there and don't slide back into the turtle shell. You can only fake a smile for so long.....but God knows that and He knows when so long is about to happen. Follow His steps and look for Him to show up.... (He's faithful to meet the needs of His children). 

He heard my cry this week and rained down in the car on the way to work the next day. He heard my I'm tired, feeling empty.....and spoke straight in to that inner part of me. When you wake up with Tasha Cobbs singing "Fill Me Up"...you know God's shifting and moving on your behalf. When you get in the car and "If We're Honest" is playing on...God's tilling up the ground that has become hardened by life .....and when He speaks in to play "Take Me to the King" and the lyrics mirror exactly where you are at...You sing along a the top of your lungs because you are thankful He broke through. The wall that was on it's way up was broken down again by just a word from the One who knew the wall was there (even though you may have hid it from everyone else). It was a short drive to work, but the presence felt put the smile on my face that wasn't forced. 

I don't know where you are at this weekend, but God does. He's heard every "I'm tired", He knows where your tank level is and He gets it. He's seen what you have tried to smile through and He is already moving on your behalf in a realm you can't see. He could whisper right now and stop it all, but oh sweet friend He wants you to trust His timing as He takes you through this part of your journey. The ground may feel rocky, but He is filling up the bucket to rain down and fill you up sweet child. Get still and get ready.....He's bringing about a move that is beyond your imagination. 

Sometimes we have to take ourselves to the King...knowing that He is the Only One that can move what needs to be moved and speak life to that which needs to be spoken into. You may see a wall up right now or that turtle shell close by. Push through knowing that He sees right where you are, hears those whispers from your heart, and has promised to be with you each moment of the way. God may my heart be sensitive to the "I'm tired's" in my path and those that smile. May we be for others what we need ourselves knowing God will give back, pressed down shaken together and running over......

Midnight moment

It's almost 1:00...I should be asleep but anyway... Insight into my time with Him tonight.

I am in 1 Kings in my Bible Reading (specifically chapter 18 and 19). Elijah is on Mt. Carmel and God is setting the stage to where there is no doubt that He is the one that shows up. (Hello He rains down fire on wet wood).  Soon after this amazing display of God's power... Elijah takes off running. Fear was in charge of his feet faster than truth could. He takes off and hides in a cave afraid for his life. I can only imagine the feelings going through his mind. I am sure he was anxious, fearful, depressed, worn...and what we would call today burned out. God knew where He was at though...and even through his need to sort out his feelings...God covered and provided for His needs. God gave him some turtle shell behind the wall time... because He knew Elijah's heart and He knew the call on Elijah's life. Some time passes...and an angel says okay enough is enough...it's time to get back up. He asked Elijah what are you doing here? (God already knew why he was there...but He needed for Elijah to recognize what took him to that place). Elijah started in with the burnt out worn out servant's answer..  I love how God says... go stand here (He was specific) and wait.. the presence of God is about to pass by. If you have ever felt the presence of God...so strong to where you didn't want to get up, where intelligible words failed to come, where tears flowed.....where you just knew He was right there...That presence can shift any circumstance...not because the circumstance changes but you are reminded who God is period. So Elijah expects the presence in the big things (the earthquake, the wind, the fire)... something Elijah could see ...but God came in the whisper. Something Elijah had to be still, had to be listening for, and had to be open to hearing.... Elijah was ready to receive and hear the whisper because of where he had been that brought him to where he was at. God didn't waste Elijah's run and hide moment...He used it to pour back into His weary worn servant when Elijah got still enough to receive.

Sunday moments...

Sometimes He seems silent because He's already spoken what He needed to say. 

If there was a way that I could pour out the discussions God and I have had over the last couple of weeks, it would fill up more than a post. There is a book in there somewhere and it's getting closer to time to write it. There is a story that only I can tell and a walk that has steps laid out for me. There is a urgency in my heart to keep the rocks from crying out in my place. He's been too good for me to let that happen, but sometimes we stay silent because we don't feel we have a story to tell. If you are breathing...you have a story to tell. God doesn't define stories by age, gender, or place in life. He's not looking to see if there is a ring on your finger or a title in front of your name. He's looking for someone willing to let go of comfortable. Someone who is tired of doing what has always been done and ready to take part in only what He can do. The seeds have been planted, it's time to start tending to the blooms....because God sees the fruit that is coming. 

I have known that over the last couple of years there is a shift that is slowly happening in me. It's one I can't explain to most (and trust me I've tried), but it's seen by those who know me. Not the me that I always portray because let's face it, I'm queen at putting up walls and staying in the turtle shell if need be. I spent years being comfortable with freedom in one area and a box in the other....that is until God destroyed the box. It's taken a good fifteen months to finally see that my frustration is God's way of keeping me focused that I'm not at home. It's God way of reminding me seasons are on His timetable and the anointing on the inside isn't chained up anymore. It's God's way of saying, I brought you this far sweet child of mine...trust me for the rest. We all have struggles and things that God has guided us through, around, and over. Call it a testimony, call it a story....but you have one and God has a purpose for the one He gave you. Your part is to be willing, God will do the rest. 

God's looking for us to give ourselves away to Him...He'll take care of the using part. He's not looking for us to give so much of ourselves away that we lose sight of who He created us to be. I want to be found faithful.....faithful to His plan for me, faithful to His calling for my life, faithful to the territory He has called me to cover. I want to stand before Him one day and hear Him say well done, I want to be able to lay crowns at His feet, and know that I used all that He gave me to use. I don't want God to have to ask, why didn't you use all I gave you? I could stay there for awhile, but that's a post for later. I'll say this....the talents on the inside of you are yours to invest. Don't hide them in the ground because of fear or complacency. 

Post is different, but it's my heart right now. Transparency is where I'm at with God. I'm not perfect....I struggle daily with insecurity, lack of confidence, anxiety (just to name a few)....some days my flesh is louder, but God always breaks through. He's been faithful to send me those reminders...that His purpose is still moving forward, that I'm not going backwards, and that His anointing is still flowing. Look around us readers, God's calling all of us His children to move forward in the call He has placed for us. The mountain we used to travel around is meant to be left behind in Jesus name. God's calling us all forward....because there are souls to be ministered to and lives to be touched on the other side of the mountain that we keep circling. 

I don't know what exactly God is doing, but I know He's moving. I can see some of what He's doing in the spiritual and my natural is encouraged despite the distractions. There is a confidence that grows on the inside of me because I know that God hasn't brought me this far to stop now. The bumps and struggles in the day are not to discourage me, but to encourage me...that God has the day when it's above me. If He told me the timetable of this season, I'm pretty sure my natural would stress about it. So I'm thankful He shows me one step at a time. I've see what He can do......and He's not finished yet! 

I don't know where you are at in this walk with Him, but He does. He knows what He has planted on the inside of you and what He planned for you to do before you were even born. That tug, that push, that uncomfortable feeling.....listen to it sweet reader for it may be God trying to whisper to your heart. He knows what you need and when you need it. Those prayers you keep asking Him about, He's working them out if He hasn't given you an answer yet.....He's moving things in place even now and the best is still to come. God's been listening to every word you have whispered. Be encouraged today and walk in the victory He already claimed for you in Jesus name! 

Thursday Thoughts

This blog has been forming since midnight this morning...I would have written it then, but I needed some time to process what all God was speaking in during my war time with Him. I needed a word, I was at a point where I knew I was smack dab up against a wall again and I wasn't moving till I got the word over, through, or I'll move it. God pulled back some layers last night and started asking the tough questions, I can't say I was surprised...I asked Him to. God's always faithful to give us the word we need to keep doing what He has called us to do. It's up to us with what we do with that word. For me I've been asking for a couple of requests for months now. Sometimes if it seems God's not answering, it's because He's already answered and is waiting on us for our part. He's not going to drag us kicking and screaming to the revelation, but eventually that neon sign becomes so bright you can't ignore it anymore. God knows what is draining our time and our energy. He knows what we are involved in that needs to be pruned so that the fruit He has planned for us can be planted. If we keep tending to dead branches, we will never have any time or focus to put on the branches that are ready to be connected to the vine. I asked God last night why I didn't notice this one thing until just recently.....I'm so visual He had to show me a picture. Sometimes God has that thing covered for a season, the drains aren't a drain if someone is covering the hole. Let that sink in.....

Martha time has it's purpose, but we can become so consumed with being Martha that we forget to stop and spend time being Mary. He doesn't want us to be focused on spending time doing for Him that we forget to spend time with Him. If we will be with Him we will be filled to do life with Him. We can become so stuck on doing for Him that we don't spend enough time with Him. The more He wants to pour in, the more we must sit with Him period. The deeper we go with Him, the more time we will need Him to pour in through His word, through prayer time, through songs, and through those friends that God has placed in our paths to be the fan to our flame. Don't neglect things that fan your flame...it leads to a worn and weary and let's be honest that's not how God wants us to be. He needs us to take the time we need to pour into ourselves, to keep our flames fanned...so that we can fan the flames of the people He has put in our path. I've learned this lesson the hard way....when I carry things for too long, it begins to weigh me down...when my give out is gave out and on it's way to burn out...my flame is on it's way to a flicker. If I let those go on too long...it wears at me and eventually wears me down. Sometimes we just need someone to come along side and say Hey I'm praying for you. The enemy wants us to "feel" alone in the battle we are pushing through. This life was never meant to live alone....we need to pay attention to those who God has placed in our path. The enemy seeks to wear out the saints of God.....let's not let Him. We will all have seasons of weariness and worn out.....it's going to happen as God refines us to rely on those times for His strength. As Christians we have got to do better at looking outside of our cliques and circles (yep they exist #beinghonest), to those in our daily walks....and coming along side of them to be that Aaron and Hur when they are tired. We are all going to have battles to fight and yes God is fighting them for us, but in the natural we are going to to get tired....(especially those of us who don't pay attention to our limitations and let our give outs become gave out). Spiritual warfare is real and it's here.....it's time to join together and take care of the people God has placed in our lives.


So back to the wall I knew I had hit again last night....the fumes were real and the tank was past empty. God whispered last night(well midnight), that the wall was Him....because this going around the same particular mountain was over. God has brought me too far in the last six years for me to let the enemy slip back in through motions and "good works". This tired is the enemy's attempt to steal my focus....I have a purpose and a calling to do each and every day. I have flames that are looking for me to fan them period. Then God used a Sunday School lesson I taught a couple of weeks ago to speak into the season I've been walking in.....it's pruning time. (ouch)....God's faithful to come through and take care of cutting them off of your tree, but you have to clear them away. Until you clear them away, you'll keep stepping around and through those things that may easily entangle you...if it's not bearing God fruit..you have choices to make. Just as there are blooms that God doesn't want to see bloomed in your life, there are fruits that He doesn't want to see produced either....let that sink in. (frustration and exhaustion are not God fruits....)

One last thought....I read this quote last week and I've been chewing on it ever since. It is possible to be in a room full of people and feel alone. Proximity and activity don't always equal connectivity. It's possible to be doing somewhere and never feel like you can be there. There is more to this in a blog to come, but God's still writing it. I've lived way too much of life in a box designed by other people. It's a box with walls that God didn't design and I've finally reached the frustration point where I've got to make some changes. There is God fruit that needs to be nurtured and other fruit/branches that need to be laid at the feet of the Only One who knows what to do with them. I know I'm nothing without Him....but when you can finally look and see the you He sees......whew! That's enough to make this Jesus girl shout and take a run

Different kind of blog tonight....but it's been that kind of week. God's moving and the enemy is distracting. I'm thankful for tired moments that lead me to His lap.....I'm thankful for weary moments that He uses to remind me He's just getting started. I'm thankful for worn tears that He uses to remind me of His purpose. I'm thankful for ministry scars that remind me that God's anointing will always cover and protect. I'm thankful for a flicker that He uses to remind me that what He has lit will never be extinguished. I'm thankful for moments where I feel like nothing that God uses to remind me He is everything. The battle is real, but the victory is bigger. Is your focus on the Goliath in front of you or the God within you? Quit trying to put on other's armor, pick up your stones covered in truth, and march on......Don't rely on whether you feel like it or not, rely on the truth that the One who has called you is Faithful and He will do it! The fields are ripe...and it's harvest time! 

Thoughts this Sunday...

Out of the boat faith doesn't mean you can always see where you are going, but you know who you are walking towards. It doesn't mean that you don't feel the waves that are beneath your feet, but you trust the One that said get out of the boat and come to me. Comfort zones are found inside the boat, where sleep is present and talk is even more present. Out of the boat is where that time spent with Him starts taking action. It's where you start walking out what He's poured in and knowing that what He promised He will keep. It's where you start letting Him refine and prune despite the pain that is felt. It's where you start realizing that who you are to Him is all that really matters. It's who you are to Him that dictates who you are, believe that and the confidence you have to walk forward will surprise even you. So often we focus on the lack of confidence that we have in ourselves when all the while He is smiling because the moment when you finally realize you can't do anything, is when you realize He can do everything.  Reality check...it's often times not going to "feel" right, but feeling is not truth. Feeling says I'm worn and tired of giving, that my give out is gave out, but truth says Give and it will be given to you...pressed down and shaken together until it overflows. So yes you may feel worn, tired, and on the verge of burn out .....but if you are where God has placed you for this season of life, where He has called you to pour out, then trust Him to pour back into you. So many times we feel ourselves nearing empty and instead of waiting to find the right station to fill up in, we pull into the nearest station hoping to be able to fill up and avoid the rush. This past weekend I waited in a line to get gas(mind you this was in the third gas station I had passed). No I wasn't a part of the gas shortage panic that others were taking part in, I legitimately needed to fill up (the light was on and there were less than 45 miles to empty). So I pulled in not where I normally fill up at, because I wasn't sure where I usually went would have gas. (Passing the lines at some of the stations made me slightly nervous). How many times do we do that though in the spiritual? We fill up wherever we can and wonder why we still feel empty. Oh the tank may say it's full, but did we fill up at His station or the one most convenient for us? Empty can still feel empty even when it should be full until we let God do the filling. When we wait on God to fill us up, we will do as it says in Isaiah...we will run and not grow weary, we will walk and not faint, and we will find a strength that only comes from His filling. 

Feeling fear or nervous about something can keep you distracted from doing what He has called you to do for this thing. When you focus on feelings, it's hard to focus on the battle that needs to be fought in the spiritual. When you focus on feelings, it's easy to feel like you are walking this battle alone....the enemy loves the mirage of isolation. God's got angels around you sweet reader...so alone has never even crossed His mind. There is a strengthening that comes when you finally surrender to the truth that He's got you, always had you, and always will have you. The process of strengthen means you are going to run faster and farther in the next leg of the journey. It's not always going to feel easy, in fact it may never....but you know what He's called you to do...so do it. God said to lean not unto your own understanding...in other words without revelation from Him, it's not going to make sense. Hear my heart for a minute...time with Him is the only way to get His perspective. It means taking off your glasses in exchange for His. It means taking off what other people have handed you to see in exchange for what He has handed you to look at. It's not going to make sense, but there is a peace that comes when God starts speaking in to that specific request you have made. There is a peace when you are desperate for Him just to whisper to you. Sometimes you don't need others to speak in words of wisdom, but just to say they are praying for you as you listen to Him. So many times we seek out someone to tell us the answer, when God is seeking to be that answer. 

As hard as it is to see, God knows what we need. Even requests that we may see as ones we think He should answer, He knows what is best. Don't ever forget that He sees you walking out of the boat, so why would He answer what will keep you inside the boat.

There is a shift coming again...I wish I could say it meant answers, but it's a season of trust despite feeling. Trusting the One who has never let me down yet to continue what He's always been faithful at doing. This coming week the seasons change...according to the calendar it will be Fall even though it may not feel like it most places. Sometimes the natural reflects the spiritual. Seasons may be changing for you...it may not feel like it, but God sees the calendar and the timetable you can't see. God sees what He has planned and despite how it feels right now, He is working this all out for your good. Just because it feels like He's late, hold on.....He's still bringing it all into focus so that when He knows you are ready you will be able to see what He has planned for you all along. 

Take is a verb

I knew a blog was brewing soon, but only God knew the timing. Only God knew that I would wake up from my nap ready to write, with a word that seemed to be burning to come out through the keyboards. Last night I was reading in Psalms and I almost had a shouting fit in chapter 18. Every verse seemed to hit almost every feeling and every thought over the last couple of weeks. Thoughts that were beginning to take root until I took the time to let God put a stop to that. The last few weeks have been a battle, a battle God knew was coming because He not only knows my purpose, but He knows the plan He has for me. A battle that didn't take Him by surprise and for that, I could take a shouting run! God doesn't waste a moment, He has a plan for each frustration, each moment of stress and each thought. It's how much we let Him work His plan in us, that determines the length of the plan. So many times we want to run from what God is using to strengthen us for the next chapter of our journey. Callings are not walked out by sitting and waiting on some divine revelation to smack you upside the head. Honestly most of the revelation I've had lately has been in those quiet moments when I was so desperate for God to show up....but hear my heart when I say the revelation wasn't always easy to hear. It was what I needed, but I can't say it's always been what I wanted. Those are blogs for another day....

There was a word in verse 30 that jumped out at me last night. Verse 30 says he shields all who take refuge in Him. God got my attention with the word take last night. Take is a verb, it's a choice, an action that we have to do in order for it to be completed. That thought that came into your mind that stressed you out or caused you frustration, is it going to be captive in your hands or in His. That moment when you wanted to respond in the flesh because you were angry, but you took a minute to take a breath instead. Take is a choice, when we have that day that leaves us feeling discouraged or maybe not worth enough to make a difference, what are we going to do ? Are we going to stay put in those thoughts allowing them to grow...or are we going to take ourselves to the lap of the only One who understands? The One who knows you better than you know yourself. Think for a minute...He knows what makes you frustrated, what causes you to feel stress, and what discourages you. He knows what seeds of doubt tend to find their way in and He can see them taking root before we can. He knows our weaknesses and oh sweet readers He knows those spots that make us feel insecure. You know the ones I'm talking about, the ones that make you doubt your ability, your calling, your worth, your who and even your do! He knows about those feelings that you keep to yourself even with that smile on your face. God knows....and His word says more than once He's got His children covered.

Take is a choice, it's a verb that requires action on our part. Finding yourself feeling drained by what life has thrown at you, frustrated with what the world has handed you in a package labeled purpose, take refuge in the One who can shield you. Walk yourself to His lap, find that place where you know He's met you before and spill it. He can handle it I promise. Take yourself to the place where you can find refuge. It doesn't mean you may not still feel the rain blowing in or get drenched running to His lap, but it means He will keep you safe in Him.

Midnight Moments

The lessons from the last 48 hours are enough to fill multiple posts.... but not yet

God's shifting things in place. the layers He has pulled back...ouch but wow. Last week at Overflow was life changing. God poured in and seeds were sown that are starting to take root this week. I feel the push...but as much as my flesh has wanted to respond He has been louder. Crumbs from yesterday are no longer going to fill this soul of mine. I have a place at the table of the King and a portion He has served up just for me. You see I have lived life way too long thinking the crumbs were my portion. Hear my heart...the enemy knows you have a seat at the table... and he is willing to do whatever he can to keep you from sitting in it. (Busyness, people pleasing, insecurity etc.) Take what is yours Child of God...God's got your portion ready for you to feast on. Side note...you will never feel good enough or worthy enough to sit at the table. It has nothing to do with you...He pulled the chair out and invited you to the table because of what He did for you. It's time to join in His feast that fills...

I have been thinking about the parable of the sower over the last two days. When God sows a seed, a word or two...the enemy will do what he can to keep that seed from taking root. Trust God through process...press in...and while it may feel dark ..He's just covering the seed for protection.

I'm thankful for what God did last week at Overflow... I'm thankful for the shift in seasons that's coming.. and the purpose and confidence that He poured out last week.

When the anointing finally becomes louder than the insecurity.....🙌

Won't He do it...

Okay I'm just gonna be honest...God and I have had some serious heart to hearts over the last couple of weeks, a lot just this week. I believe I asked Him more than once if I missed Him somewhere ...cause I was on the verge of burn out. Honestly in some areas of my walk, I was burned out. I was poured out and desperate for Him to pour back in. I tend to give and give and give....and I've learned (the hard way) that if we aren't walking in the OverFlow...giving this much will leave us empty. We've got to be careful to give out of the overflow of what God is pouring in so that we can stay in His flow. Sometimes we have to get desperate for that revelation....It's not something that will even make sense to others if they have never reached that point of desperation. Hear my heart...desperate is not a bad place as long as you let it take you to His lap.

 I told God in my time with Him I needed a word. He was faithful to answer with verses and even a vision or two. I knew God was talking, but I was still missing the connection....so I kept pushing through knowing there had to be a shift soon. I've learned in the last couple of years in my journey with Him that when the struggle is like this, there is a lesson, a nugget, a something coming. Why do I know that because God has proven it time and time again? I may have a moment or two where I forget that He has this....but He's good to remind me. (Sometimes it's a reminder in the natural aka my sciatic that flairs up. My sciatic pain is an amazing reminder that God has a plan for my good, that He has a purpose and that what the enemy meant for evil God meant for good. God's promised me healing in that area...and every time the pain comes up in the natural I remind the enemy of that. One day this Jesus girl will be running when the healing comes, but that's a blog for another day. It's part of my testimony that I probably don't share enough. Actually I've got to get better about sharing more about what God's done in my life and just being transparent on here more. We overcome by the power of our testimony and too many times we don't share our testimonies for various reasons (we don't feel like anyone will care, we don't feel like we have one to share, or we don't feel free to share since we are still in the struggle stage). All of those are lies from the enemy to keep you insecure of who God made you to be and who He has called you to be. How do I know...been there done that...and to quote a friend tonight #imoverit

I'm over caring what others think to the point that I keep my mouth shut when God says open it, that I hide in a box or an area that keeps me from being who God has called me to be. I realized about this time last year that there was an anointing given out the day we all walked off the bus. An anointing that was for more than just the ones that had a platform, but for everyone because God had ordered steps and knew who would be where. God doesn't just order steps for one moment in your life as a Child of His and then quit. Too many times we let the opinions of others become louder than the dreams and visions God has place don the inside of us. God didn't say to follow the steps of others (or to be the slinky that gets stuck as my object lesson in Sunday School was this morning). He said to follow the steps He has laid out for you. He knows how far apart they are and how far you can stretch to meet them. He knows there are going to be days when you feel like you aren't making a difference, but He knows that if you will just hang on, He's going to remind you He has you right where He needs you. Let's get real...sometimes we have to encourage ourselves...in other words we have to do those things that we know are going to pour into our tanks. That song that always gets right to the heart of you..that church that always speaks into your life...we have to take time to pour into our tanks and we have to be intentional about it...period. God will put in our lives the people we need to intercede, to pull us along, to encourage us, to keep us focused on who He has made us to be....those are the people that need to speak in your life. When you know you have a calling, an anointing...pay attention to the words you take to heart...for words in the heart grow into roots that will bloom at some point. Blooms of insecurity or security, blooms of confidence in Him or of lack/discouragement, blooms of trust or blooms of doubt (see where I'm headed...).

You may be reading this going where in the world is this coming from...it's coming from a heart that has been desperate for a shift all weekend. A heart that needed God to make some connections together so she could let some things go (again). A heart that needed her Heavenly Daddy...just to remind her I'm listening. What you read on the blogs are more than I share in person (especially in Alabama), I'm still working on that comfort zone.....I have ones I know who will pray and who will love me regardless of what I pour out to them(and believe me they have heard it all). Sometimes we keep asking God for something He's given us....it may not be in the form we asked Him, but it's what we need. I'm thankful for friends who are like family who pray with every text and every message...and who speak life back into me when I can't speak it for myself at the moment. I'm not always going to be down at the altar (kind of hard when you are the words media person), but that doesn't mean I'm not praying and interceding as I click. I digress... my point in all of that was my heart wanted to make it to the altar today (that will surprise some of you reading this...). I carried out of church what I carried in.....and God knew and I knew it was starting to get heavy. So I put on Restoring Hope tonight.....listen when God uses a sermon preached by a man of God who is also a friend that speaks to so much...you know it's a God word and on time at that. When He uses the verse that God has given you for your life verse (and that you used as your Sunday School lesson in the morning), you know God heard you...more than that when the vision that God gave you of where you were at two weeks ago...that hasn't made sense is a visual he uses....you have a shouting fit as you cry your way through to a release, a shift because God knew what you needed and when.

Look out devil...this Jesus girl is armed and ready. The battle has already been won...#imoverit

Running the race...

I saw this on FB last night and honestly it could not have come at a more perfect time. This was the first full week of school and to say I've been running at a fast pace would be an understatement. I don't think anyone outside of education truly realizes what we do and how much we pour out and into what God has called us to do. Focus is my word for the year....It's something I've struggled with for the last couple of years because I end up doing more than I should and end up losing sight of what God has truly called me to do. My race to run is my race to run. So many times we think that our race will make sense to others, but sometimes only we know what the trainer has told us to handle that specific turn or hurdle. God never called us to run the race that He called others to run, but to run the race He set out for us. God also never called us to run the race others have set out for us to run. This is an area that can easily overwhelm us if we aren't careful. Comparison is a trap the enemy uses to keep us distracted from who God has called us to be and what God has called us to do. Oh if we could just grab a hold of the truth...God made us an original, a unique masterpiece designed to do what only He planned for us to do. Someone else can try to run your race just as you can try to run someone else's, but in the end God's purpose and plan will always prevail. He gives grace and strength, and a peace when we run the race He has called us to run. Let's let go of our race making sense to others as well....there will be people in your life that God has placed in for a reason to speak into your life, to help propel you forward, and to pull you out when you get "stuck". He knows what you need and who you need....trust Him to order your steps and quit trying to put pieces into a puzzle that He created (not you).

I've been watching the Olympics this week and the focus these athletes have is pretty incredible. They know why they are there, they have a sense of purpose, and they know who they are. They don't let the distractions of their surroundings cause them to lose focus.  I've also noticed they each have their own unique twist, spin, and moves as they compete as well. They know what their trainer, their coach has told them to do...and they do it and leave the details to the coach.  God's called us to run our race, to focus on what He has called us to do and not on the distractions around us. Life can keep us busy if we let it, but there is a difference between busy and fruitful. When I'm in my sweet spot and serving from the overflow of what God has poured in, I know what it means to run and not grow weary. When I'm running close to empty myself, weary happens while I run. The enemy likes empty.....we have to make the effort to keep our tanks full. God will fill us up if we are ready to sit still long enough with hands open in surrender and lids off (see previous blog).  God gets what He wants...get still when He says to...or things in the natural may lead to a time of getting still. I have had many moments of headaches and not feeling great moments that lead to a time of getting still, but He knew what I needed. God orders our steps, He has the details under control....our part is to step and trust.

This above picture is my prayer this year....God I want to run at your pace, I want to run and not grow weary and run from your Flow. I know what it's like to run with Him and to run on my own and I'm done with my own. My heart is huge to a fault some may say, but that's not for me to defend anymore. At some point we have to let go of everything but what God has said to hold on to. Let that sink in...because often times we hold on to what we think God wants us to hold on to when in reality God said to let go of that a long time ago. Let us run the race He has called us to and keeping pace with Him and not worrying about anyone else around us. For when we run that race and keep His plan in focus, things that used to be our focus grow strangely dim. God orders our steps to put us in the path of those He has called us to minister to and be His hands and Feet to.

My purpose is to live His purpose...to live for an audience of One knowing that the stage has already been set, the script already been written, and the parts already assigned. God directs the steps and He hasn't called for the curtain to go down yet. Let's live with purpose as we run the race that He called us to run letting go of what has entangled us before knowing that our eyes are fixed on Him as we run.

#Preachingtomyself (Heart sharing post)

What if God answered our prayers exactly how we prayed for them? Think about that for a minute...would we really have what we are asking for if we knew what His better and best for us was? I can think of numerous times that I have asked God for something (more than once...) only to realize He has answered with something better. Why do we keep asking God for the fish bowl when He has said the ocean was ours to have? (The fish bowl vs. ocean conversation with God and I happen more than it should...#learningtobecontent)

I've been thinking a lot this week. I can't say that's a great thing....because my anxiety has been at a high level. I sent a friend a text Sunday and said if I didn't know God had this and was in the details my anxiety could have gotten the better of me. Oh how the enemy knows what a threat we are...because it's been a shouting match this week...between what I feel and what I know. If I can be transparent for just a minute.....having freedom and victory from something doesn't mean the struggle isn't there at times. It's one thing to be in bondage to something, it's another to feel the pull and know you aren't going backwards because God's got you forward bound. Leaving something in God's hands doesn't mean the enemy won't ever dangle it in front of you again, it's a choice to keep moving forward...knowing that God has greater things ahead of you. An example...grief. There will always be days of struggle (hello who ever said it was #nationalsistersday or #nationalsiblingday has never lost a sibling), but it doesn't have me bound. It's not a cloud hovering that I'm expecting rain to fall out of at any minute. It's sunshine and if there is a cloud it's got manna in it..but that's a blog for another day. Anxiety is not something that binds me anymore...because I've learned to speak truth to it. It doesn't mean that there are not days when I have to scream at it, but it's not a cloud of fear. It's hard to explain if you aren't on the other side of something...but so many times the enemy wants us to think that having a moment of struggle means we are falling backwards. This isn't always the case. God's mercies are new every morning period. You can't add to or take away from the truth of that. God never said walking in freedom would mean walking alone, He's there always.

The last 24 hours have made me think about purpose. I've asked God this week if I missed Him, I've asked Him if the season was up, and I've asked Him more than once for help. Last night I came home from a day that had worn me out mentally and emotionally. I ate supper but it was going through the motions...all I wanted was some time in my spot with Him. I knew that the things that were weighing down my heart last night weren't going to get any lighter until I talked to Him about them. How many times do we keep thinking about those things that weigh us down when God says come tell me about them? Being desperate for God to do something in an area...means you have finally taken your hands off, pulled yourself out of the picture (and closed your mouth about it). How hungry are we for revival in our lands that we are willing to lay aside those things that easily entangle us? The things the enemy is using to distract us from our higher purpose. How desperate are we for God to move among us that we are like the lame man by the pool that we are willing to do whatever we can to pull ourselves to the water that is stirring? God knew where that man was (and no I'm not talking about physical location). God knew that the man was more concerned with making an excuse than getting to His miracle. (Ouch...how many times do we delay our own miracles because of our words? God forgive me...) Motions don't make a difference...they keep you on the fence. Service and Busyness are not synonyms.....the difference is the heart condition of the one doing. Make the moments count and don't waste time counting the moments. Time is precious...and God has you planted where He purposed for you to bloom this season. Don't question the Master Planter. He alone knows when the seasons are going to change.

God never called you to do it solo. Jesus went around with a group of 12, but three knew His heart. Walls are not from God.....build an altar where the wall fell so you can remind the enemy it's down and then move on. When I look back over the last almost 20 years.....I can't help put see the footprints of how He has ordered my steps through it all. The steps don't all make sense but as much as I may feel my life should be going one way, He alone knows the way I should take. Tonight God reminded me of the verse that is before the often quoted I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Verse 12 talks about I've learned to the secret of being content .....Oh how sweet it is..when God speaks that word you need to your Spirit. That's the season I'm in....learning the secret of being content. Content to know greater things are still to come...that there is an anointing I haven't even tapped into yet living on the inside of me, that there is a purpose that God is shifting into place even as I type this blog. It's a season of learning to be content...because I know that He knows just what I need....and I choose to trust Him (and not what I feel).

Different kind of blog, but it's been a different kind of week already...

When your give out is burned out, choose to let God show out.

When your give out is burned out, choose to let God show out.

God never promised we wouldn't feel overwhelmed, stressed, or frustrated. He never said we wouldn't have days when we felt like the world was coming against us as it seemed like nothing was going right. He never said we would always feel like putting a smile on our face. God didn't say there wouldn't be times of anxiety that made you just want to go to bed for awhile and not "people" for a bit. He never said we wouldn't have moments where we felt weighed down with "stuff". When we enter into a relationship with God, we start out on a journey that is a walk of process that leads to progress. God did say He would never leave us or forsake us (in other words He ain't going anywhere despite how we feel).(See Deuteronomy 31:6-8) God did say we may feel hard pressed on every side, but wouldn't be destroyed. (See 2 Corinthians 4:8-12). God did say that when you pass through the waters, He's passing too...and the rivers won't overwhelm you. (See Isaiah 43:2) God knew there would be moments that we would feel our way through, but He offered three words as an answer...Come to Me (Matthew 11:28-30) Are you starting to see where I'm headed? He didn't promise an easy road, but when He said come to me..it's because He already knows the road ahead and how to get around or over every bump, pothole, and turn. The traffic jams, construction zones, and closed lanes haven't caught Him off guard. There is a point in our walk with Him where we reach desperation. Desperate for Him to sweep in and grab us up and do what He does best. Desperate for Him to move in and do something...simply desperate for Him. There is a shifting that happens when you get to that point....

The enemy sees the fire on the inside of you and knows it's going to burn him. The enemy sees the power on the inside of you and knows it's going to squash him. The enemy sees the truth on the inside of you and knows its going to silence him. That my sweet reader is why you are a threat to him. That's why he seeks to cover that fire up through busyness, distractions, and feelings. That's why he seeks to switch your power off through discouragement, doubt, and defeat. That's why he seeks to to be louder than the truth on the inside of you through whispers of stress, fear, anxiety, and insecurity. There is a battle raging in realms we can't see....as Christians we are called to be the army that rises up and shows up for the call. We aren't called to let the enemy switch the power off, silence the truth, or cover our fires. We are called to be His light, His voice, and to show His power to those we come in contact with. He didn't say it would be easy, but He said we could do all things through Him. Choice is ours....feelings will always be there and yes there will be a lot of days when they are screaming, but the truth is God loves us (even our feelings), and He knew about those feelings even before you were born. Choose to let Him be louder than what you feel....it's freedom.

A friend preached a sermon a week or so ago about truth and emotions that has been taking root in my life since then. There have been many, many, many moments over the last two weeks when my feelings have felt overwhelmed, stressed, and frustrated. Moments when I wanted to cry simply because I felt defeated because I was just me. Moments when I wanted to give up or quit because the battle seemed like too big for me to handle. He never said those moments wouldn't happen...it's what you do in those moments that make the difference of what takes root. It's choosing to trust that He has my steps ordered so He knows how the details work out...I just have to step where He says step. It's choosing to trust that time with Him makes the rest of the list get finished. It's choosing to trust that when it seems like it's just you...It's not,  because He's there too. It's choosing to trust that He gets it and will take care of the details. It's choosing to trust His truth...because He's never failed me yet. It's choosing to trust that His calling is irrevocable and He has me right where He wants me (even if I can't always see it). It's choosing to trust that even though I can't swim in the natural, I can swim in the spiritual deep.

I don't know how your week has gone, but He does. I have had moments this week where my give out was gave out and burned out. He knew though...because with each moment I'd find myself crawling back up to His lap...with tears and the "I'm done" words and He would breathe life back into this heart of mine. He would fan the flame on the inside so I could keep doing what I do. He knows what we need just when we need it....trust Him in those moments and remember He loves you more than you can ever imagine!

Is your Lid off?

In my prayer time last night I was praying about something...and asked Him to pour it out for this certain request. I stopped as soon as I said it...and listened for a minute. He whispered I am...but their lids are still on. God's word is truth...and truth says In the last days I will pour out my Spirit...let that sink in for a minute. We are living in the last days...if you don't realize it, look around you. Signs of the times are EVERYWHERE. God's pouring out His Spirit for those that are in the receiving mode....

Picture holding a big bag of candy and you are getting ready to share it. (Could be Skittles, M & M's etc.) As you are pouring it out to the hands ready to receive you are able to fill their hands with this sweet treat until you get to the hand that isn't fully open. You try to pour it into their hands, but it's difficult to get that treat into the hands of the one not ready to receive even though you are pouring.

Sweet reader hear my heart for a minute.....there are a lot of things that can keep your hand closed, your lid on. It could be the voice of others, the voice of yourself (i.e. emotions, feelings), situations, limitations, fear, anxiety, depression....anything the enemy can use to keep you in bondage (i.e. lid on, closed fist). If the enemy can keep your lid on, he can keep you from receiving what the Creator of the Universe, the One who knows you better than you know yourself is pouring out....God wants to pour it out so that you can be so full of all that He has for you...that you are Overflowing, stepping in the grace and the power that He said was yours on the day He breathed life into you.

God knows that you can't take the lid off by yourself...it's going to take Him. Sometimes God's been working on the lid coming off, but we have had our hands on it, holding it down. There is a power and a freedom bubbling up on the inside of you Child of God. Don't hold the lid on thinking you are doing yourself a favor. Let it go...and let freedom be what you walk in. God's shifting things even now ...move as He moves. It's not going to be easy..He never said it would, but there is a point where the lid staying on makes you miserable/uncomfortable enough that you will throw your hands up in surrender to the freedom that fills.

What are you waiting for? What are you allowing to hold you back from the freedom God died for you to have? Freedom doesn't mean easy, freedom means knowing the One who took all of the details and the pain on the Cross..has it all under control.

Reflection time...(aka me for a minute)

"There's an anchor for my soul...I can say it is well..."

That line of lyric has been in my spirit since I woke up from my Sunday nap. Summer ends today for me...work is tomorrow and back to a routine. Thinking back over this incredibly fast summer has made me sad in a way. I look back on that list of things I set out to accomplish this summer...and well the list is still there(longer, but there). I look back over the weeks...and I can tell you what I did each and every week...I didn't waste the time, but as I sit here and reflect...did I make the most of every moment....did I leave my mark on the day or did I just walk through it? Did the day leave a mark on me...or did I just go through the motions? Time goes by so fast.....it may feel like the moment you are in is going to take forever, but hold on...it's going to go by quicker than you think. Are we making moments that turn into memories or moments that turn into mysteries?

Our feelings do not dictate if it's well. They may scream that it's not....but I have learned not to trust in feelings. My feelings are not my friends most days....they speak to the situation, the what if's, the what could have been, should have been , or was. Our natural may feel uncomfortable, but our spiritual can be at peace. The focus then turns into which one are we going to listen to.....one leads to being focused on what God's called you to do and that alone. The other leads you to be focused on what everyone else wants you to do. The one you choose to listen to will grow.....because you feed it with focus and time.

Trust means taking a step when you can't see where you are stepping. Trust means not always knowing how the plan will look, how it will go, or even when it will happen. Trust means not exactly knowing what is going to happen. Trust means knowing that the One who put you together chromosome by chromosome knows exactly the steps you should take. Trust means knowing that the One who spoke life into you from the beginning...will continue to do it for you (your part is to listen)...

God knows our inner thoughts and those requests that only He has heard. He knows the ones we speak out loud in our prayer time with Him...and the ones that Our Spirit speaks to Him. God loves us like He does because of who He is.....He loves us because we are His and to Him that is what matters. He loves us enough to speak truth to our hearts even after midnight from a verse that lead to another verse. Truth that jumped off of the pages as the verse to hold on to knowing He knows (the song playing was "I won't go back"...which I fully believe was Him as well). Only He knew what I needed spoke in....

Back to the lyric above....there is an anchor for my soul...and it's truth. God's truth....period. Truth that says Be still and know that I am God....(and when you do...He shows up in the prayer room like only He can). Truth that says I'm faithful and will do it...(and when He does...He reminds you of how far He's brought you and He isn't stopping yet...) Truth that says I will give you the desires of your heart....(Only God knows when some of those will be answered...but He reminds me of this through moments spent with friends who speak life...which waters the dry parts of you) Truth that says being confident of this very thing....(and He reminds you, confidence is found in what He can do...not what You can do) . The anchor keeps you steady and still...even when it may feel like the boat is rocking about you.

Oh sweet reader...if I could open up my heart and share it with you as a visual I would. In the last week I have had a mixture and range of feelings from smack dab in His presence to feeling overwhelmed and anxious. I've had the moments of I can't do anything to the moments of You can do everything God. I've had the moments of "Not enough" to the moments of "You are enough..". There is a shift that happens when you move from what you want to what He knows you need. I don't understand it....believe me there are times I wish I did, but I choose to trust in what I can't understand knowing He understands. My desire is for His voice to be louder than all of the rest...it takes choice for that to happen, but God has proven Himself faithful time and time again....and He's not finished yet!

"...because You know just what we need before we say a word"

Reality check for a minute...I pay more attention to the gas light on my car then I do the gas light for my own self.....The meme that has been going around Facebook about you can't pour from an empty cup, is so true! You have to take in in order to give out. What used to fill you up may not be what fills you now (truly fills you)....pay attention to those things that fill that inner tank up for you. Is it a visit with a good friend? Is it shopping? Is it a certain dessert? Is it time spent with the One that knows you the best? There are things that fill our natural tanks....and things that fill our spiritual tanks. There is a difference, but that's a blog for another day.

God knew where my tank was at from the last couple of weeks. He knew the light was past on and the fumes were real....(whether I wanted to admit or not...lol). He knew I was close to putting a wall back up and well that wasn't a part of His plan.

36 hours in a place that allows me to be me. Not the me others dictate or request but the me that He made me to be....36 hours that restored some moisture to this dry soul.....He knows what we need and even we don't see that He's answering our requests...He has something even better in mind. God thank you for ordering steps, for knowing when we need you to step in and rain down....and for providing water for our thirsty souls. Thank you for being in control of my tank...and knowing when I needed to pull into the station for a fill up.

Are you trying to fill up your tank with what you think you need or are you letting Him fill your tank up with what He knows you need?

Mountains, Moments, and Him...

She stood looking up at the mountain not sure she could climb it again. Her muscles felt tight, her knees were knocking, and her mind started to convince her she couldn't climb it....that it would be easier just to go around instead of over. Oh but then she got still for a minute.....and something rose up on the inside of her. There was a strength and a determination rising up that was stronger than what her natural was feeling. A strength that reminded of her mountains she had already climbed, mountains she had already seen moved....and the mountains that stood in front of her didn't seem so high. She stood looking at again knowing what she had to do....but whispering to herself...just a push to get going please. Then she felt it.....and with tears and a new resolve she got back to climbing. Yes she knew she couldn't do it within herself, but the God that had climbed every mountain before with her was still with her....and despite how she felt about herself on some days...He said she was strong enough to climb and she chose to believe that despite how she felt. He told her she could....and she went with that knowing that He knew what was at the top and on the other side. He whispered in her ear as she started to climb..."I don't change.."

I'm a visual person...I'm the let me follow Google Maps vs. written directions, I'm the let me watch a video or look at a handout for something techie vs. having you tell me how to fix it. I remember it with a picture....the picture above has been something God has been speaking into my Spirit for a couple of weeks. You know how sometimes your cell service isn't as strong in spots. There may be some weather interference (wind etc.), there could be a tower blocking it....or it may just not be very strong where you are at. Those distractions (for lack of a better word) keep us from being able to hear the message that is coming through. You know those times when you keep asking the person what was that again or those lovely "dropped" calls. Things in the natural can reflect things in the spiritual....there are times when things interfere with our reception. We let the busyness of life become an interference , tiredness may distract, but even when it seems like a call has been dropped, God keeps calling. I'm thankful that He doesn't change despite our feelings, our thoughts, our anything. He loved us first and when He lights a fire on the inside of You....there is NOTHING that can extinguish it. You can try to cover it up, but the flame will keep burning...and eventually the heat will become uncomfortable. (Think about it for a minute....) God's flame, His power on the inside of You, His anointing...man can't touch what God has birthed in you....Sometimes our biggest interference is our own stinking thinking, it's us.

There are days when I am my own worst enemy. God knows that and trust me He and I have some deep discussions about it often. He's working on it and the insecurity chain that has been rattling for a year is about to break. God knows, I know it...and the enemy knows it. There is a stirring though in my Spirit of what is still to come. The last year with God has been exceedingly above what I could imagine and more is still to come. Back to the mountain visual.....she stood looking at the mountain not sure if she wanted to climb again, but then came the sweetest whisper to her Spirit....it's a different mountain Daughter...you haven't gone backwards, I've laid out the steps ahead...just walk in what I have called you to.

There are moments in Him that can't be explained by natural words. There are moments when everything in your natural is crying out and He reaches down...and shifts what you can't see to what only He can see. There are moments when you just know as a Child of His, when you are in the lap of the One who can fan the flame He lit....

Walls and Rivers

When I look back through my Facebook memories of today, there have been a couple of blog posts...but they had a certain tone to them. This one is different I hope. Here is my heart, layers pulled back for the next couple of hundred words..

 Six years ago was a day I will never forget, a day that has changed my perspective, my outlook, and my walk with God. A day that in the midst of it, I didn't understand what was happening, but looking back now...God had ordered steps to put in place what was needed to keep everyone safe. He had His hand on that day and everyone involved...there was a battle that took place that day and God had the victory in His hand. There was an anointing that poured out that day....that would change the lives of everyone on the bus and everyone they encountered. (If you are reading this and have no idea what I am talking about...Google Bowling Family bus wreck or read Kathy Crabb Hannah's book). Moving on....fast forward five years...

There were some roots that took place that day, roots of fear, anxiety, complacency, apathy etc. Roots that led me to not eat at Zaxby's for over a year, to speed past 18 wheelers so that I was never stuck behind them or beside them. Roots that led me to not really enjoy that day each year and the memories that it held...oh but God had a purpose. God was as patient as He always is and waited for me to get tired of those roots. He waited for me to see the strength in Mike and Kelly....and spend an hour later that night telling Him I wanted that. He waited for me to be able to see that day through His eyes. To see that He had my steps ordered and ordained and I was right where He needed me to be. To see that nothing was impossible with Him...and I had a very visual reminder of it that would be a testimony. To see that the anointing poured out that day....wasn't just for the ones who took the platform every weekend, but was for me as well. God had a purpose for me as well. I fought going to the mountain last year, but God had once again ordered my steps. He had started to pull away layers in my heart to reveal that He had been guiding my steps all along..., layers that showed the roots I needed Him to pull up...but first I had to let them go in His hands. God was shifting and ordering things into place once again in my life. I headed to the mountain unsure of what to expect, but knowing that He would be there (along with 200 plus women). I'm a creature of comfort and I went to the mountain with some walls...God was shaking them, but I didn't see that they needed to fall just yet.

Kelly preached a word during that time....that said a River runs through it. I didn't fully get it at that moment, but God planted that seed....and He knew it would take root in time. God was redeeming that day for His purpose. I left the mountain changed...but little did I know the change was just beginning to happen. A week or so later, the walls came down....and this Jesus girl felt a freedom I still can't put into words. A freedom that God knew six years ago would be a part of this refining and restoring process....as Amanda has said many times, you have to scrape off the mold and clean the walls in order to restore....God was restoring this Jesus Girl's heart and tearing down the walls she was hiding behind. I remember the day in August when I was texting with Terah and it took root...that the anointing that day was for more than just them, but for me as well. The seed planted on that mountain was taking root.....

Walls went up this day 6 years ago, walls I hid behind unless I was around a few...walls I hid behind because trying to explain to someone who wasn't in that world of what happened that day...would not make sense. Walls that had kept the river that God had deposited in this Jesus girl from flowing...walls that needed to come down and soon because God had a purpose that needed to be walked out. Through time spent with Him, time spent in His presence being poured into by my spiritual parents, and time just listening...God started to reveal in a visual picture what had been going on in my heart (I love how He knows I am a visual person..lol). The walls had started shaking at the mountain and had crumbled soon after....the walls were down and laying in a heap, but I was staring at the rocks that used to be the walls...until I realized I needed to step over them. The night when He spoke in a personal message for me.....I stepped over the rocks, I stepped over to the other side of what God had flowing through me and began to walk forward in who He had made me to be. There are days when I turn around and see what's behind me, but God is loving enough to redirect my focus to what lies ahead....and I truly believe the best is yet to come. God ordered my steps on that mountain last year....just like He ordered my steps on that bus six years ago. He redeemed this day...
Tonight I smiled because God showed up six years ago in a powerful way....and on days when the enemy tries to tell me what I do and who I am doesn't have a purpose..I take him back to an interstate in North Carolina...and tell him to hush it.

I don't know what you are dealing with or what walls may have built up because of something that happened. I do know that as a Child of the Most High, there is a river on the inside of you. A river that is flowing with life, with purpose, and with a power to change your world. A river that brings life to what the enemy may have said was dead. God wants to use you, yes you, the one He calls redeemed and Mine, to share His love, mercy, and grace with everyone. He has a purpose for you and that wall, that wall that makes you feel comfortable and "safe", is holding you back from walking in that anointing and purpose. You can't tear it down on your own, but if you'll let go of it.....and praise with a shout that comes from that inner part....it's going to come down. God will redeem the time....moving forward, trust Him with it.

Be blessed readers....He's a good, good, Father....
Today has been full of peace, texts with sweet friends, and Zaxby's for supper ;-)

Seeds

I know it seems like I've been quiet lately (I actually have....I didn't realize this is only my second post this month). God hasn't been quiet though. He's been speaking more than I ever imagined and I'm humbled. This past week the word has been seeds. When God paints a picture for you to see those layers, those requests you have been asking Him about....it takes a minute to let it sink in. I digress...

Seeds are little but planted in the right ground and with the right elements can grow into a strong tree. Seeds need water, sunlight, and time. They need care and attention and space for the roots to start to grow out. Things in the natural reflect things in the spiritual....seeds in the spiritual need the same as well. They need water from the Word, Sunlight from His Presence, and time...time spent in the lap of the only one that can cause growth. Spiritual seeds need care and attention as well....you can't just put them in their spot and walk away without ever tending to them and expect them to grow. Seeds need space to grow out as well...space in our schedules that we often refer to as busy, space to grow into who God created us to be. The seed has everything it needs on the inside to grow....God's already given us everything we need to grow into the person He made us to be. It's what we do on the outside that can hinder the growth. Oh how we need Him every second of the day....

Sometimes seeds can get tangled up in something right next to them, a seed that may have been planted too close that is trying to entangle within the roots... a seed that is trying to choke the life out of the seed that was originally planted.  Where God has planted confidence and an anointing, the enemy seeks to plant discouragement and insecurity. Where God has planted purpose, the enemy seeks to plant people pleasing. God's faithful and patient...He can untangle the roots that seem to be a tangled mess to you..., He can take what's not His...and dispose of it as only He can do. Oh hear my heart...be careful what seeds(what words, what thoughts etc.) you allow to take root. If it's not from Him....let Him wash it away.

Over time, the seed starts to grow...God is patient, nothing is ever rushed when we follow His steps. The roots start to take a hold and before long the blooms will appear soon. The wind may come, the storm may appear....but remember they are all a part of the process...all apart of the root taking a hold to grow the blooms that He made you to be....You'll never know how strong the root is, if nothing ever comes against it...if the wind never blows or the rains never come. You'll always be wondering if that change really happened, if that word really was deposited into that deep Spirit part of you. Time in His lap, at His Feet, in His arms...ask Him about the seeds on the inside of you...and the Ones He may need to pull up. He's patient to reveal Himself to you....be listening for the whispers.

The seeds on the inside of you aren't dependent on how you feel about them. They are dependent on you trusting the One who planted them...knowing that He has called you and He is Faithful to do it!

Your words

It's midnight and God's talking again....honestly not a moment too soon because this Jesus girl needed Him to whisper in some life.

When I look back over the last year, my journey with Him...whew it'll make a shout rise up. I spent too much of my life sitting on the side or in the shallow end...all the while knowing God had plans in that deeper water.  He wasn't going to make me come swimming out of my comfort zone,...but He kept after me. You see He saw in me what I couldn't see in myself...what I still struggle at times to see in myself.  He saw who He had made me to be. He could see the beauty past the imperfections as many as they are.

Revelation 12:11 says we overcome by the word of our testimony...the verse right before talks about Satan being an accuser. Stay with me a minute....The enemy knows the power in our words which is why he does his best to distract us from remembering that power. The accuser, the deceiver....knows exactly where our weak spots are....he pushes on them....until we push back with God's word. ..and remind him that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.

We don't overcome the enemy by thinking about what he is doing but on remembering what God has done for us already and what God is going to do for us. Don't let the enemy tell you what he is going to do...tell him what God is going to do.

The power of life and death are in the tongue.....Our words should be His words period.  Easier said than done...(I know my mouth...well let's just say I already asked God to redeem  and restore it...) 

With the sheep....

It's summer time officially which means my brain is slowly returning back to a normal speed. I'm sleeping more and enjoying the pace of what summer means. Last summer was truly life changing for me, and I have great anticipation for what this summer holds as well. (Side note...what do you want back? What have you let the enemy get a hold of and you need God to restore and reclaim it? Your joy, your happiness, your peace, your dreams, your "you"...blog for another day but something to think about) So that being said...God's been writing the last couple of days. He started it with pouring in yesterday and hasn't stopped today. Thankful He is always on time....and knows what I need (not just what I want)....

I'm in 1 Samuel for my God time reading and last night I got stuck on the verse where Samuel was looking to anoint the next king. I got stuck on verse 11. If you are familiar with the chapter you know the verses that precede that verse are the ones about man looks at the outer appearance but God looks at the heart. Verse 11 is where Samuel asked Jesse if he had any more sons, and he replied with the youngest is tending the sheep. (remember shepherds were not of high social status in Biblical times)

Jesse had no idea who Samuel was looking for, but God did. God knew it was David long before he sent Samuel out to find him. God knew David wouldn't be in the original line up, but that he would be tending the sheep. His brothers may have seen what David was doing as not important, but David knew it was needed. David was being faithful with what he was positioned to to do for the season he was in while he waited on God for the next season. The season of tending sheep was preparing God for more than even David knew at that time.

God doesn't look at the outside for who He calls, He knows what the inside holds for each person. God's looking for a vessel He can flow through not just to.God doesn't pour in so we can bottle it up. He pours in so we can pour out, because He poured out. We don't give so we can get, we give because He gave. If we could let that take root....it will change how we view our daily routine, our time, and our lives. God's not looking to pour out to those who will keep it to themselves...but to those that are willing to pour out His love, grace, and mercy to others.

God knew David's heart in the middle of those sheep.  Other people may see what is on the outside, but remember God sees the heart...and He sees you right where you are even with the sheep.

Trust His timing is perfect..

I called you...

When we are persistent enough to press through to Him...when we are bold enough to say God I'm not moving until you bless me......when get to those point a shift happens.  A shift from what we can see to what we can't see, a shift from how we see to how He sees, a shift from what we call ourselves to what He calls us.

When Jacob wrestled with God, he was bold enough to a point that he told God I'm not moving until you bless me. The woman with the issue of blood, pressed through the crowd ...because she knew she needed a touch...and she persisted until she got it. In Jacob's story, God changed his name....He said you will be called Israel now. God saw what man could not see...and called him by that name. The woman with the issue of blood was called Daughter when she pushed through to the One whom she knew she needed. God called her how He saw her...not as unclean, but as One of His.

Insecurity is a thorn from the enemy that wants to choke out the seed God has sown in you. It can make you doubt your abilities,  your talents, your worth, and even your calling/anointing.  It leads to comparison and competition...instead of celebrating who God created you to be.

The world calls you by your do, but God calls you by your who. If you haven't experienced that moment with Him...where He says...let me show you who you are to me..keep pushing through the mess..He's waiting. Maybe you need Him to remind you of how He sees you again because the world has been screaming at you how it sees you...come boldly before the throne and ask Him.  Are you bold enough like Jacob to get still and stationary until you get from Him what you need? It's yours for the grabbing....

Praise for what you can't see

It's easy to praise God for what we can see Him doing, but what about for those promises He has given us that we can't "see" happening yet? What about those requests that your heart hasn't even begun to put into words, but your Spirit has been talking to Him about

Praise Him for what He is doing and going to do even if you can't see it or feel it. His promises are true and for you. He is a God of healing, restoration,  and power...His word says you have not because you ask not, but when you ask ...ask with boldness and confidence.

I don't know what you are going through right now  (what you are feeling, thinking...), but God does. Child of God...if He has said you could have it...then He means it (in His timing). You may not can see it right now or even feel it...but praise Him knowing that He loves you and is working . Grab a hold of what He said was yours, the power, the provision, the healing ...and praise Him...the devil is defeated and hushed by your praise.

His thoughts over your thoughts

So in the middle of one of my many prayer moments tonight, God brought this verse to mind. He has a way of doing that lately (even when it's not what my natural wants to hear). I was talking to God about a couple of long standing requests (being real...I may have even used the whiny voice as I asked Him how much longer on a couple of these requests). God answered back with that gentle patient voice that He does with this verse...and then proceeded to preach me a mini sermon.

How many times do we get impatient waiting on God to answer that list of requests? I know I have that list that it honestly seems like He and I discuss every couple of days. It's not that I need an answer on some of them, but I need Him to remind me He's working on it. How quickly we lose sight of all that God has answered for us when we let our focus drift to all that is still left unanswered for the moment. The same God that answered the prayer you prayed yesterday or even last hour is the same One working on the request that you haven't seen answered yet. He's never late even though His clock doesn't seem to match ours. Visual moment...when a child is learning to write, some letters take longer to form and more strokes than others. The letter O is a easy for them to form, while the letter M takes a little more time. Think about that for a minute...God is working out His perfect plan for YOU...it's not going to look the same as anyone else's because He made you and called you.

God's thoughts towards your are much higher than yours. His ways are more than you could imagine, and His prayers....are for what you need to be whole, complete, lacking in nothing.

Oh Father...forgive us for when we lose sight of all that you have done while asking for you to do more. Thank you for the ways you continue to amaze us with Your Presence and as we move forward on the journey may we seek to think Your thoughts about us and to trust you each step of the way...

Are the rocks warming up?

If you haven't turned on the news lately, well...you probably should. We are living in the last days. If you didn't realize that before the latest out of Washington, well you should at this point. We are watching scripture play out before our eyes, things that God said would happen in the "last days" are occurring. The fence most found comfortable is becoming uncomfortable. It's time to choose this day who will be the One you serve. Not sure what you are serving? Look at where you are pouring your time and heart into? Are you after the things of this world or to make a difference that will last longer than you will?

This verse came up in my Spirit Friday as I just took a minute to let Him pour into my weary soul( A few minutes in His presence truly is better than a thousand days elsewhere). I don't want the rocks warming up...the enemy is after the praise of the sold out, surrendered Child of the Most High because the praise of a surrendered heart..unleashes and unlocks a power that is freedom! Now is not the time for Children of God to run back to comfortable or to hide from what's going on in the world...It's time for us to be the church outside of the four walls and to show this world the difference His love makes. We have been silent too long...We have kept the truth inside the four walls we call church, when it's living on the inside of us. There are hungry people on your path every day.....what are you feeding them? You can only pour into someone else when you have allowed God to pour into you.....you can't give from an empty depleted cup. (You may be praying for a ministry opportunity and God is drawing you to spend more time with Him...time spent with Him first allows you to minister from the overflow to others)

God fan the flame that you have lit and may Your praise ever be on our lips....Forgive us for being silent for way too long. May we always speak your truths and may the rocks never need to warm up because You are rising up an army of Your children to march forward in battle and to speak life to this generation.

One step away...

I'll admit the last couple of weeks haven't been the easiest. I knew there was a battle I couldn't see going on....but it was wearing me down and in return I was fighting in the natural. So many times the enemy uses things in the natural (the seen) to distract us from things in the spiritual (the unseen).  The enemy recognizes the threat we are more than we do at times. So needless to say I was carrying a few bags of my own "mess" last week. They were starting to get heavy...I knew that and God knew that I knew that. He had done His part by revealing what to do...my part was the release. God doesn't ask you to release something just for the fun of it. He's got a plan for that release and there is a power He is looking to send your way, but you can't hold on to what He has planned and all that you have planned. God is the author not the co-author of your story. He's not looking for you to edit, He's looking for you to read as He types the words.

God knows what we need before we even know to ask for it. He knows our hearts and He knows what will truly satisfy us.....the things of Him are the only thing that are going to fill that void. God knows how to get our attention and how to push us to what He has planned for us. Peter had to take the first step when Jesus told Him to come to Him on the water. He had to take the first step in order to get closer to the One who had called him to Him. What step is He calling you to take? What mess is He telling you to leave with Him? It's going to stay a mess as long as it's in your hands (just saying..) What words do you need to change to line up with what God says to speak? (yeah that was an ouch for me).

This would become a really long post if I were to recount everything God has spoke and done this past week...He's been more than faithful and enough for this Jesus Girl. The turn around that happened at the end of the last week still has me smiling. God is a redeemer of time and a restorer of all things broken and messed up. Hear my heart....if He's saying take the step as silly as it seems..take it. That step may lead you to the answer to the prayer you've been asking Him for. That step may be the location for the release you've been asking Him to make happen. In His presence is the fullness of joy...and it's hard to hold on to your mess with arms raised in surrender praising the One who made you. God's been more than faithful and I'm humbled and in awe of how He continues to speak into this heart of mine...His words and truth are louder than the enemy and longs to whisper to His sweet children.

This Jesus Girl experienced a new level of freedom to start last weekend and I haven't gotten over it since. He's done a turn around and I will keep giving Him praise....

I don't know your heart right now, but God does. He's faithful to keep pulling you back to your First Love sweet Child of His...He loves you that much. He loves you so much He wants all of you...not what you consider all, but what He knows to be all. Listen to the nudging on your heart...and take the step...Your breakthrough, your turn around...is one step away.

Childlike Faith

Ask and you shall receive....It's a verse often memorized by children in some class at church. How often though do we let them put it into practice? How often do we stand back and let them lead? I've watched something unfold this year that has been incredible. God has taken a group of kids....and showed them nothing is impossible with Him. He's shown them what faith in action looks like....what asking for something in prayer and watching Him answer within minutes feels like. He's shown them more of who He is...and that has lit a fire in them that is inspirational. It's a fire that has spread...not because of anything an adult has done, but all in what He has done through His children.

If adults could catch the enthusiasm that these kids have shown, we wouldn't need to beg and plead for volunteers to help at church. There would be a waiting list for every department and the rotation schedule, well there wouldn't be one. If adults had the boldness these kids have to share Jesus, our churches would be full...more than that Heaven would be one day. It's not about filling a church, it's about filling a heart.

God sees us all as His children when we have entered into that covenant relationship with Him. That's why He says He wants us to come like a child when we ask Him something....kids don't doubt when they ask for things and honestly they are pretty bold at times. Kids never wonder if the one they are asking will do what has been asked, they know they have done their part by asking. Oh how we need to come as little children to Him...trusting that the One who says jump is going to catch us.

What's God asking you to do?  and What's holding you back? Nothing is impossible with God....so dream Child of God with the One who made you to dream...because you see He knows how much your net can hold and He also knows what the catch is on the other side of the boat.

Upper Room Power

The devil does not want this blog posted. In fact, I had almost forgotten that God started writing it this morning because of all of the distractions thrown in the way this afternoon. All this is doing is making me MAD (motivated against the devil).

Can you imagine what the disciples must have been feeling when they were in the upper room? The things that had just witnessed, the things they had just heard....The disciples had just witnessed the death, burial, resurrection, and accession in to Heaven. I'm sure they may have felt afraid, hurt by the world, and not sure what the next step would be. They knew what God had told them to do, but yet they knew that they were going to have to take the next step on their own. Yet they gathered together and prayed....They ran to the people who God had called them to walk through life with and they took their concerns to Him. (That's a blog in itself)

Oh but when they prayed....the power fell and the Holy Spirit showed up and showed out.  Today I found myself thinking and praying...Lord let the fire fall like it did in the Upper Room. Set the fire in us like you did in them back then.....may it not be something that only exists in the walls of the church, but may it be something that we can walk out. The disciples didn't keep the power up in that room but they took it to the streets, they took it to the people. When God pours out...it's not meant for you to keep it bottled up. People won't always understand it, but that didn't stop them back then and it shouldn't stop us now. The same God that poured out His power then....is pouring out His power now...are we praying for it to happen? God's not looking for us to pray the same old prayers anymore, He's looking for a boldness that comes with wanting more of Him. God honors it, I've seen it. I remember where I was almost 11 years ago when looked at a friend and told her I wanted what she had. Hear my heart for a minute....when you want more of God...it stretches you. When you seek more of Him, it means an emptying of you. The stretching and emptying are painful at first....but nothing is without a purpose for a Child of God safely in the hands of their Creator.

Think about turning on a remote....the power only comes on after you press and release. There is a power on the inside of every Child of the Most High. Often times we have only begun to tap into what God says we can do and to be who God says we can be. The world gets in the way by telling us who we are and what we can and cannot do. Sadly we listen for longer than God ever planned for us to and we end up in chains instead of free. God is patient though...and He will get our attention. When we have walked as far as we can in those chains, He yells a wake up call. When there is an anointing on the inside of us that needs to come out....He allows a pressing. His word promises we are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed. It may feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders and that nothing you can do seems right, but God says that He knows the way you take and you are coming through this as gold. Press through it and release it all (yep ALL in His hands....He wants you which means feelings, thoughts, hurts, insecurities...all).

The word says you have not because you ask not, but it also says to come boldly before the throne of God. Turn up your prayers....start taking back what the enemy has stolen from you and claim it redeemed in Jesus Name. God's waiting to pour out more of Him....ask Him to do it and then get ready knowing that He will!

God thank you for being who you are....and for hearing our hearts even when we don't say a word.