Just thinking part 2

I know not a great title, but I have a feeling I may touch on more than just "one" thing so let's just call it thinking part 2. We leave tomorrow for home and I must say despite the head cold that has tried to come and the sinus pressure headache I've dealt with each day, this has been the best winter trip thus far. The weather has been SIMPLY amazing! You know though there is a lesson in that. How many times do we let those feelings keep us from doing something we want? Those times when we use the excuse "I don't feel like it". I could have let the headache dictate my trip, but with the view and a schedule-less week why let something like that get me down. You can do what you want to do, regardless of how you feel. That being said, I am all for doing for other people (some times a little too much), but a new thought for 2012, do what you can to make people happy but not at the cost of losing yourself. Be who God created you to be and you will be happy. Does that mean things will always go your way? Sadly no, but you can smile even when it doesn't. Eventually if you keep smiling, your heart will catch up.

A new year is almost here....walk into 2012 with your head held high and with no regrets. Leave in 2011 what God wants left. Don't drag your same mess that God set you free from this year into next year. Walk in that freedom and enjoy the next stage of your journey. Think of it like this, yesterday is the fuel you put into your vehicle called today on this journey/travel to a set destination(tomorrow). Is that fuel going to keep you on empty? In other words going no where because you are stuck on what you didn't do, what you should have done, what you wish you could change aka as regrets, or is that fuel going to be what drives you into today? Is it going to be the force that helps you make the change you need to, that makes you a better you, if nothing more than to slow down and say wow God!

Watching the sunset again tonight, those colors were simply amazing! Only God could paint the colors like He did and only God could put you together the way He did. He made you to be you. He knows what drives you, what hurts you, what warms your heart, and what keeps you going. If He had wanted you to act and think like someone else, He wouldn't have made us unique. There are things that only you can do, problems that only you can solve, and people that only you can touch. Make the most of this thing called today, it's His gift to you. (and if you mess up, He gives you a second chance called tomorrow).

Looking out over the ocean again tonight, I was reminded of just how much He loves us. His love has no end, just like the ocean. I couldn't see where it ended, can you? One ocean flows into another and it just keeps going, just like His love flows into each of us and we keep passing it along.

So to sum it all up......Make the most of each day. Make it count and make a difference(even if only you and God know that you did). Remember His smile and approval is all that counts. When you find out who you are in Him, your do starts to flow out. He has a plan/journey that only He could dream up for you His princesses(or prince), enjoy it...He promised the pieces would all come together for your good in the end(His timing not ours). Sometimes what really matters is not a to do list. Care for others, love as much as you can, give it all you have got, and trust Him to take care of you! Pour back into yourself so that you can pour out to others and watch the overflow start to happen. When our priorities start to line up with His, amazing things happen. Love yourself like He loves you and be happy with the you that you are! Trust me if He wants you to change, He'll let you know ;-) Believe in yourself and others will too. Walk through the doors He opens and be okay with the doors that stay closed(even if you can see through the window and have an opinion on the matter)...it's all about His timing and His purpose. That window you are looking through, even though you can fix it and do a better job, may not be in His plan. It's the difference in good things vs. God things. For me, He knows I not only need the door closed I need it locked from the inside.

Thank you for an amazing 2011! More to come in 2012! God's started something and I'm excited. Thank you for all letting me share my heart on paper. He knows where to go from here, and I'm praying for Him to open the doors because I can see through the windows now ;-) Until then I'll see you in blog land as often as He wants to write.

Be blessed in 2012 and walk into it full of victory and faith! The best is still to come!!

~Until next time
Melissa

Just thinking..........

It's a combination of the listening to the waves rolling in and just flat out slowing down, but I'm in a thinking mood tonight.

Another Christmas has come and gone, and for those of you who celebrated your first without someone you love, my heart goes out to you. It's not easy even though some may say it is. New traditions will come in time, just be patient. These five days after Christmas before New Year's are a time to think...The year is winding to a close and a new one awaits. A new chance to do things over, to start again, and to take what we have learned and move forward. Please hear me now...DON"T take into 2012 what God told you to leave in 2011. Let that sink in for a few minutes, some of you will get that later ;-)

I'm excited and scared for 2012. Scared because of something silly(I have five months left of my 20's) and excited because of some new possibilities that await. There are so many things I thought would be different as I looked toward my 30's, but there are some things I can also say I'm proud of. No life hasn't gone as I would have planned(I'm still single, but......), but God has a bigger plan. I've done some things that some could only have dreamed and have seen some dreams come to pass. I still have a few things left on my before I turn 30 list that I think I can accomplish, so we'll see what happens ;-)

One thing for sure though is, I'm going into 2012 more determined and more confident of what He's called me to do and the gifts He has put inside of me. I've learned His voice is the only one that really matters, His should be the loudest, and with time...your heart will line up to His and when that happens...it is SWEET. (Don't be surprised if the world questions, but be patient, your heart, His heart will SHINE through)

I had someone say to me last week(someone who has known me for almost five years), that not many people really know what you can do. That shouldn't be......I've spent too long in the people pleasing mode, that I haven't really shown who is behind the mask, the who He created me to be...that is going to change.

So just some thinking moments for tonight ;-) More to come as 2012 gets closer and three more days at the beach, so....

Enjoy the rest of this holiday season! I am thankful for each and every one of you, God knows who you are ;-)

Until next time
~Melissa

The Elevator or the Stairs

God started writing this blog last night after reading a friend's status on FB on playing the what if game.

How many times do you opt to take the stairs when you can take the elevator? Both lead up to the same spot, but one is a lot easier than the other. God is not mean, and He allows us choices in life. Sometimes those choices on our journey are to take the stairs or the elevator. It's a choice of something easy compared to something that will build muscle and endurance. It's a choice of something that may tire you out and leave you out of breath, but after time that way becomes easier. The elevator is comfortable and quick like so many choices in life seem to be. We want the easier route. We would rather get to our destination quick and with ease, then to build up the strength it takes to climb the stairs a second time. Doesn't His word say to run the race with endurance?

You may be wondering where I'm headed with this, but bear with me. How many times do we play the what if game with something that has gone on in our lives? We find ourselves on the stairs on our journey and we get tired(worn out so to speak), it gets harder to see the end in sight and to see the muscle and strength we are building. (But we are, everything that happens to us is for a reason and a purpose). Don't go over something God meant for you to walk through. Walking through it is tough, but He has your back.  Is it always going be enjoyable, no I'm afraid not. My only hope is one day, He'll show you how the pieces fit together. I know I ask God for the puzzle box lid a lot(more than once some days), but I am kind of glad He keeps it hidden. If we knew all about how the pieces fit together would we ever take the puzzle out of the box?

 It's been 13 years(see blog below if you want to know story), and I remember the what if game. I remember asking God why more than once, but looking back now I am thankful He let me see how the pieces fit together, how that day has shaped who I am(in a good way thankfully!). Can I let you in on a little secret? Even when you can see how the pieces fit together, when you can see how it has worked for your good, it still hurts on those "days"(I'm talking about birthdays and anniversary days etc.). I would be amiss if I lead you to believe that the pain goes away. God and I were having that conversation and He reminded me about my "Arthur" spots. (Those are the loving spots where I have now developed a little arthritis since the bus wreck). Those spots don't hurt all the time, only in certain seasons(cold weather etc.). The memories are always there, some days they make you smile, some days they hurt. The best part is GOD knows, but He also knows how strong you are.

For every what if or if only, God has a Because I love you. Just like a kid asking why, He doesn't say Because I said so, but Because I love you. I don't know where you are in your journey, you may have found yourself at a stop. You have a choice to take the elevator or the stairs, they both lead to the same point, but along the stairs develops patience, perseverance, and character. Character that can(unfortunately) only be developed by going through something. You can't gain muscle simply by driving past the gym, you have to go in it(and through) it in order to start the training process. So are you going to go up the elevator or start the climb up the stairs? The choice is yours.

Sweet child-
Because I love you I saw what you could not see. Because I love you I saw the choices that lay ahead and whispered which way to go in your ear. Because I love you the light turned green just when you needed it to. Because I love the light turned red when you needed it to as well. (Think about how many times you may avoid a traffic mishap because of a red light). Because I love you I carried you through that fire and brought you to the other side. Because I love you I climbed those stairs with you and smiled as you were able to run down them on your own. Because I love you I took care of all of those little things, just trust me. Because I love you I dried those tears and cried with you. Because I love you I knew that one day you would see how the tears made you into the person you are today. Because I love you, I gave you gifts that only you can open and use. Because I love you I'm always here.  ~God

Have an amazing week and thank you for reading my blogs. I don't know who all does, but He does. Thank you for listening as I share my heart on paper. I hope to one day be able to share in person, but for now this is the avenue He has planned. Remember the reason for the season and who the greatest gift of all really is! Cherish each day and enjoy the journey wherever you are at!
Until next time
~Melissa

When God writes a friendship.......

I have hinted that this blog was coming, and decided to go ahead and post it now. It's longer than most, but it takes time to tell a story(and this was one of my first.) 

I originally had titled this one Joy Through the tears in the files, but this year God gave it a new title. So the writing is from the files(and it's one of my first so be forgiving ;-)).  This was written five years ago, it will be 13 years next week. If you read the earlier post about taking off the mask, this will explain why I have had some struggles this year. For anyone dealing with your first year anniversary, let the memories be what carries you through this season. God creates new traditions, new things, and you do find joy once again!! Yes there are moments that are hard, but I was reminded last night delivering Christmas presents to my wonderful Nashville family that despite the changes at work and the "feelings" that attached to those this year, God things are always the same. Everything that happens in our lives is for a reason, and some make us stronger than we could have ever imagined in time. When God writes a friendship, He does more than anyone could ever ask or imagine. At least I know He did for me ;-)

So now from the files:

Joy through the Tears

I still remember that day like it was yesterday. My parents were down in Birmingham with my sister who was having surgery. I had to stay at home because of finals.  I was a junior at Madison Academy. The morning in particular was Sunday five days before Christmas. I got up to get ready for church and put my less than a minute to nuke biscuit in the microwave.  I sat down at the phone ready to call my mom when I heard a knock at the door.

Looking back now I never realized how a simple sound would change my life forever.

I opened the door to see some adults from church. In my heart at that point I knew something was wrong.

Bless her heart, I don’t know how she did it, but she managed to get the words at that Pamela had passed away that morning.  I’m not sure exactly what happened after that.  All I remember was I was crying and I felt sick at my stomach. I knew I had to call my Madison Academy family and let them know.

At this stage in my life my school was like my second family more than even my church family. That’s an advantage to going to a Christian school.  I called three of them because in my mind if I could get the words out and tell someone else than maybe I would start to believe it myself.  It helped but still didn’t make the pain any easier.  I knew though that I was going to have to be strong for my parents when they got home.  My biggest regret and sinking feeling though was that I wasn’t down there too.

The house quickly became full of people coming and going.  The more I had time to let things sink in the more I couldn’t believe this was happening.  I just wanted to go to school and for life to get back to normal. 

That afternoon I went for a walk around the block.  I just needed some time to think by myself. Up until that point life had been easy.  I lived in a bubble up until that day, but on December 20, 1998, I knew more than just my physical reality would change.  On the walk around the block, I laid it on the line to God.  It was just Him and me out there.  I knew I was a Christian, but at that point in my life I never really had to live it out.  On that Sunday my relationship with God got kicked up a notch. I laid it on the line and basically said God I can’t do this without you.  I knew there was no way that I could get through this but to be in His arms.  He was going to have to carry me some.

During that walk this sweet sense of peace and joy came over me.  When I told God I needed Him to carry me I instantly felt like He was.  A song that we sang in chapel at school started going through my head: “The Joy of the Lord is my strength, I will not waiver walking by faith; He will be strong to deliver me safe, The Joy of the Lord is my strength.”

I wasn’t sure how this song came to play in my head, but I knew I wasn’t in control any more.  Only God could help me to have joy through all of the tears I was crying.

All things do work together for our good, they just don't always happen in our timing. God doesn't forget about you.  He is always aware of what you go through and how your heart hurts. 

Eight years ago this December, my little sister passed away.  She had been sick since birth, but this was very unexpected.  She was my only sibling and up until that time I had never lost anyone close.  I didn't know what to do.  I was in shock really.  I remember walking around the neighborhood that afternoon and found myself singing a song from school.  "The joy of the Lord is my strength, I will not waiver walking by faith, He will be strong to deliver my safe, The Joy of the Lord is my strength."  I know I wasn't very joyful feeling at that time.  Then Romans 8:28 came to mind.  It was hard for my mind to comprehend how God was going to use this for my good, but I trusted Him.

A year and a half later I graduated high school.  My parents were strongly encouraged at that time to go on a vacation.  They hadn't been anywhere since my sister passed and they were both still having a hard time.  They knew they didn't want to be home when I was gone (I already had a senior trip planned at this time), so they decided to find something for that time frame.  They knew they wanted to go to a gospel sing, so they started looking through the Singing News.  They narrowed it down to two homecomings.  The deciding factor was how many artists were appearing that they recognized from the Gaither videos.  The homecoming they chose was a group I had NEVER heard of before in my life. They were going to a town in Kentucky called Beaver Dam for the Crabb Family Homecoming.  Well I wished them well and I went off to Disneyworld. 

They brought me home two CD's from the main group at Homecoming.  I was still not sure about this group.  The two CD's were Pray and Live from Kentucky.  I started listening to the CD's and was amazed.  I fell in love with this group and their music. I couldn't wait to go see them in person. I was hooked. That fall I saw them for the first time in Hanceville, Alabama. That only deepened my love for this group and their music. I saw them again the next year at this same venue. Their CD's lived in the CD player in my car. I was a fan that’s for sure.  The following year, 2002, I was able to go to my first Crabb Family Homecoming.  At this point I finally worked up the nerve to go talk to them and ask them for their autograph (at this point I had never said a word to them).  Homecoming that year opened my eyes to so many things.  God used that time to show me more of who He really was and what being in a room of anointed people felt like.  He also showed me what being real meant and what true worship was. I left there so pumped, yet sad because I didn't want to leave. A few weeks after that God placed a deep desire to pray for this precious family daily.  If their music could encourage me that much and being at one of their concerts could strengthen my walk with God, the least I could do is daily lift them up to Jesus.

From that point on I continued to go to concerts and support them.  I also continued to lift them up in prayer daily.  God is so awesome.  Since that Homecoming four years ago, I am blessed to say that I now call The Crabb Family my friends.  These people are so dear to me and so special.  I am not sure if they will ever know how much they mean to me.  They are always an email or a phone call away if I ever need anything. I feel truly blessed that God allowed our paths to cross.  God really does work everything out for our good.  We may not always be able to see how things are going to turn out, but if we are just patient and wait, its always something amazing.  Over the last few weeks God placed something in my heart.  When my sister passed away it left a huge void in my life.  It was something I could have tried to fill with other things of this world, but those wouldn't have filled the void.  I knew I had to let God fill it for any healing to take place.  Losing someone you love is never easy.  Sisters are precious.  God knew that void would have to be filled by something just as precious. Thank you Abba Father for placing The Crabb Family in my life.  I may not have my earthly sister here with me anymore, but God sent me more Christian brothers and sisters than I could ever imagine. 

 I have often found myself sometimes wondering what if my parents had chosen to go to that other Homecoming.  It's at that point I have to stop and thank God for working out His plan even when I didn't know what He was doing.  It's at the times in our life when we find ourselves going, how is this going to work out, where is your hand, that if we'll just sit back and be patient, the picture will turn out better than we could have ever asked for or imagined. (Ephesians 3:20)

Taking off the mask for a minute or two

Why is He writing this post so late tonight, I'll never know, but I haven't felt this strong of a type now in awhile. So here goes:

I love this season. I love what it stands for, I love what it brings out in people, and I love giving gifts and seeing the smiles on the receiver's face. That being said, this year the season has been different for me. I knew when we came back from Thanksgiving that things were going to be different, and I tried to "prepare" myself the best I could. I gave myself the pep talk and encouragement speech. I cried many tears to God over what I am sure seemed like little things and then I went on and tackled what came my way. Can I tell you it has NOT been easy? Am I where I am supposed to be for this season of my life? Pretty sure that's a yes(otherwise God would have moved me(He's good about opening and closing doors), but I wasn't prepared for this month. I came back after Thanksgiving determined to smile my way through it, but there has been many tears on the drive home. God's been faithful each step of the way. He always has a song or a verse something to keep me pushing forward. The right song and/or verse can keep you moving forward when all you want to do is to run back to comfortable. I miss the hustle and bustle in the classroom that I had last year, the doing Christmas crafts and going to Santa's village, the playing Chipmunks Christmas and singing along with the kids, the taking a class picture with Santa, the kids bringing in ornaments and hanging them on the tree. This year has been different, my December has been filled with paperwork instead of decorations and Christmas themed activities. I'm not sure I was ready for that mountain just yet, but here we are. That mountain stands before me each day, and I have a choice to make, do I slide back down when it gets tough, or do I let Him give me a push to the next rock? Thankfully, I've let Him push me so far, but believe you me it has not been easy. I haven't slid back down, but I've looked down and wondered how much easier it would be to slide back to comfortable and just have a pity party until we left for the beach. I am thankful that He has allowed us to spend the last three Christmases at the beach. New traditions make the time bittersweet, but enjoyable again. God's good and always will be.

My heart goes out to those who are looking ahead to their "first" Christmas without a loved one. I wish I could tell you the time gets easier, but there are still moments that make it seem like yesterday. It's been 13  years and this month is never "easy", but He's been good to carry when I get tired. So I press on with more paperwork and even though the days are not as I would have planned(or would like), I'm determined to be happy and to do what I can each day with where I'm at. The mountain only seems tall when you look at it through fearful eyes. Determination takes one look and says, let's get climbing. I know the next few weeks are still going to be tough, one day at a time, but determination and peace can go along way when the enemy shows up with other things. The enemy can only defeat you, if you forget Who's holding you. If you are in your first season, please know that you are in my prayers. With time, new traditions emerge and a new normal, and sweet memories will make you smile all season. Cherish each day!

Thanks for letting me take the mask off for a minute or two ;-) I don't know why He wanted this typed so late, but He has a plan I'm sure. The song below is from my Nashville family and it has been running through my head all month...It's one of those songs that keeps you moving forward

~Until next time ~

Short and sweet(with a few videos included)

How I wish sweet reader that I could pull back some layers and show you what's on the inside, but it's not time for all of that just yet. If you are a Facebook friend, you know He's been writing some more. He and I are on a new part of the journey, and I must say so far so good. It's not been an easy path, but I can tell I'm getting stronger each day. There are a few songs(and a movie clip) that have been in my head this week, and I thought I'd share those below. Christmas break is in three weeks and look for more "deeper" blogs once I get away. I'll continue to do some of these short and sweet moments :-) Enjoy the season! Love those around you and find that person who always has a smile and says I'm okay, and make sure they are okay. There are a lot of people dealing with stuff this Christmas season, a lot having their "first" Christmas without loved ones, and a lot just taking it a day by day. Don't judge someone by the cover you see, there is always more to the story. Be thankful for those friends who have read the entire book and are still a part of the story. Know what God has called you to do, what gifts He has given you, and then when He says it's time unwrap and enjoy! (Even if someone else thinks it needs to be returned;-))
Until next time!

When life gets you down...just keep swimming or as I've said a lot this week..Just keep smiling, just keep smiling.. Eventually either it won't matter anymore or the situation will fix itself (9 times out of 10 it won't matter to you anymore). (Yes it is possible for something to hurt and for you to be able to forget it and move on.....You can choose to do what He said regardless of feelings...it is NOT easy, but with time...)

This has to be one of my all time favorite Christmas songs........Listen to the words....

This is quickly becoming a new favorite Christmas song.......Listen to the words ;-)

Those are all for now, I could post more, but will save a few. Music is a powerful thing. Make the most of each day!

One foot in the front of the other

** I wrote this Monday but never posted it...oops

Short and sweet and straight to the point today.......

Some days it is one foot in front of the other. It takes time to build up the resistance muscles. As the say, Rome wasn't built in a day and neither is a habit. Some days it's not about what you say, but about what you don't say. Even the one who "always" has it together, may need a little glue every now and then to keep it stuck together. Put the boundaries up and decide what will and will not effect you. You might not be able to change other people and what they do, but you can change you. Sometimes one foot in front of the other will get you to where you are going, you don't always have to run. He made you as you, period. Each moment has something that makes you a better you.

Until next time.....