One of my new favorite worship songs, right behind Reckless Love is "This is How I Fight My Battles". It's been a song that has been in my Spirit for the last couple of weeks when the stress has been overwhelming. We all have things that overwhelm us....and some days, if we aren't careful what's going on around us, can surround us and start to close in. What's going on around doesn't have to get inside of you....but you have to fight, to battle, and keep a praise. Even if that praise is only between you and God...you have to keep a praise. There is a shift that happens when you praise your way through the press when you dig deep until you find water....when you realize just what God meant by that He came to serve and not be served.
The last couple of weeks have just been....well press is a good word. I can point to the places that pushed a little harder. I know the load that got too heavy...but I also know that God was faithful to keep speaking and stay close. He knows how long to give you room until you see exactly what He needs you to see. For me, it came last Wednesday in the form of a prayer card at FCA. Eight words brought me back to the level that the battle needed to be fought on. It's why the enemy fights me like he does and tries to keep me distracted. You see, not only does a room full of kids hear about Jesus each week....but this past week one sweet kiddo realized that they need Jesus. I don't know who this kid is, but God does and that's enough for me. When the battle has eternal rewards, that I know how to fight. ...and yeah most battles need to be fought on the spiritual level, but that's a blog for another day.
Distractions are the enemy's tool to keep us from focusing on our purpose and our calling. Hear my heart...if he can make you think or feel (notice we are dealing with the emotional you...) that you aren't making a difference you won't. Been there done that, and have more t-shirts from those moments than I care to wear. I can battle all day long in prayer for someone else when it comes to battling for myself....I've just started learning in the last six months how to take it to that level. You see...God knows what we need, but there is a boldness that comes when you start circling His promises for you and standing on them saying...okay God you promised and knowing He will deliver in His time. I'm not the most patient person, but there is a seed of patience on the inside of me...and one day there is going to be the fruit of it.
Transparency moment...I'm not great at asking for help and even though my face may show it, I can slide into a turtle shell with a wall quickly. God knows it...but this time He let it happen to build momentum back up. I know there is a seed on the inside of me....the devil has tried more than once to take that and shut this Jesus girl up, but that's a blog for another day. The dig is not dark if you stay focused on getting to Him. There is a peace that comes when you realize that you are digging deeper not circling the same mountain. There is a peace that comes when you know who God made you to be and regardless of it makes sense to anyone else. (Hello I'm a mid thirty single Jesus girl who attends a Baptist church and prays in a prayer language at times. There is a power on the inside that has taken me almost eight years to charge up.....) . One day this insecurity and anxious me is going to be a quiet little whisper......loud enough to keep me leaning on Him but quiet enough to not be considered truth.
I don't know where you are at, but God does. It may look like a dark place or a valley, but oh sweet reader.....there is a growth that happens in those moments that only God can get the glory from. It's in these moments God shifts something on the inside and we start to get what He meant by doing all things through Him. Maybe you have made it all the way to a place and you know that there is a step that needs to be made to keep from going backwards....take it even if it doesn't feel right or make sense to anyone including you at the moment. If God said to do it...then He's already covered it. It's about others seeing Him through us, not about seeing us. When that truth starts to take root...the rest grows dim. Some battles are won when we realize we have to keep pressing through for others even when we are fighting ourselves. This may be just me preaching to myself......but just in case here's my heart on a blog. I've pressed through a mess the last couple of weeks, been close to tears one too many times, and went toe to toe with the enemy and said not today that's already been covered by the blood. There is a world out there that needs to know He loves them right where they are at, and there is a body called the church that needs others to come alongside and not just say praying for you, but how can I pray for you. It's time to not only let others in but to battle with a unified front....for you see that's the army God's rising up. It's the one who will hold hands up when someone grows weary, who will speak life when it needs to be spoken, and who will plead the blood when it needs to be poured. Weariness happens, worn happens, loneliness happens.......but God is faithful and I'm praying right now that if that's you ....you find an Aaron and Hur to hold your hands up, to be that Jesus with skin on that reminds you are surrounded by Him.
