Midnight moments on running

I told myself last time He started writing a blog this late, that I was just going to type it out instead of waiting for morning. (Otherwise sleep and I may not find each other again...)

I've read the Prodigal Son story many times...but tonight God started showing it to me in a new light. A lot of times we look at the story and think the son who took his inheritance and ran may not have been a Christian....but He was the Father's son. The son who took his inheritance knew what life in the presence of the Father was like and chose to go to the world of busy because he thought it looked better. The Son who left knew Freedom and chose Busy instead. He knew what it was like to have the weight off of him and chose to carry his junk around in the world of motions. Then it hit him one day and he remembered what freedom was like. He remembered what it felt like at his Father's house and how it was to live in His presence...and He ran home. He ran back to the place where he knew he belonged...and the Father met him with open welcome arms So many times I've always thought this story was about someone who went out and lived in the world, Christian or not...but tonight God started talking about it another light.

The son knew what it was like to walk in freedom. He knew what it was like to walk in the authority of being the king's son, but he chose to do it his way. He was still His Father's son, but He was not walking in the authority of His Father. He chose to walk the path of trying it on his own for awhile...and look where he ended up, in the middle of a bunch of pigs. The son had chosen to carry his own junk, while sitting in the middle of a mess. Until one day he remembered back to what freedom felt like. He remembered back to what it meant to be the son of his Father and He got up. He had gone through the motions long enough, tried it his way, and the weight of it left him in a mess. He got up and went back home. He went back to where He knew He should be...and chose to walk in what it meant to be the son of His Father.

Stay with me for a minute...how many times do we do that as children of Our Father? We know what freedom feels like, what it means to be His Child and to walk in that authority, but some days we choose to do it our own way. We choose to walk away from that protection and try it on the path of our own choosing. We end up carrying our own junk and finding ourselves at some point in a mess. The time it takes for us to get up and realize what we left depends on us. Busyness can take your focus away from realizing the situation you are walking in....so much so that you find yourself going through the motions. Your feelings run rampant.....and not in a good way. You feel all of the weight of what you are carrying...all because you chose to carry it on your own. Then one day..just like the Son did, you get tired of the mess(aka the stress and frustration...) and you remember what it was like back home. You remember what it was like when you walked in freedom, when you walked in the authority of being His child. So you get up...and turn and head back home. I have to think the Father in the story knew that one day, the son would come back home...and so He waited patiently. God does the same for us...some days our journey to the mess is short and end the day running back. Some days we get so off focus that our journey turns into weeks, months...before we realize we need to get up.

That feeling you have in your Spirit to run...may not be to run away from something, but to run back to Him.

Blooms...

God started writing this at midnight last night and then I was awake for the next hour wondering if I should have gotten up and started typing. Yeah next time...I may as well just type it out then...cause sleep didn't come as quick as I thought. The last couple of weeks I've felt a shift going on ..God's moving the walk to a run. God's moving the complacent to a fire that I can't shut off. He's moving the fear to a faith. He's shifting the insecurity to a confidence. Some of you are reading this going...insecure..umm yeah. I've always been my own worst critic and while God and I have some amazing conversations...sometimes my feelings/mind are louder. I can fake confidence with the best of them. God's been dealing with that too....so many times we get frustrated because we don't feel like anyone sees our heart ....when we have it so covered up, how could they. More on that in a blog later...but the picture He gave me last night was of a flower. The seed can be planted, the growth happen, but the bloom still be closed up. The flower has to let go of what they are holding on to so that they can open and be who the creator made them to be. The bloom will never happen if the flower stays closed up.

A saying that I have heard many times before is "Bloom where you are planted". So we set out to do the best that we can and pour ourselves into where He has us and may even see growth happen. Then we hit a frustrating point as seasons start to change....and we ask God what's going on? (If you are like me...He usually doesn't reply at first to that question...so I have learned to follow it up with a what did I miss?) God knows the seasons you are destined to bloom in....the enemy is fighting against that, because he knows what your bloom is worth. The frustration comes when we hit the season we were meant to bloom...and are still closed up. If we'll get still enough, He's patient to reveal what is still in our hands. He didn't say opening up would be easy...or letting go of what's in your hand (but it was really never yours to hold on to in the first place). The word says ask and you shall receive...sometimes we need to ask the questions even if we don't feel like knowing the answers.

This hit me like a ton of bricks...along with some detailed pieces that God's been speaking some blunt truth to over the last couple of days. Don't miss your season to bloom....let go of whatever (and whoever is holding you in) and open up to who He made you to be. Trust that He knows what is causing frustration and delaying the bloom.....it very well could be that thing He keeps bringing to mind for you to just obey what He's already asked/told you to do.

Just me for a minute....

I knew I had a blog coming this afternoon, but if you had asked me if this one was it...I would have said no. I actually had an inspirational moment in one of my classes this afternoon that sparked the blog I thought I was going to write (and still will at some point.). Right now this is heavy on my heart...so here goes. This is a transparent post.......

I'm stubborn...if you didn't already know that I have a police officer in North Carolina that will tell you the same. (He called me the stubborn one after the bus wreck). Sometimes my stubbornness isn't a bad thing, because it means I dig into something. I don't give up or quit easily...even though I may say I feel like it or want to.  If I say I'm going to get it done...my stubbornness will get it done even if it may be right at the last minute or a little late. My stubbornness also kept a wall up for way too long, that God took down last year...that the enemy almost put back up yesterday. I don't let a lot of people in on the inside. I've gotten pretty good at faking a smile...and dealing with the "stresses" of life to tell you what may really be bothering me. I guess I always figured everyone else had enough on their plate...I would just push through. I grew good at stuffing things when my sister passed away....and it became a habit. It was easier to just talk about what needed to be done and the "to-do" list...than to actually talk about something that mattered. It was easier to pick and choose who I let in on the inside...other than realizing God was choosing for me as He placed me where He wanted me. If God has called you to a place and given you a group of people to do life with ...be that at work, church etc. Don't hide behind a wall and then get frustrated when no one knows how you feel.  (There are some of you saying Amen at this point...). Over the last 15 years I have a group that I have been able to always let on the inside. It's a group of friends that I can text at a moments notice and know that they are going to offer encouragement, prayer, truth, etc. I often wondered why it was so much easier for me to let them in on the inside...and I struggled with people I saw every day. He let me in on a little secret....in that world I could just be. So many times in our daily lives...we feel like we have to always be doing, that we forget to just be sometimes. We place more focus on our do and lose sight of our who....and when we lose sight of our who...we lose sight of who He made us to be. We get so caught up in being busy that we are barely keeping our heads above water in the sea of overwhelmed. The enemy wants your focus to stay on what you do...because if he can achieve that he knows you will lose sight of who you are. We all struggle....this world is not all sunshine and roses and walks in the park. God never said we had to have it all together...but to take Him the pieces of the mess we may have made and let Him do what He does best.

I'm usually a very talkative person (I have been since I was little and my report cards prove it). If I grow quiet.....I'm usually processing something or trying to keep from feeling something. I'm also not one to ask for help....if I ask you for help I pretty much already know you are going to say yes because you have before....or I have exhausted every option I know...and am just plain worn out. This usually goes for carrying more than I should, but that's a blog for another day.

Where is this headed tonight? Just being transparent for a little bit.....only you know where you are at, well you and God. Are you fighting a wall or a turtle shell? Do you keep that smile fixed even when the inside is anything but smiling? Do you trust God enough that the people He has placed in your path are there for a reason...there is power in connection. Hear my heart...I'm not saying air all of your problems on Facebook or tell everyone you meet how you feel. You know who God is calling you to be real with. Those people God has placed in your life to keep you from hiding in a turtle shell or behind a wall...those people God's called you to do life with for this season....let them into the smiles and the struggles. Life isn't all about smiles...but when the wall almost goes up...and you reach out and it doesn't...that's a smile right there. Life's too short to not be real...and just be who God made us to be.

So many times my posts are on the other side of something. It's the after I've walked through it or God has spoken in and I've been able to type out. The last couple of weeks have been draining....I've been on every point in the feeling spectrum from tears to cheers. Tonight God reminded me ....that the pressing through...is just as important as the made it through. It may feel easier to put the wall back up, but just trust Him.....He didn't tear the wall down, for you to put it right back up.

More posts to come soon....

Random Monday thoughts...

Today God brought a word back to mind that He had whispered a couple of months ago...when I felt like I was barely keeping my head above water. So many times we get caught up in doing that we lose sight of just being....God knows that's going to happen...and it's in those moments when we need to just take ourselves to the King...because He alone can speak peace to the overwhelmed, stressed out part of our soul. He sees behind the wall, the mask, and the smile....He knows when we can't even sing the words....with the tears streaming down our face...He knows.

It's a season of shift....seven is the number of completion and there are things God has been stirring in the hearts of His children that He's wanting to work to bring to pass. Dreams that only you and He know about it ...that you've been waiting on the word go...and this is the year. There is an out of the boat season happening this year....but with out of the boat comes a focus for eyes on the only One who can keep our feet walking on the water and not sinking.

Nothing in our flesh wants to get out of the boat....but once you take the first step...whew 

Connection is a powerful thing...last night God asked me the question..are you the plug or the power strip? Think on that for a second....that's a blog to come later, but the picture was powerful. So many times we are plugged in...but are we plugging in just so we can receive or so that we can give as was receive.

Surrendering something means letting go of something that was either never ours to handle in the first place or is too big for us to handle at the current step....It's knowing God can do more with our hands off of it than He can with our hands on it. If we find ourselves picking it back up again...did we surrender it or just give it up?

Sometimes God has to remind you of where He's brought you from so you can stay focused and know He's taking you somewhere.

Sometimes the season we are in doesn't make sense in our eyes because we keep trying to make it fit our purpose instead of letting Him show us where it fits in His purpose.

There are about five blogs in the works right now, but none ready for typing. God's moving.....there is a work to be done and a battle to be fought. God's come full circle today with a word He used two months ago that started pulling me back up on top of the water. God doesn't waste a moment....our steps are ordered by the One who put the very breath in our bodies. Nothing takes Him by surprise...even if it slaps us in the face.

What are you believing God for this year? This is the year for those to be continued dreams/visions/thoughts from God to become the story that He writes. It's not going to be easy, there may even be a few tears shed along the way....but be patient...that seed you have waited to see bloom is just about to show its colors. Restoration is here and the new paint is being stirred in the hands of the greatest artist.

Walk it out this week...

Sounds in the Night....

There are sounds that happen when the house is still and there is silence. There are sounds that you hear when you turn off all of the noise we keep on with life. I'm slowly starting to recognize the creaks, pops, and crackles in the house. I'm learning while still able to stay in bed that those sounds are just that sounds....and shining the light at the door or asking your prayer coverage group to pray can speak peace where your flesh wants to feel fear. I laugh because I'm sure there were a lot of those sounds there before, but sometimes when it's just you and God you are able to hear more of them.

So yeah that's been my last couple of weeks. I'm finally sleeping more (according to FitBit) since I asked my friends to pray last week. I'm also looking into a sound machine or a box fan at some point. God started piecing together this blog over the weekend. He truly doesn't waste a moment in our lives when we let Him use each of them for Him. The natural sometimes reflects the spiritual.....when it's just you and Him...and you are still, you are able to not only hear Him more...but you also learn to recognize the enemy and his sounds as well. It's in the still that God says, hey this is what this is...so don't let it make you afraid anymore. It's when He says, Child this is that....and you find yourself quoting that over and over. It's when He says, Child I've got you....now rest. Feeling our way through means not having rest. It means choosing to believe what the enemy wants you to think versus what God says. Transparent moment for a minute.....I know that's not easy. I know that when you are discouraged and running on empty the last thing you feel like doing is giving to what keeps taking. Trust Him....trust that those sounds that make you feel afraid are covered by the One who says Fear Not. Trust that those feelings that bring tears....are covered by the One who says I have a purpose and a plan. God doesn't waste a moment to push us to the next level if we are willing to not give up.


Sometimes the sounds we have had going for so long are the voices of others. Sometimes we just need God to remind us yet again, who He says we are and regardless of how empty we feel at times...He's going to pour back what we pour out. God's always been faithful...why would He stop now ;-)

The Whisper Moments

Some of you know I moved over the last couple of weeks...to my first house....It's been an interesting time that's for sure. I've gone from completely exhausted, overwhelmed to finally starting to settle in and all of the emotions in between. The emotions that came with this journey were not what I expected (and certainly not at my age...lol), but none the less they came and I felt my way through. That being said...I'm settling in and the quiet time is let's just say it's quiet. The whispers you hear from God when it's just you and Him....wow. I'm excited that this journey is growing and that time with Him is going to be that much sweeter. Some sweet friends reminded me on New Year's that seven is the number of completion...so needless to say I'm excited about this year 2017 and all that God has in store for it.

I said I was going to be transparent this year and I am...God's been taking me back over the last couple of months and all that has occurred. Y'all it's enough to write a book....but that's coming later this year. I don't believe God misses a moment and anything that comes to a child of His has a purpose. The part I struggle with is letting go of my purpose and just walking in His. Trusting doesn't mean Understanding....and that readers is something that I am still learning to walk out. If God wanted us to understand everything He would tell us. Let that sink in...He tells us as He knows we can not only understand, but process and comprehend. Getting still in this world we live in....is NOT easy, but it's beyond necessary. Still is the best time when we hear what He is saying and not what we or others are saying. Still is when He reminds us with our crazy emotions and feelings that He loves us more than we could ever fathom and He has a plan for those crazy emotions if we will let Him have them.

So many times we focus on how we want God to answer that we lose sight of how God is answering. We lose sight that God has sent that friend to listen when you didn't feel like anyone else would. We lose sight that He has given you that group of friends that you can text when you are just wanting to sleep through the night and not shine the light at every noise you hear. We lose sight that He sent that group of people in your everyday life to just remind you that you are loved (and to fill your new house with stuff you didn't know you needed but you did). We lose sight sometimes because we want to see God answer the way we asked when God's going to answer the way He has planned period. Trusting doesn't mean His timing lines up with ours, but it means His timing is perfect. The song Good Good Father has a line that says "You are Perfect in ALL of Your ways". Our ways are not His until we give Him our ways and just walk in His (whether we understand it or not).  We lose sight of His way until we get still enough for Him to walk us through exactly how He has answered and taken care of every one of our needs.  Oh when we take a minute to see through His eyes.....

Trusting is knowing that God's going to reveal when He is ready what He's asked you to walk through. He's not leaving you to fly this mission solo and He's also stronger than your feelings. Trust Him for encouragement when you are discouraged, for peace when you are afraid, and for security when you feel insecure. Trust Him for that Jesus with skin on when you need it...but don't be so focused on Him sending it the way you asked that you miss sight of who He may be using. God doesn't leave you hanging...but sometimes we choose to hold on to the rope instead of grabbing the One hanging right next to us that will take us to the next step. Pay attention to those whispers ...and answer as He calls. You may be the answer for someone else because you are listening....

Heart for a few

It's been way too long since I posted a blog. To say that God had been writing would be an understatement...It's multiple posts that could probably fill a book. Moving on...

I'm excited about 2017...It's a new season and God's moving and shifting things into place...Things He's been trying to move into place for awhile, but first He had to get me out of the way.  There is a calm and a peace that comes when your feet want to run, but you don't because you are waiting on Him to move first. I almost lost my view of the mountain...until I got to the point where I realized I was climbing the next one. So many times we get focused on the climb that we forget how far He has brought us. We get focused on the mountain and forget if He helped us climb one, He will the next....And if He helped you climb one it's to share the story...Because you never know who needs to know about the climb you made...(sometimes we just need to know someone else has been there too and we can keep climbing.)

I am working on a tech blog for my one word for 2017...and I realized that it applies here as well. My word is transparent. 2017 is about being real and sharing my story. So there will be posts throughout the year ...Where I just share me. I'm also going to start the Tuesday Truths posts back next week where I just share glimpses from my time with Him.

I'm over worrying about what others think...God's finally got that one pryed out of my hand tonight again. I had lost sight of my be while focused on my do. I'm just looking to walk out this call He has for me... and trying to keep balance in the process. This Jesus girl has walked through enough to know that He has a plan or else I wouldn't still be walking.

The last few months have been the start of a restoration process. The old paint has been stripped off, the wood has been sanded, and primed...and this year God's ready to paint it a new. (I'm a visual person and some of this is wisdom from a friend...) Posts to come later ....

I don't know what 2016 held for you but God does... and He says leave it at His feet. Leave the good and the not so good...Claiming what His word says that we press on to the goal..(It's not easy to press on when you are pulling something behind you). God gets it... and you are going through "this". Yep there is a verse for that too.