There has been a blog brewing for weeks, but ya'll May was so packed I did well to sleep. If we are being honest, I didn't do that part well either. I'm the worst at running myself into the ground and then going oh yeah I need to be on that list. Taking care of you is not a pride thing, it's a grace thing. We can't love others if we don't love ourselves....and some days I fail at loving myself. God knows that though and lets me get only so far before He goes, Hey child...come on back into the zone. That's a blog in itself one day...but we all have that zone with Him. That place where we know we are pressing into His heart and listening for any whispers.
3:00 this morning and the title of this blog finally came. I knew the blog had reached the surface and I was going to be able to type it out. Those of you that know me, know I'm my own worst critic at times. I have a tendency to see what I can't do more than what I can do. It's a weakness I know that and a couple of weeks ago when worn had hit and autopilot was closer than I wanted to admit, God whispered Phillippians 1:6 in my Spirit. It took a couple of days before that word could even attempt to take root. If I were going to list some of my own strengths, confidence wouldn't be on the list. That's a whole blog in itself. Confidence and self-esteem are cousins to each other and when your confidence tank isn't full, self-esteem takes a hit too. I believe when God brought that verse out I may have responded with, me confident? and laughed. Take another look at the verse though....it says being confident in this that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion. I've always held on to if God did it before, He can do it again, if He moved once, He will move again. That I can be confident in, knowing that He's still working and moving. Having a revelation of who you are in Christ is huge, but when the revelation of who He is in you takes root too....whew. It'll make this Jesus girl take a run and shout.
In my study time for VBS, I can't get Reckless love out of my head. The first Bible story is about The Lost Sheep and it makes me think of this song now. The last two months, I took a couple of punches to the gut that had me going God what are you doing. It wasn't anything big, but the enemy slid in with those doubts of what God was doing too. It made me question a lot, and I'm thankful that no one had a tape recorder for my head. Questions are okay as long as make sure we take them to the lap of the One with all of the answers. Just because you are out of the boat and walking towards God doesn't mean you aren't still going to feel the waves. Let that sink in....being free of something doesn't mean you won't ever still feel it again. Hear my heart....you learn the power on the inside of you when you realize you can step on those thoughts and move forward. The shift will come if you keep pressing, I've seen it happen one too many times. I've seen God move when I expected it and when I least expected it. I've seen God do what only He could do enough that I know He can do it again. I've seen God take seeds and turn them into blooms. God shines through the cracks when we don't hide them. God can shine through those moments when we feel insecure and anxious when we keep our praise and press as close as we can get to Him.
I don't know where you are at but God does. I don't know what you are pressing through, but He does. I don't know what lies He needs to tear down for you, but He does. Our grace giving, reckless loving Father runs after all of His children. He won't let us get too far without pulling us back going, this is why I made you. God knows what He's planted on the inside of you. I still remember the night when I finally grabbed a hold of what God did almost eight years ago. I remember going okay God and started walking forward in that not knowing what that meant. God knows what He's planted on the inside of you.....and there is no lie that He won't tear down to bring you where He wants you to be. He's that kind of Father. For me, it was a sermon a month or so ago on being single. I sat there listening to this word with tears running down my face because God knew. God knew the lies the enemy had thrown at me that while I had dug up, there was still a hole that needed God to do what He does best. God knew my heart better than I did.
You are more than enough despite how you feel sweet Child of His. There isn't a wall He won't push down, lie He won't tear down to bring you close to Him. He knows exactly where His children are at. This journey is a process. Be gracious to yourself, and let Him love you. If He promised it to you, be confident that He will bring it to pass.
