Thoughts.......

February has been a month of reflection, processing, and just plain old thinking. It's been a time of listening and listening again( sometimes it takes hearing it more than once from Him before it sinks in). It's been a month of being flexible that's for sure. From making plans, to changing plans, to slowly learning that plans are funny to Him because ultimately it's His plan that prevails.  Sometimes you just have to trust Him and enjoy the journey. He truly wanted us to enjoy the ride and our time here serving Him. It won't always be easy, but joy means knowing Who has your this and Who is control of your that. Open handed, releasing it all to Him =Joy along the journey

Martha was focused on doing for Jesus while Mary was focused on being with Jesus. While they both have their place, one leads to the other in time. As He fills your cup from time spent with Him, you can't help but do what He has called you to do. Don't get so focused on the doing that you forget about the being. God created you to be, not always do. He loves you for who you are to Him, not what you do for Him. I've found that is a truth that takes time to settle into the core of who you are. It takes time, but once you let it permeate into your truth bank...oh how sweet it is when He reminds you of it (right before you are about to have one of your come apart moments due to stress). In short, He knows your heart pure and simple.

Short blog tonight, still a lot of thinking going on, but some of that needs to stay in the journal between me and Him. I've learned more in this past week than I could write in a blog. One day I'm going to write a book,  Take time this week to pour into the ones God has put in your path. Love those who you are with on a regular basis, and cherish the ones you may not even more. Time is precious, invest it wisely on things that will matter in eternity. Plant the seeds that will grow into trees, not the ones that will grow into weeds.

What are you wearing?

I need to be doing paperwork, but somehow God said it's blog time. I've found this is my release when the enemy starts pressing in and I start to feel the stress building. Oh if you could only read my journal over the last few weeks you would see. One day that lying devil will realize that the more he presses in the harder I press in to the one who knows exactly how it all ends. This isn't the same mountain, but a deeper look at the mountain I'm still climbing. Oh how sometimes we just need to admit to Him we know we are on a journey that seems uphill (after all how can He help us climb it or better yet move the mountain out of our way if we won't admit we are climbing a mountain).

He brought David and Goliath to mind last night on my drive to see a play. I didn't anticipate that short drive turning into the beginning of a blog writing session, I truly wasn't looking for it, but isn't that when He usually works. He surprises us in the best way and shows us more than we could have ever imagined(especially since we tend to not be looking for it.). I had picture of David wearing Saul's armor last night. I can only imagine how he must have felt trying to fit in and wear what someone else thought he should wear and fight in. I can only imagine what was going through his head as they tried to tell him every reason why he couldn't fight Goliath. (I love the verse when he says can I just talk). Oh how many times do we find ourselves in David's shoes. How many times do we try to head out to the battle(or just the day) wearing what someone else told us to wear? Stay with me for a minute. The battle is a daily struggle in some area. It could be as small as trying to eat like you should or trying not to stress etc. Don't read too much into the word battle as being something big. In this world today the battle is real and it's time Christians realize it. So what are you wearing into your battle? Are you trying to fit in with what someone else told you to wear/do? or Have you spent time listening to the One who knows you better than you know yourself? David knew what it would take to fight Goliath and win. He wasn't scared because he knew who was in the battle with him. He also knew and remembered how God had moved for him in the past(so why should this time be any different). David had a confidence not in what he could do, but in who(and whose) he was. That was the strength that allowed someone who others saw as not important or weak to accomplish  something great. If David had tried to walk out to fight Goliath dressed in Saul's armor, he would have fallen flat on his face. He knew that trying to do what others wanted him to do and to live their journey wasn't what he was called to do. How many times do we do that? We start a diet just because someone else told us it worked for them. We hold ourselves to standards at work because someone else can get it done. God didn't call us to be someone else, He called us to be us. If He had wanted the same thing to work for all of us and for us all to do the same job the same way, He would have made us more alike. God didn't make all of Jesse's sons alike, and David knew that. Despite the talk that his older brothers must have carried on behind his back, he knew he was different.

How many times do we head out dressed in someone else's armor when God wants us to just pick up the stones He laid out for us? I can imagine that David and God spent a lot of time talking as David was tending to sheep. God knew David's heart and David knew what God had called him to do.

The journey you have set before is one only you can run. He's not looking for you to run it and live it the same way that someone else does. Take the pressure off of yourself now and realize that is unrealistic expectation. Get so close to Him that you can hear when He whispers.."hey child you are off track again." Get so close to Him that you can hear when He says "I've got this". Get so close to Him that you know what He has planned for YOUR life and for your day. Too many times we get frustrated and mad at ourselves, when God is saying live up to my expectations. When we stand before Him one day, the only person we have to account for is ourselves. Oh how well we would do to remember that truth.

So what are you putting on and/or carrying into the battle we call the day, the armor someone else wants you to wear or the stones God said to pick up? The choice will be who falls by the end of the day, you or the giant. Choose with wisdom not feelings.

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:17

Just a moment...

It's a couple of days before Valentine's which for this single over 30 year old female is not always my favorite day, but something about this year is different. I don't know when the shift happened or what exactly pushed the journey forward, but I'm thankful. I'm thankful that I can say for the first time in a couple of weeks I haven't cried my way through the week. Does it mean things have gotten any easier? No. I have learned over the last couple of years that God doesn't always change our situations and/or circumstances. Sometimes He changes us in order to help us to move forward. The world we live in is constantly changing, it takes more and more of relying on His strength and His power to not change with the world. This is what peace feels like.....Peace knowing that He has this in His hands. Peace that reminds me of precious truths when my flesh would rather I forget them. Peace that says I have no clue how this is all going to work out, but I know He does. Peace that serves from an overflow instead of from the pleasing flow. Peace.....

There are several blogs in the work, but now they are in my journal. I'm thankful for where I am today. I'm thankful for where He has brought me from and what He has brought me through. I'm thankful that prayers I didn't realize I prayed are starting to be answered. I'm thankful He knows my heart and knows what needs to be happen and when.

I would rather have Valentine plans this weekend, but I'm okay with not. There is a peace to being single and knowing that right now my covering is my Heavenly Daddy. I chose to be happy right where I am right now. I'm not waiting for tomorrow to come or something to happen in order for happiness to take place. Joy comes when we choose to be happy in Him. There is a difference in happy in Him and happy in them. Take a minute to let that sink in.

Be blessed...

Just me for a moment...

This past week has been a revelation time for sure. I've pulled off more band-aids than I even realized I had on. I'm not perfect, but God knows I'm pressing forward. Last week the world took a few punches at me and to be honest the enemy tried to keep me down. Let me let you in on a secret about me for a minute, I'm insecure at times (aren't we all). God has convicted me more than once about doubting myself and apologizing for the heart He put inside of me on purpose. Oh how my mirror was clouded with how others saw me, instead of how He saw me. Yes the people pleasing chain has been broken off, but that doesn't mean the struggle isn't there at times. It's a daily process to let God have control of my mind and my thought process when my flesh takes a hit. The last couple of months I've struggled. I've cried my way through many moments and said I'm done more times than I would like to admit. It's been a struggle because I tried to hold on to a bit of control. I tried to have some hold of the reigns for this particular leg of my journey, when God said just trust me. You are not going to fall off and you are going to make it to the other side. Oh how hard it is to let go even when the ride feels bumpy. Those that know me, know I don't let go very well. However I have had a couple speak into my life over the last couple of months and put it bluntly...you either trust God or you don't. If we know we have the power that He says we have, than why do we doubt ourselves. Why do we not rust that God is already in the moment that makes us feel stressed, upset, and worried? He goes before us and prepares each step of the way, let go of the control, trust His word more than your feelings. Tears are cleansing, let Him wipe them and use them for your healing. If the enemy can keep you in a state of stress and doubting yourself, he wins. Press forward and trust the One who said He will finish what He starts. Press forward and trust the One who says I've got you with my right hand. Press forward and trust the One who is faithful and will do it!

I am who He made me to be. I realize that isn't the part most people may want me to play, but that's who I am. I am the special education teacher who has no idea how she ended up in this field when she WANTED to go a different route. I am the special education teacher who made herself a promise to treat the parents as I would want have wanted mine treated and the kids how I would have wanted my sister treated. Those that have known me for awhile know this, but those that do not may not know, but my sister would have been a kiddo I would have had in class. She was in school before the regulations were in place, but if she hadn't been, she may have had an IEP due to her medical concerns. I do what I do because of her(even though I have tried to RUN many times away from it). I listen and love. That's what He's called us to do. I grew up with teachers who saw the good in everyone and truly loved what they did. They instilled in us everyday that we mattered and that we could make a difference. My heart has always been to be that teacher for others. The journey hasn't been easy, but I trust that He has planted the seeds. Now to leave the harvest up to Him.


Thank you Lord for reminding me this weekend, Melissa Mann is good enough in your eyes. (Vulnerable statement, but if you only knew where I was at when it came....oh how He knows our hearts and our prayers when we didn't even know we had prayed them). I'm sure my FB feed got tired of seeing all of the videos I shared from my Nashville family. God knows when I need them and this weekend I did. When God allows paths to cross and lives to intertwine, it is for a reason. Thank you Lord for what that group means to me.

The weekend started off with the world reminding me of who it thought that I was and ended with God reminding me who He saw me as. Honest moment; mask off: I started off Friday feeling like being me wasn't good enough for the world around me. I ended Friday with God reminding me that being me was just who He needed me to be. See there are stories in my journey and seeds that have been planted, that God gave me a glimpse on a couple of weeks ago. Seeds that were reaching a harvest that I could only dream about, seeds that were there because I listened to Him and was the me He created me to be. The world will try and tell you who you are. The world will try to put you in a box and make you feel that your best isn't good enough. Sweet reader, God threw away the box when the relationship with Him started. He doesn't fit in a box and He didn't make you to fit in one either. You were not mean to play the part others create for you, only the one He has created for you to play.