Sorting out the whispers

 

I've been back to probably the closest I'm going to a routine for a little over a week now and have found my feelings all over the place. I'm coming home exhausted which is typical for the first couple of weeks back. (even in normal settings without all that 2020 has brought me). Anyway....I'm missing some of the time I had to spend just sitting at His Feet. Don't get me wrong, the time is still there....but it's different right now because of a whole host of things. Anyway stay with me.....we are in the middle of 21 days at church and I can't say I've been all-in with it, but I'm getting up and listening to the messages and then spending that time pressing in while getting ready. This past week, Wednesday was a message that was a GAME CHANGER. Every 21 days there is a shift that happens at some point.....Wednesday's message was that for me....I knew God was trying to press something through, but I needed time to process it. I'm not sure this blog is actually done....honestly as the title says I'm still sorting out the whispers....The message on Wednesday was on using our testimony as a place of prayer...in other words, if God did it for us, we can use that faith that He will do it for someone else. There was more said but I forgot to take notes (here's hoping they archive them like they normally do). I had a bone density scan that same morning, in the same location where the enemy had thrown a diagnosis at me. The bigger picture was not lost on me, I was like God ...whatcha up to. Sitting in the waiting room, brought such a different perspective....it was like I could feel what was walking into that room. 

Ever have one of those off mornings where you try to fake your way through it, but it doesn't work? Pretty sure I had one of those this morning. I was all up in my feelings and let's just say the Spirit was not the loudest. Just staying real and transparent......When I got home I watched the sermon and immediately knew why the enemy was pushing on each and every button that he did. There again was that message that lined up with what God had been trying to push through. (About your infirmity not becoming your identity, but a place of authority).  Ya'll when God sends you more than one message within a week on the same topic....He's trying to get through to you. 

The song with this one sums up the sorting out the whisper moments I've had over the last week. God's pushing something through. There's probably a few more blogs coming out of the last few days....but for now hopefully my rambling makes sense. 

It's hard not to let the physical be the loudest. It's hard not to ask God why couldn't you have some days. It's hard not to answer with the "I'm Fine" answer that everyone expects even when you are holding to fine with a thread. Ya'll God gets it.....when those moments hit, learn to recognize them. For me, it usually means the enemy is trying to distract me from whatever God is trying to get me to hear. It doesn't mean there won't be a fight, but it means the victory path has already been cleared.....you just gotta keep stepping! One of the declarations I make every morning is that No weapon formed against me shall prosper, not even a side effect. This morning God whispered, now remember what that verse means child....Weapons will form, side effects will pop around, but they won't prosper...they won't be able to take root and be consistent. Four months in, and  He's right......I just gotta stay focused on the grapes even though the giants seem close! 

More later....

There's nothing better than YOU

" Then You came along, and put me back together...."  "I'm not afraid To show You My weakness. My failures, and flaws, Lord You've seen them all and YOU still call me friend. Cause the God of the mountain, is the God of the valley. There's not a place  Your mercy and grace Won't find me again. : 

I knew through the tears this morning, God was stirring up a word of some kind. Later on during nap time this afternoon, He said to go look at the lyrics to this song....and then I knew. I almost took a picture and made it just a post, but out of fear of the comments that may come...I hesitated and didn't. Apparently, God still had a word...

As I got closer to church this morning, my feelings were a hot mess. I was trying not to think about the last time I drove on campus and what all was going on at that time in my life. Before I go any further, yes my church has been open at other times, but I have not attended. I have exercised wisdom and used discernment during this season. Today I felt released to go serve in our preschool department ....my soul needed it more than I realized. This time of isolation had taken its toll. I'm such a people person and I longed to be back in a place where I was able to give back again. Those of you that know me well know that I've always had a heart for serving and this past five months, that has been something I've not gotten to do. But guess what I have found during this season......Him in a whole new way that I can't even still put into words. This Mary season has done my Martha heart well. I long for the God things to pour into now ....not just good things that keep me busy but may not yield fruit. I had a hitting the wall moment last week when I realized I wasn't up to the pace I have been at other back to school seasons....but then I stopped for a minute and He lovingly reminded me of what I had pressed through this past five months....and that grace for myself was needed in the moment (but that's a blog for another day). Back to this morning...

The last time I drove on to campus back in March, I was questioning God, let's be honest I was. I was a tearful hot mess looking to God for a suddenly. I was that disciple in the boat going God can't you just make the storm stop when God was rising up a Peter in me that was willing to walk out of the boat and take it to another level. (If you are new to the blog, go back and read the last six or seven entries to catch up). The last time I drove on campus, I was the disciple that had seen God do things, I knew what He could do, but the inside of me was wanting the storm just to stop....instead of seeing that He wanted to show me how to walk through the storm. Today I drove on campus in a different place and through tears of thankfulness I had a moment with God before I got out of the car. There are still moments from this journey that I've yet to put into words, but the season is coming for more (along with the book that I started). Today I drove on to campus not fearful of what may be lingering around but knowing the same God that called me out of the boat earlier this year had already gone before me. (Before anyone questions, yes I wore a mask and was responsible). I still had reservations and didn't want to see a lot of people today. I still only have a select few that I'm comfortable face to face sharing some of what I so willingly will put in a blog. God and I are working on that....because I feel like that's the next season to come....like it says in Revelation we overcome by the blood and the word of our testimony.....and if what I have walked through helps someone else find their footing in theirs.....

I said all this to say....God is a God of turning what we can see into what He can see. He sees the potential in a moment because He created us. He knows how every cell of our bodies lines up and what releases our endorphins and those other feel-good things. He knows us that well. I'm humbled honestly by how much He knows and loves us.....and thankful for moments that I can put a stone of remembrance on and know I not only knew Him, but He knows me. (That's a blog for another day). Maybe you are in a place where you are going God just make the winds stop, I know you can do it. Maybe you are at the place where you've asked Him if it's Him then to let you walk on water. Maybe you have found yourself walking on the water with Him, but paused for a minute because you felt the water lapping at your feet.....Hear my heart friend, God sees you right where you are at....let go of those feelings into the hands of the One who created you...and trust Him for what looks like a grave to turn into a garden.