Thoughts..

I could title this blog so many things, so let's just some it up with thoughts. Over the course of these first six weeks, it's become evident that some students forgot things over the summer, some students just  need a little reminder and suddenly they remember the the lesson from before, and some students the lesson sticks and they are able to carry it year after year.

This was the picture for my discussion/listening session for last night. Some lessons I've learned and they have stuck, some lessons I've needed a reminder on, and some lessons(unfortunately) I keep have to relearn because apparently I didn't pass the first time. (God's version of passing and my version of getting it don't always line up). That could pretty much sum up the last couple weeks for me. God told me how to operate this year, did I listen? Not all the way. Is He going to give me a second/third/fourth etc. chances, always, He's that patient. He wants us to get it and for it to really sink in, not just get it and move on.

God has a greater and bigger plan for me than I could ever imagine. When I take my eyes off the path in front, that's when I seem to fall down. God is not the voice that compares you to other people, He made you to be unique and just the way you are. He would rather you not fit in a box that someone else built, He's got one just your size. So who's voice are you going to listen to? The one that says do it this way because that's what so and so is doing, why can't you be more like so and so, just do it this way etc. or the voice that says, I knew you before I met you, You are talented, gifted, and with me you can do all things. Hmm....

Are you hiding your talents because you are afraid of what others think? Are you listening to what they tell you to think about yourself and therefore putting a lid on something God never intended to be boxed up? Realize who He made you to be and trust Him for opportunities to share it. People may not always understand, actually I've found out the ones who truly love you for the you God made you to be are few and far between. Most like you for what you can do for them, treasure the God friends in your life who truly let you be yourself and develop your talents. It's not the falling down that keeps you down, it's the refusing to get back up just because you may be hurt or embarrassed. God didn't call you to be perfect(He's the only one that is), but He did promise to walk each step of the way. He can use the falls in life to make you more like Him, if you let Him. It's up to you if you are going to stay bitter and with a chip on your shoulder or if you are going to do it His way. On that note, do it His way first, it will save you time and strength.

Until next time,
~Melissa

Tears, Truth, and Tuesday.....

Typically the year first few weeks of school are calm and start off rather easy. Notice I said typically....that has not been the case this year. I don't know, but I feel like I've been running non stop since we started with work days back in mid-August. I've decided(and realized), that organization as far as I consider organization is probably not going to happen this year, but balance must. There has to be something in between being lazy and being a doormat. I love serving and I love helping other people out, but after awhile you can feel used and rung out. If I had my way I'd wear my heart where others could see it. Then maybe when my flesh gets in the way, they would realize I still meant well. If I had my way, I'd also find the balance between standing up for myself and being a doormat. (Do you see a constant theme/phrase?? Yes there has to be more than being a doormat). God knows I'm trying, trust me if you could listen in on some of the conversations we have, you would be amused. This same mountain keeps popping up every couple of days though. I've climbed it, slid back down it, and tried to climb it again...only to stand there looking at it now and wanting to tell it where to go. Now for the truth revelation on the way home tonight(yes amidst the tears....there is always truth). That mountain is there because I am trying to move it. Guess what it's not a mountain I can move on my own....and yes I've given Him that mountain, but then I let flesh get in the way. I'll admit this dying to flesh lesson that God seems insistent I get is NOT EASY. The mountain may change faces, but the fact is still the same. Flesh wants revenge. Flesh doesn't like the knife stuck in your back that someone turned and you had to keep smiling through it. Flesh wants to be noticed, flesh wants praise. Flesh has a hard time being the bigger person and flesh also makes you think you are living in a doormat world. Not a fan of flesh these days as you can see. Flesh says I'm tired of putting up with this mess and flesh wants to tell that other person just how they made you feel. Flesh if not told to be quiet when in the mind, comes out of the mouth and there in lies my mountain. My mouth has gotten me in trouble my whole life(don't believe me, I have a few elementary teachers that could tell you some stories). As I've gotten older, the hardest lesson I've had to learn(and am still learning) is that you don't have to speak everything you think. If you are following your heart and are walking closely with Him, there are ALWAYS going to be people that seek to trip you up. He never said it would be easy and you know what it's not. It's not easy to watch people taking the easy road, not giving it their best, and yet getting the praise, the acknowledgements, the recognition, the easy way out. The truth He keeps reminding me of over and over and over and over.....I'm in charge of me and in charge of what I do with my time. When I lay my head on my pillow at night, I am accountable for what I did that day. Did I give it my best? Did I do what I could? Did I make a difference in some way? The enemy loves nothing more than to bring other people into that conversation...(he's a liar by the way) so don't listen to those thoughts.

God places calls/gifts in your heart and while other people may not can see it, you know it's there because when you are operating in it there is peace and there is fruit. I'll be honest with you sweet readers, God and I are having some SERIOUS conversations already this year about those God dreams. Only He can put this puzzle together. (He knows I've tried to guess and reason how it will all come together...gave that up a long time ago). He knows my heart and when I say that, He knows those dreams, those gifts, those talents. I'm ready for my season to bloom(yep I think that may be my next blog). I'm ready to see those seeds that have been sown grow and have a chance to see the fruit. I have seen glimpses through different things of what it looks like when I'm operating in that gift/talent/call...wow..amazing. He knows patience is not my strong point, but that fruit seed has been planted and whether I want to or not ;-) I may as well water it and help it grow this year. I have dreams that I'm not able to share, talents that I can't always use, and a heart that some won't take the time to see. I have so much more to offer than paperwork, but titles keep others from seeing the real me. The hardest thing is to keep walking this journey and to water the seeds God has planted inside of you to allow that fruit of the Spirit to grow. The more those grow...the more I can say less of me and more of Him. Oh there are more blogs to come, I can tell this phase of the journey is only beginning. I am thankful to be His princess, thankful that I've finally learned to look in the mirror and see what He sees even on days when I don't feel like, and blessed to know that He is the God of do-overs. His mercies are new every morning.

Everyone is not going to understand you, not everyone is going to be able to see your heart, and there will be times(seasons) in life when you will go, but God when.....(fill in the blank you know what you are asking). Those are the times when focus is key. You have to keep your eyes on Him and not looking to the left or the right wandering what everyone else is doing. You have to keep your eyes ahead and know that when they start throwing rocks(and they will), that He's got your back.

Some days the greatest truth can be heard through the tears, even when Tuesday feels like Monday.

But God.....

Just a glimpse into my conversation with God sometime late last night/early this morning.

But God I just want to be pretty......Sweet child, true beauty comes from within.

But God I just want to make a difference....Daughter, be faithful where you are and let me do the rest.

But God this isn't exactly how I thought things would go...Rest, my plans are better than you can imagine.

But God I.....Yes princess ;-) I know your heart.



I love that even when we come to Him in one of those whiny moments(which I'm sure that sounded like at one point last night), He loves us just the same. He lets us climb up in His lap and reminds us that He's got the flashlight. Trust is not about knowing what comes next, but in about knowing who's lighting the way. Stay focused on His light, it's not always easy at times, but if you look His is the brightest and clearest.

One last thing: Believe in yourself, He always has! Sometimes the only thing God is waiting on is for us to go okay God, I get it. That's when  you start walking in the shadow of His light, taking the steps He tells you to, and not worrying about what is going on to the left or the right. He made you to be YOU and no one else. Quit thinking you don't measure up or you aren't good enough, look at whose standards you are using. God has the only measuring tape that is meant for you ;-)


Until next time
~Melissa

Oh me.....

I think I've said that more than I care to admit over the last two and half weeks. I'm harder on myself than most and to be honest I can be my own worst enemy. I've spent a lot of time thinking(probably too much) and not near enough time thinking. You know there comes a time when your thoughts will only stress you out, mess you up, and take you to levels(stress etc.) that you really don't want to go to. I'm also learning that stress in the head can only lead to stress in other places. Some days you run circles around your day, other days your day runs circle around you. I'm at the point where I have to stop and play catch up before I can run again. I've hit the ground running and I'm trying to keep up. Which has lead to this lovely blog...........(so I guess it wasn't a wasted moment). Some races are short distance, some are longer sprints, and some have a hurdle every few steps, and yet even some are ran with the help of friends. We all have races in our journey that resemble one of the races I just mentioned. If you watch a trained runner though when they run, they always keep their eyes ahead, they have one goal in mind and that's finishing well. That's how we should run our race....regardless of whether it is a short sprint or a leg of our journey jumping over hurdles. As long as we keep our eyes focused ahead and on the goal, we are going to run well. It's when we look down or around at what others are doing that we mess up and end up falling, or not finishing as well as we could. I just want to finish the race doing my best without getting run over by the other runners. (I know some of you can relate to that).

As hard as it is, it's not about what others do or don't do. God didn't call us to worry about them or compare ourselves to them(that truth is slowly taking root). You are responsible for the job you do. When you lay your head on your pillow at night, you are the only one God wants to ask about your day. He's not interested in what others did when He's talking to you about what you did. Be content at where He's called you to right now, He has a reason. This school year promises to bring more blogs, but in a different way than last year. Last year I was stressed to the max and usually when I reached the bottom or the breaking point, a blog would emerge when He would put me back together. This year it's about growing fruit. It's about keeping your mouth shut when all else fails and standing when you want to run. It's about staying the course and trusting in the one who holds the GPS. It's about knowing your heart and knowing the call He has placed on your life. Be patient sweet child, you will bloom when I'm ready(I've heard Him say this MORE than once). Trust Him, He knows you want to make a difference.

Until next time
~Melissa