Do you want______?

I've had the most productive Sunday I have had in awhile, but it's also been the loneliest. That being said...God has had my attention all day, and I think that's how He wanted it. I have made sure to keep the music going to keep my mind focused on what He wanted to whisper in and not what I wanted to feel. Feelings can get you to a place you don't want to be because they are focused on the here and now instead of on the realm that we can't see. I was on Twitter last night and saw where Mandisa had posted about a loneliness bout she was having. I about shouted...sometimes you just need to know it's not just you. In Jesus name...God's going to own that feeling as His own before the year's over. Moving on....

Ya'll stay with me here, remember I'm a visual person. Sometimes when I am in a conference or a workshop and sitting for a long period time, I get fidgety to keep from going numb. It happens at night too, if I lay on my arm under my pillow for too long, it can go to sleep. We were created to move at certain intervals. Now think about it in the spiritual...how many times have we felt God whisper us something and we did nothing. That whole term quenching the Spirit is real in case you had any doubt. As a trusted friend as always told me, you gotta move when God's moving. When He's stirring, is the time to jump in. The man lay by the pool of Bethesda waiting on someone to push him in, but he stayed there in that same condition for a long time. That is until Jesus stopped by and asked him a question..."Do you want to be well?". Sometimes I think Jesus is asking us the same thing when we present requests to Him...He knows our hearts after all, so He knows what we need and what we are seeking after, but He's asking Do you really want that? Do you want to be whole? Do you want that freedom? Do you really want restoration? You see the man had become stuck because he was focused on what had to be done, instead of doing all he could to get himself to the water.

How many times do we find ourselves in that same spot? We ask God for freedom, we seek after it in our prayer closet, we know He can do it...yet when He whispers in to take a step, we stay still. We stay focused on anything, but what He is asking us to do. We keep clicking the words even though God said to go lay down ______ at the altar. (That's a personal note for me...) Before we know it, the whispers start to become quieter and quieter....and the flame that once was, starts to grow colder. Then we find ourselves wondering why frustration, offense, insecurity, anxiety etc. seem to come so easy....the fire that used to put them out isn't as strong as it once was. We let ourselves focus on the task instead of obedience. Hear my heart on this....God is a jealous God and doesn't like to share. He loves His children beyond our wildest imagination and too much to not stop by and ask the question once more, Do you want it? Just as God spoke to Samuel more than once when he was just a boy at the temple, God gives us more than once chance and for that, I am forever thankful.

Just being real....I know what that distance feels like. I didn't realize it was a hardness, coldness until this weekend when God started peeling off the layers and ripping off the duct tape. I had grown numb in an area of my life to His whispers and in doing that ...kept circling the mountain frustrated as to why because I knew what the top of the mountain in His presence felt like. God has a way of reminding us of those times, even if it's a verse quickly referenced in a sermon that you happen to catch as you were loading the next verse. A verse that may not mean much to others, but is one of those turning point verses for you...and in that God starts to bring feeling back to that place of you that was numb. It's in doing so that God starts to remind you, Restoration is what I promised this year...Do you really want it? and He stirs once again that place inside of you that has longed for the embers to be moved around and the fire rekindled.

Those dreams are under that wood that grew cold, He hasn't forgotten about them Child and neither should you. Take the time to just sit with Him and let Him pour back in and restore what has been yours all along. I wasn't going to write a blog tonight, but God spoke this to me about a season I am finding myself in right now...maybe someone else is there too.

When God rips off the duct tape...

Can I just be real on this blog? I mean this is my heart out on paper/print. I truly believe God never gives us a moment just for ourselves and if this blog gets finished then, it's a moment meant to be shared. (I have several blogs in the middle of writing that He would never let me finish...so finished blogs are meant for sharing and I learned that a long time ago.) Some of you may be looking at the title and going, duct tape, God? I've talked about band-aids and how healing comes when we let God take those off...well some parts of our lives are held together by duct tape. There are parts of who we are, parts that on the outside look like we are all put together....but what isn't seen is all of the duct tape God has used to keep His child together. The duct tape is part of our story. It's those areas that give us a heart for someone who may be in the same place, but haven't let God apply the duct tape yet. It's what gives us a story to share...of how but for God holding us together we would be a mess. (I realize God doesn't have to use duct tape...but if you have read any of my blogs, you know I am a visual person...and this is how God and I talk). If you have ever had duct tape stuck to your skin and then tried to pull it off, not only does it hurt...but it leaves a raw place. The places of our hearts held in place with duct tape are usually the raw places. 

This is Restoration year in the Jewish calendar, and it's also the seventh year since the bus wreck. So for me, I knew when I walked into this year...God had a plan and a purpose, but I also knew the enemy would come fighting it. I just don't think I realized how hard he would fight. Transparency was the word God spoke in my Spirit at the beginning of the year...and He's been faithful to that word despite all of the ouches. Right down to the discussion He and I had this summer about being faithful to the reason I walked off the bus seven years ago. God has had a plan in place all along, me...I haven't been listening. Well let me take a step back, I've been listening in some areas and doing in others. The same God that speaks so personally to me in my prayer closet, in my living room when I am having church, and when I'm in service with friends is the same God that is talking in other places. It's that sometimes my focus has been on doing and not listening. God doesn't stop speaking to His children, it's that sometimes we get so distracted by even good things we stop listening. We stop listening when He is drawing us to lay things down and in doing so we keep circling a mountain He planned for us to be over a long time ago. God longs to redeem and restore all that the enemy is stolen, but sometimes it's a step of obedience that keeps us from walking in that. When God's moving, move period. Don't put it off for later what needs to be done in the moment He's speaking it. That's a lesson for another blog.

We delay our purpose by staying focused on our task. Our task is to be His hands and Feet and to love as He loved us. To do that means embracing who we are in Him, strengths, and weaknesses in all. It means being real and transparent so that others see not what we do, but what He is doing through us. We each have a ministry that God had purposed and planned for us from the beginning before we even had a name in this realm...He knew who we were. That ministry, that calling, that purpose...is what makes our heart beat. Hear my heart on this too....ministry doesn't just take place within the walls of the church building. When we get our eyes off of the church as being this place and that place and realize it's all of God's children....it will open our possibilities because we will be unified in reaching this world for Him. The church shouldn't be a place where we go looking to be filled all of the time, but where we go to connect with others each week. God can fill our cups in our personal time with Him. We need that time each week with others on this journey so that just as Moses had with Aaron and Hur, we have someone who can reach out and hold our hands up when the battle starts wearing us. It's the four friends who broke through a roof to get their friend to Jesus....but that's a blog for another day. I have learned the hard way (and am still learning), don't keep your hands so busy doing what may need to be done...that you don't let others grab a hold of them when you need that Aaron or Hur. Don't fall into a being so busy trap that you stop being at some moments. I learned the lesson the hard way and when it finally processes it's probably enough for a blog or two. God never meant for us to run at such a pace that we lose sight of our purpose or who He called us to run the race alongside. 

Sometimes when the season changes, it may not always be felt at first. Just as when Summer first started this year, it still felt like Spring. Sometimes we don't always recognize the season is changing because we don't feel it at first. Sometimes God gets our attention with ripping off the duct tape...reminding us of who really does have control (as much as we may think we do). Sometimes He says to slow down child, I need some time with you. We can get so caught up in doing that we lose sight of listening. It's not anyone's fault, but our own. It's in that slowing down though that God starts to pour in and speak the truth that starts to heal where that duct tape used to be. It's in that slowing down that we slowly start to see who God planned for us to be all along. 

Spend time at His Feet today, more to come later....

Where are you pointing your beam?

If the beam isn't pointing forward, you will never know just how far the light will reach. I'm a visual person and God has rocked my world with this flashlight picture today. I'm the worst at getting caught in the comparison trap (some of you just said a huge Amen at this point..lol). It's in that moment of stillness this morning, that moment where God knew my heart and knew my feelings ...that He showed me the picture of the flashlight. We are all born with flashlights. When we enter into a relationship with Him, He turns the light on. Sometimes our focus gets off and we shine the light to our surroundings, to up in the clouds, and even sometimes to ourselves. We get our focus off moving forward, off staying the course, off how far our light actually does reach. God designed our lights with us in mind. He knows just far the beam will reach, how long the batteries last, and where He needs it to take you. If our lights are focused on anywhere, but forward...we lose sight of what we can do, we start comparing ourselves to others, having a pity party, or on the impact, our light is making on the journey.  Don't lose sight of your light, focus it forward and the beam may reach farther than you ever realized. 

My love language is words of affirmation. It's always been that....I'm that person who keeps all of the notes anyone writes. That kind of thing can keep me going even when I physically have no umph to move. This is me being real for a minute. God's been trying to get this through my hard head for months now and today I finally heard Him. The greatest words of affirmation came from Him when He said I chose you and made you to be You. That's what has to keep us going every day. It's not about whether someone else notices or says good job, it's about being who He made us to be. Yes our flesh cries out for the tangible words of affirmation, but at some point, the shift happens and what our spirit craves is more than what our flesh does. Hear my heart, it doesn't mean we will never struggle with comparisons, with insecurities, with loneliness, or with the wonders of what could be. The struggle, the pull of the flesh will be there, but it's in the quiet moments when you hear God whisper Him....I chose you and made you that your spirit starts to feel peace. It's in those moments you remember that even despite the overwhelmed feelings, the anxiety that is being kept at bay, and the insecurity that is one word away from taking over....that your light reaches farther than you can see as long as you keep it facing forward and walking in it. 

Remember what makes your heart beat, not the beat that makes you nervous, but the beat that makes you smile. This summer I was reminded more of what makes mine beat with that smile. Allow time in your schedule for those moments. It's in those giving back moments, in those connecting with God friends, it's in those seeing light bulbs go off when a kid gets something or sharing with teachers a passion that has only grown that bring a smile not my own. Know what makes your heart beat like that and stay connected to that.....for they will be what God uses to fill your cup and fuel your batteries to keep going. 

Walk forward this week in Him 💗