The heart without band-aids

Yep it's late and this wasn't what I exactly had planned. I fell asleep around 9, so I was wide awake at midnight...and God was finishing the part of this one. I have four other posts in the process, but I knew this one had to come first.

Back in May I attend a ladies' breakfast where Christa Black Gifford spoke. She spoke on the heart. It was a much needed word on making the heart whole through listening to why the heart feels the way it does. I was a mess of feelings at that point and having someone tell me it wasn't that feelings were wrong, I just needed to figure out the why was life. So many times we throw a scripture at a mess without looking to the why behind the feeling of that mess. Our hearts are indicators of what's going on in our bodies and minds if we will just take a minute to listen. I'm thankful God has wired us to where spoken words like that are a seed that He plants deep down. It may seem like nothing is coming from that word, but it's because it has to take time to root and start to grow. I highly recommend her book Heart Made Whole. I can't say enough about the teaching that is in there. Anyway back to the blog...so fast forward a couple of months and busy and overwhelmed were becoming a norm. There was stuff coming to the surface on the inside and it wasn't nice coming out. I was about to hit a wall and I knew it. I am beyond thankful for people that speak life in when I'm headed to a wall and don't just add to it. I am usually pretty easy to read lately....If I'm quiet, I'm probably thinking about something which means the turtle shell mode is close. I've also learned there is a truth volcano side that comes out and it's not always truth in love. It happens to all of us at some point... for me I'm learning is usually a coping mechanism that keeps me from crying in front of others. Just being real....I'm learning grace for myself and over the last week or so am learning more and more to love others like He does means all people. Love without expecting anything in return and trust God for the return.....(which is so contrary to the flesh...which is good cause that means it's going to take Him).  Grace for ourselves means knowing that we are going to fall at some point, but as I heard a couple of weeks ago...stay away from the edge so that when you do fall, you are at a place where you can get back up. Sometimes I wish I had a light on the outside of me that said anxiety in progress, proceed with grace and love. You may be thinking well yeah I wish I had one too but not with anxiety with________. My word on that is, give yourself grace first and press through. It may take a couple of days to see what's really going on, but at some point ...the "get up" rises up on the inside of you and you find yourself pressing through the crowd to get to Jesus. (Yep that's one of the blogs coming).

We all have that thing/place/event, that has created wounds over the years. Some of the wounds may have already gone through the healing process and scars have formed. Some of your wounds may have been like mine and I had band-aids on them (made from duct tape if you ask me). It wasn't until I started the Freedom journey in a small group this Fall that I realized just how many band-aids I had. I knew I had some roots from a couple of things that God and I needed to deal with, but it wasn't until Freedom  that I saw what was under the band-aids and it wasn't pretty. I feel like I've been on this digging process for almost two years now and that's a blog to come about the visual God showed me on that. 

Stay with me for a minute, I'm about to wrap this up. As long as the band-aids stay on, healing can't take place. Some of those band-aids may have been on for awhile, to the point you don't even realize(or remember) what's underneath. God knows though...and He longs for you to walk in a place where your heart is not only whole, but healed. To get to that point though, you have to let Him take the band-aids off. Once that happens ...healing can begin. (Hear my heart I know it's not easy when they come off...getting real with God and yourself about what's on the other side of those places is painful, but necessary). God wouldn't bring your mess to view if He wasn't wanting you to see the message He was writing from it.  When you take off what you wanted to cover those places with, He can cover them with what He intended all along..Him. Reality moment...it's vulnerable to be in that transparent spot of band-aids off. You feel raw and exposed. We'll talk about getting over that wall in another blog about truth. Picture time: In the physical, oxygen brings healing to the wound. When the band-aid is off, the wound can breathe and start the healing process. In the spiritual, it's God's breath that brings healing to the wound. It's His breath that brings life back to the place that was tender to the touch. (Ya'll I about had a shout on that one tonight). 

Small group wraps up next week with Conference which is when part 2 of this will come. I also have a few more posts in between. God doesn't bring about restoration for you to keep it to yourself. The word over and over that He keeps telling me is it's a ripple effect. He works in you so He can work through you. There is a world out there inside the church and outside the church waiting to hear the praise attached to your victory. 

"My Weapon will be My Sound"

Taking a break from posting after this one for a couple of weeks. God's writing one called The heart without band-aids that is going to take some focus.

Last night I was trying to go to sleep and the usual Sunday night anxiety and overwhelmed was flooding my mind. We are off all week, so this shouldn't have been a normal case. I even had one of those anxiety-filled dreams of someone breaking in (and I had watched Christmas movies before I went to bed...so who knows). It was at that point I started praying and rebuking the thoughts...but it took a while to press through. I should have gotten up and gone to my prayer closet...but lesson learned. I was praying but not out loud. Y'all there is something to be said for praying out loud. There is a power tied to our vocal cords that silence the things that need to be hushed. Even if it's just a whisper....there is a power that is unleashed when we take our praise, our prayer, our thanksgiving to another level and speak it. It's more than just a thought at this point, it's a weapon... 

This morning God woke me up with one of my favorite praise and worship songs and the lines that say "My feet on the battleground. My weapon will be my Sound. I will not be silent, my song is my triumph". It was like God was going.."hello Child remember your victory is tied to your voice"  What needs to be unlocked with a shout of your praise? The walls of Jericho fell on the seventh time around with the shout from their voices. This is the year of Restoration....enough said. We are nearing the end of this year, this season....what walls still need to come down? Open up your mouth and let the shout out. 

Sometimes obedience doesn't make sense in the moment. Sometimes the feet are stuck to the floor not because you need the breakthrough right then (you know God will meet you in the prayer closet later...), but you don't know whose breakthrough could be tied to your obedience, to your unsticking of the feet and just taking the first step. We were meant to live lives for an audience of one period. That means everything we do, say, think etc. should be for Him, as an act of worship. Quit worrying about what others are going to say and let the power out that He's placed on the inside. When you stand before God one day...you are the only one that has to account for what you did or didn't do. God forgive me for the moments I excused or reasoned away and should have moved. Our actions should be in reaction to Him and Him alone. (That was a word for me, but anyway...if it's for you feel free to take it too). 

Let's be His Hands and Feet this season to all people. Your weapon is your sound, it's in your voice. You don't know who needs you to speak life into them this season, who needs to not only know you are praying for them but to hear (or read) what you are praying. Let's quit being comfortable and doing things how we have always done it....and be moveable when He says move. He's got a work to be done....and a world that needs to know the One who has already won the battle. 

New...

Usually, I will write a blog and will make a comment here and there that's a post for another day. Today, however, I was typing and hit a point where I was talking about Restoration and how the paint, the layers have to be pulled back, scraped off, and then sanded down before the new paint can be poured out......and God dropped a verse in my Spirit.

I'll be honest it didn't make sense at first. It's one I had heard Amanda use in her sermons a lot lately, but I read the verses before and after and whew.  Matthew 9:17 is at the end of a section talking about fasting and right before one of the miracles Jesus performed. So many times we ask God to do a new thing, but it's like we wait for Him to just drop it on us without us doing anything. God said in Isaiah behold I'm doing a new thing, do you not perceive it? (Can you not see it with your spiritual eyes?). So many times we look for the new to be on the outside of us, but He's longing to do a new thing on the inside of us....because when He does something in us, He can do more through us.

I read in one commentary that old wineskins were skins that had been stretched to their limit. If something new would be poured into them, they would burst. Stay with me for a minute....God knows when you are at your limit. He longs to do something new in you always, even if you have been His for years....He longs to show you how to climb higher(there is an upper room waiting..). Sometimes to get to that new, we have to strip away the old....and let God restore so that we can be filled up with what He's longing to pour out.

This may not make a lot of sense and who knows it may have been one of those personal revelations for just me. You know where you are with God more than anyone else does. You know if there is a wall up (see the blog before this one) and you know what needs to be dug up in order for the new to come. This is a season of God pouring out and it's happening now, He's looking for vessels to fill ....I know it may feel like empty is where you are, but oh sweet Child of His...when you are empty of you, it means there is more room for Him. Let's stay in receive mode, stepping when He says step, moving when He says move, and speaking when He says speak....He's looking for you to walk in the power you know that's on the inside of you. There is a world to be reached, miracles to be done, and wonders to be seen...all to show His glory. It's time to move out of comfortable....

Matthew 9:17New International Version (NIV)

17 Neither do people pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst; the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved.”

Transparency....

When God starts writing a blog as you lay in bed, you honestly don't know if it's going to get published later or if it's something that should have been written in the moment. This is one that started this morning sometime and I'm thankful I didn't try to type it out yet because God's been writing on it all day. In my time with Him this morning before church, whew, it was thick...that's about all I can say and it was just me, God, and praise music. I've learned over the years though, certain songs bring about a connection that brings a power that I can't even begin to describe. It has to be felt. If we have to wait until we get to the building we call the church in order to get into the presence of God, we have something out of line. We should bring the presence with us and the connecting with other believers is where the power shows up and the glory rains down. That's a blog for another day though...

The title of this blog is the word God spoke in my Spirit as the year was becoming 2017. I didn't know exactly what He meant by that, but I was like okay God let's do it. I had pushed my way through to a certain point in my journey with Him, but I could sense higher was coming. I don't know about you, but it's not easy to climb anything when you carry a lot of extra weight or haven't worked to build up strength in the places of you that are needed to climb. God was already working and doing more than I could imagine, but He wanted more. Sometimes God lets us get to a place where we realize where that more we crave is found.....and a new level means work. A month or so later I heard that this was Restoration year, and something in my soul leaped. My heart's prayer/desire became for that. Hear my heart for a minute....God honors the requests of our hearts especially when they are in line with what He's got planned. Sometimes though we don't realize exactly what we are asking for when we are asking for it....hello for something to be restored, all of the old has to be stripped off and stuff sanded down so fresh paint can be applied. Y'all get that picture in the physical realm and then let God apply it to your walk with Him. It's a different picture for everyone....because we all have our own set of junk(anxiety, fear etc.), we all have our own set of messes that we have either dealt with or stuffed down, in short, we all have our own set of things that hold us back at times. God knows the calling He's placed on your life, the seed that was planted on the inside of you before you were born, the ministry He desires to see you walk out...and the life He dreamed you would live. What's keeping you from walking it out? Is it fear? Is it people pleasing? Is it anxiety? Is it you? God hasn't done what He's done in you to not do something through you. So many times we keep those God moments to ourselves when God's made it a fire that's meant to be spread. I'm all the time lately feeling like I'm running on empty.....and this morning God was clear, empty is a good place to be as long as we stay connected to Him...for it's when we are so empty of ourselves, that He can fill us with more of Him.

Back to transparency, I was on a road to hitting a wall of busyness. There is a difference between busyness and fruitful. Seasons look differently...and what may have been fruitful in one season, isn't in another. The whole way to see the shift is with His eyes...or to hit a wall. Hear me when I say the latter isn't so grand. I was headed down that busyness route when something rocked our community in June. A bus wreck that impacted a local church drove me to my prayer closet. My heart hurt in ways I can't describe for the family that lost a precious loved one, but my heart also hurt for those that were on the bus and would have scars that only made sense to those they shared the experience with. One of those moments led me to ask God....I just want to be found faithful to the reason I walked off the bus seven years ago. (Some of you are new to the blog and/or my Facebook and may not know what bus I'm talking about...Google Bowling Family Bus crash 2010). I saw the Restoration that was being poured out to friends already during this year, and my heart yearned to walk in what was mine to walk in. Little did I know I had some work to do before the fresh paint could be poured out. As the school year started, I felt God saying...pull back Martha and just be Mary. To be honest this scared the life out of me because I didn't know how to be at church and not do. (I still don't really....but it's getting better). So I did, I asked for some time away from basically everything I was involved in at church and started in a small group called Freedom. What God's done over the last ten weeks through that time is more than a couple of posts, it's probably a book in the making.

You can't let go of things that you don't admit are there to let go of, and you can't surrender your heart completely if you aren't willing to let Him in all areas of your heart. (Let that sink in...). I had a wall up around places of my heart and I was picky about who I let in. You can keep the wall up for so long though that you forget it's a wall. I'm thankful that two and half years ago a precious friend who knew the inside of the wall, spoke to the roots that needed to be pulled up. Your praise can demolish any wall....but it's up to you to step over the rubble that it left and walk on.  There is a fire growing on the inside of you that is meant to be shared outside of the wall.....

"I see you"

When God gives you a visual a few nights ago that is deeper than you want at that time of night, you are thankful when He follows up with a scripture visual. The other visual may or may not be a blog later, but not yet. The visual ended with the God saying "I see you". which led me to a story of a little man and a tree.

So the visual in scripture was Zacchaeus. I've heard this story, read this story, and taught this story many times over the years. However this time I took yet another look just to see what God wanted to say. God's word is active and alive, what God said through it in one season, may not be what He uses it to say in another season. If He's leading you to a certain passage or story, take a new look at it again.  The verses from Luke 19 are at the bottom if you want to take another look again. 

Zacchaeus wanted to see who Jesus was, but due to what he could see in the physical, he knew he needed a new perspective. When Jesus got to where He already knew Zacchaeus would be, He called out to him. Despite what the other people said about Zacchaeus, he knew what he needed to do. Once he was in the presence of the One he sought out, he was changed. Zacchaeus not only felt the change, he walked it out. 

Zacchaeus wasn't going to let what stood in his way or the comments of others to keep him from seeing who He needed to see. He knew he needed a new perspective in order to get a glimpse of the One he was seeking to see. Let that sink in...how many times do what we need to do in order to get that perspective we need? We want to see Jesus but are we willing to climb the tree to get to that place? Jesus knew where Zacchaeus would be that day even before he climbed the tree. 

Don't let perspective (or lack of) keep you from His presence. Zacchaeus didn't have to climb the tree that day to be seen by Jesus, but he had to climb that day in order for him to see Jesus. God knows where we are at always, but sometimes it takes a climb to get to a place where we can see Him without limitations or distractions. 

Luke 19 Jesus entered Jericho and was passing through. 2 A man was there by the name of Zacchaeus; he was a chief tax collector and was wealthy.3 He wanted to see who Jesus was, but because he was short he could not see over the crowd. 4 So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-figtree to see him, since Jesus was coming that way.

5 When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.”6 So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly.

7 All the people saw this and began to mutter, “He has gone to be the guest of a sinner.”

8 But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.”

9 Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. 10 For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”

If I Shout...

"So if I shout know I'm shouting from a heart that's been washed clean. If I run know I'm running from the past that's been redeemed. To the world it might look crazy, there's just no telling what you're going to do in that moment Jesus gets ahold of you". 

I've always loved this song, but over the last couple of weeks, it's begun to take new meaning. Putting up my tree tonight (Don't judge), I started singing it to myself. Y'all..  You see when the walls start to crumble, when there is a release that only God can do, there is a shout that rises up. Our praise is a weapon, our praise  I could write a book from the last couple of weeks. I know I say that often, but if ya'll only knew.  More chapters to the book are being written, but thankfully the page has turned. Sometimes we get so stuck on the chapters before, that we don't celebrate the chapters being written in the moment.

We take the verse guard your heart so seriously that we end up putting walls up that God never intended to see go up.  This is Restoration year....and just as the Israelites marched around Jerhico six times and then the seventh time, they let out a shout of a praise and the wall came tumbling down...What walls do you need God to finish pulling down this year? What walls have you kept up for whatever reason that has kept you from fully walking in what God has called you to do? There is a transparent post coming soon about walls. Walls have a foundation, a root, so to speak....there is a reason why they are up. When you discover that reason, more than that when you let go of that reason...the walls start to crumble. More than that, when you let in those that you hadn't before...and you find out they don't leave...there is a freedom that comes on the other side of that mess of rubble (Just saying).

God doesn't do a work in you, to not do a work through you. He doesn't bring about restoration and freedom for you to keep it to yourself. There is a someone watching you, someone waiting to hear the real through your mess turned into a message.

I've learned over the last couple of weeks there is a power that I had let busy cover over. I've learned that there is a connection in the spiritual realm that I have just now figured out how to tap into. I've learned that when God restores what has been stolen, you can't help but share it with anyone that will listen. I've learned what Jeremiah meant by a fire shut up in my bones. I've learned sometimes all I need to do is start believing for what I'm asking Him for me as much as I believe it for what I am asking Him for others.

This isn't really a transparent post, that's coming...There is a new level coming, a shift that is happening. I've felt it but seen it over the last couple of weeks. It's bringing a shout that I'm not going to be able to contain soon. I don't know what walls you have up. You may not even know what walls you have up, but you feel like you have hit something. God sees the walls we can't see, and He will let you hit enough times until you are ready to let Him show you what it is.

Your praise is a weapon, start using it...

Typical blog post coming later ;-) Thanks for reading ...
If you haven't heard the song, I put up earlier here it is.