Being...

When God stops you for a minute and speaks in the same phrase, you look up where it's found. If it comes during the time when you have been praying about and thinking about your word for the year, chances are the word is found in that verse. Being.....at first I was like umm, okay, but then God started elaborating on the word.

So many times we get so caught up in doing that we lose sight of being. We get so caught up in posting, liking, and trying to connect that we lose sight of just being ourselves. We find ourselves competing in a race God never said run. 2017 brought freedom finally in that.  (It was way overdue...but it had a lot of layers that needed to get pulled back first.). There are still blogs in the work from that transparency season as God called it. I'm in awe of what He's done, but I shouldn't be surprised anymore He continually does beyond what I expect Him to. He's good like that. I am walking into 2018 with big dreams and expectations. Things God has shown me for a couple of years now, that I'm believing are going to come to pass soon. 2017 was the restoration and preparation for the next season.  Sometimes I don't think we realize when we ask God to go to the next level, we don't realize there may be some work involved in the process. The water will never part if the step isn't taken. Sometimes we stand back waiting on God do His part when He's waiting on us to do what He said to do first. That's a blog for another day...

John Maxwell said something at First Wednesday in December that has stuck with me. He was talking about Mary and Martha and how one did things for God, the other with God. So many times we busy ourselves with things we are doing for God, that we lose sight of the things He's wanting to do with us. I've been in that season...but God will only leave you there for so long until the desire for doing more with Him starts to grow and become so loud, you do what needs to be done to get to that place. When we move with Him, the being, the doing, the serving follows.....and we find we are stepping where He wants us to step because we can hear His voice a lot clearer. The distractions of busy have been cleared away. Discernment steps up a notch when we are in step when we are who He has called us to be...

Being may mean empty some days, but I'm finding empty isn't as ugly of a word as it used to be. For when I'm empty, He can do more of the filling (there is a difference in being empty and feeling empty..). The word says to be a lot, it doesn't say feel. Feeling is going to happen, but each day I'm learning to ask Him for His truth to be louder than my feelings. Being happens when His truth stays louder than feeling...when we step regardless of how we feel. When we follow what He says even when it doesn't make sense. Being means finding our identity simply in being His son or daughter and leaving the rest to Him.

Other words for the year that I had on my list were intentional, bold, confident etc. Intentional because I want my moments to not only count but to matter. I want to hear when He whispers and follow through on those heart drops (I read that phrase in a book over break...it's about paying attention to who God places in our path and the needs they may have that we can meet. So many times we are so focused on our to-do list that we lose sight of those heart drops...and therefore miss out on the blessing God may have in the moment.) His will always gets done, but how many times do we miss the moment where He can flow through us? God doesn't do something in us, to not do something through us. I know I've said that before...but I'm learning there is a purpose and a plan for everything God brings to you.....it's just sometimes we need to get the junk cleared out so that He can let it flow through us. Bold because I've got some dreams, some visions I'm ready to see God move on.....and it's not in my comfort zone of the past. (I've got the list forming of what I want to do by the time I'm 40 forming already). Confident not because I can do anything....but with Him, I can do everything. I've been content to just walk in the spirit of "I'm just ____" and that's gotta go. I'm who He says I am period. When God led me to the verse, I realized the other three words....all went along with being.  Be bold, be confident, be intentional...Be His and the rest will fall into step.

Blessings in 2018 Readers...and get ready, God's doing a new thing and pouring out!

Rocks, Stones, and a picture painted..

I know it's been awhile since my last post. It doesn't mean God hasn't been writing....there is a book still to come from some of the moments over the last month. A couple of nights ago I went to bed with a visual painted in my head, I didn't know where God was taking it...but it stuck. I wish I could tell you the visual had come as soon as I left my prayer closet time with God, but no. (I'm still a work in progress and some days God and I talk throughout the day....and don't get to the deep intense moments that come when I'm in my prayer closet. That's going to change in 2018...but I digress on to the visual). 

Stones are found all throughout the scripture. Stones of remembrance are used when God did an amazing thing in the Old Testament. Stones took down a giant, stones covered what had been buried (and in some cases when that stone was rolled away, life came forth). There is also a place in the New Testament where it talks about not letting the rocks cry out in our place.  I could go on and on....stones also have a ripple effect. Imagine throwing a stone into a water, even if you just drop it in...there is an impact felt. There is a craze that seems to be going on right now where people paint rocks with messages or pictures and hide them around town. Some are in plain view but the picture on them makes them seem hidden. It wasn't until I watched the Steven Furtick clip that I shared last night that the pieces started fitting. Stay with me for a minute...

Moments when we know God met us, where He showed up and showed out, moments where God did what only He could take credit for...those serve as remembrance stones for us. Maybe it's not even a moment, maybe it's a song or a verse that God dropped in your Spirit just when you needed it and it took root. It's a moment where you didn't even know what to pray, but God answered anyway. The picture from a few nights ago was of someone throwing a stone at a giant and someone throwing a stone in the water. It's that bag of remembrance stones, stones that hold meaning for us, stones that take us back to a time when God did what we needed Him too that we find in our bag again when the giants come. David had five stones in his bag when he went out to fight Goliath, but it only took one. I'm pretty sure he never looked at a stone the same way again. The giants are going to be defeated by stones that are hurled at the giants with a Spirit of knowing the battle has already been won. David knew he couldn't do it...but he knew who could. How many more giants would we defeat if we would march in with our bag of stones knowing who had already defeated the giant?  We pay attention to the weight of the rocks sometimes more than the weight of His presence with us.  (As God has so lovingly reminded me several times on this journey (a lot just in the last couple of weeks)...He didn't move than to not move now, and He didn't part the waters over there just to leave you stuck on the other side. So many times we want to know what the other side looks like when God's saying step in the water first) 

The other visual was of a stone being thrown into the water. Ripples happen when a stone is thrown in whether it's dropped or skipped into the water. What we do, what we say, has a ripple effect. Our stones of remembrance can as well...so many times we are carrying them around almost like trophies or badges of honor...and God's waiting on us to throw them in the river and let them impact someone else. He didn't do what He did in us to not let it flow through us. The stones only become heavy if we carry them around like a bag of rocks. Stones released to Him....can make a ripple impact that we may not ever see on this side of eternity. 

The stones at first may feel like a rock is caught in your shoe, but God has a purpose and a plan. It's hard to see at first because the focus is how the rock feels. The word never said we wouldn't feel a certain way, but it said to be. There is a difference in being and feeling and that difference is how you see the stones on your journey. 

More posts to come before break is over

The heart without band-aids

Yep it's late and this wasn't what I exactly had planned. I fell asleep around 9, so I was wide awake at midnight...and God was finishing the part of this one. I have four other posts in the process, but I knew this one had to come first.

Back in May I attend a ladies' breakfast where Christa Black Gifford spoke. She spoke on the heart. It was a much needed word on making the heart whole through listening to why the heart feels the way it does. I was a mess of feelings at that point and having someone tell me it wasn't that feelings were wrong, I just needed to figure out the why was life. So many times we throw a scripture at a mess without looking to the why behind the feeling of that mess. Our hearts are indicators of what's going on in our bodies and minds if we will just take a minute to listen. I'm thankful God has wired us to where spoken words like that are a seed that He plants deep down. It may seem like nothing is coming from that word, but it's because it has to take time to root and start to grow. I highly recommend her book Heart Made Whole. I can't say enough about the teaching that is in there. Anyway back to the blog...so fast forward a couple of months and busy and overwhelmed were becoming a norm. There was stuff coming to the surface on the inside and it wasn't nice coming out. I was about to hit a wall and I knew it. I am beyond thankful for people that speak life in when I'm headed to a wall and don't just add to it. I am usually pretty easy to read lately....If I'm quiet, I'm probably thinking about something which means the turtle shell mode is close. I've also learned there is a truth volcano side that comes out and it's not always truth in love. It happens to all of us at some point... for me I'm learning is usually a coping mechanism that keeps me from crying in front of others. Just being real....I'm learning grace for myself and over the last week or so am learning more and more to love others like He does means all people. Love without expecting anything in return and trust God for the return.....(which is so contrary to the flesh...which is good cause that means it's going to take Him).  Grace for ourselves means knowing that we are going to fall at some point, but as I heard a couple of weeks ago...stay away from the edge so that when you do fall, you are at a place where you can get back up. Sometimes I wish I had a light on the outside of me that said anxiety in progress, proceed with grace and love. You may be thinking well yeah I wish I had one too but not with anxiety with________. My word on that is, give yourself grace first and press through. It may take a couple of days to see what's really going on, but at some point ...the "get up" rises up on the inside of you and you find yourself pressing through the crowd to get to Jesus. (Yep that's one of the blogs coming).

We all have that thing/place/event, that has created wounds over the years. Some of the wounds may have already gone through the healing process and scars have formed. Some of your wounds may have been like mine and I had band-aids on them (made from duct tape if you ask me). It wasn't until I started the Freedom journey in a small group this Fall that I realized just how many band-aids I had. I knew I had some roots from a couple of things that God and I needed to deal with, but it wasn't until Freedom  that I saw what was under the band-aids and it wasn't pretty. I feel like I've been on this digging process for almost two years now and that's a blog to come about the visual God showed me on that. 

Stay with me for a minute, I'm about to wrap this up. As long as the band-aids stay on, healing can't take place. Some of those band-aids may have been on for awhile, to the point you don't even realize(or remember) what's underneath. God knows though...and He longs for you to walk in a place where your heart is not only whole, but healed. To get to that point though, you have to let Him take the band-aids off. Once that happens ...healing can begin. (Hear my heart I know it's not easy when they come off...getting real with God and yourself about what's on the other side of those places is painful, but necessary). God wouldn't bring your mess to view if He wasn't wanting you to see the message He was writing from it.  When you take off what you wanted to cover those places with, He can cover them with what He intended all along..Him. Reality moment...it's vulnerable to be in that transparent spot of band-aids off. You feel raw and exposed. We'll talk about getting over that wall in another blog about truth. Picture time: In the physical, oxygen brings healing to the wound. When the band-aid is off, the wound can breathe and start the healing process. In the spiritual, it's God's breath that brings healing to the wound. It's His breath that brings life back to the place that was tender to the touch. (Ya'll I about had a shout on that one tonight). 

Small group wraps up next week with Conference which is when part 2 of this will come. I also have a few more posts in between. God doesn't bring about restoration for you to keep it to yourself. The word over and over that He keeps telling me is it's a ripple effect. He works in you so He can work through you. There is a world out there inside the church and outside the church waiting to hear the praise attached to your victory. 

"My Weapon will be My Sound"

Taking a break from posting after this one for a couple of weeks. God's writing one called The heart without band-aids that is going to take some focus.

Last night I was trying to go to sleep and the usual Sunday night anxiety and overwhelmed was flooding my mind. We are off all week, so this shouldn't have been a normal case. I even had one of those anxiety-filled dreams of someone breaking in (and I had watched Christmas movies before I went to bed...so who knows). It was at that point I started praying and rebuking the thoughts...but it took a while to press through. I should have gotten up and gone to my prayer closet...but lesson learned. I was praying but not out loud. Y'all there is something to be said for praying out loud. There is a power tied to our vocal cords that silence the things that need to be hushed. Even if it's just a whisper....there is a power that is unleashed when we take our praise, our prayer, our thanksgiving to another level and speak it. It's more than just a thought at this point, it's a weapon... 

This morning God woke me up with one of my favorite praise and worship songs and the lines that say "My feet on the battleground. My weapon will be my Sound. I will not be silent, my song is my triumph". It was like God was going.."hello Child remember your victory is tied to your voice"  What needs to be unlocked with a shout of your praise? The walls of Jericho fell on the seventh time around with the shout from their voices. This is the year of Restoration....enough said. We are nearing the end of this year, this season....what walls still need to come down? Open up your mouth and let the shout out. 

Sometimes obedience doesn't make sense in the moment. Sometimes the feet are stuck to the floor not because you need the breakthrough right then (you know God will meet you in the prayer closet later...), but you don't know whose breakthrough could be tied to your obedience, to your unsticking of the feet and just taking the first step. We were meant to live lives for an audience of one period. That means everything we do, say, think etc. should be for Him, as an act of worship. Quit worrying about what others are going to say and let the power out that He's placed on the inside. When you stand before God one day...you are the only one that has to account for what you did or didn't do. God forgive me for the moments I excused or reasoned away and should have moved. Our actions should be in reaction to Him and Him alone. (That was a word for me, but anyway...if it's for you feel free to take it too). 

Let's be His Hands and Feet this season to all people. Your weapon is your sound, it's in your voice. You don't know who needs you to speak life into them this season, who needs to not only know you are praying for them but to hear (or read) what you are praying. Let's quit being comfortable and doing things how we have always done it....and be moveable when He says move. He's got a work to be done....and a world that needs to know the One who has already won the battle. 

New...

Usually, I will write a blog and will make a comment here and there that's a post for another day. Today, however, I was typing and hit a point where I was talking about Restoration and how the paint, the layers have to be pulled back, scraped off, and then sanded down before the new paint can be poured out......and God dropped a verse in my Spirit.

I'll be honest it didn't make sense at first. It's one I had heard Amanda use in her sermons a lot lately, but I read the verses before and after and whew.  Matthew 9:17 is at the end of a section talking about fasting and right before one of the miracles Jesus performed. So many times we ask God to do a new thing, but it's like we wait for Him to just drop it on us without us doing anything. God said in Isaiah behold I'm doing a new thing, do you not perceive it? (Can you not see it with your spiritual eyes?). So many times we look for the new to be on the outside of us, but He's longing to do a new thing on the inside of us....because when He does something in us, He can do more through us.

I read in one commentary that old wineskins were skins that had been stretched to their limit. If something new would be poured into them, they would burst. Stay with me for a minute....God knows when you are at your limit. He longs to do something new in you always, even if you have been His for years....He longs to show you how to climb higher(there is an upper room waiting..). Sometimes to get to that new, we have to strip away the old....and let God restore so that we can be filled up with what He's longing to pour out.

This may not make a lot of sense and who knows it may have been one of those personal revelations for just me. You know where you are with God more than anyone else does. You know if there is a wall up (see the blog before this one) and you know what needs to be dug up in order for the new to come. This is a season of God pouring out and it's happening now, He's looking for vessels to fill ....I know it may feel like empty is where you are, but oh sweet Child of His...when you are empty of you, it means there is more room for Him. Let's stay in receive mode, stepping when He says step, moving when He says move, and speaking when He says speak....He's looking for you to walk in the power you know that's on the inside of you. There is a world to be reached, miracles to be done, and wonders to be seen...all to show His glory. It's time to move out of comfortable....

Matthew 9:17New International Version (NIV)

17 Neither do people pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst; the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved.”

Transparency....

When God starts writing a blog as you lay in bed, you honestly don't know if it's going to get published later or if it's something that should have been written in the moment. This is one that started this morning sometime and I'm thankful I didn't try to type it out yet because God's been writing on it all day. In my time with Him this morning before church, whew, it was thick...that's about all I can say and it was just me, God, and praise music. I've learned over the years though, certain songs bring about a connection that brings a power that I can't even begin to describe. It has to be felt. If we have to wait until we get to the building we call the church in order to get into the presence of God, we have something out of line. We should bring the presence with us and the connecting with other believers is where the power shows up and the glory rains down. That's a blog for another day though...

The title of this blog is the word God spoke in my Spirit as the year was becoming 2017. I didn't know exactly what He meant by that, but I was like okay God let's do it. I had pushed my way through to a certain point in my journey with Him, but I could sense higher was coming. I don't know about you, but it's not easy to climb anything when you carry a lot of extra weight or haven't worked to build up strength in the places of you that are needed to climb. God was already working and doing more than I could imagine, but He wanted more. Sometimes God lets us get to a place where we realize where that more we crave is found.....and a new level means work. A month or so later I heard that this was Restoration year, and something in my soul leaped. My heart's prayer/desire became for that. Hear my heart for a minute....God honors the requests of our hearts especially when they are in line with what He's got planned. Sometimes though we don't realize exactly what we are asking for when we are asking for it....hello for something to be restored, all of the old has to be stripped off and stuff sanded down so fresh paint can be applied. Y'all get that picture in the physical realm and then let God apply it to your walk with Him. It's a different picture for everyone....because we all have our own set of junk(anxiety, fear etc.), we all have our own set of messes that we have either dealt with or stuffed down, in short, we all have our own set of things that hold us back at times. God knows the calling He's placed on your life, the seed that was planted on the inside of you before you were born, the ministry He desires to see you walk out...and the life He dreamed you would live. What's keeping you from walking it out? Is it fear? Is it people pleasing? Is it anxiety? Is it you? God hasn't done what He's done in you to not do something through you. So many times we keep those God moments to ourselves when God's made it a fire that's meant to be spread. I'm all the time lately feeling like I'm running on empty.....and this morning God was clear, empty is a good place to be as long as we stay connected to Him...for it's when we are so empty of ourselves, that He can fill us with more of Him.

Back to transparency, I was on a road to hitting a wall of busyness. There is a difference between busyness and fruitful. Seasons look differently...and what may have been fruitful in one season, isn't in another. The whole way to see the shift is with His eyes...or to hit a wall. Hear me when I say the latter isn't so grand. I was headed down that busyness route when something rocked our community in June. A bus wreck that impacted a local church drove me to my prayer closet. My heart hurt in ways I can't describe for the family that lost a precious loved one, but my heart also hurt for those that were on the bus and would have scars that only made sense to those they shared the experience with. One of those moments led me to ask God....I just want to be found faithful to the reason I walked off the bus seven years ago. (Some of you are new to the blog and/or my Facebook and may not know what bus I'm talking about...Google Bowling Family Bus crash 2010). I saw the Restoration that was being poured out to friends already during this year, and my heart yearned to walk in what was mine to walk in. Little did I know I had some work to do before the fresh paint could be poured out. As the school year started, I felt God saying...pull back Martha and just be Mary. To be honest this scared the life out of me because I didn't know how to be at church and not do. (I still don't really....but it's getting better). So I did, I asked for some time away from basically everything I was involved in at church and started in a small group called Freedom. What God's done over the last ten weeks through that time is more than a couple of posts, it's probably a book in the making.

You can't let go of things that you don't admit are there to let go of, and you can't surrender your heart completely if you aren't willing to let Him in all areas of your heart. (Let that sink in...). I had a wall up around places of my heart and I was picky about who I let in. You can keep the wall up for so long though that you forget it's a wall. I'm thankful that two and half years ago a precious friend who knew the inside of the wall, spoke to the roots that needed to be pulled up. Your praise can demolish any wall....but it's up to you to step over the rubble that it left and walk on.  There is a fire growing on the inside of you that is meant to be shared outside of the wall.....

"I see you"

When God gives you a visual a few nights ago that is deeper than you want at that time of night, you are thankful when He follows up with a scripture visual. The other visual may or may not be a blog later, but not yet. The visual ended with the God saying "I see you". which led me to a story of a little man and a tree.

So the visual in scripture was Zacchaeus. I've heard this story, read this story, and taught this story many times over the years. However this time I took yet another look just to see what God wanted to say. God's word is active and alive, what God said through it in one season, may not be what He uses it to say in another season. If He's leading you to a certain passage or story, take a new look at it again.  The verses from Luke 19 are at the bottom if you want to take another look again. 

Zacchaeus wanted to see who Jesus was, but due to what he could see in the physical, he knew he needed a new perspective. When Jesus got to where He already knew Zacchaeus would be, He called out to him. Despite what the other people said about Zacchaeus, he knew what he needed to do. Once he was in the presence of the One he sought out, he was changed. Zacchaeus not only felt the change, he walked it out. 

Zacchaeus wasn't going to let what stood in his way or the comments of others to keep him from seeing who He needed to see. He knew he needed a new perspective in order to get a glimpse of the One he was seeking to see. Let that sink in...how many times do what we need to do in order to get that perspective we need? We want to see Jesus but are we willing to climb the tree to get to that place? Jesus knew where Zacchaeus would be that day even before he climbed the tree. 

Don't let perspective (or lack of) keep you from His presence. Zacchaeus didn't have to climb the tree that day to be seen by Jesus, but he had to climb that day in order for him to see Jesus. God knows where we are at always, but sometimes it takes a climb to get to a place where we can see Him without limitations or distractions. 

Luke 19 Jesus entered Jericho and was passing through. 2 A man was there by the name of Zacchaeus; he was a chief tax collector and was wealthy.3 He wanted to see who Jesus was, but because he was short he could not see over the crowd. 4 So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-figtree to see him, since Jesus was coming that way.

5 When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.”6 So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly.

7 All the people saw this and began to mutter, “He has gone to be the guest of a sinner.”

8 But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.”

9 Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. 10 For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”

If I Shout...

"So if I shout know I'm shouting from a heart that's been washed clean. If I run know I'm running from the past that's been redeemed. To the world it might look crazy, there's just no telling what you're going to do in that moment Jesus gets ahold of you". 

I've always loved this song, but over the last couple of weeks, it's begun to take new meaning. Putting up my tree tonight (Don't judge), I started singing it to myself. Y'all..  You see when the walls start to crumble, when there is a release that only God can do, there is a shout that rises up. Our praise is a weapon, our praise  I could write a book from the last couple of weeks. I know I say that often, but if ya'll only knew.  More chapters to the book are being written, but thankfully the page has turned. Sometimes we get so stuck on the chapters before, that we don't celebrate the chapters being written in the moment.

We take the verse guard your heart so seriously that we end up putting walls up that God never intended to see go up.  This is Restoration year....and just as the Israelites marched around Jerhico six times and then the seventh time, they let out a shout of a praise and the wall came tumbling down...What walls do you need God to finish pulling down this year? What walls have you kept up for whatever reason that has kept you from fully walking in what God has called you to do? There is a transparent post coming soon about walls. Walls have a foundation, a root, so to speak....there is a reason why they are up. When you discover that reason, more than that when you let go of that reason...the walls start to crumble. More than that, when you let in those that you hadn't before...and you find out they don't leave...there is a freedom that comes on the other side of that mess of rubble (Just saying).

God doesn't do a work in you, to not do a work through you. He doesn't bring about restoration and freedom for you to keep it to yourself. There is a someone watching you, someone waiting to hear the real through your mess turned into a message.

I've learned over the last couple of weeks there is a power that I had let busy cover over. I've learned that there is a connection in the spiritual realm that I have just now figured out how to tap into. I've learned that when God restores what has been stolen, you can't help but share it with anyone that will listen. I've learned what Jeremiah meant by a fire shut up in my bones. I've learned sometimes all I need to do is start believing for what I'm asking Him for me as much as I believe it for what I am asking Him for others.

This isn't really a transparent post, that's coming...There is a new level coming, a shift that is happening. I've felt it but seen it over the last couple of weeks. It's bringing a shout that I'm not going to be able to contain soon. I don't know what walls you have up. You may not even know what walls you have up, but you feel like you have hit something. God sees the walls we can't see, and He will let you hit enough times until you are ready to let Him show you what it is.

Your praise is a weapon, start using it...

Typical blog post coming later ;-) Thanks for reading ...
If you haven't heard the song, I put up earlier here it is.

Words (A God and Me moment from worship this morning)

The Word says the Power of Life and Death are in the tongue(Proverbs 18:21).  Words are important, more than most of us realize on a day to day basis. We sometimes think through what we say to others, but how often do we pay attention to the words we speak to ourselves. So this speaking life to myself truth is one that is still slowly taking root. I'm good at speaking life in moments to others, being that encourager, that cheerleader....but when it comes to speaking words to myself, umm not so much. I still have moments where I struggle with insecurity, self-doubt, and lack of self-confidence. Progress is being made...but there are some moments when the comparison trap hits, insecurity usually comes out of this mouth more than truth. (If you were in my daily world last week at some moments, you are probably amening at this point).  

So I'm in church this morning and we are singing one of my new favorites "Resurrecting" by Elevation Worship. If you have paid attention to my posts any, you know I'm all about the lyrics in a song. To me, that's where the power comes in....and this morning all of a sudden while singing, God was like sing it like you believe it. Ya'll I'm not a singer, but I knew what He meant. So many times we sing lyrics during worship and lose sight of what we are singing. Anyway....the chorus this song was the shift I needed because the turtle shell mode was coming back and I needed it to shift to just let Him lead this week. (Turtle shell mode tends to be all about feelings and nothing about choosing to let Him lead...but that's a blog for another day.). The chorus is below and the link to the song is at the end of the blog. 

Let the words of this sink in.....it's not that we have anything in us that is good and can do anything. When we become His though, His Spirit takes up residence and when His power connects...well for me it usually ends up in a moment where God and I are talking in words I can't understand. I don't know what defeated you last week, for me, it was me. Thankfully, His mercies are new every morning....and even every hour if we need them to be.

By your Spirit I will rise from the ashes of defeat: whatever kept you down, the Spirit on the inside of you says...it's time to get up. Defeat is not a word in God's vocabulary because He has already defeated everything that could possibly have power over us when He died on the cross. 

The Resurrected King is Resurrecting Me: Y'all at this point the third or fourth time we sang it, I almost had a shout. Whatever has happened in the past, God died to speak life back into you....and the King who didn't stay in the grave is bringing life back to whatever may seem dead for you. 

In Your Name I come alive, to declare your victory: God does what He does in us and through us so we can share it with others for His glory. It's not about anything we can do...because without Him we could do nothing (pretty sure He'd make sure of that). It's His breathe that lets us do what we do...

Be Blessed this week Readers! 

If you have never heard the song, here's the link: Resurrecting by Elevation Worship

My heart for a few...

When the power goes out in the middle of the night and you start to hear a beeping sound, it wakes you up. (No worries, it was my battery pack on my computer set up, but nonetheless in a house where there is utter silence....there was a sound and I was awake). I've had about four blogs going this week and nothing that I could finish. To say there are multiple words running on the inside of me would be the understatement....when I asked God about it midweek, the parable of the sower came to mind. Not to give the enemy any more credit than he deserves, but he sees words and shifts...he knows when there is a word that needs to take root and he sees the ground its now being sown into....sometimes the enemy's way of devouring is to go after the seed before it becomes a root. I see the visual of a hawk trying to take food before anyone else can get it. It's a way of picking at something through distractions to keep from protecting the seed/food until the root can happen. This past week our small group lesson was on Surrender and the revelation God spoke down was pretty deep, powerful etc. Then Tuesday night throughout the whole Dove Awards, the message was about sharing Him, about being His hands and Feet, basically about simply loving others.....Wednesday night I was at a moment where I just couldn't people, so I stayed home to watch Restoring Hope. I fell asleep around 7ish but thankful a sweet census lady rang the doorbell and woke me up. I turned church on not long after that and needless to say stayed glued for the rest of the service with tears streaming down my face at multiple times. To say God knows what we need is truth.....and He knows how to make sure we get it.

We are all messes in progress because He's still writing the message as only He can. Some days we get so focused on the chapters that have passed or the chapters still to come, that we lose sight of turning the page to praise Him for what He's writing now.

There are still moments when I don't want to people, when I would rather just lay on the couch and watch TV. There are still moments when I compare myself to others WAY TOO MUCH and forget that the journey I'm running is where my focus should stay. I slip into the comparison trap way more than I should as a Child of the Most High, but this mess in progress is working on leaving that at His Feet for good. Sometimes I think we keep the mess side of us hidden so much that if we would just be real about all of our story....who knows maybe it is what someone else needs to go, okay I can keep moving.  Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12 is a power-packed set of scriptures......and there is a blog to come later on those. That set of scripture has been rocking my world for 17 years and I'm still amazed how God shows me yet another insight into His word.

You can see glimpses into about four different blogs, hence the writing struggle this week. I love music, most of you know that, and sometimes God will drop a line of a lyric in my Spirit. Yesterday was one of those days. I didn't know what the song was, but I googled the lyrics "God you don't need me, but somehow you want me". God knows when you are in a fight...and He's going to give you the weapons to fight back...it's your choice to pick them up and use them. So I found the song and read the rest of the lyrics...imagine that it was called Control (I would say God has a sense of humor, but He just knows...). There is a link at the end of the blog for the song. I'm six weeks into my small group study on Freedom and to say the layers are pulled back....well they are. I've unpacked more stuff than I even realized I carried. It's about five blogs to come on that process, but not until it's completely over..so stay tuned on that. On to the visual from the wee hours of the morning....I've given things to God before only to take them back in a week or so because I thought oh I can handle this now. Over the last two years, I've been unpacking stuff with Him. I can see it...it's a lot of mess spread at His feet. I haven't picked it back up yet, but I haven't left it either. Sometimes the uncomfortable feeling comes because it's a nudging from Him. Something Payne said in the service I watched Wednesday night stuck, we ask God for healing, deliverance, restoration....yet we aren't willing to take the steps He has told us to take. (Paraphrase is mine..) 

"God you don't need me, but somehow you want me, Oh how you love me and somehow that frees me to take my hands off of my life and to give you control..."

Enjoy this beautiful Saturday! More posts to come as He writes...

Thank you for reading and letting me share 💛

Buddy Tape

Almost a month ago, I looked down and realized I had jammed my big toe at some point. It was the one on my right foot, so I tend to not always pay attention to the pain on that side especially when I need to go visit the chiropractor. When I looked down that day I noticed that it was black and blue and all of a sudden the pain made sense. (I also noticed I needed to make a pedicure appointment, but I digress). I had written the pain off to just the usual when in fact it was a new pain. I also knew it was still flip flop season and taping up the toe wasn't going to be easy. Most days I wore the shoes I wanted and just taped the toe when at home. Do you know how long it takes for something to heal when you try to make the process on your own schedule instead of just dealing with the inconvenience and doing what needs to be done?

Happy to report my toe has been taped pretty much solid since I wrote the first paragraph Saturday. I've had this title in my head for a week or so, and God's been slowly painting this picture for me. I'm stubborn, God knows it and well He and I are working on that. I'm a visual learner though and God doesn't waste a moment to a paint a picture.

I'm four weeks into a small group this semester on Freedom. Heads up, the blog posts are coming on the other side of this process I'm sure. This is a process I've been taking my time at with over the last two years. My friends in Nashville spoke life into it to start the process, but it's taken longer than expected. Then again, I was trying to compartmentalize things. It's kind of like the toe that I taped when I wanted to. I worked on the freedom as long as I was in Nashville or talking with them, but the wall stayed up everywhere else. Can I let you in on a lesson learned the hard way? Transparency isn't comfortable, but it's how you get free. We delay the process on our own when we treat the wall like a curtain that can be raised up and down at our choosing. Hear my heart, do we need to tell everyone our junk, heavens no. However, those that God has called you to do life with, to minister with, to serve alongside etc., those stay sensitive to God's whispers, and if says let them in...do. It's a lot easier to go through the process of unpacking junk if you aren't doing it solo. (That's a blog for another day,from a lesson learned the hard way of not letting some people in) That being said, I'm great at living behind a turtle shell....but small group this semester has brought the connection piece. It's been the buddy tape to work towards healing, that if left up to me probably wouldn't have happened anytime soon. God knows His timetable and I truly believe sometimes He brings in a wall of burnout to grab your attention and make you listen to Him. The obedience step that comes next is ours, but if our hearts desire is restoration and freedom.....God's going to keep promoting and stirring until we take the step jump in.

Child of His, sweet reader...God's heard the prayers you have been asking Him for over and over and over....and He's putting things into place for you to grab a hold of what He's promised was yours to take. It's yours for the grabbing.

The other side

I was watching an online prayer meeting this morning, and a pastor friend shared the verse above. At some point, read this entire passage. It's one that I honestly skimmed over when I was younger and remember it simply as just "Breakfast with Jesus". I can see the coloring sheet now...but there is so much meat and umph to this chapter. I truly believe God brings back verses at just the right time. He knows when our Spirit needs that push, but more than that He knows when we are ready to listen to that push. The most dangerous place for our Spirit to be is in neutral. Park is better than neutral, reverse is better than neutral (I know you are thinking how can going backward be better...but it's better than not caring whether you move forward or backward). I digress...back to the scripture.

These fishermen had done all they knew to do, they had fished all night and had nothing in their nets. Verse four said, Jesus was standing on the shore but they didn't know who he was at that moment. He called to them and asked them if they had any food, meaning had they caught anything. When they replied no, He told them to cast their nets to the other side. What happened next was one of those Jesus showing up and showing out moments, because their nets were full to an overflow.  Once they saw how full their nets were, something in them knew who was on the shore. Verse 11 said they had so many fish in their nets, yet it wasn't broken. The next verse shows the heart of Jesus when He said come and eat breakfast. I just love that....

I'm sure the disciples that were out fishing were tired. They were doing what they knew to do and yet were probably feeling defeated because the nets were empty. In that moment of defeat, someone whom they didn't recognize at first, said throw the nets to the other side. I'm sure the disciples probably thought are you kidding me, but they did it anyway. After all, they had spent all night with it in one place and nothing happened, why not do what this apparent stranger was saying. I wonder if they hadn't cast their nets to the other side if the scene would have continued the same way. How many times does that whisper of obedience not really make sense to us? We have been doing what we know to do and yet, God's whispering hey throw it to the other side.  It's not something that makes sense in the natural and honestly to anyone looking on the outside the obedience step may not make sense, but you may never know just how full your nets can be if you keep trying to fish with them on the side you have always been fishing on. Faith is throwing the net to the other side, knowing God's going to fill it up.

I was going to stop this blog right here, but then I noticed the subtitle for the next part of the chapter, Jesus Restores Peter. This is the year of Restoration, I know I have said that before in other posts. I've learned over the last month or so though that for things to be restored, you have to strip away what was there previously. The band-aids have to be ripped off and peroxide poured in. The old way of looking at things comes off and a new way is painted on. It's trading in our physical/soul way of looking at life, at ourselves and taking on how He views things. It's a process. The disciples may have not cast their nets on the other side if the had only been fishing for a short time. Obedience precedes restoration, Jesus had Peter's attention, He had Peter's focus, more than that He had Peter's heart.

Listen to the whispers this week reader.....is He saying it's time to cast the net to the other side? The world is waiting on us to be the body of Christ to them, by being His hands and Feet. It may not make sense to our physical to throw the nets to the other side, oh but what is waiting if we step out in faith and simply follow the whisper of the Master?

When God whispers in...

When God starts writing a blog on the way to church service, you might find yourself distracted. If you find yourself distracted, you might miss the step off and take a stumble headed to your seat. If you take a stumble, you pop back as you do thankfully and head to your seat. Once in your seat, you find moments later just why you are in the seat as you watch a sweet and precious child with exceptionalities worship without reserve. If you find yourself watching this, you find the tears flowing...and you realize God is undoubtedly in every moment. Now on to the blog God started writing this morning....

A couple of months ago, I heard Aaron preach a sermon on the Master having need of you. I've often found that sometimes sermons that I don't think take root....really do because God brings them to mind when He has planned. This morning as I was getting ready for church, this sermon came back to mind. I didn't think a lot of it at first, just filed it back away knowing it was a blog at some point. I googled to find the verse exactly (yes sometimes I don't always know where something is and use Google for reference lookups). On the drive to church, a sense of expectancy rose up in my Spirit.....and I knew this blog was going to happen today. God started preaching to me about the verse He had brought to my Spirit. 

Y'all when God started breaking this one apart, whew...I could sense a shift coming. This whole journey is about us moving forward to the eternal prize, to that moment when we stand before Him one day, but in the meantime, God's given us this life to live. He longs to see us not only live it with our to-do lists and busy schedules but to live it to the fullest and with abundance. God longs to see us live a life in overflow. To live a life so full of Him that every breath we take, every move we make, every word we speak, every step we take is not our own. It's a daily (even a second by the second choice at times).  As we uncover our purpose which is fueled by our passion, we start to see who God designed us to be. Sometimes on that journey though we realize there is some "stuff" still locked away, tied up, packed down, etc. It takes work to untie it, and it's a process that doesn't always make sense to some....but know this. If God's called you to untie something, He has need of it. He wants all of you, all of the mess you have kept locked away, all of the stuff you call junk. He has need of all of it. This is Restoration year....and God longs to restore what has been broken, taken etc., but first He needs you to untie it and leave it in His hands. 

This was a sermon God was preaching to me this morning. I hit a moment this past week where feelings flooded my heart and I was one step away from overwhelmed anxious Melissa taking over. I knew being tired had something to do with it, but I also knew God was fighting a battle I couldn't see and I needed to get still. Yeah, that's not always an easy thing to do in the middle of the workday, so a quick/long text to a couple of prayer covering friends and the feelings started to ease.  I knew this was just another bump in the journey and God was reminding me yet again...that He's got this. Sometimes those moments come simply because God wants us to push through them knowing He has us, feelings in all. God longs to be louder than our feelings (thank you small group homework for the week). 

I don't know what it is you have tied up, locked away, or stuffed down. I don't know what is keeping you from walking in that abundant overflow of Him that God promised us was ours. I know what I have unstuffed, unpacked, and untied over the last month or so. Trust me there have been moments already when I'm like God do I really have to. I mean I've grown comfortable with my stack of band-aids to put over things....It wasn't easy to give Him the band-aids plus know that He was about to pour peroxide into some spots. When I'm sensitive enough to His whispers, I know that my moments of I don't want to people aka blahs are a distraction from something He longs to tell me. I know God has a purpose for the process and in the journey is a renewing passion that only He can stir. This verse this morning was like God blowing on a wound. It was easing the burn of the peroxide that had been poured in over the last two weeks. It was God reminding me He has need of all that has been untied. Take some time on this beautiful Sunday afternoon and just let Him whisper to you. As I said before I don't know what may be tied up for you, but know this God has need of it. He desires for His sons and daughters to walk in freedom, in life each and every day. 

Midnight moments

Can I be real and just share for a few? I started just to make this a post on Facebook and it got too long. I almost titled this blog #messinprogress cause that's what I feel like some days. The blog is titled Moments Along the Journey...sometimes you are walking on the journey, sometimes you are standing still, and sometimes you are stopped letting God go through your "junk" so that it can finally be let go on that journey. All spots on the journey are part of His plan, but more than His plan ...they are part of His purpose for us. I've written a blog before called the abundant life vs. the saved life. This is that part of the journey I'm talking about....there comes a moment when God goes, Child, this is what I mean by life...and He opens up revelation upon revelation. Hear my heart...to sit in those moments of revelation mean being willing to do some work. It takes work to let God hide the band-aids and pour peroxide on the wounds. That's a blog (or three) for another day.

Verse five came at some point today, one of those moments when I recognized that anxiety and overwhelmed were about to take residence again and my small group homework came back to me. Joyce Meyer calls it "stinking thinking". I've heard that phrase for years, but I'm finally seeing it's thinking the way you feel. Easier said than done and this is still a work in progress. Tonight I read verses three and four and it just stuck. Fighting with how we feel is a weapon of this world. If our thoughts are lined up with His, thinking can be a weapon of the world. We truly do turn into our own worst enemies when we walk with those weapons in our hands. This is me preaching to myself.....Verse four says that we have the divine power to demolish strongholds (hello abundant life and freedom)...so why don't we walk in it? That's the million dollar question and one that's different for each one of us. For me....busy with band-aids was easier than no band-aids and peroxide. For me, it was just easier to do than to get still and be, to let Him have all of that junk that I had grown accustomed to carrying. In reality, I had grown numb to carrying it. It's like carrying something for a while...when you put it down all of a sudden, your muscles start to hurt and there is a soreness for awhile as the feeling comes back.

The knowledge of God...that He loves us more than we love ourselves and that His purpose far exceeds anything we could think or feel for ourselves. His heart for us is immense. When we can truly grasp that love.....there are no chains that can stay locked because that love is freedom.

We have weapons that are not of this world....and the enemy knows exactly what they are. (That's why he does his best to make sure you and I don't know what they are). Oh, but when we start to see the weapons that are in our hands....

Hear my heart tonight, this is just me sharing some moments with God over the day. I haven't got this thought thing mastered yet....I'm a mess in progress, but progress is being made. The band-aids are off and He's poured that peroxide into places....and that restoration that He promised this year is bringing a healing and a wholeness with it. This Jesus girl may just have her run at some point...(lol). Don't discount what's He's placed in your hands......and on that I'll end.

Night readers or Happy Tuesday (depends on when you read it).

When there is a knot to unravel....

When you are laying in bed trying to sleep and God starts painting a picture for you as only He can. This whole picture has more than one blog attached to it, but I'll keep this one short. I'll post a transparent one later with more of me just sharing my heart.

The hose can still be attached to the spout even when the flow may seem blocked. The hose can still have water flowing through it even though it may not be at the speed it once was. There may be a knot or a kink in the hose, something that has come in and altered the flow that once was. Stay with me for a minute....it takes time to unravel where the kinks got in, but the first step is realizing hey wait a minute this flow isn't what it used to be. You can't just say to the hose hey unravel yourself please, it takes some movement and some time. You can still use the hose with knots and kinks in it, but it may take you longer because something has interrupted the flow and the strength that the water comes out.

Now think in the spiritual....When we accept Jesus as our Savior and enter into that relationship with Him we are attached to His spout. The water begins to flow through us...but then something sets in and there is a kink/knot that happens to the hose. Distractions, Obstacles, Schedules, Feelings, Routines, etc....all can cause a knot or tangle to the hose. That flow that once begins to not be as strong as it once was. The first step is in realizing something is interrupting the flow. The next step is doing something to straighten it out. Just like you can't say to a garden hose in the natural, hey unravel yourself...it's the same way in the spiritual. It requires a step or two aka movement.

I could keep going on this one, but I'm just going to end it here. It is possible for the flow in one area of your life to be strong while there is a knot or tangle in the other. Take a heart inventory and then listen when He really answers......a whole heart is a heart wholly in His hands, but that's a blog for another day.

Forward on the journey~~

The Great Exchange

When I taught Children's Sunday School, I used to use the light switch to teach about faith and doubt. It's hard to have both at the same time because they are antonyms (once a teacher always a teacher..). It's hard to have the light switch on and off at the same time, much like faith and doubt. You can have one or the other, but you can't have both. You know if you have read any of my blogs, I'm a visual learner..so that's how I tend to teach. Well after reading a post on Facebook last night, the title from this blog came...then last night as I lay trying to sleep...God painted the picture as only He can. It's in line with what I've been reading over the last couple of months in a couple of books and online devotionals. (I love it when God lines up what He's pouring into you, just when He knows...) 

When we ask God to come into our hearts, He moves in and takes residence. He comes into our space, but it's not exactly all His just yet. You see it's a lot like moving into a home. It takes time, some rearranging, some cleaning, some moving things into the place they need to be, some making it your own...before that house becomes your home. It takes living in that place some time too, before you start to see just how things need to be arranged. (It's also that way in the classroom for teachers. We start the year with our rooms arranged one way, and then after a couple of weeks sometimes they get moved and rearranged as we settle into the space for the year). 

As God begins to make our hearts His home over the years in relationship with us, there is some rearranging, some cleaning, some moving around that ends up being done. It's not pleasant and honestly it hurts in the process, but it's how God turns your heart into His heart. We find ourselves praying and singing for God to make us more like Him, but do we really realize just what that means. It's a surrendering of ourselves in return for becoming more like Him. God knows our hearts...He knows when we are holding on to those parts of us that He's been trying to pry our fingers off of. Hear my heart, the duct tape will come off eventually and the only place to take Him to, is that place. 

As God makes our hearts His own, He makes us into who He planned for us to be from before we were born. As our hearts become more like His, the desire to please our audience of One becomes our hearts cry and in doing that some of the things that used to be in plain view, start to grow strangely dim...and what used to be dim becomes easier to see. 

It's hard to hold two things at once, worry and peace, faith and doubt, passion and people pleasing, anxiety and confidence, fear and trust...it's hard to hold our hearts as we know them and His heart in us.  The struggle will be there always, but there is a strength that will begin to overtake us moment by moment as we learn to quiet the flesh and let the Spirit take over. There is a peace that comes when we start to see that the rat race was never His dream for us all along, just the obedience walk. It's a journey that's all our own....

There is another blog coming tomorrow that I actually started before this one. It's based off of the song Broken Things by Matthew West. This great exchange isn't easy...only God knows the many times I have laid things down only to discover I'm still carrying even more that needs to be laid at His Feet. It's what He meant when He called us to die to our flesh daily. It's a will exchange knowing that peace only comes with one of them. It's a feeling exchange knowing that even when you don't feel it, you can believe what He says about you. 

Do you want______?

I've had the most productive Sunday I have had in awhile, but it's also been the loneliest. That being said...God has had my attention all day, and I think that's how He wanted it. I have made sure to keep the music going to keep my mind focused on what He wanted to whisper in and not what I wanted to feel. Feelings can get you to a place you don't want to be because they are focused on the here and now instead of on the realm that we can't see. I was on Twitter last night and saw where Mandisa had posted about a loneliness bout she was having. I about shouted...sometimes you just need to know it's not just you. In Jesus name...God's going to own that feeling as His own before the year's over. Moving on....

Ya'll stay with me here, remember I'm a visual person. Sometimes when I am in a conference or a workshop and sitting for a long period time, I get fidgety to keep from going numb. It happens at night too, if I lay on my arm under my pillow for too long, it can go to sleep. We were created to move at certain intervals. Now think about it in the spiritual...how many times have we felt God whisper us something and we did nothing. That whole term quenching the Spirit is real in case you had any doubt. As a trusted friend as always told me, you gotta move when God's moving. When He's stirring, is the time to jump in. The man lay by the pool of Bethesda waiting on someone to push him in, but he stayed there in that same condition for a long time. That is until Jesus stopped by and asked him a question..."Do you want to be well?". Sometimes I think Jesus is asking us the same thing when we present requests to Him...He knows our hearts after all, so He knows what we need and what we are seeking after, but He's asking Do you really want that? Do you want to be whole? Do you want that freedom? Do you really want restoration? You see the man had become stuck because he was focused on what had to be done, instead of doing all he could to get himself to the water.

How many times do we find ourselves in that same spot? We ask God for freedom, we seek after it in our prayer closet, we know He can do it...yet when He whispers in to take a step, we stay still. We stay focused on anything, but what He is asking us to do. We keep clicking the words even though God said to go lay down ______ at the altar. (That's a personal note for me...) Before we know it, the whispers start to become quieter and quieter....and the flame that once was, starts to grow colder. Then we find ourselves wondering why frustration, offense, insecurity, anxiety etc. seem to come so easy....the fire that used to put them out isn't as strong as it once was. We let ourselves focus on the task instead of obedience. Hear my heart on this....God is a jealous God and doesn't like to share. He loves His children beyond our wildest imagination and too much to not stop by and ask the question once more, Do you want it? Just as God spoke to Samuel more than once when he was just a boy at the temple, God gives us more than once chance and for that, I am forever thankful.

Just being real....I know what that distance feels like. I didn't realize it was a hardness, coldness until this weekend when God started peeling off the layers and ripping off the duct tape. I had grown numb in an area of my life to His whispers and in doing that ...kept circling the mountain frustrated as to why because I knew what the top of the mountain in His presence felt like. God has a way of reminding us of those times, even if it's a verse quickly referenced in a sermon that you happen to catch as you were loading the next verse. A verse that may not mean much to others, but is one of those turning point verses for you...and in that God starts to bring feeling back to that place of you that was numb. It's in doing so that God starts to remind you, Restoration is what I promised this year...Do you really want it? and He stirs once again that place inside of you that has longed for the embers to be moved around and the fire rekindled.

Those dreams are under that wood that grew cold, He hasn't forgotten about them Child and neither should you. Take the time to just sit with Him and let Him pour back in and restore what has been yours all along. I wasn't going to write a blog tonight, but God spoke this to me about a season I am finding myself in right now...maybe someone else is there too.

When God rips off the duct tape...

Can I just be real on this blog? I mean this is my heart out on paper/print. I truly believe God never gives us a moment just for ourselves and if this blog gets finished then, it's a moment meant to be shared. (I have several blogs in the middle of writing that He would never let me finish...so finished blogs are meant for sharing and I learned that a long time ago.) Some of you may be looking at the title and going, duct tape, God? I've talked about band-aids and how healing comes when we let God take those off...well some parts of our lives are held together by duct tape. There are parts of who we are, parts that on the outside look like we are all put together....but what isn't seen is all of the duct tape God has used to keep His child together. The duct tape is part of our story. It's those areas that give us a heart for someone who may be in the same place, but haven't let God apply the duct tape yet. It's what gives us a story to share...of how but for God holding us together we would be a mess. (I realize God doesn't have to use duct tape...but if you have read any of my blogs, you know I am a visual person...and this is how God and I talk). If you have ever had duct tape stuck to your skin and then tried to pull it off, not only does it hurt...but it leaves a raw place. The places of our hearts held in place with duct tape are usually the raw places. 

This is Restoration year in the Jewish calendar, and it's also the seventh year since the bus wreck. So for me, I knew when I walked into this year...God had a plan and a purpose, but I also knew the enemy would come fighting it. I just don't think I realized how hard he would fight. Transparency was the word God spoke in my Spirit at the beginning of the year...and He's been faithful to that word despite all of the ouches. Right down to the discussion He and I had this summer about being faithful to the reason I walked off the bus seven years ago. God has had a plan in place all along, me...I haven't been listening. Well let me take a step back, I've been listening in some areas and doing in others. The same God that speaks so personally to me in my prayer closet, in my living room when I am having church, and when I'm in service with friends is the same God that is talking in other places. It's that sometimes my focus has been on doing and not listening. God doesn't stop speaking to His children, it's that sometimes we get so distracted by even good things we stop listening. We stop listening when He is drawing us to lay things down and in doing so we keep circling a mountain He planned for us to be over a long time ago. God longs to redeem and restore all that the enemy is stolen, but sometimes it's a step of obedience that keeps us from walking in that. When God's moving, move period. Don't put it off for later what needs to be done in the moment He's speaking it. That's a lesson for another blog.

We delay our purpose by staying focused on our task. Our task is to be His hands and Feet and to love as He loved us. To do that means embracing who we are in Him, strengths, and weaknesses in all. It means being real and transparent so that others see not what we do, but what He is doing through us. We each have a ministry that God had purposed and planned for us from the beginning before we even had a name in this realm...He knew who we were. That ministry, that calling, that purpose...is what makes our heart beat. Hear my heart on this too....ministry doesn't just take place within the walls of the church building. When we get our eyes off of the church as being this place and that place and realize it's all of God's children....it will open our possibilities because we will be unified in reaching this world for Him. The church shouldn't be a place where we go looking to be filled all of the time, but where we go to connect with others each week. God can fill our cups in our personal time with Him. We need that time each week with others on this journey so that just as Moses had with Aaron and Hur, we have someone who can reach out and hold our hands up when the battle starts wearing us. It's the four friends who broke through a roof to get their friend to Jesus....but that's a blog for another day. I have learned the hard way (and am still learning), don't keep your hands so busy doing what may need to be done...that you don't let others grab a hold of them when you need that Aaron or Hur. Don't fall into a being so busy trap that you stop being at some moments. I learned the lesson the hard way and when it finally processes it's probably enough for a blog or two. God never meant for us to run at such a pace that we lose sight of our purpose or who He called us to run the race alongside. 

Sometimes when the season changes, it may not always be felt at first. Just as when Summer first started this year, it still felt like Spring. Sometimes we don't always recognize the season is changing because we don't feel it at first. Sometimes God gets our attention with ripping off the duct tape...reminding us of who really does have control (as much as we may think we do). Sometimes He says to slow down child, I need some time with you. We can get so caught up in doing that we lose sight of listening. It's not anyone's fault, but our own. It's in that slowing down though that God starts to pour in and speak the truth that starts to heal where that duct tape used to be. It's in that slowing down that we slowly start to see who God planned for us to be all along. 

Spend time at His Feet today, more to come later....

Where are you pointing your beam?

If the beam isn't pointing forward, you will never know just how far the light will reach. I'm a visual person and God has rocked my world with this flashlight picture today. I'm the worst at getting caught in the comparison trap (some of you just said a huge Amen at this point..lol). It's in that moment of stillness this morning, that moment where God knew my heart and knew my feelings ...that He showed me the picture of the flashlight. We are all born with flashlights. When we enter into a relationship with Him, He turns the light on. Sometimes our focus gets off and we shine the light to our surroundings, to up in the clouds, and even sometimes to ourselves. We get our focus off moving forward, off staying the course, off how far our light actually does reach. God designed our lights with us in mind. He knows just far the beam will reach, how long the batteries last, and where He needs it to take you. If our lights are focused on anywhere, but forward...we lose sight of what we can do, we start comparing ourselves to others, having a pity party, or on the impact, our light is making on the journey.  Don't lose sight of your light, focus it forward and the beam may reach farther than you ever realized. 

My love language is words of affirmation. It's always been that....I'm that person who keeps all of the notes anyone writes. That kind of thing can keep me going even when I physically have no umph to move. This is me being real for a minute. God's been trying to get this through my hard head for months now and today I finally heard Him. The greatest words of affirmation came from Him when He said I chose you and made you to be You. That's what has to keep us going every day. It's not about whether someone else notices or says good job, it's about being who He made us to be. Yes our flesh cries out for the tangible words of affirmation, but at some point, the shift happens and what our spirit craves is more than what our flesh does. Hear my heart, it doesn't mean we will never struggle with comparisons, with insecurities, with loneliness, or with the wonders of what could be. The struggle, the pull of the flesh will be there, but it's in the quiet moments when you hear God whisper Him....I chose you and made you that your spirit starts to feel peace. It's in those moments you remember that even despite the overwhelmed feelings, the anxiety that is being kept at bay, and the insecurity that is one word away from taking over....that your light reaches farther than you can see as long as you keep it facing forward and walking in it. 

Remember what makes your heart beat, not the beat that makes you nervous, but the beat that makes you smile. This summer I was reminded more of what makes mine beat with that smile. Allow time in your schedule for those moments. It's in those giving back moments, in those connecting with God friends, it's in those seeing light bulbs go off when a kid gets something or sharing with teachers a passion that has only grown that bring a smile not my own. Know what makes your heart beat like that and stay connected to that.....for they will be what God uses to fill your cup and fuel your batteries to keep going. 

Walk forward this week in Him 💗

It's renewing, restoring....

Somewhere after my time with Him last night, God said to listen to a certain song. I don't argue when it's after midnight or even question at that point....God had already been pouring out, so I wasn't about to rock the moment. I played the song which is one I have listened to on an almost nightly basis and even sang in worship service before when visiting Restoring Hope, but last night God used to it on a whole other level. God always has the word ready His children need, always. He's never late or behind even though our flesh may lead us to believe that. He created us and knows us the best....so the word is always right on time. 

Your Blood is a song by Aaron and Amanda Crabb, the link is below if you have never heard it. There is a line in the song that says it's renewing, restoring, setting us free.....

Things in the natural reflect things in the spiritual...stay with me as I describe the picture God painted last night while I sat there with tears streaming down during this song. Sometimes the wounds of life can leave us gushing out blood. We try to bandage those wounds, but the loss still leaves us feeling weak. Maybe our spiritual iron is even low and over time we continue to just go through the motions lacking any pizzazz cause we just don't feel it. You keep going and doing all that you can, but tired becomes the norm.....His blood is renewing, restoring. Sometimes we need a blood transfusion, a hook up from the One who is always a perfect match. It's then and only then do we start to feel restored over time, renewed with an energy that is fresh, and a strength that comes from the source. Wounds are going to happen, but I'm thankful His blood is renewing, restoring. It's when I slow down and let Him take over that I am reminded He gets what I can't seem to comprehend. He understands the moments that make me have to count to ten and take a deep breath. He knows what makes my heart stay in rhythm. I'm thankful for His promises and even when I make a mess of things and the day is held together with His duct tape, He always pokes through with a peace that reminds me "I'm working on what you can't see". 

My anxiety hasn't been my friend this week. I've learned what makes my heart stay in rhythm and what makes it get out of rhythm. I'm learning that boundaries have to be put in place for those things that don't make my heart beat with His.....and no is a word that needs to be used more. I'm a little too transparent some days and walk a fine line between throwing the wall up or telling you how I feel. I'm thankful for those in my life that pour back in when I tell them exactly where I am at. I'm learning to stay sensitive to others that may be where I am and after tonight's sermon praying for interactions that are divine appointments. I've seen God restore confidence over the last week that I had only dreamed about and I've also seen my insecurity and self-doubt turn up the volume in another area. Isn't that how things usually work? The puzzle comes into view at one spot, but the pieces in the other start being harder to fit into place. There is a surrender to the pieces altogether that has to happen at some point.....after all, it wasn't a puzzle I created in the first place. 

I don't know where you are at walking into this week, but God does. Maybe you are running along and life is great, stay the course and keep smiling. Maybe you are in that point where you are starting to feel the weakness set in and the motions aren't that far away, and you need to slow down for a hook up from the One whose blood is restoring and renewing. Maybe you are in the place I was last week where you were in between what made your heart stay in rhythm and what made it come out of rhythm.....let me tell you what I needed last week...I see you! More than that sweet reader, God sees you and knows exactly where you are at. I know it feels like your feet are having trouble walking, but water walking was never meant to be easy. There were other disciples in the boat when Jesus told Peter to come....sometimes the water walking part of your journey is just between you and Him. Whatever it is you are needing in the moment....ask Him for it. I'm reading The Circle Maker and every chapter I'm reminded that the only prayer that is never answered, is the one that is never asked. Don't lose hope when the answer seems to be a delay.....God's still on His way. 

Unpacking with suitcase

The suitcase was packed full of what had been used from the trip, clothes that had been worn, clothes that hadn't, shoes, jewelry, and even a few souvenirs. It was bulging by the time she rolled it into the house because don't we all know that it never goes back in the suitcase as neat as it did when it came out. It's never an easy fit, but you stuff it all in there just to make the trip to home to unpack it. Suitcase is opened and you start to "deal" with everything on the inside. The clothes that had been worn need to be washed and after the trip the ones that hadn't still need to be washed. The shoes need to be put away, the jewelry hung up, and a place found tor the souvenirs. Then once everything has been dealt with, once everything has a place again..it's time to put that suitcase away. It's time  to put the suitcase away. The suitcase still reminds you of the trip, but once it's in it's place....it's not something you will trip over anymore.

I'm the worst at unpacking in the natural and it's not much better with my own house. I would go on trips in the summer and certain bags would stay packed all summer. How many times do we just get it out of whatever bag it's still packed in when we need instead of taking time to deal with it and put it away. It was never as fun to unpack as it was to pack.

A couple of months ago, God showed me a picture of a suitcase and it was open. I had tried to leave the suitcase at His feet multiple times and all of the junk that it contained. A couple of years ago a friend finally spoke truth that broke through this hard head..I had to deal with some stuff. The leaving the bag at His feet wasn't how freedom was found, because as soon as I needed a feeling or a thought would pop in..I knew exactly where to go to get it. Yes the suitcase may have stayed at His feet, but I would go pull out what I needed for the moment to use. I couldn't understand why it was still so "heavy" when I had left it at His feet. Well hello, I was spending all of my time trying to live in the natural and in the spiritual, but didn't know that's what I was doing. I was picking blooms and not digging up roots. For the suitcase to not be something the enemy could use to entangle me and distract me, I had to deal with what was in the suitcase...every piece whether it had been worn or not, there were things that needed to be restored to their place. Are you following? Today He used an empty suitcase sitting by my closet to finish what He's been trying for two months to get through to me. (I'm slightly stubborn, easily distracted, anxious at times, and tend to walk in discouragement more than I should so it takes a few times for the "word" to poke through the soil so it can take root). Sometimes we go through the process with God to deal with what's in the suitcase so we can let it go...we let go of the contents, but don't take a minute to put away the suitcase, to let that go in His hands. God's ready to turn the page to our next chapter and we are still staring at the period. Hear my heart for a minute....the time to unpack the suitcase is between you and God. Just as in the natural, some people get caught up on laundry and put things away a lot quicker than others. Some people can move houses and not have a box left a week later. Some of us six months later, still have a box or two to put away. It's a process for you and God...no one else can tell you how fast to do it, just keep doing it. One thing at a time is better than just staring at the suitcase. Talking with Him about the suitcase is better than acting like the suitcase doesn't exist.  The suitcase may not always stay away in the spiritual life happens...and just because you get through dealing with the contents of one, doesn't mean it won't be filled again. Just remember God never changes and He's not going anywhere. He's a loving Father willing to help however you will let Him.

I don't know what you have been carrying around. How much more grace and mercy we would probably show each other if we could see the bags and suitcases we are all dragging around? God knows though exactly what's been weighing you down. I'm not going to tell you it's easy....goodness I've been staring at mine for a month because I really didn't want to talk about it. I thought I had dealt with it and I had...I had victory over the feelings, but one punch and the memories came flooding back. One punch and I stood staring at the suitcase for almost a month not sure if I wanted to put it away. God doesn't quit talking just because you don't want to listen. He doesn't stop poking and prodding, knocking until you listen. For that I am thankful...I'm thankful He stepped in last week when I wasn't exactly expecting Him, but then again He knew what I needed. I'm thankful for shifts in the spiritual that reminds of His purpose and plan....we were created to be His hands and Feet simply put. I know what it's like for anxiety to overwhelm you in the flesh, for discouragement to be the thoughts that are on repeat, for the blahs to be a fog around you, for Netflix to be what you would rather watch/listen to than your praise music. (I'm learning just in the last week, energy happens when you feed it from His well, but that's a blog for another day). You may still have a full suitcase....okay open it up and ask God for help to start dealing with what's inside of it. As you do God will remind you of His love, His mercy, His grace...and His incredible plans for your life sweet reader. God knows the suitcase is there, He's waiting on you to get tired of carrying it around. It took me awhile to open up the suitcase...now to put it away, but that's a blog for another day when it's left at His Feet for good.