A little truth.

This is for that reader who has found themselves in the day I've had. It's called a little truth. Let me just lay it out for you, Hi my name is Melissa and I'm an overachiever, not just an overachiever but I also struggle with stress eating and people pleasing. I have scars that only He can see, and some days I fall flat on my face. Some days I find myself right back up on the mountain I just slid off of all because of some little comment someone said that I let eat away at me. I'm not perfect, I've never claimed to be. I make mistakes some days more than I can count on my fingers. I care too much, love till it hurts, and can forgive others more than myself. Now that we have gotten that out of the way, I'll tell you what I had preached at me on the way home after I got done laying that all out for Him. (I would not trade my relationship with  Him for ANYTHING. I love where we are****Just a side note...I have some amazing friends that are like family. It was obvious that they were on another level with their relationship with God. I remember the night almost seven years ago when I looked one of them in the eye and I said I want what you have. See I was a Christian at that time, but my relationship with Him was not as deep as it is now. He has been faithful each step of the way and He has given me what I asked for, but with a deeper level comes some stretching and cleaning away).

So back to what He gently reminded me of: He plainly asked me if I was through telling Him what I was. Then He turned the table on me and showed me a picture of my in His eyes. Hello your name is Melissa, my perfect princess. Perfect because I made you, and that's all that I can do. Perfect because no matter what others may seem to do to you, you keep giving even though it hurts. Perfect because your heart is bigger than you are(That's why you go above and beyond to do what you do). Perfect because you've learned to listen even when you don't want to. Perfect because you've learned to reach for my hand when you fall down, and despite the pain of those scars, they have become  your testimony. Perfect because deep down you trust me, even though it scares you. You are a perfect Princess, not because of anything you can do, but because of what I can do through you. So quit listening to anyone but me(even when it seems like their voices are louder), and trust me to open the doors I have planned. I promised I would start what I finished, and I haven't failed you yet ;-) remember my plans are always for your good and they always work out to your good. I've walked with you this far, and I'm not stopping yet. These "little" things are not meant to defeat you, but to finish the process I started so long ago. See I have big plans for you, but first there are some "little" things you have to get victory over and move on from. I love you perfect princess, tomorrow is a new day and you will shine.

Okay so even typing this out again....I'm still in awe of His love and grace. I know I messed up in some of those little things today and I know I will see that "test" again soon, but it's okay. My Daddy has some Big plans and I'm closer to them than I was this time two years ago. So the truth is, today I messed up, but He turned it into a message for me(and maybe even some of you). Thank  you for reading my  heart, I just want to honor Him in everything and if my moments along the journey can be for more than just me, than Praise God.

Until next time,
~Melissa

Thinking out loud (again....)

I almost titled tonight's blog Hi! My name is Melissa and I'm an overachiever. I have been at the computer all day working on something that I probably could have spent maybe a couple of hours on and it still would have been okay. That's me though....I get annoyed with half way and it bothers me if I don't or can't give 110% to something. But you know I'm tired of making excuses for things that are just a part of me. I have finally learned to let myself off the hook when I've done all I can do and it still doesn't go as planned, but I think God calls us to give it all we got. I don't think He planned for us to float through life doing the minimum of what it takes to get by. We should attack each day like a new reader attacks a word he or she doesn't know. Sometimes we are too quick to skip something and miss out on something that God had to bless our socks. I've given up on my days ever being calm again. They are alot better than they were when I started the year, but they are crazily busy all of the time. I asked Him one night toward the end of the week can I just sit down and stop for awhile. It was one of those nights when I was laying in bed running through the list of things for tomorrow(not a good idea...), and guess what He did....He sat down beside me and sat too. Do you get the gist of that sweet picture? He gets us. He knows when we need a rest, He knows when we need a push to keep going, He knows when we need a good Jethro slap(if you watch NCIS, you'll get that picture). I realized by the end of the week how thankful I was/am that He gets me and knows my heart, because honestly some days I feel like He's the only one that does. You know what though...THAT"S OKAY. We put more pressure on ourselves each day than we should, and we definitely let what other people think about us matter more than it should. There is a fine line between people pleasing and obeying authority. There is a fine line between people pleasing and loving other people. When what you are doing(or not doing) causes condemnation and thoughts of self-doubt start to enter in, check your heart and see why you are doing what you are doing. Are you doing it because God told you to, or because you want someone else to ____(you fill in the blank...approve, be happy, say job well done, do what you want them to etc.). God knows why you do what you do, do you?

I get hit with that people pleasing lesson at least once a week. I'm still not at the point where I don't let what other people do, say, or think not bother me. I'm human, but I will say this...I used to get hit with it daily, so I'd say that's progress. Side bar...You know we don't celebrate progress enough. Progress is moving forward and not moving backward. You may not be where someone thinks you should be, but if you are on your way...that's progress. (In other words, not everyone will benchmark every year...my teacher readers will understand that). Don't beat yourself up because you have not arrived at your destination yet, trust me once you get to that one, there is a new map for the next journey taking you to a next destination. We should always be growing, always be moving forward. When you find yourself wanting to run backwards, that my sweet readers, is when most of all you must keep moving forward.

Friends are great, but know who is meant to speak in your life and know who isn't. Not all of your friends are meant to be people who speak into your life and whose opinions you should let affect you. Jesus had 12 disciples, but He had 3 in that inner circle. Too many times we in casual conversation mention something to someone and then we let their approval or disapproval of the situation, affect how we ourselves feel about it. If God has told you to do it, God will give you the grace through it. God has placed gifts inside of you that few may can see. When He is ready, it will be time to open, but until then trust Him to keep molding that gift(like a diamond in the rough, a pearl inside an oyster...some things take time). We can run ahead of God, but it would be like heating a soup and being so hungry you took it off the stove before it started to boil. Yeah, you can eat the soup at that point, but it's not going to be at it's best. Sometimes the greatest revelations come after the boiling point.

The older I get the more I realize how little I still know about somethings, but in that same aspect I realize how much I have gained on some things. I've come far enough to be able to see some of what God has put inside of me. I keep trying to push those things out, but it's not time yet at least not in some spots. Sometimes others don't want to hear about what God is doing in our lives, they need to see it. They need to see that relationship is more than just a religion or a Sunday thing. They need to see what He means to you. I begged God for a voice this year. It has hurt many times than I can count, because I felt like that had been taken away this year. That no one really cared what I thought about anything, or wanted my opinion, or trusted that opinion for that matter. But God had a lesson in all of that. See sometimes we want a voice, so we can take the credit, when God is the one who wrote the story of the day. He showed me that sometimes my voice is heard through what I do, what I may not say, or what I may share with others. That has been a hard lesson, because the flesh wants credit and wants to be noticed. I wish I could say I'm on the other side of this one, but I'm not. I'm still walking it out and some days I fall, but I get back up and try again. 

Live so that others don't hear something different, they see it. Live so that even your Christian friends see something deeper inside of you and want to know God like you do. Just like His word says, when it is time for you to talk, He'll give you the words to say. When the words aren't there, don't force them. Don't look at me to see what Melissa can do, because there are going to be times when I fall flat on my face(I'm sure there will be a blog in those times...). Look at the one that is walking beside me, who picks me up when I fall, and cleans my scratches, dusts me off, and says, let's keep going.

Until next time
~Melissa

Up and Over it

With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall. Psalms 18:29

I'm in the process of writing multiple blogs, but this one is ready for typing. (When I say I'm writing, it means I'm walking a few things out. I very rarely can just put these out just like that). So this one started with the verse above on Sunday. I've seen this verse before, and He's used it more than once to paint a picture for me, and speak to a certain situation. This time however it had a little twist. So I held on to the verse and started the week. (To be honest I didn't think the verse was for me at first. I figured it was the start of a blog, but hoped it was one I could just write and not walk out...negative, but anyway). To top it all off this week, Joyce Meyer's daily tv telecasts have been so right on the money they hurt, but back to the blog. So I got the verse and last night He finished it. This week has worn me out, not because it has been a bad week, but because trying to the right thing regardless of how you feel is HARD!. It's not easy to go against the flesh, it's not easy to not let it have its way (If it were easy, we would all be skinny). I've looked ahead this week and made up my mind as much as I want to run back, I'm not going anywhere. Forward is the only way to walk.

So last night God finished the blog. Some days you have one or two things that happen that may hurt you, and can be easy to get over with time. Some days it seems like it's one thing after another and those are the days that are a little harder to push through. It's like laying a brick or building a wall. The first thing that happens to you(what may have been said or not said), and that's the first brick. If that's all that happens to you that day, you can get "over" it without a lot of struggle. It's easier to let one or two things go when the day is mixed with a lot of good things. Say you have a day though where it is one thing after another. Each hurt, each disappointment is a brick on top of each other, and by the end of the day you may find yourself looking at a wall.

So what now? It was a lot easier to get over those or two things, but this wall makes you just want to run backwards. There I was looking at a wall and God brought this verse to mind. The only way to get over those kind of days, is with His help. With Him, you can be up and over it before you know. One last thing, and this one well..it hurt. So many times we get hurt and those that we feel hurt us may have no idea that they hurt us. We let things matter, that really shouldn't. Do yourself a favor, forgive those that hurt you(whether they know it or not), and move on. It's in those times when you really want to run backwards that you must keep moving forward. Forgiving others and yourself will give you the boost to get up and over that wall, and that's God.

That being said...know who you are in Him and see yourself as He sees you. It will make more of a difference than you know. (Can I caution you though...don't be surprised when others don't always react in a positive way to this new found confidence. Keep doing what He has called you to do regardless. He'll sort the rest of it out.)

Until next time (Hope this made sense...),
~Melissa

Changing the channel

I am a channel surfer. I can watch more than one show at a time, I'm not a fan of commercials(unless it's the Super Bowl), and I've been known to change the channel if the show got to be too much. How many times do we wish we had a remote and could change the day the way we change the channel? The day becomes too intense, we move to something less stressful? The day isn't exactly keeping our interest, so we flip to something more alluring, more suspenseful. If only choosing our day were like choosing a movie. You know some days, you are in the mood to cry so you pick a drama, some days you want an adrenaline rush, so you pick a suspense, some days you just want to laugh so you pick a comedy...if only it were that easy. That's not how God planned for it to be and as much as we can't understand it, the lack of that remote control is all a part of His plan. We can't choose our day, but we can choose how we respond to it. We can't always choose who we spend our day with, but we can choose how we treat them. God never promised  us this life would be easy(in fact I do believe He said we would have troubles), but He did say He'd always be there. He can't always pause it, but He can dry our tears and hold us. Sometimes the things that happen to us make us who we are. The best thing about being in  His lap, is there isn't an end. There isn't a time when He says get up, my lap is tired. He lets us stay until we are strong enough to get up and move. Depending on what the day dealt us, we may just need to sit for awhile. I've often times wanted a pause button to slow down a vacation or time off, but is that really what is best for us? As much as I hate to say it, if we needed a remote for the day, God would have given us one.

Where is this coming from you wonder? So many people that I love, have been dealt some blows lately. They have wished for a remote so that they could have changed the channel to a Disney movie where everything is happy. How I wish I had answers for them, but I only have ears to listen and time to pray? Some times you can't change the channel, but you have to trust God who knows how it all ends. He wrote the credits ;-)  Days that rock your world, that shape who you are, that form your journey, are days that only God can carry you through. One of the new Crabb Family songs says it best, if there ever was a time I needed you before Lord I need you now....(google the song on You tube or look back a few blog posts if you have never heard it). If I've learned anything from the days that shaped me, it's that God's the only one who can hold up the walls crashing around you. He'll be there to hold you as scream, listen as you wonder why, and to always dry your tears. I won't say it gets easier, but you do get stronger.

Cherish each day you have, Tell those you love that you love them, and don't waste the hours. Even if the list doesn't always get finished, relax and make the most of each day. Don't keep planning for tomorrow that you miss out on today. Keep smiling, eventually your heart will catch up. You'll one day look back on those days that rock your world, those days that shape who you are, and see that single set of footprints in the sand and know that God carried you.  Strength doesn't always mean you forget, because when a friend goes through it, you remember and are able to listen as they cry and tell them God's carrying them.

Until next time,
~Melissa

Two pairs of shoes

He started writing this one this morning and I'm amazed it was finished before I left work. It's a mixture of blog or bust with some meat ;-)

I love shoes and have evidence of that in my closet. A lot of my shoes are the same size, but very few are similar in style. Even the ones from the Croc store are different styles and different colors, but all the same size. They all fit differently and have a unique purpose. Certain pairs match with certain things and others they don't blend so well. Just because two pairs of shoes may be the same size, doesn't mean they are going to fit the same.

God threw the cookie cutter away when He created us. We are each unique, we each have a part to play in this journey called life. We each hold a piece of that puzzle that makes up the world we live in.  Even when two people may have held the same position(same job type), doesn't mean they are going to do the job the same way. You are a unique person and you have your own style in how you do what you do. Be the you He created you to be, despite the pressure from others to be the you they want you to be. Where is all this coming from you wonder? I'm tired of competition and tired of comparisons. I'm tired of doing my own thing simply to be compared to someone else or the person who previously did what I do. God's finally brought me to a place where I can look in the mirror and see the me He created me to be. That's the me with some gifts and talents to share with others. He also showed me though sometimes, you can't sow your seed on rocky ground. When God gives you a place to be who you are and to just be yourself gifts and all, ENJOY IT!! It will help when the times of the pressure cooker come to play. It has taken me almost 30 years to realize who that me is, and I like me. (If you only knew how much I've had to sort through to get there).  So where does the shoe thing come into place? Don't compare people. God made us each unique and to things that only we can do. Just because some one may be in a position that was previously held by someone else doesn't mean they are going to do things the same way. Give them a chance to show you what they can do without pressures and let them be themselves. Just because two pairs of shoes are the same size, doesn't mean they are going to fit the same or serve the same purpose. (My furry boots and my rain boots are both the same size and style, but serve very different purposes).

Am I currently dealing with some of this? Yes in a part of my life I am. In case you haven't picked up yet, I don't tend to blog about just any random thing. I've walked through a lot.  BUT God smiled this afternoon in a way only He could and it was an answer prayer. I don't do what I do for thank yous or appreciation, but when someone says thank you or what a difference you are making.....I can live off that for WEEKS and it pushes me to do even more. Appreciate the people in your life and tell them so. You may be the answer to their prayer. (Side note: Even when you don't get it, keep doing what you can and giving it your all. He will bring you a harvest as only He can).

You are a unique person. God made you to be you, not anyone else. He made you to play a part and hold a piece that only you can. Don't let what the world says dictate who you are, listen to what He says. Let what He says about you matter more than what the world says. He matters more than they do, and He will take care of you. Enjoy the moments He gives you where you can be yourself, it will get you through the times when you can't always be you. Love yourself as He does, and when you look in the mirror and see the who He sees. God made you a special person and there are things only you can do!! Don't miss your part trying to do someone elses.

Until next time
~Melissa

Watch your fingers and other thoughts.....

It was difficult to post on facebook tonight, because there are so many things running through my head. In other words I needed more than one status. So I guess this could be called Blog or Bust night.......(My quiet times the last couple of nights have been soo good. I can't wait to start blogging about some of what He's been sharing with me while reading Exodus and Matthew). 

• Some people want you to hold the ladder for them, but don't want to hold it for you. Watch your fingers as they go up.
• Fear is staring at the door wondering if it's locked or not, Faith is trying the handle just to see what happens. (If you don't see, you'll never know).
• It's amazing how keeping yourself away from the snack machine can be a good focus from the other things that may clog your day.
• Do what you can with what you can. In other words, find something in your life you can change and change it. Not every situation is yours to fix, but certain things God did give you control and a choice over. (What you eat, whether or not you stop by the gym or keep driving etc.).
• Sometimes you just have to laugh at something and go Seriously?
• The to-do list will never be completed this side of heaven. There is always something to do, someone to help, and something that needs your attention. Most days you will mark two things off only to add four more. Such is life and regardless of whether you "feel" needed or not, your to-do list should prove someone needs you(other wise your list wouldn't be as long)
• When you finally look into the mirror one day and see yourself as that princess He created you to be, ingrain that image in your head and let it stick with you. It will come in handy many mornings when you may not "feel" like one.
• Some people in your life really do feel like it's all about them. Do what you can to show them it's about Him, but be careful. Not everyone who you were meant to touch was meant to touch you.

There is more to come this year. I'm excited. I'm finally getting a taste, glimpse into some of my "gifts". You hear all the time about God gives you gifts/talents etc. Sometimes when you get the gift, it's not always time to open them. He wants to make sure you are ready to use what's inside.  That's been me for the last couple of years, especially the last 18 months. Now praying for God to continue to open the doors and give me the faith to turn the handle and the courage to be okay when it's locked.

More soon!
~Until next time
Melissa

Hello 2012!

It's a new year, and with a new year comes new goals, new resolutions, or even new plans. A new year often times means a new start to things, a fresh way of looking at things a time to start over. A new year often means changes though, especially if you want to achieve your goals. Most people have been thinking about new habits they want to start, new things they want to try, new goals they want to achieve, and maybe not already, but within the next month or so...one thing will set in. You'll either start seeing the success of your hard work, your determination, or you are going to start getting scared because you haven't seen anything yet. God's got a word for you sweet reader this new year....do it afraid! Don't let what you have done in the past or not accomplished in the past, keep you from doing something new this year. Don't let fear keep you in the boat. It's not about what others think(or don't think), it's not about what others say(or don't say), it's not about them....it's all about HIM!! The more we get that into our heads and our hearts, the more content we will be with going with the flow, taking things as they come. Life isn't easy, He never promised us it would be. Sticking with the test/trial/issue(whatever you want to call it) develops perseverance, and only God knows what that can do. I guess my point in all this, is don't give up before you get started. Pray about those goals you want, those things you want to cross off your to do list, those resolutions, and then go after them! So you may fall down a time or two, yep it will probably hurt, but you will be stronger when you get back up.

Only God knows when you are ready to run, but listen close when He says it's time to run not even your shoelaces being untied can trip you up. When He says it's time to run, it's time to run! Run after what He's called you to, run after that prize that only He can give. When it's your time, nothing can stand in your way as long as you keep running and keep looking ahead. The minute you look down at those shoe laces that are untied, you will stumble and fall. Get back up again and keep running and looking forward. Live each day and run with a passion so that not even the little things(those untied shoelaces) can distract you. Smile at the little things and know God's got your back regardless of how you feel. When He shows you how He sees you, BELIEVE it!! and see yourself that way from this point on. (Side note: You have to believe in yourself first and others will follow suit. It's not a prideful thing, it's a knowing who you are in Him and believing that you are special and you matter). Once you get a hold of that and believe it every minute of the day, nothing can stop you. It's when we stop listening to what He says about us, we fall down(and find ourselves in a pity party or a discouragement mood). It's when we stop listening to what He says about us, that what others say becomes more important and we strive to please them and not Him. It's when we stop listening to what He says about us, that we find ourselves running after what others want instead of what He wants.

So sweet reader, you are a prince or princess of the Most High. He believes you can move mountains with just one word. He knows your heart and knows why you do what you do. He sees behind the smile you wear some days, and He knows the words you keep to yourself. He's always there smiling some times, and crying sometimes because He hurts when you hurt. He loves you more than anyone and  knows every little detail about you. For you, He died and covered ALL of those little things.

I don't know who this has been for(other than a reminder for me), but He does. He has plans for 2012 more than we could ever ask or imagine, so let's enjoy the journey. Some days we may have to take it a minute at a time, but He already knows that ;-) He doesn't have to turn the calender one page at a time, He can see it all at once. ENJOY it and trust Him even when you can't see what's going on.

Thank you for joining in this journey with me for another year. I can't tell you the posts to come, but I am excited about what He has in store! My goal is to post at least weekly, and some weeks it may be more than once ;-) I also hope to start some reflections on what I've been reading next week(chapters in the Bible, verses etc.). So that's the plan for now, but we'll see where He takes it.

Enjoy 2012 sweet readers!
~Until next time
Melissa