When God rips off the duct tape...

Can I just be real on this blog? I mean this is my heart out on paper/print. I truly believe God never gives us a moment just for ourselves and if this blog gets finished then, it's a moment meant to be shared. (I have several blogs in the middle of writing that He would never let me finish...so finished blogs are meant for sharing and I learned that a long time ago.) Some of you may be looking at the title and going, duct tape, God? I've talked about band-aids and how healing comes when we let God take those off...well some parts of our lives are held together by duct tape. There are parts of who we are, parts that on the outside look like we are all put together....but what isn't seen is all of the duct tape God has used to keep His child together. The duct tape is part of our story. It's those areas that give us a heart for someone who may be in the same place, but haven't let God apply the duct tape yet. It's what gives us a story to share...of how but for God holding us together we would be a mess. (I realize God doesn't have to use duct tape...but if you have read any of my blogs, you know I am a visual person...and this is how God and I talk). If you have ever had duct tape stuck to your skin and then tried to pull it off, not only does it hurt...but it leaves a raw place. The places of our hearts held in place with duct tape are usually the raw places. 

This is Restoration year in the Jewish calendar, and it's also the seventh year since the bus wreck. So for me, I knew when I walked into this year...God had a plan and a purpose, but I also knew the enemy would come fighting it. I just don't think I realized how hard he would fight. Transparency was the word God spoke in my Spirit at the beginning of the year...and He's been faithful to that word despite all of the ouches. Right down to the discussion He and I had this summer about being faithful to the reason I walked off the bus seven years ago. God has had a plan in place all along, me...I haven't been listening. Well let me take a step back, I've been listening in some areas and doing in others. The same God that speaks so personally to me in my prayer closet, in my living room when I am having church, and when I'm in service with friends is the same God that is talking in other places. It's that sometimes my focus has been on doing and not listening. God doesn't stop speaking to His children, it's that sometimes we get so distracted by even good things we stop listening. We stop listening when He is drawing us to lay things down and in doing so we keep circling a mountain He planned for us to be over a long time ago. God longs to redeem and restore all that the enemy is stolen, but sometimes it's a step of obedience that keeps us from walking in that. When God's moving, move period. Don't put it off for later what needs to be done in the moment He's speaking it. That's a lesson for another blog.

We delay our purpose by staying focused on our task. Our task is to be His hands and Feet and to love as He loved us. To do that means embracing who we are in Him, strengths, and weaknesses in all. It means being real and transparent so that others see not what we do, but what He is doing through us. We each have a ministry that God had purposed and planned for us from the beginning before we even had a name in this realm...He knew who we were. That ministry, that calling, that purpose...is what makes our heart beat. Hear my heart on this too....ministry doesn't just take place within the walls of the church building. When we get our eyes off of the church as being this place and that place and realize it's all of God's children....it will open our possibilities because we will be unified in reaching this world for Him. The church shouldn't be a place where we go looking to be filled all of the time, but where we go to connect with others each week. God can fill our cups in our personal time with Him. We need that time each week with others on this journey so that just as Moses had with Aaron and Hur, we have someone who can reach out and hold our hands up when the battle starts wearing us. It's the four friends who broke through a roof to get their friend to Jesus....but that's a blog for another day. I have learned the hard way (and am still learning), don't keep your hands so busy doing what may need to be done...that you don't let others grab a hold of them when you need that Aaron or Hur. Don't fall into a being so busy trap that you stop being at some moments. I learned the lesson the hard way and when it finally processes it's probably enough for a blog or two. God never meant for us to run at such a pace that we lose sight of our purpose or who He called us to run the race alongside. 

Sometimes when the season changes, it may not always be felt at first. Just as when Summer first started this year, it still felt like Spring. Sometimes we don't always recognize the season is changing because we don't feel it at first. Sometimes God gets our attention with ripping off the duct tape...reminding us of who really does have control (as much as we may think we do). Sometimes He says to slow down child, I need some time with you. We can get so caught up in doing that we lose sight of listening. It's not anyone's fault, but our own. It's in that slowing down though that God starts to pour in and speak the truth that starts to heal where that duct tape used to be. It's in that slowing down that we slowly start to see who God planned for us to be all along. 

Spend time at His Feet today, more to come later....

Where are you pointing your beam?

If the beam isn't pointing forward, you will never know just how far the light will reach. I'm a visual person and God has rocked my world with this flashlight picture today. I'm the worst at getting caught in the comparison trap (some of you just said a huge Amen at this point..lol). It's in that moment of stillness this morning, that moment where God knew my heart and knew my feelings ...that He showed me the picture of the flashlight. We are all born with flashlights. When we enter into a relationship with Him, He turns the light on. Sometimes our focus gets off and we shine the light to our surroundings, to up in the clouds, and even sometimes to ourselves. We get our focus off moving forward, off staying the course, off how far our light actually does reach. God designed our lights with us in mind. He knows just far the beam will reach, how long the batteries last, and where He needs it to take you. If our lights are focused on anywhere, but forward...we lose sight of what we can do, we start comparing ourselves to others, having a pity party, or on the impact, our light is making on the journey.  Don't lose sight of your light, focus it forward and the beam may reach farther than you ever realized. 

My love language is words of affirmation. It's always been that....I'm that person who keeps all of the notes anyone writes. That kind of thing can keep me going even when I physically have no umph to move. This is me being real for a minute. God's been trying to get this through my hard head for months now and today I finally heard Him. The greatest words of affirmation came from Him when He said I chose you and made you to be You. That's what has to keep us going every day. It's not about whether someone else notices or says good job, it's about being who He made us to be. Yes our flesh cries out for the tangible words of affirmation, but at some point, the shift happens and what our spirit craves is more than what our flesh does. Hear my heart, it doesn't mean we will never struggle with comparisons, with insecurities, with loneliness, or with the wonders of what could be. The struggle, the pull of the flesh will be there, but it's in the quiet moments when you hear God whisper Him....I chose you and made you that your spirit starts to feel peace. It's in those moments you remember that even despite the overwhelmed feelings, the anxiety that is being kept at bay, and the insecurity that is one word away from taking over....that your light reaches farther than you can see as long as you keep it facing forward and walking in it. 

Remember what makes your heart beat, not the beat that makes you nervous, but the beat that makes you smile. This summer I was reminded more of what makes mine beat with that smile. Allow time in your schedule for those moments. It's in those giving back moments, in those connecting with God friends, it's in those seeing light bulbs go off when a kid gets something or sharing with teachers a passion that has only grown that bring a smile not my own. Know what makes your heart beat like that and stay connected to that.....for they will be what God uses to fill your cup and fuel your batteries to keep going. 

Walk forward this week in Him 💗

It's renewing, restoring....

Somewhere after my time with Him last night, God said to listen to a certain song. I don't argue when it's after midnight or even question at that point....God had already been pouring out, so I wasn't about to rock the moment. I played the song which is one I have listened to on an almost nightly basis and even sang in worship service before when visiting Restoring Hope, but last night God used to it on a whole other level. God always has the word ready His children need, always. He's never late or behind even though our flesh may lead us to believe that. He created us and knows us the best....so the word is always right on time. 

Your Blood is a song by Aaron and Amanda Crabb, the link is below if you have never heard it. There is a line in the song that says it's renewing, restoring, setting us free.....

Things in the natural reflect things in the spiritual...stay with me as I describe the picture God painted last night while I sat there with tears streaming down during this song. Sometimes the wounds of life can leave us gushing out blood. We try to bandage those wounds, but the loss still leaves us feeling weak. Maybe our spiritual iron is even low and over time we continue to just go through the motions lacking any pizzazz cause we just don't feel it. You keep going and doing all that you can, but tired becomes the norm.....His blood is renewing, restoring. Sometimes we need a blood transfusion, a hook up from the One who is always a perfect match. It's then and only then do we start to feel restored over time, renewed with an energy that is fresh, and a strength that comes from the source. Wounds are going to happen, but I'm thankful His blood is renewing, restoring. It's when I slow down and let Him take over that I am reminded He gets what I can't seem to comprehend. He understands the moments that make me have to count to ten and take a deep breath. He knows what makes my heart stay in rhythm. I'm thankful for His promises and even when I make a mess of things and the day is held together with His duct tape, He always pokes through with a peace that reminds me "I'm working on what you can't see". 

My anxiety hasn't been my friend this week. I've learned what makes my heart stay in rhythm and what makes it get out of rhythm. I'm learning that boundaries have to be put in place for those things that don't make my heart beat with His.....and no is a word that needs to be used more. I'm a little too transparent some days and walk a fine line between throwing the wall up or telling you how I feel. I'm thankful for those in my life that pour back in when I tell them exactly where I am at. I'm learning to stay sensitive to others that may be where I am and after tonight's sermon praying for interactions that are divine appointments. I've seen God restore confidence over the last week that I had only dreamed about and I've also seen my insecurity and self-doubt turn up the volume in another area. Isn't that how things usually work? The puzzle comes into view at one spot, but the pieces in the other start being harder to fit into place. There is a surrender to the pieces altogether that has to happen at some point.....after all, it wasn't a puzzle I created in the first place. 

I don't know where you are at walking into this week, but God does. Maybe you are running along and life is great, stay the course and keep smiling. Maybe you are in that point where you are starting to feel the weakness set in and the motions aren't that far away, and you need to slow down for a hook up from the One whose blood is restoring and renewing. Maybe you are in the place I was last week where you were in between what made your heart stay in rhythm and what made it come out of rhythm.....let me tell you what I needed last week...I see you! More than that sweet reader, God sees you and knows exactly where you are at. I know it feels like your feet are having trouble walking, but water walking was never meant to be easy. There were other disciples in the boat when Jesus told Peter to come....sometimes the water walking part of your journey is just between you and Him. Whatever it is you are needing in the moment....ask Him for it. I'm reading The Circle Maker and every chapter I'm reminded that the only prayer that is never answered, is the one that is never asked. Don't lose hope when the answer seems to be a delay.....God's still on His way. 

Unpacking with suitcase

The suitcase was packed full of what had been used from the trip, clothes that had been worn, clothes that hadn't, shoes, jewelry, and even a few souvenirs. It was bulging by the time she rolled it into the house because don't we all know that it never goes back in the suitcase as neat as it did when it came out. It's never an easy fit, but you stuff it all in there just to make the trip to home to unpack it. Suitcase is opened and you start to "deal" with everything on the inside. The clothes that had been worn need to be washed and after the trip the ones that hadn't still need to be washed. The shoes need to be put away, the jewelry hung up, and a place found tor the souvenirs. Then once everything has been dealt with, once everything has a place again..it's time to put that suitcase away. It's time  to put the suitcase away. The suitcase still reminds you of the trip, but once it's in it's place....it's not something you will trip over anymore.

I'm the worst at unpacking in the natural and it's not much better with my own house. I would go on trips in the summer and certain bags would stay packed all summer. How many times do we just get it out of whatever bag it's still packed in when we need instead of taking time to deal with it and put it away. It was never as fun to unpack as it was to pack.

A couple of months ago, God showed me a picture of a suitcase and it was open. I had tried to leave the suitcase at His feet multiple times and all of the junk that it contained. A couple of years ago a friend finally spoke truth that broke through this hard head..I had to deal with some stuff. The leaving the bag at His feet wasn't how freedom was found, because as soon as I needed a feeling or a thought would pop in..I knew exactly where to go to get it. Yes the suitcase may have stayed at His feet, but I would go pull out what I needed for the moment to use. I couldn't understand why it was still so "heavy" when I had left it at His feet. Well hello, I was spending all of my time trying to live in the natural and in the spiritual, but didn't know that's what I was doing. I was picking blooms and not digging up roots. For the suitcase to not be something the enemy could use to entangle me and distract me, I had to deal with what was in the suitcase...every piece whether it had been worn or not, there were things that needed to be restored to their place. Are you following? Today He used an empty suitcase sitting by my closet to finish what He's been trying for two months to get through to me. (I'm slightly stubborn, easily distracted, anxious at times, and tend to walk in discouragement more than I should so it takes a few times for the "word" to poke through the soil so it can take root). Sometimes we go through the process with God to deal with what's in the suitcase so we can let it go...we let go of the contents, but don't take a minute to put away the suitcase, to let that go in His hands. God's ready to turn the page to our next chapter and we are still staring at the period. Hear my heart for a minute....the time to unpack the suitcase is between you and God. Just as in the natural, some people get caught up on laundry and put things away a lot quicker than others. Some people can move houses and not have a box left a week later. Some of us six months later, still have a box or two to put away. It's a process for you and God...no one else can tell you how fast to do it, just keep doing it. One thing at a time is better than just staring at the suitcase. Talking with Him about the suitcase is better than acting like the suitcase doesn't exist.  The suitcase may not always stay away in the spiritual life happens...and just because you get through dealing with the contents of one, doesn't mean it won't be filled again. Just remember God never changes and He's not going anywhere. He's a loving Father willing to help however you will let Him.

I don't know what you have been carrying around. How much more grace and mercy we would probably show each other if we could see the bags and suitcases we are all dragging around? God knows though exactly what's been weighing you down. I'm not going to tell you it's easy....goodness I've been staring at mine for a month because I really didn't want to talk about it. I thought I had dealt with it and I had...I had victory over the feelings, but one punch and the memories came flooding back. One punch and I stood staring at the suitcase for almost a month not sure if I wanted to put it away. God doesn't quit talking just because you don't want to listen. He doesn't stop poking and prodding, knocking until you listen. For that I am thankful...I'm thankful He stepped in last week when I wasn't exactly expecting Him, but then again He knew what I needed. I'm thankful for shifts in the spiritual that reminds of His purpose and plan....we were created to be His hands and Feet simply put. I know what it's like for anxiety to overwhelm you in the flesh, for discouragement to be the thoughts that are on repeat, for the blahs to be a fog around you, for Netflix to be what you would rather watch/listen to than your praise music. (I'm learning just in the last week, energy happens when you feed it from His well, but that's a blog for another day). You may still have a full suitcase....okay open it up and ask God for help to start dealing with what's inside of it. As you do God will remind you of His love, His mercy, His grace...and His incredible plans for your life sweet reader. God knows the suitcase is there, He's waiting on you to get tired of carrying it around. It took me awhile to open up the suitcase...now to put it away, but that's a blog for another day when it's left at His Feet for good.

Thursday thoughts

Are you living up to His reason you walked through whatever you thought you wouldn't? When you find yourself writing those words in your prayer journal as a sentence as God I want to be faithful to the reason I walked through it, Your reason. So many times we think we know His reason and we try to walk that out....and we fail miserably. We apologize for the heart He created inside of us because we compare it to others. Oh how quickly we forget that only God can see the heart. We only see what's on the outside of others and ourselves. If we could all just take a step back and simply respond in love. It's going to hurt...we live in a flesh world. It's going to feel like we are being stepped on at times, but giving was never promised to be easy. We ask Him in our prayer closets to help us love others as He does.....yet do we really know what that means. Transparency is never easy, but it's how we walk in freedom. It's how we say these are my scars, these are my wounds, this is how I'm walking through it, so that when you find yourself on the other side you can help pull/push someone else through it. I'm finding out and it's true...our story isn't ours to keep it to ourselves. There is a voice on the inside of each of us with a story that is waiting to be told.....God's been writing the pages since before you were born, but He's not the one who holds the permission for the audiobook version. You walked through what you did, so you could share His grace, His mercy, and His love with others. He didn't write the words for them to stay only read by you, or seen by you. Your life is a story being written and lived out each and every day. What are the words saying? Are you giving someone else permission to do your audiobook, or is there an audiobook at all? Let that sink in....

God called us to give period. When we give of ourselves, He gives back pressed down, shaken together...and running over. Wondering why you aren't feeling the overflow? Check your giving....I'm not talking about the giving so that someone will notice or give back in return, but that simple giving because He said to. It's giving trusting Him to take care of the feelings, the hurts that may come, and remembering nothing happens to you that He doesn't know about already. God doesn't leave even when we feel like running and things get "rough/tough". He's always got eyes on us even when we don't feel them. We'll talk about the whole choice thing in another blog. Hear my heart on the whole giving thing for just a second....don't get some caught up in giving so much of yourself away to others that you forget to give some to yourself as well. Those things that fill your tank quickly, that make your heart smile, those moments that remind you why you keep running the race with endurance. Wondering what those moments are? Get still and listen to the beat of your heart.....He'll remind you what they are. 

Transparent blog coming in time...when God steps in there is a shift, there is a push towards the reason, the purpose that He created you for.  He saw the punch that thing that knocked you down for a time. He saw the stare when you wanted to tell Him your heart, but you didn't really want to listen to what He wanted to tell you. He saw the motions as you walked through even though you were down. He saw...sometimes we look at only what's on the outside, but it's until we get a chance to really listen to the stories do we start to see the duct tape God's been using to hold the pieces in place. Strength doesn't always mean the one who knows that they can run the race, but the one who doesn't think they can run the race and runs anyway. 

Release and Fill

I'm such a visual person and sometimes the pictures God paints in our time together.....sometimes the pictures are His way of pulling up the glasses of His perspective and letting me see things from His view.

When we release things, when we let things go, when we dig up roots (with His help), there is a hole left. Releasing is just the first part to moving forward.....it's the next step that determines what happens next. Are we covering the holes we just emptied, trying to hold on in some way to the idea of what we let go of? Are we trying to fill those holes with the things from the current season not realizing God has new seed to plant in those holes and the new season is coming? Are we arms up in praising asking Him to fill the holes or are we staying distracted so that we feel the holes but that's about it? The shift is in the atmosphere, the season is changing....don't miss it because your holes are sitting empty waiting to be filled with seed that only He can give. It may seem dark and lonely while the covering takes place, but don't lose hope.....it's a new season coming your way!


I almost typed there are multiple blogs in the works from the last couple of months, but there may even be a book. The layers get pulled back, the truth gets revealed....that's His part, then it comes time for yours. Obedience at this stage in the journey takes more than a checklist, more than a set time each day, it takes desire and pursuit of being whole...knowing that as long as you are not walking in obedience you aren't whole. Knowing that once He speaks a word to you, breathes life into you, paints the picture you asked Him to....it's your turn next. The response looks different because we are all different. God didn't make us all the same and that means we don't show our love the same way to Him either. Some praise with a shout, some with a dance, some with a run, some with a prayer only God can understand, some with hands/feet in motion, and some with just a simple smile. The Creator of the Universe....has the details of our heart engrained on His and He knows just what we need. Oh how we must make not only make Him smile some days but laugh as we try to follow the steps that aren't shaped for our feet or listen for the notes that aren't being played from our hearts. We lose sight of the focus when we look at our this and that from a perspective other than His. We grow frustrated when we forget that what we can see isn't all there is and that the impact/difference we are making goes way past what is seen. As the word says, so we fix our eyes on what is unseen.....

Before you go reading this, going oh great another keep pushing sunshine and roses post. Umm no...the details will come in a later post, but this is the view from the other side. This is the view from realizing the enemy has had my focus on the battles of this level so that I couldn't see the fight I needed to engage in on another level. The wounds happen when we disengage from the battle...and some moments in the battle we are meant to soar sweet readers. We are meant to mount up on the wings of eagles and rise above the distractions of what we can see. It's not easy period. Discouragement is real especially when we are distracted. There are days when the prayer closet is the last place you want to go. There are moments when a gentle kick in the pants reminds you hey get your focus back on My plans for you and My Business. There are moments when that cover you placed over your fire, There are moments when you know the power on the inside of you, yes, but you still feel your way through. But God always gets through.....He always keeps whispering knowing that when the time is right, the heat inside that covered flame is going to get some hot that you will pull the cover back off again. He knows that because He lit the flame and what He starts no one else can touch. He knows because He knows you. He doesn't waste a moment so let your this and that become part of your story and be real with how He spelled it out for you. Be real with where He's brought you, walked you through, and covered you...Be real with the fires and the valleys....Be real because you don't know the holes other people have, the roots God is helping them pull up, and your transparency, your story.....maybe what He uses to fill their hole. Your steps are ordered by the One who wrote your story long before you could read. Your steps are ordered and even though it doesn't make sense....the pieces are His to put in place, He just asks that you stay engaged and focused.

More to come later....

Sunday thoughts

My heart is full and I'm forever in His debt for the shifting today. I sat there decorating my room for VBS this week and had The Bowling sisters CD playing on my Ipad in the process and just had to stop for a minute and think back over the last 17 years of ministry. When it hit me that the room I was in was my very first classroom, it made my heart smile to think back to all of those memories....and God used that moment to dump in a load of grace and push that I honestly had been without for few weeks. It was in that moment thinking back to all of my classes that I have had during that time at more than one church (not to mention my kiddos in Nashville whom will probably always call me MelissaMann) and the lies of discouragement that the enemy had been trying to sow were yanked up by the root yet again. You see....if he can make us operate in our feelings, he wins. Feelings are one of his best weapons of distraction. The enemy knows when we are worn, tired, and our guards are down. I'll leave it at that.....but just because he pushes doesn't mean we have to stay stuck.  Sometimes we just need God to take us back down memory lane to where He's brought us from and to remind us we aren't who we used to be.  The core of our heart is the same, but He's refined it over the years to where for the most part those things that used to matter don't stay in focus so easily anymore. 

So many times we pray for the shift to happen, but we miss it because we are looking for it to happen in the realm we can see and God's shifting things in the realm we can't see. Shifts don't mean that circumstances change, it means we remember the ins and outs of the battle and that we were made for more than "this". Sometimes it's about God opening our eyes to see the journey how He's seen it and remembering that if He's done it before, He will do it again. I don't know your "story" and most of you don't know all of mine...but as I told a friend this week, God didn't do what He did then to quit doing now. If you are feeling the stuck.....get still and let Him remind you of all of the "done befores" and then remember His promises ....The One who calls you is Faithful and He will do it and He's the same yesterday, today, and forever. 

Make this week what you want it to be...the choice is yours. He never said the tearing down of walls (aka strongholds) would be easy, but the fire is refining you to answer that prayer of Make me More Like You Jesus. He knows our hearts after all He created them ;-)