It may look like I'm surrounded ....

One of my new favorite worship songs, right behind Reckless Love is "This is How I Fight My Battles". It's been a song that has been in my Spirit for the last couple of weeks when the stress has been overwhelming. We all have things that overwhelm us....and some days, if we aren't careful what's going on around us, can surround us and start to close in. What's going on around doesn't have to get inside of you....but you have to fight, to battle, and keep a praise. Even if that praise is only between you and God...you have to keep a praise. There is a shift that happens when you praise your way through the press when you dig deep until you find water....when you realize just what God meant by that He came to serve and not be served. 

The last couple of weeks have just been....well press is a good word. I can point to the places that pushed a little harder. I know the load that got too heavy...but I also know that God was faithful to keep speaking and stay close. He knows how long to give you room until you see exactly what He needs you to see. For me, it came last Wednesday in the form of a prayer card at FCA. Eight words brought me back to the level that the battle needed to be fought on. It's why the enemy fights me like he does and tries to keep me distracted. You see, not only does a room full of kids hear about Jesus each week....but this past week one sweet kiddo realized that they need Jesus. I don't know who this kid is, but God does and that's enough for me. When the battle has eternal rewards, that I know how to fight. ...and yeah most battles need to be fought on the spiritual level, but that's a blog for another day. 

Distractions are the enemy's tool to keep us from focusing on our purpose and our calling. Hear my heart...if he can make you think or feel (notice we are dealing with the emotional you...) that you aren't making a difference you won't. Been there done that, and have more t-shirts from those moments than I care to wear. I can battle all day long in prayer for someone else when it comes to battling for myself....I've just started learning in the last six months how to take it to that level. You see...God knows what we need, but there is a boldness that comes when you start circling His promises for you and standing on them saying...okay God you promised and knowing He will deliver in His time. I'm not the most patient person, but there is a seed of patience on the inside of me...and one day there is going to be the fruit of it. 

Transparency moment...I'm not great at asking for help and even though my face may show it, I can slide into a turtle shell with a wall quickly. God knows it...but this time He let it happen to build momentum back up. I know there is a seed on the inside of me....the devil has tried more than once to take that and shut this Jesus girl up, but that's a blog for another day. The dig is not dark if you stay focused on getting to Him. There is a peace that comes when you realize that you are digging deeper not circling the same mountain. There is a peace that comes when you know who God made you to be and regardless of it makes sense to anyone else. (Hello I'm a mid thirty single Jesus girl who attends a Baptist church and prays in a prayer language at times. There is a power on the inside that has taken me almost eight years to charge up.....) . One day this insecurity and anxious me is going to be a quiet little whisper......loud enough to keep me leaning on Him but quiet enough to not be considered truth. 

I don't know where you are at, but God does. It may look like a dark place or a valley, but oh sweet reader.....there is a growth that happens in those moments that only God can get the glory from. It's in these moments God shifts something on the inside and we start to get what He meant by doing all things through Him. Maybe you have made it all the way to a place and you know that there is a step that needs to be made to keep from going backwards....take it even if it doesn't feel right or make sense to anyone including you at the moment. If God said to do it...then He's already covered it.  It's about others seeing Him through us, not about seeing us. When that truth starts to take root...the rest grows dim. Some battles are won when we realize we have to keep pressing through for others even when we are fighting ourselves. This may be just me preaching to myself......but just in case here's my heart on a blog. I've pressed through a mess the last couple of weeks, been close to tears one too many times, and went toe to toe with the enemy and said not today that's already been covered by the blood. There is a world out there that needs to know He loves them right where they are at, and there is a body called the church that needs others to come alongside and not just say praying for you, but how can I pray for you. It's time to not only let others in but to battle with a unified front....for you see that's the army God's rising up. It's the one who will hold hands up when someone grows weary, who will speak life when it needs to be spoken, and who will plead the blood when it needs to be poured. Weariness happens, worn happens, loneliness happens.......but God is faithful and I'm praying right now that if that's you ....you find an Aaron and Hur to hold your hands up, to be that Jesus with skin on that reminds you are surrounded by Him. 

"I may be in a daze"

I've known this blog was coming since the last one. The press has been real and I can't say I've handled it the right way each time. This time of the year is CRAZY and overwhelmed is an understatement. The time seems to go by so fast and the list of what needs to be done seems to grow longer instead of shorter. I thought I was sliding back on autopilot again. It's what I seem to do when life gets overwhelming. I push out anything (and anyone) that isn't on the list and just go through what looks like the motions getting done what has to be done. This is a dangerous place because it's one step away from the "not caring zone". That's not me and most that know me know that...I'm thankful God does too.  I think it was the seventh time listening to "This Means War" and it hit. This wasn't the motions, this was a daze. In the Motions zone, God seems distant. God's been right there the last couple of weeks and caught EVERYTHING I've thrown His way (including me a few times). He's been one step ahead of me and known what needed to happen before I knew there was a need. We limit God some days because we ask for a specific request and when God answers we don't always see it as an answer even though God took care of the need. God is a limitless God and will meet the needs of His children in His timing (and in His way). One day my sleep schedule is going to be consistent and normal again. Until then though (and yes I fell asleep earlier on the couch hence I'm wide awake now), I will press and pray through the late nights knowing God has a reason for everything.

There is a praise that comes during the moments when you start to realize what God is doing. When you know that the enemy is throwing what he can your way to distract you and that it almost worked....but God. My mind multi-tasks way too much, and if I'm not intentional in trying to stay organized I can lose focus easily. (and some of you said Amen at this point..).  There is a praise that comes when you go after what is yours even if it doesn't feel like it makes sense. When we start to use His eyes for a lens of our feelings, the rest begin to grow strangely dim. Strength doesn't mean you have it all together and never find yourself going God what are you doing....it means you know how to press when you feel stuck. It means you know that even when you are on empty, you stand on the give and it shall be given to you truth....and know that God keeps His promises. I know it doesn't feel easy sometimes and we wish we could just pray away whatever is making us press. God has a purpose for the press; there is a strength that He is developing that will be needed for the next mountain etc. There is a season where you press with people and a season where you have to learn to press through just you and God. (but that's a blog for another day).

Transparent/Mask off moment.....so what do you do though when it looks like the motions may be looming and you feel the edge of the turtle shell at your back. You keep seeking Him and standing on the truth that if you go after Him, He will go after you and make everything else fall into place. It's a shift in your mind that has to happen when you quit looking at God to do and looking to Him to be. So here are a few "lies/feelings" I've pressed through over the last couple of weeks. I'm not sharing because I've got this journey down....I'm sharing because someone else may be able to relate and one of the enemies favorite lies is that you are alone in what you are feeling..so pop that now and stand/circle that iron sharpens iron.  Maybe you have heard the whispers of "what you are doing doesn't make a difference." Planting seeds takes time and even though you may not be able to see the roots growing, God is using what you do to invest in the lives of others. Never let that lie take root...because the enemy can paralyze you with it. Believe me, I've been there done that more times than I should have. If you believe you don't make a difference, you won't. You will defeat yourself before you ever get started because your heart won't be in what you do. Your head doesn't have to believe it makes sense, but your heart does.....You aren't always going to feel like you are making difference (can someone say Amen?)....but if you are walking out what God has called you to do and being who He made you to be...then trust Him for the difference. His difference-making power multiplies instead of subtracting.... Trust God for the ground to sow the seeds He's given you to plant. So many times we get caught up in the details and God's saying just be you and I'll handle the details. One of my favorite quotes from The Circle Maker is "Work like it depends on you and pray like it depends on God". In other words, do all that you can do, but at the same time trust that God will do all that He can as well as you seek Him in prayer. Seeking isn't a one-time quick prayer...it's a daily pursuit of the only One who truly makes sense.

Maybe you have heard the whispers of "You just thought you got free from that..". Y'all we live in a world that has more in the atmosphere we can't see then we can comprehend.  We wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities. In other words, just because you run up against something doesn't mean it's got a hold of you again. It may slap you in the face one day, but if God set you free...it doesn't have a hold on you. It has to leave when you tell it to, so speak to it in Jesus name and keep walking on. It doesn't mean it won't come find you again, but you have the power to trample on its head. Max Lucado says the presence of anxiety is unavoidable, the prison of it is optional. You may run up against it one day, but when God has set you free from it...you are still free indeed. Now if you are still bound up and locked in it, that's a whole other issue and a blog for another day. I'm done with the enemy going ...you just thought you walked out of that chain. Hearing the rattle of chains doesn't mean you are locked up if Jesus has set you free...let that sink in. God's word says be anxious for nothing, He never said we wouldn't feel anxious. He gets it and will use it for your good and His glory...if you let Him.  He's been too good to me lately for me to question that He's still got this thing covered. I've fell in His lap more than once broken and thought I had pieces He needed to put back together.....when He needed me to just keep trusting that He was strengthening and restoring what He had already put back together.

I started this blog a couple of days ago one night late...thinking I was going to get to finish it..but God needed to finish writing it first. It may feel like you are in_____, but hear me when I say just because you may be in it doesn't mean it's in you. Oh me, when I heard that word this morning something inside of me, started leaping. It may feel like the waves are lapping at your feet and that underneath doesn't feel so secure....but fix your eyes on who you can see in front of you. Don't turn to the left or the right....but straight ahead knowing that He has already planned out each and every step. He gets the moment you are in and still whispers just trust Me. The deeper you have to press, the more the root is growing and that's okay.  Roots have to be secure in order for the bloom to be secure. If you seek Him, I mean really seek Him....go after what He wants to tell you (even if it may not be what you want to hear), You will find Him. God's not hiding it from you....He just wants to know you are serious about finding it. Looking and seeking may seem like synonyms but one has a deeper press than the other (and that's a blog for another day). Some moments are just for you and God....it doesn't have to make sense to anyone else, but I am so thankful for when He pours out that word you have been seeking after. I'm thankful when He says this Child is what I'm doing......ya'll words can't describe when the Creator goes, lean in for a minute and listen. When we pursue Him with a relentless surrender, He will pour out a reckless love that knows no limits and overwhelms us with a peace that can't be explained.

God thank you for your seed, thank you for rain in the natural and in the supernatural that waters the seed on the inside of us. God thank you for what may seem like a stuck moment in the natural is in the supernatural a breakthrough moment because the seed is coming forth in season. Thank you for a praise that may not make sense to anyone, but that goes straight to your heart. Thank you for loving like you do and for catching us when we start to let the weight of our this and that weigh us down. Thank you for stirring up what only you can stir up....a moment is never wasted when it's in Your hands and for that, I'm eternally thankful. Thank you, Jesus, that greater is still to come....and that You are just getting started in Jesus name!

Some mornings you know there must be a blog...

Some moments are just messy and feelings can make them even messier. Some mornings bring tears and frustrations....so what do you do when that hits? What do you do when you start wondering if you missed God again because it just doesn't feel right? Feeling right isn't a bad thing...sometimes it means you are right where you are supposed to be and the enemy is SCARED to death that you are close to your calling and purpose. Sometimes it doesn't make sense because it's not supposed to...He wants us to trust especially when it doesn't feel right. The enemy likes to push certain buttons and knows exactly what to throw your way for doubt to be right in front of your face. Are you going to grab it or are you going to go home and take yourself to your prayer place with Him knowing you need Him to move period? 

Sometimes we feel the push and it lands us on our face....but when we let the push draw us closer to Him, a shift happens. I'm not saying I've got this thing figured out because I so don't. I almost tripped over my own feet this morning and took myself home to a nap and a God really session. One of my life verses is about how God has ordered our steps. He made that verse take root when I truly understood what He did on a North Carolina interstate back in 2010. So if He ordered them, He's got them ordered now and He's not going to let me miss Him. (and yes I asked Him again this morning and even said out loud it felt like I had missed Him). So I went home and put on what I know is that sweet place with Him, I put on what I knew what not only take me to His throne but to His lap. Sometimes God is trying to get our attention just for us to come crawl up in His lap....and when we get up there, He cups our face in His hand and says what we need Him to say. This morning ...it would be another reminder of "Trust Me, Child". 

I don't know what God's doing right now, but there is a battle going on that we can't see....and He's needing us to stay focused on that. As Children of the Most High, our battle isn't one we can see. If we fight on the level we can see, we are fighting a battle we will never win. It's time when we know how to fight, to arm ourselves and fight in the realm that can't see. Hear my heart for a minute.....the enemy knows how to distract you from fighting and to make you think you can't fight anymore....(been there, done that). It's in those moments when you have to make a choice to walk what God's called you to....even when you don't feel like it. 

I'm thankful for words of confirmation. God knows what we need and will get us to the place where we can hear what He's trying to pour into our Spirits. God doesn't fill us up with a word for us to keep it to ourselves though, He stirs it up on the inside for us to share it with someone to pour out what He's poured in. That sweet readers is why we have to stay filled up because there is a world waiting on us to be His hands and Feet....and once they see us as His hands and Feet, they will listen when we share Him. The struggle is real though when life takes over and the schedule is crazier than ever. The struggle is real when you feel like you are fighting alone and trying to press through even when it doesn't seem like anyone understands or can read the face you are wearing. I get that....but know this, He's there and understands right where you are at. He's got a purpose for that push and when we listen, He starts to bring into view what He's been doing all along. It may not make sense to anyone around you, but when He stirs up that calling on the inside of you....there is a peace that makes everything else grow strangely dim. 

So this blog may have been just me preaching to myself and writing so I can remind myself for later, but just in case it hits home for someone else, I'll end up clicking publish. I understand more and more what God meant by dying to flesh every day....but I can I tell you some days I have to die more than once during the day. Every time feelings and emotions rise up, remind them whose you are.  There is a seed of everything that is yours as His Child, just because you can't see the fruit yet doesn't mean it's not growing (and I claim that in Jesus Name #patiencewillbemineoneday).  We were never made to fight the battle on this level because the victory has been won in levels we can't see.  For me it means, walking in who God says I am and letting that be my focus. Insecurity will always rise up if I'm looking anywhere but at Him and I was reminded of that again today.  What has God promised you? It's time to go after what He has said was yours and take it back. Your praise isn't tied to the opinions of others, but your praise could be what God uses to move someone else. That prayer you keep praying for God to show you where your place is.....may very well be in the gap for someone else(Ezekiel 22:30). It doesn't feel right because it's just meant for you. God doesn't do something in you to not do something through you. It's not always going to make sense to those around you, but you know what God has called you to.....don't get distracted. God is in the details and the rest will be a story only He can write. (that's a blog for another day). What you have seen God do is what someone else may be waiting on. Grab a hold of if God did it once, He will do it again....and go to war as only you can Child of God. 

Who are your Amalekites?

8 The Amalekites came and attacked the Israelites at Rephidim. 9 Moses said to Joshua, “Choose some of our men and go out to fight the Amalekites. Tomorrow I will stand on top of the hill with the staff of God in my hands.”10 So Joshua fought the Amalekites as Moses had ordered, and Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of the hill. 11 As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. 12 When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset. 13 So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword.14 Then the Lord said to Moses, “Write this on a scroll as something to be remembered and make sure that Joshua hears it, because I will completely blot out the name of Amalek from under heaven.”15 Moses built an altar and called it The Lord is my Banner. 16 He said, “Because hands were lifted up against[c] the throne of the Lord,[d] the Lord will be at war against the Amalekites from generation to generation.” (Exodus 17: 8-15) 

I've loved this section of scripture for a while. I remember reading it before and was like okay move on, and then one night God brought it to life. If you read the set of scriptures right before this one, it is a time of frustration in the Israelite camp and they were in a wanting mood from Moses. They wanted him to make happen what they wanted right then and there. Verse 7 says they tested the Lord going "Is He among us or not?". Think about all they had seen God do at this point and yet they still doubted if He would come through our not. Oh how we find ourselves in that spot at moments....and if we aren't paying attention to when those thoughts and feelings arise, we can get into the same mode they were in.  Frustration preceded battle....so by the time Moses made it to this battle time, he was probably growing weary. Verse 11 says as long as Moses' hands were raised, the battle continued in their favor. (but remember he went into the battle already weary from frustration...) Verse 12 says Aaron and Hur held his hands up when he grew tired...until the battle was won. Verse 14 jumped out at me today when I read this again...God wanted to make sure Moses recorded what had happened that day and to make sure and tell Joshua. Joshua was so in the middle of the battle that he couldn't stop to see what was going on in another realm. God wanted him to know. I'm sure on those days when Joshua would grow weary....this would serve as a remembrance for him. 

I don't know how your week has gone, but God does. Maybe you are in the place where Moses is and the battle has left you tired and weary at this point and it's getting hard for you to keep praising through. (Cause after all that's how we fight through the battles....praise). I pray you have an Aaron and Hur close by to hold your hands up and remind you of all that God has done already. Maybe you are the Aaron and Hur in the situation....speak life to the ones God has placed in your path that you know are growing weary. Don't be like the priest in the story of the Good Samaritan and just wish them well as you travel on...do what you can and remind them how to press/praise through.  Maybe you are the Joshua in the story and you need to read back through all that God has already done...(pick up your Bible and get started.....When God gives me "that verse" in a moment I put a date beside it in my Bible. Sometimes I just need a trip back down through those to remember that if He spoke then, He's still speaking now. If He did it then, He's still doing now. God is no respecter of persons and is looking for children in receive mode to pour out all of Him.). Maybe you are the Moses that needs to tell the Joshua your story. So many times we keep to ourselves when God does something when we need to be sharing our press through the praise moments or simple our praise moments. You don't know who needs to hear, but God does. Don't hold back just because  insecurity hits. (I'm finding that when those insecure moments hit (and trust me they will), it's because what is on the inside of you is needing to come out and it scares the enemy. Hear my heart...if the enemy can make you doubt what is on the inside of you, feel like you aren't enough to do what God has called you to do, think you have no place doing it because you are you, or discourage you from seeing that you are making a difference...he wins. The enemy throws those lies when he is scared...because if he can slide one in and you start playing it around in your head, he can slow down that walk of yours. It's in those moments when we as Children of the Most High have to throw those lies back in his face and stand on truth. Transparent moment....all of those lies I listed above have been thrown at me at least once this week. In the hustle and bustle of the week, exhaustion hit early and putting those thoughts in their place took a backseat to sleep (or attempting to sleep). I love that God knows what is going on in realms we can't see and will slow us down at some point even if it means we spend our time with Him crying it out. That's a blog for another day...

I'm at a place in this journey that I've seen what God can do and I know greater is still coming. I still find myself having to stir up what is on the inside when the enemy throws his mess in my path, but God is faithful when we take the time to stir it up, He'll pour it out. I don't know what battle you are facing at the moments but hear my heart...if God moved then, He is still moving now. Get still and let Him remind you of your Amalekites(battles already won) moments...and let that stir up what is on the inside of you to keep pressing through the now.  See what the enemy doesn't quite get that I'm strong enough now to know that when he starts throwing what needs to be done even if I don't slow down to do it at first. It's in the recognizing what is going on and slowing down to remind the enemy not today.  Maybe you always find yourself in the Aaron and Hur part and can do the helping someone else through, be open enough to let others help you and trust that God is going to give back what you are giving out. I'm dreaming again and knowing that the God who has already done so much...still has greater in store. I've seen what He can do...and that fills me with an expectation of what He still has in store. 

Somewhere in the middle

It's Day Two.....also known as the middle. It's the day between what was painted as defeat and what God painted as victory.

The middle in the Grace story was only one day, but sometimes the middle can be longer. Day two in the Easter story was a day when it looked hopeless in the natural. For what they could see, it looked like defeat had won. They couldn't see what was going on in the realm they couldn't see. Oh for you see on that day two, the middle, the day when it looked dark and the blahs were possibly starting to set in.....God was still at work to set things in motion for the miracle that was about to take place.

Y'all let that sink in for a minute......The middle may look dark (and full of blahs), but hang on God's still at work. He's setting things in place that are going to be more than you can ever imagine. I think sometimes we lose sight in the middle, what we feel in the natural overtakes us and keeps our focus from the fact that victory is coming. The same God that set the world in motion still controls what is going on today. He was in control then and still is now. (If you can let that truth take root...the fruit that is about to come is limitless).

I wonder if those closest to Jesus remembered His words on day two. I wonder if they remembered that He said what would happen on day three. I wonder if they remembered all that He had done when the walked with Him. I mean if He raised Lazarus.....

How many times as Children of God today do we forget? I don't know where you are at in your journey, but hang on if you are in what looks like Day Two. God has not quit working and victory is closer than you can see. While you are feeling in the natural, God is moving in the spiritual realm and setting things in order for the victory He planned for you before you were born.

Happy Resurrection weekend readers!

Wednesday wandering

I guess I've had what you could call writer's block this month as far as blog posts go. I've sat down multiple times over the last few weeks and gotten out a paragraph or two, but nothing that was finished to post. There's been a thought here, a thought there....but nothing that would piece together for a post. It's Spring Break week...and I was sure that there would be multiple posts this week. (Umm ya'll it's Wednesday and not yet...) Hear my heart, God's been faithful and is still talking, but I'm learning sometimes those words are just for me right now and not for behind the screen. 

Sunday I laid down for a nap asking God if I had missed Him with the steps lately (Transparent moment: I'm not a patient person(especially with myself).....God's working to develop that fruit and I've resisted for a long time. I know my steps are ordered by Him and His timetable isn't mine, but there are moments when it takes my head some time to catch up with my heart and to just plain hush). Doubt and insecurity are close cousins, and I've struggled with insecurity longer than I care to admit. (That's a blog for another day). So I woke up from my nap with the story of Peter walking on the water on my heart.....it was all about His focus. He knew who had told him to get out of the boat, but when the feelings of what was going on around him started to overwhelm him, he took his eyes off of where they should have been. Faith is focusing on the One who has called us and is faithful to do it (1 Thess 5:24)....even when we don't feel it.

Monday night I laid awake, trying to sleep, but God was talking...Psalms 46:10 says Be still and know that I'm God. (In other words.....He's got this and is working it all out). Tuesday I pulled out The Circle Maker again and started drawing some circles again. I looked back at the dreams and visions I had written down when I first read the book, the ones that in my mind are all bigger than me, but that means they are the right size for the King of Heaven. You see if my dreams are something I can reach on my own......than I'm not relying on Him. I want to dream crazy dreams that take a crazy faith to accomplish. I've seen what God can do with crazy faith...and even though it scares me (yeah God and I are still working on the control thing..), it's the season God's pouring out. Moments that matter and that make an impact outside of our own hands is what God's calling His children to walk in. It's about knowing the only label is that we are His child and that is enough. (If you know me well enough, you know that's not my strength. I have to stop myself from overanalyzing things and just trust God's ordered my steps before and is doing so now.) I'm a work in progress.....

Today I found my prayer journal from 2004. That year in itself is a blog post, but there were moments written down on those lines of things I had asked of God....with answers on the back. There were moments that took place that year that are a part of my story that only God could orchestrate and write. Looking back over those requests, stirred something up on the inside of me. One of the promises in God's word is that greater things are still to come. If God did what He did then, then why should I doubt the details now? I've seen what God can do and seen Him show up and show out in ways that only He can get the glory from. He's the same today as He was back then and that's enough to make any Jesus girl shout.

If God promised it to you sweet reader, He will bring it to pass. If He's given you the vision for it, write it down and keep circling it. Sometimes we give up just short of the miracle because we are worn and weary. We let the overwhelmed, insecurity, anxious feelings steal our focus. Hear my heart...those moments are going to come. Let's let those feelings though drive us closer to the Healer of the Feelings. Let's let them drive us so close to Him we feel His heartbeat as we lean up against Him. (It's a choice when the feelings hit....and I know it's not easy some days, but it's worth it to press through). I don't know where you are at reading this. Maybe you have been feeling like you have been in the wilderness somewhat, kind of going God I know you are there taking care of things...but I'm ready to see where this is headed. Hang on sweet friend...God has the steps ordered for those dreams and visions He has placed on the inside of you. He doesn't see what others see, or even what you see....and that right there is enough to stir up some peace on the inside. Stay faithful to what He's speaking in and step where He says to step, The Promised Land is closer than you think.

When feet are no longer stuck....

If I wrote this blog before today the title would have probably been, so what do you do when the blahs hit. February was an exhausting month even though it held several moments that made me smile. Worn could have easily been the word for February.....There is a difference between worn and exhaustion. Exhaustion goes away most times after rest. Worn takes time to restore and renew. Worn is one step away from autopilot, from the motions of just pushing through the day. That being said...God can take anything and use it for His purpose...IF we let go of it and give it to Him. If ya'll could have been in my head over the last month, there were some days I walked in fear more than faith.  Staying real....I used to tell my Sunday School kids when I taught that fear and faith were antonyms. It's like a light switch, you can't have it on and off at the same time. That's how it is with fear and faith....we can't walk in both at the same time. How many times though do we switch throughout the day or even the week? (Hands raised because I've been there). We get so caught up in the cares of this world that we lose sight of who cares the most. We get so caught up looking ahead that we forget to look inside the moment. We get so caught up noticing the planks that we lose sight that the speck is causing things to become blurry for our own walk.

If you have read any of my posts lately you know I've been in the middle of a process of freedom. I could call it a journey, but this whole walk with Him is a journey. I knew I had one area where freedom was still lacking, one place where I still needed God to do something. Timeout for a second...this had been a matter in my prayer journal for MONTHS! I knew there had to be a change somewhere. You see I've been in places where I've seen God move mountains. I've been in the back of an ambulance and been told to prepare for the worst and then reach the hospital and see God show up and out. I've seen God speak life into situations that the enemy had spoken in something else. I've seen God take the darkest day of my life and work a Romans 8:28 story through it. I've had prayer times with God at home that well only God knew what I was asking because my flesh was out of the way. I've seen God move in meetings where the power of God fell so strong that you didn't want to leave. I knew what God could do because I had seen it.....but yet I still had a grip on an area of my life. I was looking through a blurred lens and the enemy was loving it. I was on the verge of becoming lukewarm because this back and forth was exhausting. Fast forward to the last couple of weeks...some days we get our running shoes ready and God says hang on a minute. He knows our heart and knows that if we are running anywhere it better be towards Him. Nevertheless, the shoes were out, but God was getting through. I'm thankful God knows I'm stubborn, but He also knows how to get me to listen. Twice in the last few weeks, I had heard two different sermons on the same set of scriptures twice. (So four total sermons from different sources, two on one set of scriptures, two on another...) The theme of not quitting when you feel like stopping and obeying even when it doesn't make sense was starting to sink in. It's one thing to hear the word, it's another to do what He's asking you to do it.....

Two weeks ago I was in Nashville at Restoring Hope and it was altar call time. My heart needed my feet to move, my head said no. There was a battle in my head between well me and me. My spirit knew what to do, the rest of me was insecure and full of fear. I looked at my friend next to me and said my feet won't move...to which she replied well you are the only one that can do something about that. That moment a shift took place...and what she said was more prophetic than she knew. The fear of missing out on what God was wanting to do in the moment became stronger than any other fear...and my feet started to move. God showed up and showed out that morning.  God had to ingrain something on my heart that morning that would take root. The week after while I was still "stuck" in one area, God sent two words that began to take root...and finally yesterday I got still and said okay I'm listening. Sometimes we have to slow ourselves down after some physical rest and go make it clear God....(Hear my heart if you ask to be able to see it clearly, be prepared for the answer and to then move on it). I wanted to know what had stopped the flow....and God was pretty blunt, it was me. I don't swim in the natural and I was struggling to swim in the spiritual. Stay with me...ya'll know I'm visual. I was almost all the way in the float ready to go wherever the river took me, except for this big toe I had stuck in the sand keeping me grounded to a place where I could float and still touch the water. God wanted me to swim....and He knew at some point with the flow all around me I'd listen. So that was His word yesterday...it was me and my big toe still digging in the sand of control that was holding me back. It didn't have anything to do with anyone else...but me.

I had to let go of control in this last area and trust that He would handle the details. Those things I had been praying for and asking Him for, those desires that I thought He was answering in other places...He wanted to answer them how I asked them, but I had to let go of me first. I had to move when He said move ....and listen when He said listen. There is a blog in itself on that part of the process to come later. I'll say this though, God is faithful and when we can take our eyes off of the distractions of the crowd, we will find the hem of His garment and healing. (and yes feet did move this morning at home and the fear of missing God was stronger than any other fear)

I don't know where you are at today, but I know where God is. If you are a Child of His, He hasn't left your side even if it feels like He's far away. He's been working out details and fighting battles that you didn't even know about so that you could walk in victory. God knows our heart....and there is a peace that only He can usher in when we walk in obedience. There is a healing that can be found when we start to live life simply as who He has called us to be, focused on seeking after Him, and knowing that the rest really will fall into place. 

Have an amazing week! More to come later ;-)