She knew who He was.....

I've been exhausted over the last couple of months...and I don't think I just realized how exhausted until this week when I've had a chance to rest. I wish I could tell you the to-do list was completed this week, but rest won. My soul is full though and my heart is happy. If you don't know you can be exhausted in more ways than physical, well that's a blog for another day. I've had writer's block during this exhausted time...more so than I realized. This morning though God in His perfect way started writing a blog.

I was WIDE awake in the early morning hours and tried to watch a movie to sleep. God brought the woman with the issue of blood to mind. I was like okay God where is this going.....but I decided to just listen. Then He took me back to a time in service last Sunday and used it to engrain a truth on my heart. The woman with the issue of blood knew who Jesus was and that's why she pressed through that day to get to Him. Y'all don't read that and just let it go in one ear and out the other. She didn't just know about Jesus, but she knew Him otherwise, would she have taken the risk to press through the crowd that day and get to Jesus. I'm not so sure but she knew Him and she knew that if He had done it for others, He could do it for her.....she just had to get to Him. Sometimes we want so desperately for someone else to press through for us and clear the way, but sometimes God's going come on child...press into until you get that touch. Yeah, it's deep.....I've had the week off and been able to finally listen. When we experience that press....that push in prayer that leads us to that place where we hear Him call us Daughter. That's not found in any denomination or bylaws of a church....but in a relationship with the One who knows all of your mess and still loves your beautiful self!

It's sometimes not a huge thing that overwhelms us over time, but the little foxes that can spoil the vine. This woman had dealt with her mess for a time, but she knew what she had to do and she wasn't going to let anything distract her. The end result.....she not only got her healing, but He called her Daugther. (Don't miss that part....). God knows where you are at right now sweet reader.....and He's saying don't let the distractions keep you from me. It's not about what anyone else says, how they do things, or even what will keep them happy...press through daughter.

I could keep writing, but I'll end this here.....Do you, not the you that pleases everyone, but the you that pleases Him. What He's called you to and the steps He's ordered for you may not always make sense to everyone else.....but that's okay. I think sometimes we expect people to know our story based on the chapter they joined in without giving them the chapters they missed.....and that's a blog for another day.

Sunday thoughts...

What's God put on the inside of you that you are still waiting to see come to pass? What dreams has God promised that He's saying don't give up on? God's timing and our timing are not always in sync.....but when He shows up.

I know it's the first post in over a month, but October was a blur. Don't get me wrong I had a lot of fun and made some amazing memories, but I feel like I barely stopped to take a breath. Y'all that will wear you out in ways you didn't know you could be worn. God is faithful....and somewhere in the midnight hours this past week, He's whispered in.

Sometimes we see the fire starting to lose its flame. We do what we can in our place to move the wood around, to add some fuel to it, but our best intentions only last for a moment. However, when God's wind blows through.....there is a roar that comes back that is a flame that says keep moving, I've got you.

So many times we try to complicate what Jesus died to uncomplicate. Live love in front of this world and they will see Him. They aren't looking for a perfect person to preach truth to them, but they are longing to see a forgiven person demonstrate grace. The truth will come in time. God didn't heal the wounded places for you to keep those places covered. Real and authentic is what this world is longing to see.....The rocks are getting restless when we stay silent. The rocks are getting antsy when they see us not catch on to what God is doing. God's not looking for another program to work through, He's looking for a people to shine through.

There was a devotional I read through this past week based off the song Known by Tauren Wells. If you have the app and haven't read this one, I highly encourage it. It was amazing and so on time, I can't even begin to speak it. It was the pop to the insecurity bubble that had begun to form again and the reminder that this blog needed some time from me even if it was just a short post.

Tonight I'm thankful for a fire fueled by not me. I'm thankful for grace and mercy that are filled up every morning when the day seems to deplete my share. I'm thankful for a loving push to get back focused on what He said. I don't know where you are at this evening, but God does. Praying He whispers what your heart needs and if it's a push that you lovingly get back going. I've learned more times than I should have had to over the last few years, God won't move your feet for you....but He will get you to a point where you will move your on and then the rest is His to put into place.

Water walking days

Now before you go making judgments just by reading the title, stick with me through the end. This isn't one of those get out of the boats and change the world kind of posts. It's a revelation from me bringing my mess of feelings to God last night and going make sense of them, please. I love deeply and pour out often times more than I remember to slow down and take in, hence the migraine that stuck around for a couple of days this week. I don't get them often, but when I do I usually find myself at one point going okay, God what am I supposed to hear. Migraines for me are usually a slow down Child, you have been running way too fast. I'm glad no one else but God can truly hear what goes on in between my ears some days. I'm way too hard on myself and way too quick to start overanalyzing things. That being said....as I've mentioned on here before I'm a visual and some days God has to paint the picture for me to make sense of what I've asked Him. So here's the real look into a me and God conversation last night. Maybe someone else has found themselves at that point too...

The week had worn me down and out and I was feeling it. I had given what I knew was my all but felt like it had been handed back to me with a big stamp on it as not enough. I get in that place a lot...and it's usually when the flesh is screaming and my Spirit is whispering. Those are not so easy places to be at because if we listen to the screams we will keep wanting to hear the applause and searching for someone to feed that part of us. I'm still learning to quiet that part of me quicker so that I can hush those screams and remind my soul that it's not about me, it is about Him. If we could hear His whispers in the moment the screams of not being enough for those around us wouldn't matter because we would know we are enough because He's enough. I care too much some days and my do takes over my who....but it's a journey and a work in progress, I am. So I laid all of this in a messy way to God last night and was desperate for some sense to come to my soul. In His perfect way, He started painting a picture. Out of the boat means we are walking in that part of who we are that we know we need Him, it's that calling that is slightly uncomfortable (hello it's out of the boat).  Out of the boat though is that journey with God, that relationship building time with Him. It's where we get to know Him and the us that He made us to be. I've lived on the verge of overwhelmed and exhaustion for most of the last few weeks. God knew it and I knew He knew it.....I also knew that He had a plan and a purpose if I could keep my focus on Him. I don't know about ya'll but I start out my day knowing who I am and that He is in control, but there are some days that before lunch I'm going God I need an intervention. It's how water walking days go....we are out of the boat focused on the One who said we could get out of the boat. We feel the water beneath our feet, but we know God's got us and we can keep walking. Then the waves pick up and all of a sudden we are feeling way more water lapping around our legs and for a quick moment our hearts start to beat really fast and we question if we can still stay on the water or if the boat would be a better spot. This is usually the time when good ole anxiety and its companions start hanging around. Hear my heart for just a minute.....if God hadn't designed you to walk on the water, to go to a deeper place with Him...He would have never allowed you to get out of the boat. The enemy knows what's on the inside of you and that's why he wants you to run back to the boat. There are moments during a day when the water may lap so much that you do look down at it just to see if it's getting close to overwhelming you...and that glance, that moment when the screams of the flesh take over is when we lose sight of who we are in Him. It's that moment when our eyes go from our Creator to our circumstances....and we sink for a minute, feelings start to win and we start overthinking. A song, a verse, a stone of remembrance time rises up and you look up again. You keep walking and knowing yeah the waves are still lapping and you are still feeling overwhelmed, but God's taken care of it all before and this time is no different.

Some days we can have those sinking and looking up moments all throughout the day, some days it depends on what is thrown at us (and how we are physically feeling). It all plays a part in how we fight....grace is amazing though and I'm thankful for a Father who takes the messy parts of our day and connects the dots for a message. Maybe you can't relate to this kind of day, but maybe you can. Maybe you are giving it all you got and some days still wondering it's enough, show yourself the same grace He does...that's my plan for the upcoming week. I'm not perfect, but God knew that when we started this relationship. It's His expectations for the day that matter more than anything...if those are met, we can smile and lay our heads on our pillows knowing He is pleased. There is a difference in people pleasing and serving....but that's a blog for another day (God's still refining that part of my heart).

Remember the deposit.....

Wow, it's been over a month since my last post (that's not me). Let's just be real...August was long and weary at times. It's always hard getting back into that routine and finding the balance that everyone so desperately wants. I'm about convinced balance is scriptural.....one day that may be a blog in itself. I'm my own worst enemy or as someone said last week, it's between my ears that needs convincing. I walk some days on the verge of being an insecure mess and I know God's up in heaven going umm...Child really? Didn't we talk about that already? Mask off, turtle shell not around.....the mountain in my view wasn't the one I wanted to climb. I had already climbed it, quit circling it.....but it was looming. Even today had moments where I got close to the mountain of mess again.....You see the enemy knows that the mountain of message awaits us when we go over the mountain of a mess...and he wants nothing more than for us to climb back on the mountain of a mess, so he does what he can to push us closer to it. Y'all I could park right there and end this blog on just that statement.....

Last week I was getting ready for church and having my worship time....when I heard God speak in, remember the deposit (Read 2 Timothy 1:6). Well, ya'll I figured it was a blog He was starting since it had been awhile. I didn't realize when I walked out to the car and realized that recall that I had neglected to get fixed was going to need to be done. I can't say I handled it well at first.....but after I realized it was what it was (that was after realizing my laptop had seen better days and wouldn't be going through this IEP season with me)...I turned on Restoring Hope and was like God you know. Well, ya'll He does...I say this a lot, but Aaron's word was so on time I can't even explain. God used several moments during that service to remind me...hey I see you, I hear you, and I've got you. Isn't that really what we need sometimes? Back to the deposit word from the morning......it made me think back to a sermon I had heard Jason preach just a few weeks ago about residue. Sometimes life stinks, sometimes the days aren't as sunny as we would like them to be, and our feelings are just plain yuck. Let's stay real....we all have days when we would have rather stayed in bed. Days when we Netflix is the only company we want. We also have days when the cry of our soul is for someone to just connect with....and to feel like a part of something. It's on those days when we need someone to speak life in and remind us God still has a plan coming....I'm thankful for friends that just know.

You know what God's put on the inside of you, what He's deposited......on the days when you find yourself wondering God did I miss you on this...let that deposit be what keeps you steady. I found myself having to walk and worship a lot during August to talk out my insecurities with God. I asked Him more than once if I had missed Him (of course I hadn't but isn't that what we usually start to feel when it gets uncomfortable or uneasy). It's okay to have to have those moments....where you put the praise music on and just talk to Him like it's coming out. I think sometimes we try to clear our heads before we come to Him in prayer when if we would just lay it all out for Him, He can make sense of the fuzzy. I'm not saying I have it all figured out....or that I haven't looked really hard at that mountain of the mess today, but the choice was mine. I have never doubted Him....but I've doubted me a lot and yes that's a blog for another day. There is a confidence coming that will probably finish that book that should have been written by now. I promised myself on this journey a few years ago that sometimes the posts would just be real. I spent way too much of my early journey with Him with the "Everything's fine" smile even if I wasn't feeling it....that I just can't fake it anymore. I'm real, it's not always pretty......but God loves right where we are at and too much to let us stay put for long.

I don't know where you are at tonight, but God does. He's whispering...I see you, I hear you, and I've got you. Put on the praise music....and just rest, trusting that He's that good. (cause He is😀😁)

Why do we?

If we truly grasped what God meant by when He said the same power that raised Jesus on the inside of us...lives on the inside of us, would we really let the "little" things send us into such a defeat cycle? If we really could grab a hold of what He's poured into us to pour through us...would we walk around consumed by the busyness of life? I've had way too much time today to listen ...(don't get me wrong the to-do list has been HUGE, but God's list has come first). Sometimes He pulls you away because He needs your focus, your attention. If you have never experienced a time of fasting, well that's what it's all about. It's about taking something away that usually keeps your focus and drawing your focus where it belongs. Sometimes I see the big picture before I see the steps....and not knowing the steps keeps me from embracing the big picture. That's a blog in itself.....so many times God's calling us to take a step and we keep wanting to know what it is exactly we are stepping in and on. Ya'll I'm a Jesus girl who has been on an intense journey over the last three years, I probably really should write a book one day....but I can't shake what I feel in my Spirit tonight.

The weather forecast this week calls for rain in the natural, but God's raining in the spiritual as well. He's looking for His children that are positioned and ready to hear. He's not looking at denomination, He's looking for obedience. I gave up a long time ago after a yucky migraine moment calling myself anything but a Jesus girl. (If you aren't sure what I mean by that....it's in a few blogs back). My praise may not always make sense, but it does if you know my story and know what all God has walked me through. (Yeah I said through). I've come from the one who needed someone to pray me through EVERYTHING to knowing how to pray and press through. There are some battles that are only won on your face in your prayer place with God. There are some battles that are only won staying there until God does something.

Don't get so distracted by all that is going on that you miss all that God is doing. Don't let your to-do list be so much of your focus that you lose His focus. Why do we stop at just enough when God has running over planned? Why do we stop at filled up when God plans overflow? There is a praise coming from this season that is going to be a sound that shakes places that can't be seen. The places that were once dry are going to be saturated again. If we are comfortable going around the same mountain, that will be the view that we stay with. Mountain moving takes place when you get off the mountain, or over the mountain, and on to a new thing that He's doing. I don't want to stand before Him one day and hear God ask well why didn't you _________with what I gave you. Ya'll when that truly sinks in....it will rock your world.

I know the days aren't always easy, ya'll I have enough moments of my own when insecurity and anxiety start to get loud.....but for the last 48 hours God's been clear ...stir it up. When we know what is on the inside of us...even on the days when we can't see what He's doing, we have to stir up what He's deposited on the inside of us. When we know the power we have.....we have to take time to not only plug in, but to stay connected long enough for a complete charge to happen. So many times we plug in, but only connect long enough to have power for a bit. This world is going to take power that comes from a full charge. Maybe you aren't sure how to press in ....get alone with Him and just listen (until He answers). Sometimes we have to tary for awhile and wait......(that's a blog for another day).

Different kind of blog tonight, but if He's letting me finish it so it's for someone besides just me. I don't know what your week holds....but I know who holds your week Child of God. There is power on the inside of you....tap into it and stir it up. I know what it's like to coast through, been there done that......and done with this swimming in the shallow end season. I've been in the secret place tonight and pressed through to touch Him. There is a peace with Him that makes you forget that it doesn't always make sense.  There is power on the inside of your Child of God.....flip the switch and follow His lead.

Sunday thoughts

Y'all if I had a recorder for the last couple of days this blog would be so much easier to write....lol. I'll be honest as I start to type this, I'm not even sure exactly where He's headed with it....but the stirring to write is there so I know He's headed somewhere. Mask off for a moment.....I'm not a swimmer in the natural. I love being in the pool and the water, but when I get close to the deep end I tense up and start to make sure I ease back to the side where I can touch. Stay with me I'm headed somewhere....how many times do we get that way in the spiritual realm? We get so close to the deep end of swimming in what God truly has for us, but we tense up and walk back to where we can touch...where we are comfortable. Y'all God didn't call us to stay in the shallow end.....I know I've written on this before, but a few months ago I had found myself back in that safe end of His waters. Yes God was speaking and we were in a relationship...but it was safe. Throughout the summer, I've edged closer to that deep end and the last couple of days I've felt God going, just trust me. No more back and forth...this time just let Me do it and trust me that I've got you. I know where I struggle, where I'm weak at, God does too...but the words that I've spoken when in those weak moments have clued the enemy in on those places as well.  As Children of the Most High, we have got to take God at His word when He says the power of Life and Death are in the tongue.....

David would have never defeated Goliath if he didn't trust that God had given him a purpose and called him. David would have never defeated Goliath if he hadn't picked up the first stone and made a step out there to face what others feared. The giants you face in your life will never be defeated if you just stand there sweet readers. Throw the stones of what God has given you....it may be a word, it may be a moment...that's how we fight the giants, that's how we fight our battles. (cue the song ;-)). One last thing on that...I feel like God's calling those that know how to fight to lead and fight for those who are still learning how to fight or may not have the strength to fight. At one time we all had to learn what it means to be a soldier in God's army. That may be deep for some...but that's where God's at this afternoon. Yes, there is a war going on around us, but when the Children of God come together unified......there is a sound that will go forth that will DESTROY anything the enemy is doing. 

I'm not perfect, far from it.....I'm thankful for grace each and every day. I'm thankful that on the days when I'm not so sure of myself, God is more than confident in who He has called me to be. I'm thankful on the days when I worry if I've messed up, that God says grace...I forgive you now forgive yourself. I'm thankful that on the days when I'm feeling like the day has taken its toll...there is a residue of His oil that covers me until I can fill back up with Him. When we lose focus on what is on the inside of us, God pursues us back and reminds us of the visions and dreams He has placed on the inside of us. That will light a fire in you that I don't even have words for at the moment. 

I don't know where you are at, but I know this God knows right where are at. He knows what the temperature on the inside of you is and He knows what He has set as the normal temp for you(that's a blog in itself). Stir up what is on the inside of you and walk in what He's called you to do. He never said it would be easy, but if we could fully grasp the power on the inside of us....the way something feels wouldn't matter anymore. 

More later, enjoy the rest of your Sunday sweet readers

When God speaks in.....

So Joshua said to the Israelites: "How long will you wait before you begin to take possession of the land that the LORD, the God of your ancestors, has given you? Joshua 18:3

When God drops a verse in my Spirit, I often times will put a date by the verse. This one was one God gave me almost a year ago.....and then He brought it back to my attention just a couple of weeks ago. I've had an expectancy in my Spirit this summer...and I've been waiting on God for revelation. I knew it was coming, but impatient me has been like come on now. I've been in reflect mode, hence the lack of blogs. I would start to write and God would never let me finish just yet. If we are truly living our lives for the applause of One, then why do we let the lack of applause from so many keep us distracted. That was in one of those blogs I started one night and never finished...but that part wouldn't leave my Spirit. So many times we get caught up in the comparison trap and it leads us to a rat race that never ends. One thing God kept whispering over and over (He knows I'm stubborn and need time for the root to start), it's a focus issue...if we keep our focus in the comparison zone, we will never be who God designed for us to be. We will get close to it, our promised land in view, but we will never walk into it. So many times we sit waiting on God to give us our promised land, and God's waiting for us to move our feet. God's waiting on us to quit looking at everyone else's feet and start moving our own. He's waiting on us to grow up and move from walking to running. He's waiting on us to know that the visions and revelations He has given us will come to pass. There is a season of overflow coming...God's looking for a remnant that will stay so close to what He's pouring out that it can't help but spill over to others. 

I've been in listen mode for most of this summer. I can't say it has always been easy, insecure, anxious me was a lot louder some days. I promise you I know I make God laugh some days as He sits there and goes, child haven't we already been there. I knew last year was the year of Restoration and this year the word has been release...I could sense what God was pouring out in the spirit realm. The enemy loves to use distractions, some of them may even be good distractions to keep our focus offset. I'm so thankful God keeps stirring though...He knows what is on the inside of His children and He's not going to settle for you to walk in the land of distractions when He has a promised land planned. There are still going to be days when anxious me needs God to whisper loudly steps are ordered by Him (ya'll if I didn't already know that, but some days I need God to remind me and He knows that. He knows that is part of my testimony and if you don't know the story....well it's a blog to come. It's one I should have told more before now). Back on topic...God isn't looking for a perfect people to pour out on..but on a people who are positioned and open to what He's doing. He's looking on hearts where the ground has already been tilled up aka broken up and is in receive mode. I'm the first to tell you I'm my own worst enemy some days...but last night while trying to sleep God gave me a picture of an umbrella of grace. We are so busy sometimes giving that umbrella to cover others when we need to remember it for ourselves too. Stop giving the enemy an inlet of insecurity and speak grace and His truth and promises over our own lives. This morning driving to church, His presence was so real and so tangible....that I couldn't wait to get the car in park and look up the verses God had shown me in a vision. What you saw as a burst, God saw as a shift. What you saw as a stretch, an uncomfortable moment...God saw as putting the new wineskin on and it's time for overflow.

I'm a Jesus girl who has seen God do way too much to start doubting Him now. I know what it's like to take Him at His word and to see Him move as only He can. I've seen God step in and tell the enemy that's enough. I've experienced His presence in a tangible way and I know what it's like when the anointing is poured out. I also know what it's like to breathe through when anxiety rears it's ugly head, knowing that the presence of it is unavoidable, but also knowing now that the prison of it is optional.  Sweet reader, God's not the only one that knows what has been put on the inside of you because the enemy knows it as well. What vision, what promise, what dream has God said was yours for the taking? What are you waiting on? Your confidence isn't in what you feel like you can do, but in what He said you could do. Move those feet.....and step into what God's doing.