I finally typed out the 18 wheeler in the road blog...it will post tomorrow. I don't know if it's just the upcoming anniversary of that day or the fact that I'm at the beach, but it always causes me to look in for awhile. I think I can hear Him better through the waves or just by looking at His amazing awesomeness(not sure if it is a word, but it fits) every day. Isn't it funny that we can look at the mountains, the beach, or a starry night and go wow God when we look at what He's created, but we can look in the mirror and criticize every little detail about something else He has created. Hmm...
The last year has been a journey, I've learned a lot about myself, some I would like to forget. Most of all though I've learned I'm stronger than I ever thought I was. Why do we let others dictate how we feel about ourselves so much? Why do we let what He says about us be the last thing we care about and or listen to? Why do we let our feelings mess us up so many times? I've learned that I must make God laugh some days, because I'll get so upset about something someone said or didn't say, and then come crying to Him at night and want Him to put it back together. I think after the fifth or sixth time it was like okay child enough is enough. We have got to be confident in who we are in Him first, and second who He created us to be. If we keep trying to compare ourselves to someone else, we aren't being fair to that amazing creation that looks at us in the mirror each day. He didn't just close His eyes and go there she is, He took time in putting each and every little part together. We are treasures. Just like diamonds in the rough, sometimes things need to be cut away or polished, but no two cuts are the same. Be who you are and quit apologizing for it!!
I've also learned this past year to be real with those you trust and those who will love you regardless, for the rest of the world, put on that smile and do what you can for them through it. Not everyone in your world is a weathered friend, one you can truly pour your heart out to, one you can tell hey I'm hurting today and they will listen. Unfortunately we live in a what about me society, and too often we don't slow down long enough to really care about those around us. When you find one of those weathered friends(been there through it all), you find yourself able to be comfortable. There were days last year that I put on that smile regardless of how I felt, because I knew that was what was expected of me. Shocking as it may seem I am a turtle and I tend to hide in that outer shell and that plastered smile. Through those turtle days though I learned to crawl up in His lap, because regardless of what the day had held, I knew He loved me no matter what. We have to remember that truth and let that get us through some days. Forgive yourself as easily as He does.
Sometimes the journey is just about you and Him. We so long to hear good job, and I appreciate what you did from those with some skin on as I like to say, but how many times do listen when He says it? How many times do we do something for someone only to get something(hopefully in return)? He knows our hearts and He knows our motives. Do what He's told you to do regardless of what is in it for you. He has an incredible memory and trust Him to reap a harvest from the seeds you are sowing. This is still a daily struggle because my flesh still wants those reaffirmations. I'm learning(slowly) that He brings the encouragement you need when its time and sometimes its in places you least expect from people you may not even know.
The video below was a song going through my head sometime in the last week or so. Sometimes it is just me and Him, but those are the times when He gives you what you need to give out to others. He's good about drying tears, making Arthur(arthritis) behave, and saying I haven't forgotten when you feel like no one remembers what you did.
Thank you for letting me share a little from my heart on this blog. Most of what I put on my statuses on facebook or in these blogs are things He's told me or walked me through already. I don't have it altogether by any means, I still mess up more than I should, and some days well I'm pretty sure I make Him laugh when I try to do it my way. I've learned that my relationship with Him though is my most precious treasure, I love it when He whispers to me and I'm finally learning to slow down more so I don't miss anything. My prayer for you sweet reader is that through these moments along the journey, you'll not see me, but Him.
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