When you see...

If you haven't heard the song linked above, listen before you finish reading the blog. It has touched a spot deep within me every time I have heard it, but this past push in the journey it has taken on a whole new meaning. If you aren't in the mood of reading a transparent post..you may want to skip this one. This is just another moment along the journey of life. It's that moment when the load feels heavy and the choice has to be made. Are you going to keep eyes forward looking at the One keeping you afloat or are you going to pay attention to the feelings of the water underneath? Eyes off of moving forward and the sinking occurs before you realize. You start to feel overwhelmed with the mess of life (let's get honest we all have a mess we are carrying) and you see you are treading water, but there is a deep part within your soul that longs to be back on top of the water. Once you have walked on the water with Him, you know what it's like to be in that surrender walk....treading water wears you out quickly, exhaustion sets in, and if you aren't careful the motions are quick to follow. You plaster that smile on and do what needs to be done each day, but all the while deep inside longing for that flame you once had raging on the inside to burn again. God won't let you go under and at some point, you find your way back to the surface and see the hand that's been ready to help you back up all along. You get still long enough to let Him breathe on your flame...and the fire that was just a minute ago a flicker starts to burn bright again. When you see....He sees....

Busy can creep in faster than you realize and with each moment of doing, you lose a moment of just being. You spend so much time focused on what others need that you lose sight of what you need. As much as we may want others to read minds they can't. Oh people can sense when something isn't right, they can sense when you are treading water, but if you don't push out a brick ....the wall is going to stay up. We all have a story to tell, but are we telling it or just assuming others are able to read it? Let that sink in.....because so many times the enemy leads us to become frustrated with others but if we will get real we are frustrated with ourselves. It's like receiving a really nice coat/boots/scarf for a present. You opened it with excitement wore it for a season or two, but put it away when the season wasn't right. Then the season comes around again, but it just doesn't feel right. You can't walk in that present you received because you are so focused on how the season feels. The first part of the present is receiving it, the other is walking in that gift....(each and every day regardless of the season). Seasons are going to change and sometimes even when the calendar says it's a new season, it may not feel like it is. (Let that sink in for a minute......have you felt the shift?) . 

So many times we are waiting around for others to see our hearts, recognize our worth and God's waiting on us to see it for ourselves. For when we truly begin to see from His perspective everything else grows strangely dim. You may be reading this going I thought she said transparent post....well most of where I typed you I could have typed I. The last month and half have been a chapter of a book that is still to be written. It's been a turn in the journey where busy crept in, scars that had been "healed" were opened up again, and it was easier to just do instead of be. You see I know that it's in the still moments when God speaks in (whether it's what you want to hear or not). All I could see was what I couldn't do or be , when He was longing for me to see what He made me to be. Feelings because louder and my insecure anxious self was the voice that I responded to instead of the confident anointed voice that knew regardless of feeling, God has a plan (because He always does). One thing the enemy loves is isolation....don't let it get to that point. You know what you need, don't be afraid to ask for it and let others in. God has planted you where you are at for a reason...if He wanted you to move, He would release you. Live life with who God has placed in your path, but to do that....climb out of the turtle shell let people in on the inside and then let God start the healing He's been wanting to do for a very, very, very long time. One last thing....don't complain to Him about not fitting in or having no one to connect with, if you aren't willing to open up and give others a chance. You may not have a group that you feel like is yours, but God will give you what you need....and will tell you who is there for when you need to push out a brick. 

As you read this you are probably thinking one of two things....you have thought back to a time in your life where you can relate to what I have typed (or you may even be in that moment right now) or you are thinking what in the world is she talking about (and if that's you...hold on because your moment will come). Life is a journey and it's not a flat field to walk. There are rocks, there are dips, hills, and mountains to climb. There are moments when you are walking on the water, moments when you feel like you are sinking, and moments when you want to go crawl in a cave and hide. Let this truth sink in....God knew about those moments before you were born. He knew what kind of heart He put on the inside of you, how you would struggle to see yourself in His eyes, and how one day....the seeds would start to take root and the bloom would start to appear. He knew before you were born what walking out the gift He gave you would look like. He knew you would question yourself more times than you should and how you would need Him to remind you more than once just how much He loves you the way you are. He sees past the smile and He hears the thoughts you push play on more than you delete. He knows how you feel your way through moments but also how He uses those moments to draw you to Him. Oh can't you see...when you see anxiety, insecurity, fear, wounds, scars......He sees a purpose and a story that He has been writing since before you were born.