Yep it's late and this wasn't what I exactly had planned. I fell asleep around 9, so I was wide awake at midnight...and God was finishing the part of this one. I have four other posts in the process, but I knew this one had to come first.
Back in May I attend a ladies' breakfast where Christa Black Gifford spoke. She spoke on the heart. It was a much needed word on making the heart whole through listening to why the heart feels the way it does. I was a mess of feelings at that point and having someone tell me it wasn't that feelings were wrong, I just needed to figure out the why was life. So many times we throw a scripture at a mess without looking to the why behind the feeling of that mess. Our hearts are indicators of what's going on in our bodies and minds if we will just take a minute to listen. I'm thankful God has wired us to where spoken words like that are a seed that He plants deep down. It may seem like nothing is coming from that word, but it's because it has to take time to root and start to grow. I highly recommend her book Heart Made Whole. I can't say enough about the teaching that is in there. Anyway back to the blog...so fast forward a couple of months and busy and overwhelmed were becoming a norm. There was stuff coming to the surface on the inside and it wasn't nice coming out. I was about to hit a wall and I knew it. I am beyond thankful for people that speak life in when I'm headed to a wall and don't just add to it. I am usually pretty easy to read lately....If I'm quiet, I'm probably thinking about something which means the turtle shell mode is close. I've also learned there is a truth volcano side that comes out and it's not always truth in love. It happens to all of us at some point... for me I'm learning is usually a coping mechanism that keeps me from crying in front of others. Just being real....I'm learning grace for myself and over the last week or so am learning more and more to love others like He does means all people. Love without expecting anything in return and trust God for the return.....(which is so contrary to the flesh...which is good cause that means it's going to take Him). Grace for ourselves means knowing that we are going to fall at some point, but as I heard a couple of weeks ago...stay away from the edge so that when you do fall, you are at a place where you can get back up. Sometimes I wish I had a light on the outside of me that said anxiety in progress, proceed with grace and love. You may be thinking well yeah I wish I had one too but not with anxiety with________. My word on that is, give yourself grace first and press through. It may take a couple of days to see what's really going on, but at some point ...the "get up" rises up on the inside of you and you find yourself pressing through the crowd to get to Jesus. (Yep that's one of the blogs coming).
We all have that thing/place/event, that has created wounds over the years. Some of the wounds may have already gone through the healing process and scars have formed. Some of your wounds may have been like mine and I had band-aids on them (made from duct tape if you ask me). It wasn't until I started the Freedom journey in a small group this Fall that I realized just how many band-aids I had. I knew I had some roots from a couple of things that God and I needed to deal with, but it wasn't until Freedom that I saw what was under the band-aids and it wasn't pretty. I feel like I've been on this digging process for almost two years now and that's a blog to come about the visual God showed me on that.
Stay with me for a minute, I'm about to wrap this up. As long as the band-aids stay on, healing can't take place. Some of those band-aids may have been on for awhile, to the point you don't even realize(or remember) what's underneath. God knows though...and He longs for you to walk in a place where your heart is not only whole, but healed. To get to that point though, you have to let Him take the band-aids off. Once that happens ...healing can begin. (Hear my heart I know it's not easy when they come off...getting real with God and yourself about what's on the other side of those places is painful, but necessary). God wouldn't bring your mess to view if He wasn't wanting you to see the message He was writing from it. When you take off what you wanted to cover those places with, He can cover them with what He intended all along..Him. Reality moment...it's vulnerable to be in that transparent spot of band-aids off. You feel raw and exposed. We'll talk about getting over that wall in another blog about truth. Picture time: In the physical, oxygen brings healing to the wound. When the band-aid is off, the wound can breathe and start the healing process. In the spiritual, it's God's breath that brings healing to the wound. It's His breath that brings life back to the place that was tender to the touch. (Ya'll I about had a shout on that one tonight).
Small group wraps up next week with Conference which is when part 2 of this will come. I also have a few more posts in between. God doesn't bring about restoration for you to keep it to yourself. The word over and over that He keeps telling me is it's a ripple effect. He works in you so He can work through you. There is a world out there inside the church and outside the church waiting to hear the praise attached to your victory.
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