Defeat........

So I posted a status one night on facebook this week about defeat. There is a line in the song below that was running through my head that night. Defeat is not of God, but so many times we walk around feeling defeated and its all because we let things get to us(If you can't change it, why worry?). But anyway, to quote Dottie Rambo(the writer of this song), defeat is one word I won't use! Our words need to not to be our feelings, but truth and anticipation(remember His plans are for our good). So just because we can't see what's going on, doesn't mean He has lost the plan. That's a blog for another day about that little word in that verse FOR. (Too many times that verse is quoted and we skip over the word for and talk about His good plans. Disciplining a child is not always pleasant, but it is for their good. Exercise and eating right are not easy, but they are for our good. Sometimes things that are for our good may not always seem good at the time. I'll pick that one on another blog. Enjoy the song! Until next time....

Time on the treadmill

Anyone who has ever wanted to run a race knows that you can't just start out running on the track, you have to train first. For most that training comes from a routine on the treadmill. Sometimes  you have a trainer there with you to tell you when to increase your speed and when to rest, sometimes you have to do it on your own. Depending on your endurance, the time on the treadmill may take longer than you planned. Running on a treadmill takes a lot of energy and even though the counter may say you are increasing in distance, you really aren't going anywhere.

Stay with me on this one.....Life is a journey. Sometimes in our journey we need to stop and have a training moment. We need to build up endurance for that next leg of the race. Sometimes we have to spend some time on the treadmill. God's still right there with us and sometimes He may increase the incline and speed, not to exhaust us or make us feel like we are going crazy, but to build up that endurance to keep going. Time on the treadmill can be difficult because you are running hard, giving it your all,  and feeling like you are going no where. Hold on sweet child, the training will be over soon and the pace will slow. You'll head off the treadmill and feel ready to take on the world!

Where is this coming from you may ask? Well God knows I'm visual and need a picture to explain things. I've asked Him what was up with the intensity I've felt over the last three weeks and tonight I heard the answer.  Tonight He whispered, you've been on the treadmill. Since I've started more than once a running program, this was an example I got very quickly. Running on a treadmill takes a lot of energy and can seem rather boring because you aren't going anywhere. Sometimes though we have those moments in our journey. Times when the speed increases and the incline goes higher, you take off running and giving it your all only to realize you aren't going anywhere. Those times are not easy. Some may call them tests, but I like to think of it as preparation. The treadmill explains the last few weeks for me. I've been running at a speed that is honestly not healthy. I'm not sure if my time on the treadmill is done, but I'm ready to get off and head on to the next part of this journey with Him. However, I'd rather finish the treadmill time now instead of being back on it again soon. One thing is for sure, you can't get off the treadmill and not feel stronger. (Side note...We don't arrive at our journey until we reach heaven. This journey may have more "treadmill" times, but preparation just means something new is ahead. )

Please do not misunderstand this blog. I'm not complaining about anything. I feel incredibly blessed and know that this princess is right where her Daddy wants her. God always has an answer to our questions, and He's not hiding it from us. It may not always be what we want to hear, but it's always right on time. I've learned to share what He shares with me, there may be someone out there that needs to hear it as well. If you feel like the speed has increased and you are running around like " a chicken with your head cut off" , take inventory. If you know you are where He wants you to be, then take a deep breath and keep running the training race. He's preparing you for something even greater. If you aren't sure about what part of the journey you are on...slow down and take a breathe or two...He'll let you know. 

Now all this talk about the treadmill has made me think about how I need to get back on my gym routine next week........
Until next time..........

Honesty Check

This is not a lesson I've mastered just yet, because to be honest my flesh still screams out for this. My flesh still craves those "good jobs" and "you make a difference" etc. However God is slowly revealing His plan in all that. (It's just not an easy one to grasp). Here are some thoughts:

There comes a time when you have to be okay with the fact that you know you are doing a good job. In other words, as long as you know you are doing the best you can and giving it your all, God's good with that and you should be as well. Too many times we become frustrated because no one sees how hard we are working, but God does. The world we live in is a busy one. We will stay frustrated if we are waiting on others to give us a pat on the back or an atta girl/boy. As much as our flesh wants to know that someone sees the effort, there will eventually come a point where despite how hard you are working, no one may say anything. It all comes down to as long as He's happy, we need to be happy with ourselves as well ;-) We have to find our value in what He says about us and not in what others think about us.

Until next time............

Well.....

I wish you all knew how many times I've gone to type in something on facebook lately and thought for a minute and said, nope that's a feeling. (BTW Joyce Meyer's new book came out today and I am soo excited: Living Beyond your Feelings, it's already downloaded on my Ipad).  Like today I almost posted something about walking in the rain to and fro all day, but then remembered that my friends in Texas would love some of this rain. Just to clarify from my previous post(Status-less), I am completely where God wants me for this journey in my life. Does my flesh want to fight it? Each and every step of the way, but God has a plan for this year. If  nothing more than to change me, to stretch me, to grow me. Change is not my friend, but honestly who enjoys it? I can say this though, that last summer prepared for me this. I'm  not the same and God's taken that and ran with it! So on to a new blog...

God and I have an unique relationship and I wouldn't trade it for a thing! I told Him a long time ago I wanted that friendship that I saw in others, I wanted that closeness, and He hasn't failed me yet ;-). Last night He started talking about discipline. That is a blog to come in the next month or so, after I walk a few things out. However, in that conversation, I was asking Him for something and I said, but God you promised, and He said what about your promises? How many times do we ask God for something without doing what He's asked us to do first? We keep expecting Him to move with nothing in return(He's not a fan of one sided relationships). How do I know this whole discipline thought/plan was God's and not mine? Because it was nothing the flesh was going to enjoy ;-) and nothing I knowingly would have felt like doing. As I said though, that's a blog for another month.

Sometimes I think God wishes we would catch up with Him. We are stuck sitting down(probably where we are comfortable) waiting on Him to come back to where we are, but He's waiting on us to catch up with Him. Let that sink in for a bit.............

You may read my blogs sometimes and go I wish I could get to that point where she is writing from. Trust me precious reader, it took 20 years and two life changing days to get me to where I am today. One day that knocks you for a loop will throw you into His arms for awhile, two days and well you get closer than you realized. You learn through those whirlwind times His voice. You learn that you can listen with just a whisper instead of looking for the earthquake. You learn that just because a day doesn't go your way, His promises are always true(and one day He'll show you how they are for your good).

Am I where I want to be? Why no, but I'm not the same I was two years ago that I can assure you. He promised He would finish what He started, and He's only just begun! I apologize now for the stress days( I don't want to say bad), that I am sure are to come. I'll try to hide them as much as possible, but my face sometimes gives it away. It's life and usually there is a blog to come after some of those. Those days happen, don't let them define who you are! Regardless of how the day goes YOU are still a daughter(or son) of the Most High! He knew how the day was going to go before it was even on the calendar, and He knew how you would act/react(and I am sure some days I make Him laugh!!).
Until next time............

Status-less

If you are a Facebook friend you may have noticed that I have been a little quiet lately. The turtle has gone inside it's shell for now. What led up to this status break? A little too much feeling and not enough listening. I love what I do, please understand that, but this year hasn't started off easily and is lacking the ease that usually comes by now. A part of who I am: is giving of myself whole heatedly to something(some call it giving 110%). Well in years past that meant giving to around 10-15 kids, but this year the number has grown. Yes that means more to impact etc., but if I am being honest you can only give yourself to so many before you have nothing left to give. So I have had about 3 weeks if the what about me's and the but it's not fair until I think He got irritated with me.( just like a parent who tells a child something repeatedly...you still love them but you so wish they would listen to you instead of doing it the hard way). I have questioned whether I am even making a difference and told God more than once how unfair it was, how I just wanted something that was mine and to be a part of something. to belong somewhere. ***side note before I move on...I am not perfect and don't claim to be. I want to represent Him well, but some days the flesh(aka feelings) screams louder and wins. This life is a journey. Some days we are walking along and some days we are stuck on the path and not sure when we are getting up. It's life and no matter how much I would rather just leave the turtle in it's shell, sometimes the turtle's journey(thoughts and feelings and all) can help someone out.

So Monday I finally heard Him when He said "Are you done yet?" I was like done with what? See I thought I was trusting Him with all of this, until He showed me that as long as I was still talking about(be it a status on facebook etc.) I hadn't let go completely. He can't work as long as we are trying to. He knows me so well, that He knows I keep trying longer than I probably should.(FYI He knows your heart....talking about something to a friend for prayer or to confide is one thing, talking about something because you want to have a pity party is another). He knew my heart and He knew that I was letting this stuff defeat me more than I should.  Staying quiet unlocks a key to an amazing power(caution: the more determined you are to stay quiet and let Him work the more the enemy is going to try and mess with you(be it thoughts or people asking you how are you?). Has this been easy? NO! Have I done a great job? No, I've fallen down this week, but I've gotten back up. It's not about how much you fall down, but about how many times you get back up. Has anything really changed in my week? Only my reaction. There comes a time when you realize all you can do is the best you can do. He will do the rest. You have to take care of you along the way(if you don't who will?) Value yourself enough to take care of His princess(or prince).

I may stay status-less for awhile longer(no I'm not leaving facebook altogether, just being mindful of what I post). My goal in life is to show Him, if not in the walk, then at least in the falling down and getting back up. Has anything changed this week? Only my reaction and the way I try to handle it. Am I still learning this process? Yes(still falling down and getting back up). So if you have a situation that you have asked God to change more than once and it doesn't seem like things are getting any easier(in fact they may be getting worse), get quiet....chances are God wants to change YOU!
Until next time..........

Some midweek thoughts

A longer blog to come this weekend from what I'm walking out this week(Tentativelly called status-less. )

Anyway:
Here are some midweek thoughts:

• God is the glue that allows us to bend all the way without breaking
• Sometimes the turtle has to go inside it's shell in order to win the race.
• To quote Minnie from The Help: You is strong, You is kind, and You is important..........Believe you are making a difference, becuase chances are that you are(even if no one says that you are).
• Somtimes God has to stretch you in order to put you back together.
• In a what about me world, fight to be the odd one out.
• God will take care of things when you be quiet and let Him(as long as you are still talking about it, you still have control) (preview of the blog to come later this weekend......)

Have an amazing rest of the week;-)
(and thanks for reading my blog....it's therapy for me in so many ways, my prayer is it also makes a difference to those that read it).
Until next time.........

Trust Yourself

You may be looking at the title going wonder where she's headed on this one, bear with me. I've had trouble sorting through some "stuff" this week. To be quite honest, I'm so exhausted during the week from what needs to be done, that I haven't slowed down long enough to listen. Thank the Lord for the weekends ;-)

I don't know about you, but change is not my friend. I know it means growth, but I would rather be comfortable. Changing is painful(anyone that has ever done lunges in the gym can attest to that fact), you know you are doing what's best, but it hurts while getting stronger. Life goes in cycles, and often times change brings change. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't let it get to me this year. There are moments that I know I have failed at that task, but I'm better than before. If you look at a task sometimes it can overwhelm you, it can cause you to panic, but if you just chisel away at it a little at a time, you'll find it doesn't seem as big as before. It's like climbing a mountain, from the bottom it seems so huge and massive, but once you reach the top, there is a sense of accomplishment and when you look down what looked so big looks so small.

So back to the title, one thing I'm learning is to trust yourself. If you don't believe you can do it, others are going to have a hard time believing in you as well. I'm not talking about a prideful confidence, but a confidence that shows yes the task is huge, but I can get this done(because you know you can do all things through Him). Trust Him at His promises, if He brought you to it, He'll take you through it. Sometimes you may be shaking inside and have no idea how you are going to get it done, but if you trust Him, He'll show you. Sometimes a smile means you know He can do it, not because you believe you can ;-) People will cause you to doubt yourself(by words or actions), some intentionally and some unintentionally, believe what He says about you, not what they do. So you didn't meet their expectations, but if you did your best then smile ;-) . So you fell down, show them how you can get back up and keep walking forward. Remember He doesn't give you what you think you can handle, but what He knows you can do. (**Honesty note: I've questioned this more than once in the last few weeks and asked Him was He really sure....I had trouble believing in myself that I could do it, much less trusting Him. We all get to that point, but when you sort it all out, you see He's always had your hand. )After all imagine where we would be if He wasn't walking beside us? I love the quote, I'm not where I should be, but praise God I'm not where I used to be.

One last thought:
²⁵ For whoever wants to save their life^[a] will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. (Matthew 16:25

Sometimes we give ourselves to something so much that we lose who we are. Have you ever done that? Poured yourself into something so much that it consumed you? It was what you thought about it, what you worried about, it consumed your time(could be a job, relationship etc.) You finally come to a point where you realize you've lost yourself during that. This one thing dictates your whole life, you let the to-do list be your planner for life. How many times do we find ourselves in one of these periods? If we'll stop and look inside, we can see what really matters, what makes us smile :-) That thing that may be consuming us may be something we love, but nothing but God should dictate every minute of our life. The to-do list will be there tomorrow, and God will send someone in your life to understand if it's not done(or He'll help you get it done). I'm learning this step by step, because the last two weeks I've struggled not to be overwhelmed. I've struggled with keeping who I am and not losing that and I'll admit some days have not been easy. I've stayed busy enough that I tried not to let my heart think too much.

We do not live in a cookie cutter world(praise God). He didn't ask us to be like someone else(no matter how much someone says, well so and so did this), you are someone special. He didn't rush through the process but He took time when He created you. He knew what you could do, what made you smile, what made you cry, and what pieces of this puzzle we call life that only you could fill. He knew how special would be, because He loved you from the beginning. He knew when you would fall down and how long it would take you to get back up. He knew there would be days when you would try to make everyone happy instead of making yourself happy. He knew how long it would take before you would feel the pressure and how you would react. He knew you before you were you. After all He made you who you are ;-) and the best thing is, He has loved us from the start. So despite how you may feel, love yourself like He does, believe what He says about you, listen to what He says about you,  and trust yourself. He has from the beginning ;-)