Being real.....

I'm in a reflective mood today....just thinking back over the last couple of weeks, all that God has done, all that He has spoken in.....and all that is still to come.

I'm learning to be real...I'm learning to be the me He made me to be and all that entails. I've lived far too long in a box listening to everyone but Him.....the box breaking is life changing. It's not easy swimming in the deep waters with Him, but the plan and purpose He has prepared are worth taking the jump. I'm not a swimmer in the natural. In fact if I'm not on the edge holding on to the side or with a float, you won't find me anywhere near that end of the pool. In the spiritual we can't walk around the deep end holding on to the edge. It works for awhile, but it will wear you out. When God has called you to swim in His plan, His purpose....and His promises you won't be satisfied walking around the wall. That being said....I found my way to the wall last week.....I know what it's like to swim in the spiritual deep, but I found myself tired in the natural and walking around the wall. My natural wanted to be comfortable ....and it wanted to be in the easy waters again. If there had been a tape recorder in my head last week.....let's just say His voice was not the loudest. The enemy was shaking the anxiety, fear, and depression chains loudly......Chains that God broke off last year were laying right in front of me. The word I used in a text was stuck.....I was stuck between picking up the chain again or stepping over it and moving forward.

There are moments when we have a choice to make and it's one only we can make. We can stay stuck...or we can reach out knowing that when we can't push ourselves in that moment, we have friends who can pray and push us forward. The enemy knows how powerful your testimony is, how purposeful your steps are, and how your praise and prayers are impacting lives....if he can convince you to stay stuck you begin to lose sight of the race God has called you to run. Running the race isn't going to be easy, but running with Him means running with purpose. Sometimes you just need a friend to remind you know how to fight and to push through to Him......There was a shift that took place last week. I actually remember the exact spot and moment where the God I just want to sleep for the next two weeks turned into quoting scriptures as He brought them to mind. Devil you don't win.....The struggle will only defeat you if you choose to let it. God has every step ordered and every moment is under His control as a Child of God. He doesn't waste any of them.....and even when you feel on empty God is working through the emptiness to a place of overflowing. That place where you feel like you can't do anymore is truly an amazing place to be (even when you don't feel like it is)...you see when you reach the end of all you know that you can do, God steps in and shows you all that He can do.

I don't know what your week holds, I'm not even sure what my week holds. I know this though, my steps are ordered by the One who does. There are moments that may make me feel stressful, discouraged, and even anxious....but God is working through those moments to defeat the enemy. He is the lifter of our heads when we feel discouraged. He knows we may feel anxious at times, but He says to be anxious for nothing but give it to Him. In other words, He knows you are going to feel it, but He says to let Him do it. God knows the purpose, the plan, and the anointing that He said was mine....(and He also knows how mad it makes the enemy). Pushing through the struggles doesn't mean they get easier, it means you get stronger because you learn that true strength comes form Him. I'm still such a work in progress, but I look back at how far He's brought me this past year and it makes me want to shout. The enemy is going to be louder at times, but it's in those moments...when we have to take ourselves to Him. He already knows we feel a mess about things, but He needs for us to bring that mess to Him. He knows how loud the enemy has taunted, how real the anxiety felt again, and how weary you have felt....He knows, but look back over all that He has done for you and know that He's making a way now even when you can't see it...and He will do it again!!

(Different kind of blog....but this is me) The last couple of weeks have worn me out in the natural. My spiritual understood what was going on, but my natural was wearing out day by day. The enemy was after my joy, my praise, and my focus....he knew that if I focused on what all was going on around me in the natural I would miss the need to fight in the spiritual and oh what a fight there has been. I reached a moment last week when I hit the autopilot button.....I knew I didn't want to go back to the chains of last year, but I was stuck. God and I are working on this being real thing. I'm still a work in progress...I tend to run to the mask of everything's fine and stay so busy to keep the tears at bay. God's faithful....I'm thankful for the reminders He sent last week, the truths He spoke in....and the moments of revelation. He's already been giving me a list of verses for this week....He knows...the steps that He has planned out and He's already gone before covering each and every one of them. He knows when you don't feel like you have enough, but your enough in His hands...turns into more than enough with some left over.

Taking the day back.....

What battle, what war, what mission is God calling you to that the enemy is trying to distract you from in the natural? What fight is on your heart to take to Him yet the cares of this world are wearing you down and draining you? God has so much more planned than just what you can see in the natural...so we fix our eyes on what is not seen. There is a shift going on...are you going to walk in it or be distracted from it? 

When the day hands you more than your natural can handle, when it leaves you feeling discouraged, drained, and just plain worn...what do you do? You may take a few minutes to do something that is relaxing (i.e. adult coloring book...), you may your favorite treat, you may even take a short nap.....but all of these are things in the natural. What do you do when none of those seem to be the answer? You do what God asked you to do earlier....but you didn't feel you had the strength to do...You take yourself to the King. You find that spot, that place, that moment and you focus on Him...you meet Him where He is at cause He's been right where you are. You find Him with arms wide open....going hey come here for a minute child, let me show you My view. For you see, any other view...is exhausting, tiring, and just plain draining. Any other view makes what you are doing in the natural seem like you are spinning your wheels and not making a difference when in reality you are covering a territory that God entrusted you with. Any other view leads to feeling discouraged when truth says Be encouraged for I have overcome the world....and this day didn't take me by surprised. Oh how I wish He would have slapped me upside the head with this reminder about ten hours ago...before the day did it's best to beat me up. God knows what we need even before we say a word...sometimes He needs our full attention, not 99.9% of our attention, but all of it. He knows when He has all of us. Oh how quickly we need to learn this.....We can think we have given God 100%, but God knows if it's all of us or not. He knows... let that sink in for a minute. 

I pulled myself into my spot this evening and God and I had an honest talk. Honest about how I felt about the day, the week, my do, but most of all my who. See God knew the day was going to drain me...before I even got up. He knew what the day held and He knew what I held. You see God knows what we can push through even when we don't feel like we can. Let that take root...even when we feel like we have done all we can do, dealt with all we can,...God knows our true ability, but more than that He knows His ability through us. Feelings will say I can't do anymore, but God says I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Let's get real for a minute....there are going to be days that just flat wear you out, make you want to cry, and leave you feeling overwhelemed and exhausted. God knows that...He also knows that in His arms...He can restore what the day has taken from you if you let Him. So choice is yours....you can let the day take root and walk in what you can see, feel or you can let Him take root...and walk in what He can see, feel. 

Why stay in the boat when He said you could walk on water? 

I don't know what your day has held or even what your week has laid out, but God does. This is a blog that has stepped all over my toes because well....It came from a heartfelt honest conversation with Him. I'm still working through not feeling my way in the natural through some of my days. I'm still learning on being overwhelmed with His list instead of My to-do list...it's a work in progress. I still have days when if I slow down, I will end up in tears saying I can't do this anymore. God gets that though...and He's using the pressure to make diamonds. There is an anointing coming from the squeeze...but for that to happen I've got to not give up in the middle. (that one was an ouch...). Leave your day in His lap....and let Him sort out truth from feeling. He truly is the restorer of what the enemy has taken....how do I know because I'm typing this with a smile on my face and an unexplained peace. 

When you are running on empty.....

Monday I knew pulling into work today that I was going to have to get gas after work. My light wasn't on, but the screen in the middle of my dashboard said 74 miles to E. I knew with running the air conditioner, that wouldn't take long. Oh how the natural reflects the spiritual more than I realized....

There is not a battle without a fight, a victory without a struggle, or a shout without a promise. I finally got still...I finally heard what He's probably been trying to tell me all day. The word He spoke through a friend yesterday, connected to the day I've had today (draining as it was), all leading back to a picture from His word.

The enemy knows the impact we are making, he knows our reach more than we do and does what he can to keep our eyes focused on everything but what we can be doing for God. It's not about feeling, if that were the case..I would have taken a half day today, ran to my bed, and declared no more adulting today. It's not about feelings though...while it's important to recognize how we are feeling.....it's not who we are. Empty happens, the enemy does that on purpose....he must forget about how far we can go on the gas light while finding the filing station.

I started this blog on Monday and I honestly was hoping God would just fill my tank and not finish it. Empty is a hard place to be...it's at empty that you realize one of two choices have to be made...trust or doubt. Trust that God is going to keep you going even when you don't feel like it or don't want to anymore, or doubt that paralyzes you in place. Your reach and impact are at a standstill when you are standing still.

The disciples on the boat didn't realize they were headed into the storm, but Jesus did...and He chose to sleep. He knew He had control of the storm because of Who His Father was. Guess what child of God, the same goes for you? Focus on Whose you are when the world wants to tell you otherwise. Greater things are still to come. ..He promised.

The widow woman baked a cake for Elijah even though she knew she was on empty. Empty happens....but it's what you do on empty that determines how long you can keep pouring. Obedience may not make sense...but it's one step in front of the other knowing He's a Good Good Father and has your steps ordered.

While this week has had some amazing God moments that have made me smile, cry, and shout....there have been moments of wanting to crawl in bed and just pull the covers over my head as well. This time of the year is overwhelming. ...it just is. At one point today, I said if I slowed down I would cry because there just wasn't enough of me to go around. The truth in all that was God knew it all along....He knows when the tears need to happen and when He needs to whisper you are more than enough. In the midst of the moments of discouragement God has whispered encouragement and truth....He is the restorer of our souls. So many times we want Him to answer our prayers in a certain way, but He has more planned than we can even imagine. My natural may be exhausted, but my spirtual can see that God is doing what He does best and pouring even when I am on empty.

Just typing...

So what do you do? When your feelings tell you one thing, but your heart speaks the truth. What do you do when everything around says You are overwhelmed....but everything on the inside of you says You are Mine. You smile, shout, blog...you praise. You stay so focused on what God is doing that while you notice what the enemy is doing, you don't have time to stay put looking at it. You armor up and move forward knowing God has you right where He needs you to be for this season of your life. If things were going peachy, you wouldn't be getting stronger. We don't grow when it's peachy, we grow when we have to rely on the One who created peaches. Relying on Him doesn't mean there has to be a huge tragedy, chaos etc. Relying on Him means you realize that this life is bigger than you, so you may as well follow behind the One who created it for you.

"When God is in it...there is no limit" this is a line from a praise song called "It's Not over". When God is in something, there isn't a limit to what He can do...and when He is inside of you...there is no limit to what you can do. God doesn't operate in your comfort zone, He operates in His zone. So move the chairs out of the way, clear out the space....ask Him to cover and move...then watch Child, watch ...as God does what only our Good, Good Father can do. We limit Him by our limitations...when God knows no limit. He's been waiting since before we were born for us to realize what He could do through us...and then be willing to let Him do it!

God is a God of order. He orders are steps to achieve His purpose and plan. He knows what He created you for.....so why doubt when He does exactly what you asked Him to do? Don't pray for revelation, if you aren't willing to digest it when He shows it to you. Don't pray for God to show you truth if you aren't willing to embrace it and apply it. God answers the prayers of His children...but sometimes we ignore the answers He has while waiting on the ones we wanted Him to answer with. God knows what is needed...He knows that person that you need and the person that needs you. He knows when your heart needs encouragement, and trust me...you may ask Him for it to come from one part of your life, and He makes it happen in another. Trust God to answer with what you need..and when He does give Him the glory and praise.

The last two weeks have been a revelation time for me. God's working on a blog right now called Is your river stopped up? Last summer Kelly preached an amazing word that was life changing for me...so many times we are walking around with life on the inside of us, but we have built a wall that has stopped it up. I know how that is. I had learned how to wear a mask and pretend life was peachy...all the while the anxiety and mess was building up on the inside. There was a wall forming and I let it happen. Thankful that God sees that wall...and orders the steps we need to tear it down. It doesn't just fall down on it's own...(that would be too easy), but the mess in His hands...yep the One that built the wall....is how the wall starts crumbling. You see God knows your purpose....and if you search deep down, you do as well. What's keeping you from fulfilling that purpose He put on the inside of you? Is it a wall built by your mess? It it a wall you allowed to happen? The choice is yours...you can keep your mess and let the river stay stopped up or you can let God tear the wall down and write the message from your mess. God longs to flow through you...He has a work for you to do once the wall is down. I'm thankful today for the wall He tore down last summer. I'm thankful that on days when the enemy taunts my flesh to go backwards...I can sing I'm Not going back...I'm moving ahead. I'm thankful to be able to look back over this past year and with a praise from heart know that God has done exceedingly abundantly more than I could ever ask or imagine, but those are blogs for another day.

You may be reading this going, but I still struggle with _____. Why can't I get past ____? I've asked those questions before myself.....my question to you is are you talking to God about it and then listening for the answer? I still struggle in my flesh. My natural right now is exhausted and overwhelmed, but my spiritual eyes let me see the beauty from the rain, the sun behind the cloud, and the flowers from the seed. My natural wants to run and hide, but my spiritual has dug in. My natural may question God where are you at, but my spiritual hears the whisper that speaks volumes. My natural sees the time the seed is costing, my spiritual sees the flower from the seed and knows every attack, every hit, every moment made it worth it.  I look back on the past year with a smile knowing that while I am still not where I need to be, I'm not where I used to be. I'm not hiding behind a box or putting on the smile when I would rather be in tears. I'm not worried about being real with someone and then later wondering if they will still like me or talk to me. I've embraced who I am as a Child of God...and that makes the difference. My natural still has moments of fear, worry, and stress....there are still moments when I struggle to not listen to the chains the enemy is rattling, but it's in those moments I crawl up in my war spot and go to battle. It's in those moments I call up the prayer warriors who have always been there and pour out my heart. It's in those moments I embrace the freedom I found last year to be me. If you are trying to put a piece of your puzzle in the place you think it fits, quit forcing it....when you let the maker of the puzzle show you how the pieces fit together, it becomes a masterpiece...and it's actually fun watching Him work.

Hands up

As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. 12 When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset. 13 So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword. (Exodus 17:11-13)

Full surrender to the One who has it all in His hands....hands up in praise knowing that God inhabits the praises of His people...and praise is something the enemy hates. Hands up because that's where the power comes from. Hands up because surrendering is all that He asks of us.....when we have our hands up in praise, they can't be crossed in frustration, or pointing fingers in comparison or judgement. Hands up in praise...leaves our hearts open to what His will is regardless. The battle is here...if you haven't picked up on that, take a look around or just turn on the news. As Children of the Most High....we fight the battle on our knees in prayer and our hands up in praise. As long as Moses had his hands up...they were winning the battle. As long as we have our hands up in praise, regardless of what it may look like on the outside, we are winning the battle. Praise keeps our focus on the One who has created us and ordered our steps through the fight. Praise from the heart comes from knowing that God's going to do what He said He would do.

We are all on this journey together as brothers and sisters in Him. His blood makes us family period. We have all been called to wage war against the enemy and fight, but sometimes just like Moses...our hands are going to grow tired and we are going to grow weary. Praise God for the Aaron and Hur's on our journey that will not only give us a place to rest, but will grab a hand to hold up to help us praise it through. We were never called to do it on our own. I don't know of any solider that signs up for the army looking at it as a solo journey. God's army is the same way...we need each other period. You may be in Moses shoes right now....looking at the battle and taking a deep breathe...and going okay God let's do this. Hands up in praise..you know He's doing the fighting. Trust Him for the Aaron and Hur's in your walk to come along side of you and hold your hands up. (Side note...don't get so stuck on who you think the Aaron and Hur should be that you are willing to let who God leads to you to do it). You may be the Aaron and Hur for someone and be that person who will pray for, encourage, and hold their hands up so they can praise their way through it. God knows...and people and moments are not just a coincidence for His children. Our steps are ordered by the One writing our book. Be sensitive to His leading....and when He speaks..do it.

My heart tonight.....

The revelations from the week could fill more than a post, God's been pulling back layers I didn't know existed. I'm thankful and humbled at the same time. There is a stirring in my Spirit...an expectancy of what is to come. God's moving and swimming in the deep waters is where I want to reside. I want to lay crowns at His Feet one day and hear Him say Well done. My flesh doesn't always understand what that means, but then again my flesh is also satisfied with a Reese Peanut Butter Egg. There is a part of me that only His presence satisfies. I'm past the going through the motions; time spent in His presence...is changing. It's more than just talking about Him, reading about Him, listening about Him, or singing about Him. It's being with Him......there is a difference and if we could just grasp that today it would change our country, our churches, our work places, our families, our homes...because it changes us. You can't spend time in His presence one day and not want it the next. It changes who you are because you start to see yourself as God sees you. When you grasp a hold of who God made you to be, who He's called you to be, and who He says you are.....whew, that's a shout right there.

I'm thankful for blinders that over this last year God has removed, walls that He has tore down, and chains that He has broken. I'm thankful because on the days when I physically feel weak, when I start to get down on myself, and when the enemy throws fear and anxiety my way again....I know God's still working. I know God is moving mountains I can't see. I know God is shifting the atmosphere and making a way where to human eyes there is no way. My God is a Good Good Father and loves me way more than I deserve. #thankfulforgrace

I'm far from perfect and still struggle with some areas that God's chipping away to reveal truth. Tears come to my eyes as I look back over the last year and the work God has done. Whew....this Jesus girl has left a lot of mess at the Feet of the only One who understood the mess and could make it a message. I have had glasses ever since grade school, but as I get older I am becoming more reliant on those glasses. The natural often times reflects the spiritual....I've becoming more reliant on my spiritual glasses as I walk this journey with Him. I need His eyes to distinguish the good things from the God things, the busy from the fruit-bearing etc. Some days I'm stubborn and don't use what He's given me....trust me I've learned (and am finally noticing it quicker). God is full of grace though to lovingly redirect me.

You may be reading this thinking, well that's great for her...but I'm still on the inch by inch walk part of the journey. I've been there....I had going through the motions down and learned exactly how to put the smile on while dealing with the things that made me cry on my own. Busyness and pleasing others had taken the place of Bearing Fruit and Pleasing Him. It was a routine more than a relationship...but God stepped in. See He knew what He had planned for me before I was even born. He knew the destiny that awaited me and He lovingly ordered my steps so that I would one day "get it". What do I mean by it? I mean that power on the inside of you, faith that can move mountain, trust that takes the step even when it doesn't seem clear, and His presence.....oh time spent in His presence praying and crying out to the One who knew the answers. I know what it's like to not be in this spot for the spirits of anxiety, fear, depression, isolation, and insecurity latched on in the forms of chain. I've been there and but for the grace of God and truth spoken into my life...I would still be there. I know this....God longs to give you the desires of your heart....and when your heart is more of Him, He honors that request. He is a redeemer of time and a restorer of broken things. God can take the days that through your glasses seem shattered (even after you have tried to put them together yourself) and make them His.

Different kind of blog tonight....but I'm just sharing my heart. More of that to come....

I've seen many searching...

"....for answers only you provide"  (yep back to song lyrics) 

I love break time, it's time for rest, reflection and just recharging. God's been pouring in.....and I'm just now getting to the overflow portion (Thank you Jesus!). To say I was on the drained and depleted side would be an understatement.....and the enemy knew it. I'm so thankful God's timing is perfect...He sends rest when we need it and restores what the enemy has tried to take. Devil you lose again.....

God's been shifting things in the atmosphere, in the spiritual realm. Pieces from the puzzle are starting to fall into place and there is a fire that only He knew how to fan. I'm thankful for a heart that prays in words that only He understands. Times when My Spirit talks to the One who is on the inside of Me....moments when God alone knows what is being said and that's just how it should be. There are some things that only God can deal with, yes He loves hearing your heart....but He needs you to leave your heart in His hands. Tell Him your heart child and then trust Him for the answers. So many times we pray and "leave" things in God's hands...only to come back later and pick them back up again to try it our way again. Leave it with Him.....and then walk in the victory because it's coming. There is a hunger that comes when you seek after the only One that can answer the questions your heart has. 

In our natural when someone or something attacks, we want to attack back. Oh hear my heart...we have got to learn to fight against the real enemy which is not the other person, the emotion, or even the "feeling". We wage wrestle not against flesh and blood...but against principalities...In other word that fight you are feeling in the natural, is a distraction from the enemy himself. If he can keep you focused on the fight you are feeling, you won't see the fight that is going on in another realm. Let that truth take root....it's been life changing for me. I wish I could say the natural is never my focus....but it still is at times. Busyness, what other people think/say/do, and just feelings/emotions take way too much focus some days. Oh but when I get still, when I get in that place where He can speak straight to the part of me that gets it.....It's a balm of peace, it's restoration of energy, joy, and sweet fellowship with the One who made you to be. He never planned for you to be anyone other than who He made you to be. Frustrations, stress, discouragement, doubt, fear etc. come when we try and put this piece into a place of our choosing instead of the One He designed for it to fit in. 

God didn't save you, bring you through what He did...for you to live life behind a wall. I know I mentioned in a blog earlier this week that God tore down some walls for me last summer. I wish you could hear the conversations we have had over the last couple of days about those bricks...basically it comes down to "Child the wall came down for a reason....the bricks had meaning or else they wouldn't have needed to come down. There was a greater purpose....now tell it". So many times we experience something, have God move in our lives in an incredible way...and we keep it to ourselves. Then we get frustrated when we ask God to use us or let us tell our story, yet we aren't willing to open our mouths in some aspects. God gave you the story, gave you the testimony....now tell it. (Lots of more went into that discussion, but that's a blog for later). God pressed the anointing and the oil out for a reason and for such a time as this. Walk in it.... (that may have just been for me, but so be it)...

That thing you are wanting to run from, that's causing you frustration...is something to take to His feet, leave it there..and then take up your shield and fight! When God stirs up your anointing, places a burden on you for to fight...it's not in the natural, it's meant for a realm that only your Spirit sees. The enemy wants you to run, to stay frustrated with something, and to stay with a spirit of discord in your mind....because he knows that when you go to battle for that which is frustrating and you dig in and stand in the power that you know God gave you...look out devil. Listen.....you are a threat to the enemy. Look at where he is pushing and push back. The power on the inside of you is greater than anything the enemy can throw your way...(and he wouldn't be throwing if he wasn't wanting you to be distracted from the purpose God has for you. The enemy is scared of your power to intercede, the power of your word, but most of all the power of your praise. When God has anointed you, taken you through something that only He can do and gets all of the glory from.....you have a praise that comes from a part of you that some won't understand. Praise Him child.....God knows what the praise cost and He will honor the desires of your heart when you seek after more of Him. More of Him....means more of all that He has planned for you, His child. He's a Good, Good Father....