The day in between

I wonder sometimes what they must have felt that day in between. Those that were closest to Him had watched what He went through. They had watched Him hang on a cross, be beaten, and endure so much. They knew what He had promised, but I'm sure there physical self was mourning the One they loved that had left them. As someone who has lost someone close, I get that. I get that they were sad, but I also have to think somewhere deep inside of them they knew what He had promised. It was a day in between and most were probably just silent, still trying to process what all Friday had entailed. They were still trying to wrap their brains around what they had witnessed. I imagine there may have been some analyzing and what if's going on as well as some venting ;-)

The day in between was the bridge to victory. It was the middle to their sandwich so to speak of what the enemy thought He had done and what God was going to do. So many times we let the day in between defeat us. We spend the time that we should just be silent trying to figure out what God is doing. The day in between is when the promises have to be louder than the reasons. The day in between may seem like the enemy won, but hold on to the promise that God is not finished. God doesn't want us to lose faith on that day in between. 

It may look like the enemy has won on the day in between, but don't lose heart, God is not finished. He may seem silent, but He is working it out on your behalf. Don't lose hope, His promises are true and they will not fail! 

**I use "day" as a figurative and relative term. The day in between may be more than just a day. Hear me though sweet reader. God is working it out on your behalf. Just becuase it seems like things are at a standstill and the enemy may "feel" like he won....He did NOT! Victory is just around the corner and God is going to do what only He can do. 

Focused on the journey,

~Melissa 

My cross, His choice

I've watched our passion play for years, in fact this is my third year on the media team, but this year has been different. I don't know if it where I'm at in this journey called life or what, but there were several scenes that gave me chills last night. To think of what He did for us..... That thought should be what keeps us going each and every moment of our lives. He did so much for us that day when He chose to take our cross, that it should make a difference in our lives each moment we breathe. Sadly we let the world crowd in with thoughts and doubts and we turn our focus off of where it should be.

He chose the cross that day not because of anything I had done for Him but because of love. What am I willing to do for Him? It wasn't His cross He carried that day, it was mine. He had done nothing to deserve the nails that were placed in His hands and feet, but He chose them just for me. He didn't have to go through it all, but he made the choice that love was a greater sacrifice than the pain He was physically enduring. He knew what was going on around Him, but He also knew what His Heavenly Father was doing as well. He had a purpose and He knew the plan. He endured the beatings, the mocking, and the crown of thorns that day knowing that one day I would be on this journey. He knew me and all that entails even then, but He still chose to do what He did. He loved me more than I could ever even fathom to do what He did that day. He took a cross I didn't even realize I had and bore a weight that I didn't even know about to change a life that would walk this journey. He knew us even then. He knew how would we fall, how we would mess up, and how we would make mistakes. He still made the choice that day, because He also knew how we would love, how we would touch the world, and how we would share Him. He made that choice that day because He knew us. He knew me. If you let those three simple words sink in, they are life changing. He knew me then as He knows me now. He made a choice that changed eternity because He loved me. All He wants in return is me. Not the me that I think I am or the me that others think I am, but the me that He knows that I am.

It was my cross that day, but it was His choice. He didn't have to go through with it, but He walked that road because He knew there was a higher calling and purpose on His life. He knew on that "Friday" that Sunday was coming. He knew that pain would have to happen first before the victory. He knew that thousands of years later that choice that day would still be impacting and changing lives for eternity. He didn't have to make that choice that day, but I am forever thankful and grateful that He did.

Focused on the journey,
~Melissa

Made for More

Okay well God and I had another one of those LONG talks Sunday night....actually He did more of the talking and I just had to listen. If you have ever been to God's woodshed, God's time out speech, it's not so fun. He was blunt last night and not so gentle. See I've been letting some mess get me down. I've let things defeat me, discourage me, and well pretty much keep me in a funk. When God not only starts talking His time out speech and your quiet time lines up with it as well, you better be listening. Yes I was listening ;-) The mask is off a little tonight, so be gentle as you read.

He has been whispering for awhile, you were made for more than this, but I guess I had a hard time letting the words sink in. Why is it we can believe Him to move mountains for others, but not ourselves? Why do we trust Him for everything under the sun besides what we need to trust Him for? I have prayed and believed Him for parking spots while in college and I have prayed and believed Him for healing when I was sick. So why are those middle issues so difficult to lay down? Because for some reason we think those are the things we can "handle". Those are the issues that we feel like(and most of the time) do try our hand at first and only, ONLY, when we have given it our best shot do we stop and run to Him. Hear me loud and clear....because I have learned this the hard way, so if I can save someone some stress...take it...Run to Him FIRST!!! Don't wait until you have to drag yourself to Him crying and covered in mess to clean up. Don't wait until the enemy has pretty much got you believing you will never do anything. Don't just believe God to move on the weekends. Guess what;-) He is full of surprises and even likes to show out during the week too. (That's a blog for another day, about God's tired of being in a box).

You were made for more than the mess you find yourself in during the week. You were made for more than the way others treat you. You were made for more than the way others speak about you. You were made for more than the way you speak about yourself. (Ouch...). To quote Casting Crowns, we were made for more than just to survive...we were made to thrive. God sits waiting for us to ask Him for what He wants to give us. (Hint: if you listen really close, He will tell you what to ask for). God's waiting to bless us, but we are frozen in our tracks because of __________(fill in the blank stress, frustration etc.). You were made for more than your "this" or your "that". The enemy wants nothing more than to keep you feeling defeated, in isolation, and discouraged. If he can convince you that you can't do anything because you are_________(fill in the blank...I mostly get single and female) then he wins. God has plans for you more than you could ever imagine. Guess what He even unlocked the chains around your feet that have kept you frozen? Now He is just waiting on you take the first step. Too many times we let others tell us what we can and cannot do, when God says..wait just a minute....I have plans for them! Get out of your comfort zone, let God show you what He can do through you. It will be more than you ever imagined.

So back to my woodshed talk with God....He was blunt and I won't even say gentle this time. I cried my way through and then cried some more. I'd like to say it got easier after that, but it has been a minute by minute press on. It's minute by minute telling my flesh you were made for more than this, of making the decision that what someone said was not going to get me, was not going to frustrate me, and was not going to make me cry. Please hear my heart....this is not an easy process, but if you never start walking forward to this you will never be free. I'm a stuffer. I will let it all build up inside while hiding behind this mask of every thing's fine until it gets to be where I can't handle it anymore. You may find this hard to believe, but I am shy. I have been hurt too much over the years and I tend to put a wall up for awhile in a friendship/relationship. I've learned the difference in a friend and an acquaintance the hard way. I've learned the difference in those with an anointed relationship and those with an anointed religion.

Think back to some God moments in your life. For me the most vivid was the bus wreck and the miracles that still continue to happen from that day. Think back to some times when you know God moved on your behalf. You were made for more than to let your current mess define you or defeat you. (In His words, He said...so you who walked off a bus that hit an 18 wheeler is going to let this little mess defeat you?  Yeah I told you He was blunt). You may not feel like it some days, you may even doubt yourself at times, but keep telling yourself He made me for more than this, He saved me for more than this, and He believes in me. Your feelings will eventually catch up with your words. Believe God is moving and doing what His thing on your behalf, not just all of the others who you are praying for. Faith is believing you can have what God says you can have. If God has shown up for you before, guess what...He will do it again. Why do we doubt when we already have seen Him move? (He asked the disciples the same thing when they were on the boat in the middle of the storm). 

So I'll tell you the same thing He told me Sunday night. You were made for more than this. Don't let the mess of your "this" and "that" became what defines you or defeats you. You are not defeated unless you surrender. The mess can either make you messy or give you your message. It's your choice.

Focused on the journey,
~Melissa

Wisdom for the week (a peek into my journal time last night)

Journal time had a lot of meat in it last night, so I thought I would share. Some may come out to be blogs later, but anyways. God's done a lot of talking over the last week(yes I've been listening). So here goes ;-)

• Sometimes God has to move us or asks us to move out of our comfort zone to enter int His zone. It's only for a season why He molds us, reshapes us, and gets us ready for the next season and harvest time. 
• Don't let the way someone treats you define who you are. They may step on you during this season, but God will bring you to a season when you will step over them and on to better and brighter things. Rise about the mess others would rather you stay in. 
• So you're uncomfortable...good that means you are listening. Often times we don't listen exactly to what He is saying as long as we are "comfortable". 
• "and lo I am with you always": God never said go and make disciples by ourselves. For some people we can, but for others we may just need to live it out first and let God do the rest. 
• "stand still and see the deliverance of the Lord" "Be still and know I am God": You aren't standing still if your mouth is moving. You aren't standing still if you are still trying to reason and figure everything out. God can't fight your battles if you still are. 
• The enemy wouldn't try to keep you feeling defeated if he wasn't afraid you could defeat him. 
• Sometimes God opens a door not to show you what you can do, but what He can do through you. 
• Uncomfortable...good. God just tapped you on the shoulder and said watch "I'm going to do more than you can imagine." 
• "So you don't fit in a box child? You finally figured it out...(or better yet listened.) Silly girl...I didn't make you to fit in a box. I didn't make you to fit in a mod. You can't just play a part, I didn't write, it's just not who you are. I made you for more than this. There are things that only you can do, things I set apart just for you...now go do them :-) " 
• The Parable of a Sower: God keeps taking me back to this passage of scripture. Last night He started writing and all I could say was wow. It stepped ALL over my toes, but yet made such sense.(I personally love it when He does that).  A blog will come as soon as He finishes it. 

There is a sense of expectancy and a sense of something is about to happen. The bones are about to have life breathed back into them and the best is still to come. God is moving and doing what He does best. The pieces are starting to turn over and He is putting them in place, one piece at a time. Thanks for letting me share my journal time with you. I typed it out just as He gave it to me last night. There was a lot of meat, I'm still processing some and more blogs may still come later. Be Blessed this week Readers! You were made for more than the mess the world wants you to stay in. Press through it, there is a message on the other side!

Focused on the journey,

~Melissa 

Celebrate you!

In my longest I can not remember looking at a picture and not criticizing myself. I have always been big and a heavy girl. ( I refuse to use the F word). I was blessed to go to a high school were my size wasn't an issue. I had friends who loved me for me. I had people that loved me for me and that's all that mattered. I had grown up with most of these people, so I think at that point they just saw me for me. When I got into college and into the work force, I quickly realized size mattered. It shouldn't, but people judge you based on what they see first and then they may take the time to get to know you. I took a lot of what other people thought personally(way too personally) and it started to affect my self image. I couldn't look at a picture and not see myself the way others saw me, until..........

Until God started revealing how He saw me.....When you grasp how God sees you, I mean truly grasp how He sees you, it is FREEDOM. I finally asked Him one day to let me see myself even in the mirror, as He saw me....God says we have not because we ask not, so ask! He was faithful to answer.

So many times we put off things while waiting for that special day. We find ourselves saying, oh I'll do that when I get married or I'll do that when I have a family. Well guess what....everyday is special. Everyday is a gift from God and we should celebrate it. So that being said, I decided I wanted some pictures. It had been 14 years since I had Senior pictures done and it was time for some pictures(that were not taken with a phone). I had kept putting it off because in my mind I kept saying that's what I'll do when I get engaged, married, and start a family. Well I'm almost 32 and that day hasn't happened yet. I was tired of letting what was traditional or expected get stuck in the waiting game box. I wanted a day to feel special, to be that princess for a day, and to simply celebrate me.  (We ALL need a day like that. We all need a day when we just celebrate the me He made us to be and not the me that others tend to make us be).

So I contacted my friend Karen and set up a photography session. Tonight I got to see the pictures and I had tears in my eyes. For the first time since I can remember, I saw myself as pretty. I saw myself as not heavy. I could see myself as He sees me.  It's hard to put into words how freeing that is. The best way to be would be to quote Tasha Cobb's song "I hear those chains falling". I heard chains falling tonight.

Don't put off something just because you are waiting for that special day. God made you who you are for a reason. You are who you are for a reason. You are complete just the way you are. I think too times we can't see ourselves in that light because we keep looking for something that is going to make us complete, to make us whole. God does that when we let Him in every little area of our lives. Too many times we give Him our "this' , but hold on to our "that's". God knows how to handle our this and our that. He just needs us to pry our fingers from around them and let go. Letting go means releasing it into His hands and not trying to grab it back. (That's a blog for another day).

Celebrate you! Not the you others think you should be, but the you He made you to be. When you know who you are in Him, you can do what needs to be done and know that He will shine your heart through regardless of the task.

Smiling on the journey,
~Melissa

Are you Determined?

 Determination(Webster definition): a quality that makes you continue trying to do or achieve something that is difficult

This word has been in my heart this morning, along a question God asked me. You always know your day is going to be a time of reflection and thinking when He wakes you up with a question. He asked me very plainly, very bluntly almost, Do you trust me enough to take care of you even if no one else does?

I've learned a couple of diamond days in a row will lead to a blog. If they don't, I've missed something somewhere.  I would be amiss to say I almost missed it this time. A tweet/status post from Joyce Meyer stopped me in my tracks last night because it was so on time.(I shared it last night on FB for those wondering) I was getting my running shoes on and was preparing to take off. I had been weathered enough and was ready to find a way to go to sleep in the boat. This storm business was going on long enough. Little did I stop and slow down long enough to realize I could have stopped the storm inside at any time. The storm on the outside was out of my control, but the storm on the inside was all mine. Sometimes He will let the storm rage on the inside until we finally get focused enough to listen and then and only then will He say Peace. Until He speaks peace, you have to do all you can do to stand. The wind may be blowing all around you, but dig your heels in and just listen.....the words you are longing to hear are coming soon. His words of Peace may not stop the outside storm just yet, but they can stop the one on the inside.

I can look back now with eyes that see how the storm on the inside got so out of control. The lack of quiet time during the outside storm to get away for a minute and just speak peace. Sometimes you need a minute to just get away and refocus. Take that minute or else the storm will continue to grow. The lack of someone speaking positive in my storm. All around I had someone feeding my fears, my insecurities, and my doubts.  I started the week determined to speak life, determined to stay focused on the positive, and determined that God had a purpose in all of this. By the end of the week, the only thing I was still sure of was that God had a purpose in all of this. The other two had been squashed and beaten down. Too many times we listen to those we shouldn't and do not seek out those we should. It took till the end of the week before I finally listened and found the one person who was in "my storm world" that said I'm praying for you. Those are the only ones we should listen to. Yes the storm may be raging, but if we stay focused and know God has a purpose in everything we can be determined to finish the course He has planned for us.

The enemy laughs at the determined Christian until that person is willing to say to stay the course with actions and not just words. The enemy loves when we doubt ourselves, when we feel defeated, when we question what we have to offer, and when we start looking at how we can give up. The enemy knows that if he can get us to that point and keep us away from those who will help refocus and speak life into us, he can pretty much hand us our running shoes and we will put them on and take off. Hear me when I say this....that is a crucial point in the battle. Don't give up regardless of how hard it is. Determine to stay the course and trust that God will take care of you and all that entails through it all. (God reminded me a sweet truth about revenge being His to repay. Do what you can and God will do what you cannot even if that means standing up to those who walked on you.).

So what are you determined to do? What has God purposed in your heart to stay the course and finish? He never said it would be easy, but He did say He would walk with us each step of the way. The storm may continue to rage on the outside, but on the inside you can sleep in the boat with Him. I have learned a valuable lesson and one that I have to re-visit often. God created me to be me. The enemy wants to make me doubt that truth and will do everything in his power to keep me there. The enemy will use everything(and everyone) he can to make the determined Christian put on their running shoes and take off because he knows God is about to show up and show out. Stay focused and remember who He says you are in the process. He never said it would be easy, but making diamonds never is.

I am determined now more than ever not because of what I can do, but because of what He can do through me. I won't back down in fear and I'm not running away from this season God has called me to. Giving up isn't an option because He doesn't give up. Giving up and Moving on are two different things(but that is a blog for another day). When you ask God for a heart of discernment, be prepared for His eyes through situations, which can be harder than you think. God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the call. Watch for wolves in sheep's clothing and know that the enemy will put people in your path who at first glance are there to help, but turn out not to be. Finally when you have done all you can do, stand. Just stand still if the storm is raging inside and out. Don't let the inside storm cause you to run backwards, just stand. God will take over and speak peace to the inside so you can keep moving through the outside storm(even though the winds may be howling and the waves getting rough). Don't let your do define or change your who. Let your who define and change your do.

Staying the course and focused on the journey,
~Melissa

Be prepared, because my God is bigger than this outside storm and the blog that will come once He shows up and out in the outside storm is going to be AMAZING. Just know that it is in His timing, not mine...so only He knows when that will be.

Finger Painting

I didn't set out to write a blog today, I really didn't. Too much for a Facebook status though.....

God knows my heart. He knows when my words get jumbled and more of Melissa comes out than Him. He knows what I struggle with and how hard I have to fight against keeping my flesh silent. It seems like the more I press in towards Him, the more the enemy presses on towards me. That's the battle going on in the world we live in. The more we set out to follow God in obedience, the more the enemy sets out to defeat us.  When we are defeated, we are powerless to do anything because we don't feel like we can. It's at that point the best we can do is to stand up and keep walking.

Why don't you just trust me? The Father asked His child one day. You keep walking like you know the way, but then you start to feel the heat and stop and take a seat. You look it over and start to doubt, even though I never called you out. You see a mess and I see a message. I never said do it all, I just said you had to call. Trust me, I know your heart. All I need is for you to do your part. Peace will come when you learn to rest, that I simply do know what's best. ~God

How many remember finger painting when you were younger? The kids put their fingers in the paint and put it on the paper and just have fun. Most of the time, especially when they are younger they don't set out with a set picture in mind. They just know they are enjoying the moment. In the end, they always bring the picture up for you to see. To you it is a masterpiece. It may not look like, but because the child(whom you love and care for) made the painting and enjoyed it...you see something beautiful in it. You find what they made and you talk about it even though your actual eyes may not be able to see it.

Start the day like a child finger painting. Put your fingers in it and just have fun creating. At the end of the day see the day like the parent sees the child's masterpiece. It may not always look like something beautiful, but if you gave it your all and did what you could, it is a masterpiece to God. See He sees your heart through the colors of the day. He knows why you did what you did. He knows why you thought what you did, why you said what you said, and why you went where you went. He knows you. He doesn't see a jumble full of colors on a piece of paper, He sees the heart through them and to Him it is a masterpiece.

Ask Him for His eyes to look back at the day. You may feel like you made a mess of it. You may can only look back and see the places where you jumbled your words because you were nervous(in a webinar that was recording). God sees courage and knows you did better than you think. God also sees the conversations you had and He knows the heart behind them.

If you haven't figured out yet through some of these blogs, I am awfully hard on myself. God only expects me to be me, the me He made me to be. I still struggle with expecting myself to be the me others want me to be. I don't know if that struggle will ever completely go away, but it is getting easier. Some days are harder than others. God give me holy duct tape and take it off when you want it off. Oh how I must make Him laugh and probably look at me and go Melissa really. I ask Him to shine through, yet sometimes more Melissa gets out than God. He sees I'm strong enough to climb the mountain and run the race, yet I want to complain about every pain and hurt.  Oh I'm learning.....

As Joyce Meyer likes to say, I'm not where I need to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be. I'm not perfect by any means, but I am learning that there are lessons to be learned in those imperfect moments. He transforms the image I see daily, but I have to remember to look in His mirror. I'm a Princess loving some grace. Grace really is an amazing thing and I will forever smile on that note ;-)

Focused on the journey,
Melissa